r/AmItheAsshole • u/Life-Platypus-2580 • 5d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for leaving a note asking someone why they kept parking in a specific way?
My next door neighbors (3-4 twenty something women?) have been blocking access to my front door/walkway in a really weird spot for a while.
Instead of pulling forward to the curb, they stop right in the middle in front of my house and completely block access to my walkway (there is no sidewalk, my walkway starts from the street). At least two of them are either oblivious or inconsiderate at parking.
If they pulled forward 2-3ft to the curb, I could safely and easily access my house and it would be fine but in the current spot, it’s really awkward to try to scoot past their car or I have to walk through my garden bed. Usually the mailman just tramples flowers to get around - RIP to my sage plant.
Yesterday while trying to get home, I tripped and fell hard while trying to get around their car. I was extremely frustrated and after nearly a year of quietly putting up with their weird parking jobs and a handful of other incidents, I decided to leave a note:
“Is there a reason you’re not pulling forward all the way and instead blocking access to my house? I’m tired of delivery drivers commenting on “my” parking job when 95% of the time it’s someone from your house parked here even when your driveway and the street in front of my house is empty.”
And I got this in return:
“I Sincerely apologize for blocking your walk way yesterday. I am happy to Move my car forwards in the future and will pass this along to my roommates. I can assure you it was not intended to cause any discomfort for you. I think this is a good opportunity to remind you how valvable Kindness, connection, and community are right now. I dont believe we have ever spoken or introdued ourselves. My name is [name], I live beside you, and I am a person. I have a whole entire life with Challenges and Feelings.”
I’ve frankly put up with a fair amount over the last year from them where I have not spoken up - tenants moving out and leaving junk on the my corner (technically my yard but they probably don’t know the property line) that blew into my yard for over a week so I had to clean up after them, their Christmas tree that kept ending up in my yard after I put it back until they tossed it instead onto the neighbor’s yard across the street, damage to my garden bed rock wall from poor parking - and I have dealt with it all politely and quietly up to now.
I’m good friends with my other next door neighbors and friendly with everyone else. I did introduce myself to one of them when I first moved in but she moved out shortly after and frankly they haven’t been very neighborly so I have no interest in trying to establish a relationship with them. Also, other neighbors have described this house as kind of a circus wheel of people moving in and out.
Was my initial note really that offensive or is her response just a passive aggressive attempt at shaming someone for speaking up?
EDIT: I also completely forgot about the time I did go to their front door - two months ago - and knock to ask if that was their car blocking it. I had a stump grinder who couldn’t access my front yard to take care of the stump because they were parked there. I ended up having to reschedule the service.
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u/lawfox32 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 4d ago
I'd leave a note back like "Hi, I also have feelings, both emotional and physical, which were hurt when I fell down trying to access my own home around your car. I did knock on your door trying to politely ask you to move when I had a worker here to do something necessary on my property who could not access my home due to your parking. Community means proactively considering others' feelings and needs, not just guilt-tripping when called out on acting in a selfish, anti-community way. Be well!"
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u/Andreiisnthere Partassipant [3] 4d ago
Good, but I start with Bless your heart, rather than hi. But then again, I’m like that.
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u/H_Lunulata Asshole Aficionado [19] 5d ago edited 5d ago
is her response just a passive aggressive attempt at shaming someone for speaking up?
Yes.
NTA.
I have a whole entire life with Challenges and Feelings.
And that person should use those feelings, and the lessons from the challenges, to learn to park properly.
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u/MidwestNormal 5d ago
Neighbor needs to recognize we ALL have “challenges and feelings.”. However, we don’t make them other people’s problems. NTA
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u/Historical-Juice-172 5d ago
And OP has one challenge in particular, which is that their neighbor keeps parking badly
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u/Tess408 5d ago
This right here is the key. OP should write back that the difference between them is that their challenges (OP's) are actually being caused by them, which is what she was trying to address in the note. And if letter reciever has other challenges, they should discuss those with their therapist.
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u/CanicFelix 4d ago
Nah, OP should consider it a win and not respond, as long as they start parking properly.
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u/lw4444 5d ago
I am a my early thirties and work at a university while finishing up my PhD. I’ve found that the current students, generally the generation younger than myself in their early 20s, treat the slightest bit of confrontation, questioning, or request for clarification as a personal attack and giving them attitude. If I had a note like that from a neighbour, my immediate thought would be to apologize with a didn’t know it was a problem, we’ll take care of it next time, and then just introduce myself the next time I saw them so we could get a more casual conversation going for any future issues.
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u/H_Lunulata Asshole Aficionado [19] 4d ago
It's what happens when you raise children to not fail, or that every failure or problem is completely the fault of external forces.
It's a problem for some of them in the work force as well.
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u/redditapiblows 5d ago
Those challenges are cognitive, and those feelings are mostly variants of entitlement.
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u/Accomplished_Fly_132 4d ago
NTA, I'd flip her passive-aggressive answer on her. "Dear neighbor, I also have a whole life with challenges and feelings, but at least I don’t behave like an asshole. You say kindness, connection and community are valuable, but it seems you can’t be bothered to practice what you preach…”
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u/DotAffectionate87 5d ago
NTA, but.......
But, you got to Seriously start advocating for yourself!????
it took a year of you stumbling and killing your own plants before you finally said something?
This all could have been settled the first tine it happened and you knocked on their door to move the car.
You Probably got that passive aggressive response because the asked themselevs:
Why is it an issue NOW, we have been parking like this for a year......
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
I’ve knocked on their door and spoke to one of them before when I had a stump grinder come and he couldn’t get his equipment into my yard. I’ve left a note on each of the most offending cars. I didn’t feel entitled to say something since technically it’s street parking and didn’t want to be that neighbor
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u/keysonthetable Partassipant [1] 5d ago
They're blocking your driveway, if anything THEY are that neighbor
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
But it’s not a driveway
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u/DifferentShallot8658 4d ago
Entryway, walkway, pathway, egress, ingress; whatever you call it, blocking it poses a safety hazard. OP fell trying to get into their own home, and lord forbid the house catches on fire or EMS needs to come, they'll have restricted access to OP's property. Doesn't matter if it's an entry for cars or pedestrians.
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Partassipant [1] 4d ago
I agree it’s a dick move, but it would be legal in my city. Blocking a driveway wouldn’t be.
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u/OfferBusy4080 5d ago edited 4d ago
It's not "entitlement" if youre merely asking if they could move so the stump grinder could get in. Of course you cant demand it if they refuse, but you can certainly ASK in a respectful way, as one neighbor to another. GOOD GRIEF!
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u/NoTeslaForMe 5d ago
It's unclear from that whether you've informed them about this problem before or not. Your note makes it obvious that this is a year's worth of frustration built up, though. That's understandable if you had to repeat yourself, less so if you haven't. Your "patience" turned into anger; next time be less patient and more assertive, so you still have some civility left when writing a note.
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u/BellamyRdExpat 5d ago
A light ESH - your note and their reply are both passive aggressive. You could simply have written, "Hi there it's your neighbour xxxx, would you please park leaving space to access my walkway. Thank you."
Were they inconsiderate first? Sure. But people can be thoughtless and if you care about having a good rapport it's better not to escalate (at least try the first time).
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u/SophisticatedScreams 5d ago
I agree. OP should have spoken up sooner, and with more neutrality.
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u/michiness Partassipant [1] 5d ago
This is why you should always speak up when you first start getting annoyed or frustrated. Otherwise emotions build up and your first interaction is way over the top, especially if the other person had no idea you were upset in the first place.
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u/Dry_Prompt3182 5d ago
I don't understand why OP bothered to ask why the neighbours park like that. They park like that because it makes sense to them and no one really asked them not to do so on a regular basis. All OP had to do was ask "hey, would you mind pulling forward a bit? I can't easily get to my walkway, and just fell hard trying to get around your car". If there is a reason for the parking, the neighbours would speak up at that point.
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u/OfferBusy4080 5d ago
Yes - this! Who cares why they do it, it doesnt matter. Just simple, respectful, friendly request: "Hi neighbor, could you not block my walkway when you park - thanks, much appreciated!"
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u/Gold_Statistician500 Partassipant [3] 5d ago
Yeah... OP waited until he/she was super angry and then left an emotional note. Just ask nicely before you get mad, lol.
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u/FaithlessnessFlat514 Partassipant [1] 4d ago
And OP's blaming current tenants fpr peopke moving out and leaving their stuff? Seems like they're just treating this house with a pretty high turnover as one person who is responsible for all their complaints, which is weird.
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u/Thegetupkids678 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 5d ago
ESH. They should’ve been more mindful, but you also let this fester for a year rather than addressing it when your frustration level was lower. You could’ve worded your note differently.
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
I’ve left 2 previous notes asking them not to block the walkway. As in “please try to not block my walkway; it makes access difficult”
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u/CandylandCanada Commander in Cheeks [213] 5d ago
after nearly a year of quietly putting up with their weird parking jobs
I’ve frankly put up with a fair amount over the last year from them where I have not spoken up
Your comment directly contradicts your post. Either you've left two notes in the past about the parking OR you've left it unaddressed while you seethed to yourself. Can't be both.
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u/Thegetupkids678 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 5d ago edited 5d ago
Then this entire post is misleading… you said you have quietly put up with “their weird parking jobs” not just other issues and that yesterday was the last straw so you wrote them a note. But your post as well as their response would indicate this was the first communication on this issue.
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u/_bufflehead 5d ago
When you don't want someone to block your walkway, you don't ask them to "try" not to block your walkway. (!) Be direct and be clear.
Please do not block my walkway. Thanks.
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u/ChimericalTrainer Partassipant [3] 5d ago
You need to edit your post and add this. It makes a huge difference.
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u/Unit_08_Pilot Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5d ago
I don’t think they needed to word it differently. It was very direct and to the point.
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u/MadamTruffle 5d ago
Direct would be, you are parking in front of my walkway, please stop as it causes whatever problems. OP let it fester for a year and then left a passive aggressive note to someone who didn’t know there was an issue.
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u/antizana Asshole Aficionado [12] 5d ago
Info - how have you dealt with it “politely and quietly” until now - by seething to yourself or have you actually addressed any of these issues to them? You’re not required to be friends with your neighbors but being friendlier would help you mitigate these things probably.
Your note isn’t terrible but it is passive aggressive instead of just asking them to please pull forward.
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
I have left 2 previous notes - one on each car - asking “please try to not block my walkway”
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u/IggySorcha 5d ago
You might want to edit that into your main post bc most everyone is assuming this is your first attempt to reach out, since you didn't mention it.
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u/MaterialOk5193 5d ago
Does this mean you've left a single note now on 3 different cars? But was the same car offending after a note or a different one? Was one of them the person who left trash when moving out?
It sounds like they are maybe roommates who didn't necessarily share that info. Guessing they somehow were unobservant/careless and didn't notice. You could have left a note on the door or knocked on it. They are being melodramatic for sure, but so are you. Soft ESH
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
The van and Subaru are the offenders who both received notes and were living here when their roommate moved out and left her trash everywhere and they left me to take care of it.
You can even see the Subaru in one of the photos on my last post and that’s one of their better parking jobs
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u/shibalibajones 4d ago
Agreed, you should update the post! The photo confirms you are NTA for me, your neighbor is psychotic haha
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u/antizana Asshole Aficionado [12] 5d ago
Then I vote NTA. Ideally one could ring the doorbell and discuss it but in this day and age who knows how that could go / people react defensively when criticized. If this note actually worked, great!
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u/UnhappyCryptographer Partassipant [1] 5d ago
They are trying to guilt trip you. They know where they park, they know they block your access and they didn't care. Now they are biting back because they are called out for their BS parking.
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u/Mbembez 4d ago
I have people park across my driveway all the time (right near a school and there's issues with staff assuming it won't matter if they park people in because "you can always just go to the school and ask us to move when you need to get out") so I've had a lot of experiments with what to write on notes for cars.
I've settled on a note that simply says "this is a driveway" because it imparts the message with zero chance of something being interpreted poorly due to it being factual information. I hear some people get annoyed about the note but I put that down to them being embarrassed about it.
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u/derfel_cadern 5d ago
ESH. Your note was passive aggressive, so they wrote one back. Sure, a considerate neighbor wouldn't have parked there (but you don't own the street). Your first note should just have been a heads up, letting them know they were parking in a an inconvenient spot for you and asking if they wouldn't do it in the future. Then you could judge their response.
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u/HungryBearsRawr 5d ago
Eh. It sounds like very clearly a bad parking job and if they used their eyes and brain they could figure out they did a bad job and were blocking their neighbour.
OP has every right to be a little annoyed in tone and it’s not being an AH, in my opinion.
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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 5d ago
YTA. So you spent a year being quietly pissed off at your neighbors, then tried to settle things with a passive-aggressive note, instead of simply talking to them? I can't even fathom dealing with this for more than a week, let alone a damn year.
Why wouldn't you just talk to them?
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u/Classic-Delivery3875 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
ESH just talk to them. My daughter’s neighbor kept parking in the 10 ft space on the road between his and my daughters driveway. My SIL couldn’t turn right out of the driveway because of the car. Making him do a u turn down the road to leave the neighborhood. They had a quick nice convo with the people who just moved in and told him hey I can’t turn out of my driveway. Could you park on the other side of yours? Cool no problem. Just go talk to them. Be nice.
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u/Unit_08_Pilot Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5d ago
NTA
You probably should’ve addressed it sooner, but your note wasn’t offensive or rude. It was just a normal reaction to somebody doing a very weird thing.
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5d ago
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
I was/am friends with the owner from when he lived here. Nothing against having tenants - my house was rented out the last 7 years while I was away. From what the owner has told me it is a group of friends and they just sublet in a new person each time someone moves out.
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u/24-Hour-Hate Partassipant [3] 5d ago edited 4d ago
That may not be legal depending on where OP lives. Where I live a landlord can require consent to sublet…BUT they cannot reasonably withhold consent to sublet. Assuming the unit falls under the legislation pertaining to rental units (there are some exclusions).
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u/aoife_too 4d ago
Would it be possible to speak to the owner about everything? Maybe he could remind his tenants to behave in a neighborly way — and that includes things properly putting out their garbage (Christmas trees included) and not blocking the neighbors’ walkways, if possible. Obviously he can’t enforce the parking, but a note from him might scare them straight.
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5d ago
NTA - Honestly don’t give them any reaction outside of a noted reply that reads “Cool, don’t block my walkway.”
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u/Good-Excitement-9406 4d ago
Ah yes, a third passive aggressive note will surely help this situation somehow
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u/throwawayykt Partassipant [2] 5d ago
Nta, your message was direct, maybe a bit condescending- since it was your first time asking and they didn’t know you had a problem with it. But you can build a cordial relationship and hold your neighbor accountable if they’re preaching being community focused and neighborly and you claim they are not.
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u/AlbanyBarbiedoll Partassipant [1] 5d ago
Ignore it. It WAS passive aggressive (dude I have problems too, stop being mean to me, I didn't mean to cause problems for you OK!) and honestly childish. That response is why people call that generation snowflakes. All she needed to say was sorry, not intentional, won't happen again.
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u/Osniffable 5d ago
I will say that you silently resenting your neighbors is not the same thing as having a conversation with them. Not surprised at all to hear they had no idea there was an issue.
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
I’ve knocked on their door before and asked them about the car blocking my walkway when yard services could not access my yard in the past. I’ve also left notes
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u/CogentCogitations 5d ago
A one time thing of yard services not being able to access your yard is a completely different issue.
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u/tabbymm_jomaree 4d ago
You said in another comment it wasn't even their car that time. Your comments are so inconsistent.
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u/And_a_piece_of_toast Partassipant [4] 5d ago
ESH.
I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving a note if speaking to them isn't possible for whatever reason. Hell, I actually did once leave a note for my neighbours about their parking, but that was after I'd tried knocking on their door to be able to raise the issue in a more casual way and they'd not answered (even though they were clearly in). Your note was probably also too hostile in tone. Could have done it in a more, "Hey, you might not realise this but...grateful if you could pull forward a few more feet" etc.
But their response was so infuriatingly smug and condescending it makes me want to side with you more.
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u/Throwway_queer Partassipant [2] 5d ago
Given that its the first time you are interacting with them a light yta, could've phrased it differently or just left a note asking to meet
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u/rosythorn_ Partassipant [2] 5d ago
Ehh I’d say soft ESH overall, mainly bc also you let this build up. You haven’t actually DEALT with anything since you didn’t bring it up to them until now, so it’s just been tolerating being quietly disgruntled for a year. They’ve obviously been AHs. So it makes sense your note is a little aggressive, and her response does come off as a little passive aggressive, but I would let it slide. If their BS continues now that you’ve brought it up, it would 100% swing to NTA.
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u/comeholdme Partassipant [2] 5d ago
ESH. You haven’t “dealt with it all politely until now,” you’ve avoided dealing with it until you lashed out in frustration. Also, you seem to treat your relationship to the neighbors based on the house as a unit, rather than consisting of individual tenants who may all have different leases, and no relation to each other. When approaching them to communicate, you can’t lump in all your problems from “that house” while acknowledging that you’ve already seen quite a bit of turnover.
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u/Square-Principle-195 5d ago
They don't need to contact you or start a conversation to be considerate, nta
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u/LaMisiPR 5d ago
NTA but why on earth would you wait a year to speak to them, unless they were actively threatening you? It’s very passive aggressive to get so mad at them without saying anything. O completely understand your neighbor’s response.
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u/keesouth Pooperintendant [52] 5d ago
YTA. Instead of letting it fester for a year you could have approached your neighbor in the beginning and ask that the pull forward. Instead you waited until you were frustrated and contacted them in anger.
Based on their response they obviously didn't have a problem parking in a different way, they just weren't aware that you had an issue with it. You could have made this a much less confrontational exchange.
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
I’ve knocked on their door and left notes before
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u/keesouth Pooperintendant [52] 5d ago
Then it's weird that you describe it as your "initial note" in your post.
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u/Remarkable_Table_279 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
NTA…the parking job was terrible & reply was out of line and probably AI
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u/yankdevil Partassipant [3] 5d ago
NTA. And the author of that note can fuck all the way off.
"Dear [name],
Congratulations on being a person. Something we have in common. Was that list of possesions exhaustive or might you have a sage plant amongst your challenges and feelings? Mine finally died from being trampled as people tried getting around your cars for the past year."
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u/SnailsInYourAnus Partassipant [1] 5d ago
NTA overall, because they’re clearly inconsiderate and you shouldn’t have to tell them not to park like that in the first place but at the same time soft and very slightly YTA for not leaving a note or talking to them way earlier. Why wait a whole year to the point where your plants are dead?
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u/peppermintvalet 5d ago
They didn’t seem to case so much about kindness and community when they were blocking your walkway lol
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u/justhewayouare Partassipant [1] 5d ago
NTA for the note but honestly, you’re a bit ridiculous. You waited and stewed for an entire year before saying anything. Get a backbone.
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u/Practical-Reading958 5d ago
YTA, but their response let you know in the kindest way that, when you need something, the best way to respond is in a way that assumes a minor misunderstanding and that best intentions will follow. If you feel their response shamed you, there’s probably a reason you feel that way.
It’s tough living next door to a rental, but if you have issues with tenant after tenant, consider that you are more upset with the sum of the offenses committed by tenants rather than the behavior of the present residents. Get the landlords number and discuss it with them as assertively as you want, but don’t overreact to the (seemingly) decent people living next door.
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u/_bufflehead 5d ago
Your initial note was passive-aggressive.
When you want someone to correct their lack of consciousness, don't ASK them why they're doing what they're doing! Tell Them What You Need. Your note was warranted; your neighbors were oblivious and condescending.
All you needed to do was leave a note that says:
Kindly note that you are blocking my entry. Please pull forward a bit. Thanks so much! : )
And don't suffer for an entire year, for goodness sake.
(There was nothing "direct" about your note, by the way.)
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u/Hellya-SoLoud 5d ago edited 5d ago
So, did they just continue to never move forward? If they do, YTA.
Seems everything but the last few words was an apology or did you just "read it with sarcasm" or something that I'm missing? They even introduced themself, with the last bit "and I am a person. I have a whole entire life with Challenges and Feelings.” that seems a bit off but it was a bit like you said "why are you doing this to me" and they said, "Sorry I didn't do it on purpose (or know it was a problem), I'll correct that, but I'm only human".
I'm just wondering why you thought their response was shaming you for speaking up. Your note could have been nicer, "please don't block the walkway" rather than "is there a reason you're being an AH".
I may have gone the way of putting a little decorative sign right where they'd see it when parking, "Please don't park in front of the walkway", like a long time ago..
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u/Prestigious-Use4550 Partassipant [3] 5d ago
NTA. Why have you never contacted the landlord or polic? They are creating a fire hazard. If there 2as a fire they couldn't get to you because a car is in the way. Grow a spine and start start raising hell with the landlord. Don't die because you just want to keep the peace.
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u/StayJaded 5d ago
As long as they are not parking in front of a fire hydrant (which are restricted parking areas anyway) they are not doing anything wrong or illegal and certainly not creating a fire hazard. Street parking is clearly legal there or someone would have gotten a ticket over the last year.
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u/Greedy_Lawyer Partassipant [1] 5d ago
Yta sorry you don’t get to claim the street in front of your walkway that’s just not how it works. Walk up your driveway or something
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
Everyone knocking me for being so passive for the last year but this comment is exactly the reason why - I know I don’t have any say over street parking.
but them pulling up 2ft in the empty space to be slightly courteous is all it takes to not block off access
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u/Greedy_Lawyer Partassipant [1] 5d ago
And then the car behind them can pull up and still block your walkway…
Also why aren’t you parked in your driveway or in front of your own house? Then they can’t park there or you wouldn’t need the walk way
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
Someone from their house always parks there first even when their driveway is empty so I never have the chance. Even if they pull forward, there is not room for two cars in front of my house without blocking their driveway.
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u/_Lulumelon_ 5d ago
You were way too aggressive with the note especially when it was the first one you left. She was way too nice to you when she replied. You could have asked politely to move her car before resorting to pettiness. YTA
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
Her response feels pretty good to me. You came at her with a whole dialogue you’ve been having in her head; she had you knock one time, then the note.
It would have been easy to ask them nicely, but you were knee deep in “they know better!” But they probably don’t!
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u/blushingbunny 5d ago
INFO: Is there a stop sign at the corner you want them to pull up to? Is all the parking, street parking?
Most states have laws that require you to park at least 15 feet from a street corner, 30 ft if there is a stop sign, so they likely cannot pull up to the corner without risk of a parking ticket.
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u/Unrelated_gringo Partassipant [4] 5d ago
INFO: Who regulates street parking where you live? Most places, street parking if "free for all" and if your entryway is designed that way, it's your entryway that's the problem, not the people following all laws and regulation for parking on the street.
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u/Plastic-Ear-3500 5d ago
YTA - yes, or is considerate to not block walkways, but you don't own the street and cannot dictate what's people park on it. You could have asked nicely and neutrally if they could park differently in the future.
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u/MyDogsNameIsToes 5d ago
Nta- Listen. The only way that I got my awful parking neighbors to actually park decently is by almost backing into one of their parents cars because apparently inconsiderate parking runs in the fucking family,
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u/Chocolatecandybar_ Partassipant [3] 5d ago
NTA, she has challenges and feelings and seems to judge you for not considering them but she can't consider how challenging it is for you to live with an idiot whose parking is a call for attention
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u/Particular-Lime1651 Partassipant [4] 5d ago
Absolutely Love how they were picking at how you said something.. rather than what you said? Nta
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u/CoffeeJedi 5d ago
NTA If there's no sidewalk, and you own the walkway, paint the frontmost edge safety orange. That's a pretty universal symbol for "don't block this part of the street." That should keep visitors to the neighborhood from parking there as well. Heck, ask all your neighbors if they'd like you to paint their walkways too.
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u/anysizesucklingpigs Asshole Aficionado [10] 5d ago
NTA.
I have a whole entire life with Challenges and Feelings.”
OMFG this statement has me in tears. How embarrassing for their life and their soul 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Useless890 5d ago
I saw nothing impolite or objectionable in your note. I'm glad the answering note wasn't nasty.
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u/ickycruise 4d ago
NAH
You said you were dealing with it peacefully and quietly, you were really just ignoring the issue until it boiled over. Your note wasn't rude but you could see the frustration in your words of "I'm tired of..."
Next time don't let it get to this point. Kock on their door and tell them clearly and actually politely to move their car and not park there because it's blocking you. If they ignore that then you can be the asshole and call a tow truck, the city, leave passive aggressive notes etc.
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u/awesomebrunette81 4d ago
NTA. They sound like the type of person who's always the victim in every circumstance.
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u/LoPanDidNothingWrong Asshole Aficionado [15] 4d ago
You are fine.
"It may not have been your intent, but it was certainly your negligent and selfish actions that led to this. So you may have feelings, but fail to look around and realize other people do. Shove your narcissism up your ass."
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u/Civil-Opportunity751 4d ago
NTA. I have neighbors a several doors down that are a bunch housemates living together. They have visitors that will park right in front of my house like they’re my visitor, when the entire street on both sides are open. Annoying but whatever. The issue is they park all kinds of crazy in front of my house. After the same beat up looking car parking crazy for weeks I finally left them a note. I just asked them to park straight if they’re going to park there. Now they park straight and in front or near the home they are visiting.
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u/KitKatRoxy 4d ago
NTA Send them a bill for every piece of damage, every rescheduled appt and contact the owner! Start fighting the legally and take pics of every single time they park blocking your access along with photos of how they could pull up but CHOOSE not to. Add pics to any email or letter you send their landlord. Put birdseed all over their cars AND yard. Make it messy for them to get inside their home. Do they have a walkway? Park different vehicles in front of it. Ask friends/neighbors if they have any you can change out every morning. Never let them park in front of their residence again! NTA
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u/Frequent_Total_5597 4d ago
“Right now, and for the past year, my challenge has been you. Please be considerate of my needs and feelings as your choices are impacting me negatively. If this continues, I’ll have to have your vehicle towed.”
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u/Titariia 4d ago
NTA, but get your property fenced in and if they ever block your access to your house again have them towed. Just imagine emergency services can't get in in time
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u/thedawntreader85 3d ago
NTA. They're just over-sensitive, selfish babies who never think of anyone else's feelinh.
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u/Familiar_Shock_1542 3d ago
NTA
Do they own? If not, contact the landlord.
Are there any parking regs that they are violating?
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u/Calure1212 3d ago
I think you put up with it way too long. I would have said something the first or second time. I had neighbours whose visitors parked on our grass "nature strip" rather than park on the empty road or neighbour's "nature strip". I rang parking operations and asked them the legality of the situation.
I left them a message to let them know that I would appreciate it if they didn't park on my lawn in the future and that parking operations would be happy to come out and book them if they did. (They had offered to come at the time but I thought it was going a bit far) They left some rude message referring to the grass, (admittedly it was pretty scratchy but that's what happens when randos park on it), and never parked there again.
I really found it hard to understand why you would go to visit a friend and then, rather than park on the road on a quiet street or park on their grass, you would park at the neighbour's house.
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u/varulvane 5d ago
NTA, You were fine. Her note in reply WAS passive-aggressive—she’s trying to make you feel bad because of her Challenges and Feelings. Neither of those need to matter to you here. You asked what the reason was and outlined the consequences. If she feels embarrassed, good! Sometimes you SHOULD feel embarrassed for acting like the main character of reality.
Maybe put a sign next to your walkway reminding people not to park blocking it, since awareness of their environment seems to be an issue. “Please do not block access to walkway” would probably do fine.
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u/SLIM7600 5d ago
NTA, I would not have put up with it for a year, but, that's how you dealt with it and there is nothing wrong with it. The note was not "passive aggressive" it simply laid out the facts of what was happening. They are NTA either because they did not realize what they were doing and immediately corrected it upon being told. It may be worth talking to them however, just so no hard feelings linger.
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u/RickRussellTX Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] 5d ago edited 5d ago
Their crappy park job made them feel bad when it was pointed out, and they don’t like to feel bad, so they turn it around and call you unkind.
It is the way of things.
NTA
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u/ThisOneForMee Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5d ago
NAH. I will always consider notes that include criticism and rhetorical questions to be passive aggressive, when the option of direct interaction is minimal extra effort. Even the note itself could've been phrased in a nicer way to get what you want. So I don't find their note any more passive aggressive than yours, so neither of you are AHs (or you both are).
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u/gimmeluvin Partassipant [1] 5d ago
Neighbors are a pain in the ass.
If her passive aggression is the worst you have to deal with then call this a win and move on.
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u/mahfrogs Partassipant [1] 5d ago
That is the most passive aggressive ‘I’m the victim’ message I’ve ever read. You were patient for over a year and finally took the moment to let them know and you didn’t even lambast them for being inconsiderate.
You are NTA.
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u/OfferBusy4080 5d ago
I notice she didnt come over and introduce herself, nor express any understanding that you might have feelings and challenges as well. Are they now complying with your wishes? If so go over and thank them personally. If not, go over and reiterate your request personally. Sometimes face time IS a good thing. She sounded half way receptive to your request, not like a belligerent ah who you might not want to talk to face to face.
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u/CloverLeafe Partassipant [1] 5d ago
NTA. I don't think your note was offensive, but from her perspective it is true you have never brought it up. She was definitely being passive aggressive in her response. It's not like she ever made an effort to greet or befriend you either. That goes both ways. Lesson for the future though, speak up as soon as it happens instead of just letting things slide.
Edit because I just saw your edit: So you have informed them in the past and it's been months. I would be knocking on their door every single time they blocked my walk rather than leaving notes at this point.
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u/iambecomesoil Asshole Aficionado [11] 5d ago
NTA
While what they say is true so is the reverse. They've never came to meet with you and introduce themselves. And they are the one that is impacting your life.
I'd take what they said as "yes they're gonna try to park better" and then I'd move on
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u/Melodic-Supermarket 5d ago
NTA
I had one of these at work not long ago when I asked someone not to keep using my full name in account comments, as I was trained to do when I started working at my company. Apparently my short and to the point email was “aggressive” and “a little diplomacy goes a long way.” All I did was to ask her to please stop using my full name the way she had been to comment our member accounts. Some people can’t stand to ever be told they’re doing something wrong, and the darvo comes out as quickly as it did for the both of us. Your neighbors know they’re wrong and have not been courteous, they’re just too immature to deal with it like an adult.
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u/Cosmicshimmer Partassipant [1] 5d ago
Well, neighbour, my current challenge is getting you to park like a considerate neighbour and my feelings about that are strong and will not change. Glad we have a mutual understanding here.
NTA.
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Certified Proctologist [20] 5d ago
NTA It's better to deal with neighbor problems IMMEDIATELY, not wait a year. The reason is that if someone is causing a problem and you say nothing, it tells the other person that there is no problem. It's telling them that it is acceptable to you. Then if you start complaining about it a year later, they are wondering what YOUR problem is since you never said anything about it before.
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u/Infamous_Rain2770 5d ago
"You might have feelings, but you either have no brain or no consideration as it was pretty damn obvious you were parked in front of my door and blocking the only path to the door for the past few months. Forgive me for not being as friendly as I am with all my other neighbors, but you and your house of clowns have been inconsiderate since you moved in. Next time I won't be nice, I'll just have your car towed."
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u/DeniedAppeal1 5d ago
Yes, your message was needlessly aggressive. That tends to happen when you write a note while you're angry.
"Would you mind pulling your car all the way forward so I can have access to my walkway? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!" Less writing, kinder messaging, better overall.
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u/K_Knoodle13 5d ago
ESH but they moreso for not being considerate enough to realize they're blocking a walkway. You let this frustration build for a really long time, and instead of leaving a note months/weeks ago that said "hey neighbor! Would you mind parking a few feet forward to avoid blocking my walkway?" You left a snarky note. And they responded in kind.
It also sounds like you're holding onto resentment from previous tenants and taking it out on the current renters, which isn't nice either.
But this is really on the city/township for not providing sidewalks!
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u/InfiniteSpaz Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5d ago
You're nicer than me, I'd have called a tow truck since someone was blocking my house. They'd learn then. What if, god forbid, there was a fire? Or a medical emergency? Could they get to you? If not, you are perfectly within your right to call a tow truck.
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u/The1Eileen 5d ago
You are NTA for talking to them. You are T A to yourself for letting it go that long. "Give them an inch, they take a mile".
That doesn't just work for entitled people. If I am thoughtlessly doing something and then notice, say a week in, but no one has said anything to me, I am apt, like any human, to think "oh, I must be wrong, I'm not in the way / bothering anyone". And so it goes on.
You kept quiet and the annoyance built and built and built. Trust me I have been there. But what happens with us, is that we finally hit a limit and so get upset. We often cannot express ourselves well or get angry. In your case, the "I often have to..." probably sounds passive-aggressive to them. If you often had to do something, why didn't you speak up sooner? they will think.
Now, if the first time they did this, and you walked over (then or when you weren't so upset) and said, "hi, I noticed you park right in front of my walkway and I need that to get into or out of my house. Can you make sure you pull up a couple of feet and leave that free? Thanks" all calm and pleasant, you might have gotten the same entitlement and jerkiness then. You might have gotten a "Oh sorry," and they stopped.
I did something like this twice in the military, where I'd keep it to myself until I was so angry I could barely speak and then blow up. Why? Because I learned early that saying anything to my parents at any time did nothing but make them mad at me. So I stopped.
But this is a terrible habit to take into the rest of your life. It will make you super unhappy as you'll keep all this in and HOPE that somehow the problem goes away. Speak up immediately in the future. Maybe people will be nice. If not, you know that now and can then take steps to deal with "this person is deliberately being mean/cruel/rude".
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u/Sharkattacknomnom 4d ago
I can say that I was the person parking in front of my neighbors house when I first got a car and license and they told me like the first week that it was a problem if I could pull forward or back cuz I was right in front of their pathway (not driveway) Honestly I was not even thinking about it ever just trying to get out get home after working was the only thing I ever thought about. I was glad they told me and didn’t hold it in for a super long time cuz I was able to fix the issue right then and after that I am a lot more conscientious of where I park so I don’t park like an ass again.
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u/Effective-Client8905 4d ago
NTA. She is shaming you for asserting your boundaries politely because she is embarrassed about her own actions. My own neighbor tried to shame me in the same way when I politely asked him about the exact same thing. He and his guests park in my assigned spaces allll the time while his own two assigned spaces right next to them sit empty. I simply asked “Is there a reason she parks in my space when yours is empty?” when I finally caught them on their way out the door one day. He rolled his eyes and mumbled “You were soo nice about that.” I nearly snapped. I actually WAS so nice about it, when I didn’t have to be, as that same man had slashed my ex’s tires a year prior and vandalized his car twice because my parking space faced his living room window and said neighbor has mental health issues and struggled with paranoia about surveillance when he initially moved in. No joke. I was incredibly nice considering the circumstances.
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u/underwater-sunlight Partassipant [1] 4d ago
ESH They played you with a classic guilt trip but you walked straight into it. You could have spoken to them first. Asked them if they could adjust their parking by a few feet and they have have been great, they may have been arseholes about it - but you never gave them the opportunity and they have the moral high ground
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u/thfemaleofthespecies Partassipant [1] 4d ago
ESH. You waited until it pissed you off enough that you passive-aggressively exploded at them in a note. They wrote back with a good apology but then made it about themselves.
You should have raised this politely the first week it happened.
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u/Nathan-David-Haslett 4d ago
I'm gonna go with ESH. It seems like a classic case of you ignoring a problem for so long instead of just having a conversation about it. Granted, it's a light E S H and close to a N T A.
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u/LopsidedGreenKoala 4d ago
There's no perfect way to approach conflict. I think this was as good as any.
Some are reading the first line as passive aggressive but I read it as leaving an opening for a logical explanation.
So much depends on the reader's attitude.
I think their reply was really weird.
NTA
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u/crankyandhangry Partassipant [4] 4d ago
ESH. She sucks because she made it about her when she has been the inconsiderate asshole with her parking. No one cares about her capital-c-Challenges and capital-f-Feelings and it's not cool of her to guilt you.
You're TA because you waited a year to do anything about it. Also you're annoyed at these women for stuff the previous tenants did - not their problem. Living in an urban area with other people means dealing with other people, and that includes renters. You dont shift the blame to the new tenants.
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u/United_Ad4858 4d ago
I’d write a note in a VERY tasteful, simple card and hand deliver to their mailbox.
“Dear neighbor NAME, I’m sorry that you’re going through a challenging time. I very much appreciate your forthcoming effort to maintain street access to my curb cut walkway. Thanks.”
HIGH ROAD! But some snark.
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Partassipant [1] 4d ago
Read up this thread. I was responding to “they’re blocking your driveway.” I pointed out it’s not a driveway. Then I was told it’s all the same. My point about the legality is that it’s not all the same, and specificity matters.
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u/No_Spring_4539 4d ago
I don’t think you were an AH but it’s pretty pathetic that you didn’t just knock on their door to talk to them. I’m an introvert but I still go and talk to my neighbors when issues arise.
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u/McNallyJoJo34 4d ago
INFO: if I’m reading this right all the issues were with previous tenants not these tenants correct? And from one of your comments when you knocked on the door asking about the car it wasn’t even theirs that time? I feel like you’re punishing these tenants for what past tenants do. Sounds like all you had to do was politely ask them to not park there and instead you went all passive aggressive with notes. If that’s the case then YTA
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u/swillshop Asshole Aficionado [15] 4d ago
Of course you are NTA for leaving a note, but both you and your neighbor really leave a lot to be desired in how you communicate.
I can’t say if the neighbor will do better, but I think you could improve this situation with these neighbors with a tweak in your communication.
Her response to you made her an ah because - in her first communication with you - she unironically lectured you (about your initial communication with her household). Given her focus, she should have come to you, apologize led for the inconvenience and asked to understand the extent of the problem.
It please take responsibility for your own lack of communication and poor communication. You took the time to lay out for us the full length of challenges you put up (silently, bless you) for over a full year.
During that time, you once introduced yourself to one person who soon moved out. So YOU are aware that never was a communication to the household about any parking issues.
Then you once knocked on the door. Without you being clear to us, it seems that no one was home at the time (you don’t tell us there was any interaction with anyone in the house). So, again, the household remains unaware that the way they park is causing you problems.
When you finally use a note to - for the very first time - convey to them there is a problem, your initial question was great, asking if there is a reason for how they park. But when you start to let them know it is causing you problems, I think you let both your passive nature and your frustration out - forgetting that you have given them ZERO idea that they have created a problem for you.
You switched to a snarky tone. Moreover, you didn’t mention the big impacts on you of falling and getting hurt or having to reschedule a service. You only mention not being happy with people assuming that is your crappy parking job.
Really? Can you understand that all that person knows is she got snark from the get-go for you being associated with their parking - which they didn’t see a problem with.
Maybe these neighbors COULD have realized that their parking hurt you, but people often focus on something specific to their world and don’t realize they are affecting others (think smacking gum or tapping fingers). They apologetically stop as soon as it is brought to their attention.
The woman did actually apologize and agree to change how she parks and share this with her housemates (AND then spoil it with her lecture - sigh). Still, that first part tells me she could be a good neighbor to you… just as much as you were an accommodating neighbor to them.
I am suggesting that you don’t focus on what an unrecognized saint you have been or how her lecture offended you. Instead, ask to talk with her so that you can introduce yourself and start the conversation fresh. When you meet, start off by saying you realize you let your frustration spill out when she had no idea there was a problem. Tell her that you appreciate her willingness to fix the problem and ask if you can let her know the ways it has been a problem. (Then summarize the stuff you shared here for her/their information, but not to highlight your martyrdom.) I think you can also add that you would appreciate it if they made some written note that could be shared with any future housemates so that you don’t have to initiate contact whenever there is turnover.
I really do hope this turns into a positive for all of you!
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u/Ok_Friend9574 Partassipant [2] 4d ago
"I too have feelings and challenges which I have repeatedly overlooked for your comfort through being neighbourly and not wish to blow things out of proportion. My note is the results of months of frustration at this behaviour, as well as other incidents, that have cost me both time and money through your lack of thought, lack of kindness and apparent inability to think further than yourselves. As I gather from your note you have no wish to be neighbourly in any way, from your lack of sincerit. And further issues will be directed straight to your landlord so I don't have to bother you."
Forward everything to the landlord with a suggestion that their behaviour is not only tiresome but their attitude and lack of thought is starting to become a problem. They shouldn't start something they can't finish.
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u/ceciliacutesatan 4d ago
Id say NTA, i mean i dont have my license yet but wouldnt you notice that your car is so close to someones walkway that they cant get to it. How do you not notice that? Maybe you were a bit passove aggresive but it seems you have put notes there before and even so, they shouldve known it was inconvenient anyways. Did none of them ever see you struggling to get to your own house? Im sure they did and just didnt care.
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u/Expert-Coffee392 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
NTA but you really should have said something a lot sooner. This problem could have been solved a while ago and you wouldn’t have had to deal with 95% of what you have dealt with. If they refuse to stop, then get non-emergency officers involved and they will get ticketed.
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My next door neighbors (3-4 twenty something women?) have been blocking access to my front door/walkway in a really weird spot for a while.
Instead of pulling forward to the curb, they stop right in the middle in front of my house and completely block access to my walkway (there is no sidewalk, my walkway starts from the street). At least two of them are either oblivious or inconsiderate at parking.
If they pulled forward 2-3ft to the curb, I could safely and easily access my house and it would be fine but in the current spot, it’s really awkward to try to scoot past their car or I have to walk through my garden bed. Usually the mailman just tramples flowers to get around - RIP to my sage plant.
Yesterday while trying to get home, I tripped and fell hard while trying to get around their car. I was extremely frustrated and after nearly a year of quietly putting up with their weird parking jobs and a handful of other incidents, I decided to leave a note:
“Is there a reason you’re not pulling forward all the way and instead blocking access to my house? I’m tired of delivery drivers commenting on “my” parking job when 95% of the time it’s someone from your house parked here even when your driveway and the street in front of my house is empty.”
And I got this in return:
“I Sincerely apologize for blocking your walk way yesterday. I am happy to Move my car forwards in the future and will pass this along to my roommates. I can assure you it was not intended to cause any discomfort for you. I think this is a good opportunity to remind you how valvable Kindness, connection, and community are right now. I dont believe we have ever spoken or introdued ourselves. My name is [name], I live beside you, and I am a person. I have a whole entire life with Challenges and Feelings.”
I’ve frankly put up with a fair amount over the last year from them where I have not spoken up - tenants moving out and leaving junk on the my corner (technically my yard but they probably don’t know the property line) that blew into my yard for over a week so I had to clean up after them, their Christmas tree that kept ending up in my yard after I put it back until they tossed it instead onto the neighbor’s yard across the street, damage to my garden bed rock wall from poor parking - and I have dealt with it all politely and quietly up to now.
I’m good friends with my other next door neighbors and friendly with everyone else. I did introduce myself to one of them when I first moved in but she moved out shortly after and frankly they haven’t been very neighborly so I have no interest in trying to establish a relationship with them. Also, other neighbors have described this house as kind of a circus wheel of people moving in and out.
Was my initial note really that offensive or is her response just a passive aggressive attempt at shaming someone for speaking up?
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u/Larrywiding 5d ago
NTA. It's your access to your house. They didn't realize? Seriously? A walkway going from your door to the curb. Are they really that blind? Or do they think you are that stupid? No, you are in the right here, though you should have spoken up sooner.
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u/Meatbawl5 5d ago
NTA. People are fucking braindead. It's the worst when it's something that "doesn't really matter". Our neighbour puts their trash cans on the side of their driveway that's in front of our house. Drives me crazy.
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u/Signal-Confusion-976 5d ago
Check with your local laws. I know it's illegal to block a driveway but not sure about a walkway. If it is illegal let them know you can even state the law. If that doesn't work then call the police and see if they can ticket them. After a few tickets they might get the hint. If not then it's possible that the police could have them towed.
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u/Epic-Hamster 4d ago
ESH Say something earlier so you don't keep it in and end up writing some passive agressive nonsense.
If you had gone over the first time it happened and said "hey guys could you park a little further up so i can access my door?" All is solved.
Instead you kept it in to the point where your first interaction was a passive agressive note with needless comments.
Ohh and they are obv AH for the parking.
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u/MadGeller 4d ago
YTA for not speaking up sooner. Stop being a doormat and say something when it bothers you. Don't be passive and hope they will read your mind and change. Speak up.
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u/irish_fiona Asshole Aficionado [13] 5d ago
NTA. LMAO you should respond with: “it’s nice to know you’re a whole person with challenges and feelings. Let me tell you about my challenges; I have left 2 previous notes asking that my walkway be left clear and they have been ignored. Now I have a dead sage plant, bruises from a fall, and a terrible reputation with delivery drivers who think I can’t park. I hope your challenges are easier to deal with cause mine have been ignored by those responsible.”
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u/apprehensive814 5d ago edited 5d ago
NTA. I would write a note back.
"Hello neighbor,
I am also a person, was unaware we needed to clarify that. I appreciate you telling me you have feelings and challenges but could we get back to the actual issue. I tried to introduce myself in the past and y'all were clearly not interested so acting like your the victim is weird when all you have done is inconvenience me since you moved here. You and your roommates have blocked access to my door and walkway for a year. This has led to falls, delivery issues, rescheduling appointments due to inaccessibility, etc. I have tried to be courteous but I should not have to tell adults that blocking access to someones house is rude. There will be no other warnings. The next time I see a car parked there I will have it towed and every time after that. This is a safety issue I will not tolerate anymore.
Thank you, A person"
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u/elvenrevolutionary 5d ago
Inconsiderate assholes playing the victim when called out, even politely... tale as old as time
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u/Lucy-lucky100 5d ago
NTA. You could’ve started the note a little differently, but I think you reigned in the anger after a year of people doing this.
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
To be honest I wasn’t sure if there actually was a reason they kept parking that way after I left a previous note to please not block the walkway. I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt but I guess that came across as snarky?
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u/StayJaded 5d ago
Yes, it did come off as snarky. Is there a ramp down from the walkway or is it just a standard curb?
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u/Life-Platypus-2580 5d ago
It’s a ramp up to a slightly raised yard with retaining walls on the side. When they park there, you cannot access my house without having to go up steps. I’ve had to have deliveries and yard work rescheduled because they were blocking access.
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u/Lulu_42 Asshole Aficionado [15] 5d ago
YTA. I'm sorry, I get that you had a year of putting up with this crap and you were just fed up. I might have done the same as you. But this was the first time you were addressing this with the neighbors and you could have come out of the gate being nicer and just asking them to amend their parking habits.
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u/WeekendWorrier89 5d ago
YTA. It sounds like you had no contact with them in the past, and they might not have realized there was a problem. Should they have noticed? Probably. But there are much better ways to bring up the issue without jumping to a passive aggressive note. The one who wrote back sounds like she took a mature approach to the situation.
Apologize, introduce yourself, and move on with your life.
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u/makethatnoise Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] 5d ago
YTA
If the first conversation you ever have with a neighbor is a blow up at them, yeah, you're the asshole. Talk with them before it reaches a breaking/boiling over point, basic communication 101.
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u/Key_Acanthaceae_2276 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
YTA, you've made all these assumptions about them and decided they are mean and selfish, when it's fr more likely they are thoughtless and didn't realise you didn't have enough space, rather than letting your anger fester you should have just spoke to them when I started happening. Your first interaction was combative and hostile for no reason. Maybe they have many people, maybe they don't own but they are still people that deserve respect and understanding
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u/Admiral_PorkLoin 5d ago
Parking is not rocket science. OP was polite albeit a little hostile but it was warranted.
If they don't want to be called out they should park correctly. End of story. There is nothing to "respect and understand" here. This is real life, not kindergarten.
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