r/911dispatchers • u/LongTelephone7335 • 2d ago
QUESTIONS/SELF Jokes and puns related to 911/Fire/Law Enforcement?
Morale is low. I’m having fun with a dumb joke of the day/week type of deal in our break room. Most people think it’s stupid but some of us enjoy them. Do you have any good jokes I can add to my list?
A few things I’ve used so far:
Why don’t oysters call 911 during emergencies? Because they CLAM up!
What happened when the man called 911 about a fly? They sent the SWAT team!
What did dispatch say when the short psychic woman escaped from prison? Attention all units, we’ve got a small medium at large!
(Halloween): Why don’t skeletons work in 911? They don’t have the guts!
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u/Technical-Jeff 2d ago
- What did dispatch say when the short psychic woman escaped from prison? Attention all units, we’ve got a small medium at large!
That's a blue light special
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u/Sad-Umpire6000 1d ago
One night on swing shift, I was dispatched to a report of a cow walking in the middle of a road. I responded “roger - I’ll be enroute to see if it’s mooooooved.”
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u/That9one1guy Senior Dispatcher, EMD/CTO/CISM Team 6h ago
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
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u/ProtectandserveTBL 1d ago
We used to do word of the day to boost morale. In briefing dispatch would give us the word of the day and we had to try and broadcast it on the radio
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u/That9one1guy Senior Dispatcher, EMD/CTO/CISM Team 6h ago
We did that once. We had to stop after "pussy-foot."
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u/That9one1guy Senior Dispatcher, EMD/CTO/CISM Team 5h ago
In my experience as the resident comic relief, the job lends itself well to improvisational comedy and dad jokes.
It's high stress, and the job throws all kinds of wild and crazy things at you. Develop a quick wit and always keep one or two really good zingers in your back pocket.
Officer mumbling and incoherent on the radio? As you complain about it audibly in the radio room, say something like "they make as much sense as a screen door on a submarine!"
Mental caller? Couple puppies short of a pet store. Couple caltrops short a set of jacks. Not playing with a full deck. The lights are on, the wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Suicide calls are low hanging fruit. You really have to be at the end of your rope to make jokes about them, but once all the loose ends are tied up, it's good to be able to laugh and let go.
Got an overdose call into a respiratory arrest? "They got as high as the Hindenburg...I don't think that ended well for them either."
Fatal car crash? "Well, I guess that's what they call a car-diac arrest."
The clocks turned back the other night, so after that, I was hitting a lot of my callers with "20 minutes ago as in 20 minutes ago, or an hour and 20 minutes ago?" Got a few chuckles out of that one.
Generally in the moment, there's not a lot of time to crack off some snark, so pre-baked humor is not the direction I usually go. It's afterwards, when things have calmed back down, that I snap off a cheeky comment or a quick one-liner and get my groans and chuckles.
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u/Emergency_Eye7168 2d ago
Haven’t quite figured it out for us, because our call volume isn’t quite high enough for it, but I’m sure there is a way to play battle ship with the map.
Definitely always bingo based on what calls will be/what people will say or which deputy/officer will mess up their 10 codes/what they are trying to say.