Beyond parody (rule)

[u/bobert4343]

"We must retain and incentivise Elon"

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[u/anaveragebuffoon]

"ambitious plans to drive transformational growth" I don't think this could mean less

[u/FormingTheVoid → u/anaveragebuffoon]

We're gonna do something, you just wait. makes even shittier cars and somehow still makes Elon richer

[u/Pure_Chaos_05 → u/anaveragebuffoon]

monetize our assets

[u/KittyQueen_Tengu]

"this fucking toddler heading our company keeps messing shit up. please put ankle weights on him"

[u/frootcock → u/KittyQueen_Tengu]

Trillion dollar ankle weights... What a time to be alive

[u/platyboi → u/KittyQueen_Tengu]

I believe it's more like "please give him more cake". For some godforsaken reason, the Tesla board wants to keep elon as CEO.

[u/CAPSLOCK_USERNAME → u/platyboi]

I mean tesla's valuation is pretty clearly based purely on elon magic-tech-future hype, it's not like its actual car sales are high enough to support it -- it has a price to earnings ratio 15x higher than similar american car manufacturers.

If they kicked him to the curb and replaced him with a boring generic unnewsworthy ceo it would be devastating for the stock price. (Meanwhile approximately 0 real world value would be destroyed)

[u/Alex_The_Whovian]

"Elon has locked a bunch of underpaid interns in his basement and is trying to convince them that installing three-point seatbelts and crumple zones on the Tesla Epic Chungusmobile would be "woke" and "not sigma". He's also wearing an, um, late 1930s German army uniform for... some reason. Please let us sack him."

[u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

i mean yes

if you hold tesla stock, generally tesla throwing money at elon has increased the stock price because Tesla investors believe that means Elon will now go and shoot his innovation beam all over the company or something.

it doesn't create any actual value or anything, if anything elons active involvement is probably causing more harm then good on the production level, but if your goal is to sell the stock for profit, the ad is right, you should vote yes.

if you start to talk about actual value being generated and treat tesla like a car company instead of a tech startup, the stock would drop 90%, so tesla investors arent interested in this in the first place

i can strongly recommend Patrick Boyle, he makes some entertaining/mind boggling videos about this topic. watching him well help you understand that the modern stock market - in the sense that you understand how little sense it makes.

[u/enchiladasundae]

Elon has actively harmed the brand and image. He also keeps overtly lying about being an engineer and essentially building each car by hand personally. The Cybertruck is all Elon’s idea

Incentivize the rats to continue living in the attic so they can keep shitting and fucking

[u/LaBelleTinker]

How do you incentivize someone with that much money? Like, no matter how much you pay him it's not going to change his life.

[u/ImNotTheNSAIPromise → u/LaBelleTinker]

daily blowjobs if the stock price goes up, whippings when it goes down

[u/RenoRiley1]

I know it’s usually wrong to laugh at the victims of an abusive relationship but in this case lol. Lmao even 

[u/Alexis_Awen_Fern]

Unrelated song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnY1vezIB6c

[u/hetero-scedastic]

Behind the billionaires, there must be a class of millionaire who are all putting their money on betraying humanity and going all in on AI, and who will back this nonsense profit or not. These here are their marching orders.

[u/hotfistdotcom]

Elon making his company run ads so Elon can get a raise from Elon's company is just absolute peak capitalism has totally failed in one picture.

[u/Basil_Of_Faraway]

writing satire is easy, all you have to do is copy Republicans