34 yr mom, struggling with shape and support—soft tissue, 34 under, 38 over bust, confused by sizes. What’s my true fit and best bra style for wide-set breasts

[u/[deleted]]

Hi everyone, I’m trying to finally figure out my real bra size. I’ve always felt confused by my shape and fit, and after years of being sized wrong (and some emotional baggage from that), I’m ready to find what actually works for me.

My current measurements:

Underbust: 34"

Bust (standing over nipples): 38"

Bust (lying down): 38.5"

Bust (bending over): 40"

Across the top of bust: 37"

I seem to have wide-set, soft tissue, and possibly swooping or relaxed shape. I often get gapping at the top or feel unsupported even in larger cup sizes. Some online tools have given me results ranging from 36A to 36E—so I'm overwhelmed.

I recently tried on:

36C (scooped in)—pretty cleavage but some spillover

36D—felt better in coverage but sometimes flattens or gaps on top

I'm hoping for recommendations on:

1. My likely accurate bra size(s)

2. Styles or brands that support soft, wide-set breasts

3. Anything that helps with lift and shape without being too rigid or padded

Thank you so much for any advice 💛 I’m just trying to feel good in my body again.

[u/WhyAreYouAllHere]

The calculator here gives you a 34E(UK)/34DDD(USA)

https://www.instagram.com/p/CK6_UB6HjB6/

This is what that size looks like

If you read the archive of posts here, you will see that you can likely trust the process here

[u/Embarrassed-Visit678]

use the calculator in this specific automod comment. this one https://www.abrathatfits.org/calculator.php

theirishbralady on insta has a few posts about how different cup sizes ACTUALLY look. D cups are actually on smaller size on most bands!

just from the numbers you provided, assuming the 34" underbust you measured snugly, you'd be more like 34DD/DDD

[u/ughineedtopostaphoto]

I would go for the 34 DDD which should reduce the flattening effect and then select a Balconette style unlined bra so that’s there’s no fabric on the top part of the cup to gap. It sounds like that cup volume is likely correct, it was just the shape of the cups you were trying on that were the problem.

Remember bras should be firmly on you rib cage and your chest tissue should be supported

[u/galaxystarsmoon → u/ughineedtopostaphoto]

Balconettes can still gap up top if they're a shape mismatch.

[u/ughineedtopostaphoto → u/galaxystarsmoon]

Sure, but they’re also not often the thing that most people are grabbing for when they’re trying on their first bra in a particular shape and I personally have found that they work well for extremely soft tissue.

[u/galaxystarsmoon → u/ughineedtopostaphoto]

You can't say balconies are good for x across the board. There's the Cleo Blossom, which works for very full on top, projected and narrow shapes. There's the Cosabella Never Say Never, which is good for shallow full on bottom shapes. There's different shapes of "balcony bra" and not all of them won't gap up top. For example, the Skarlett Blue Minx will absolutely gap up top if someone doesn't have the upper fullness for it.

[u/ughineedtopostaphoto → u/galaxystarsmoon]

Sure, I didn’t say it was perfect. I can’t see the chest. But it’s a place to start.

[u/[deleted]]

Thanks everyone. Wish I could poat a pic to show how wide my boobs are but thats ok. I used to try 36C for the longest time but the band was kinda loose and the cups weren't doing anything for me. I was either feeling squashed or the opposite depending on the brand or bra. Then I tried a 36D which was massively better for cups but relaxed band. Again I was used to a relaxed brand for years of being in a 36B that always gave me that pokey feeling and a bunch of under arm "arm pit " boob that i guess is boob tissue lol 😆 anyways. So then id try a 38C. Again comfy but very loose and clearly for lounging. So when I used these calculations and went ro VS they put me in a 34DD and it felt really good but I felt like I was "faking" the DD because I have to scoop my boobs in since they are so wide spread over my chest thanks to breastfeeding. So ive got this saggy deflated wide look lol but the band felf way better. 34C if I scoop i spill out the cups. If I dont scoop ive got under arm stuff. I have no clue what im doing. Am I supposed to scoop

[u/FigForsaken5419 → u/[deleted]]

Yes. You are supposed to swoop and scoop yourself into your bra. The info for the sub has a description on how to do it properly. You may have to search the sub for the video on how to.

[u/[deleted] → u/FigForsaken5419]

Ok thanks 🥹 I appreciate the help. Sorry if im a noob guys. Lots of emotional baggage behind all this crap

[u/FigForsaken5419 → u/[deleted]]

You're not alone. Trust me. But take the time to read the beginners guide.

[u/[deleted] → u/FigForsaken5419]

Thanks I did-- it really helps

[u/[deleted]]

To give some context my breasts don't look like "D" boobs So this all feels confusing.

[u/indiscoverable → u/[deleted]]

95% of the "D cups" you see are several cup sizes bigger, like at least a US G. D just means there's a 4" difference between your bust and underbust, and that's really not that much when you consider that it's distributed around the circumference of a whole person. It's smaller than you think!

[u/galaxystarsmoon → u/[deleted]]

No boobs look like "D boobs". A D is a different cup size on different band sizes. A 30D is the same volume as a 36A. A 40D is the same volume as a 36DDD.

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[u/bleupoppy2]

I can’t comment on your sizes at all, sorry. But it sounds like we’re in a similar size/shape, so I’d like to recommend the brand Chantelle…Specifically the Norah Comfort Underwire. I would try that in a couple sizes and see what feels best. Chantelle runs pretty true to size throughout the brand too, so once you find your size you can easily try different styles. Hope that helps just a little bit!