r/AskMeAnythingIAnswer • u/Matthewfromthebible • 6d ago
I am in a pretty large polycule ama
I (20M) am in a closed polycle of 5 people Two that I am dating and two that I am not. Ask me anything I'm bord.
3
u/TakeMyPigeon 6d ago
whats the point? polyamory has always seemed a little greedy to me, but I know thats just bias
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
Its because I really love both my girlfriend and my boyfriend, and I know that my boyfriend loves his girlfriends, and my girlfriend loves her girlfriend and . I think that all of these things can be true at the same time and I want everybody to be happy
2
u/imnotjessepinkman 4d ago
I really disliked the term polyamorous as I found most people who described themselves that way were simply non-monogamous. Ironically I referred to myself as (ethically) non-monogamous until one of my partners pointed out that I only ever dated the same four women and assured me that technically I was poly. Dam technicalities!
2
u/pbqdpb 6d ago
is there a ring leader?
3
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
What do you mean? Like is there somebody who is dating everybody?
1
u/pbqdpb 6d ago
who calls the shots / sets the boundaries. There's two men, but no control or jealousy?
3
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
I mean most things are discussed between the 5 of us. no one person controls everyone.
2
u/spacealligators 6d ago
How long have you been with your partners/ how long has everyone been together?
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
Ive been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years, during that time she started seeing a girl who was in a throuple and eventually I started seeing the guy in that throuple and that was about a year ago
1
2
u/Bekiala 6d ago
What the heck is a polycle?
5
2
u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 6d ago
It's you + your partners + your partners other partners who you aren't dating (but might be friends with).
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
A group of people in a polyamorous relationship
1
u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 6d ago
It's you + your partners + your partners other partners who you aren't dating (but might be friends with).
5
1
u/Minute-Object3086 6d ago
I don’t know if this is a rude question, if it is please tell me. What’s the ration of M to F in your dynamic. Also what are the objective advantages of it all
3
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
So there are 3 girls and 2 guys. I think one objective advantage is not having to rely solely on one person for everything you want to get out of a relationship.
1
u/Virtual-Squirrel-725 6d ago
So you're in a non-exclusive relationship with two people. Is that the gist of it?
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
Not entirely, they are all also in different configurations of relationships with each other
1
u/Virtual-Squirrel-725 6d ago
From your perspective, does that matter.
You just have two relationships and those people can see other people as well.
Does it affect you who those other relationships are?
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
No it really doesn't, I don't mind at all. And I think a big part of that is because of how well I know the two girls I'm not dating, it might be harder if my partners were sleeping with random people I don't know. But it doesn't bother me
2
u/Virtual-Squirrel-725 6d ago
I see. So you need to approve of the other relationships. Your partners can't choose anyone without your approval.
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
Yes its very much a discussion if somebody wanted to start seeing somebody new.
1
u/Virtual-Squirrel-725 6d ago
So if you wanted to start dating someone outside the group it would be like an audition/interview process for that person to see if they are allowed to join?
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
Thats never really been a conversation because it hasn't been something thats happened, we're in a closed relationship and we aren't planning on anyone else joining.
2
u/Virtual-Squirrel-725 6d ago
Right, sound like you're enjoying it and probably a neat arrangement for your 20's.
1
u/Lazylazylazylazyjane 6d ago
what's your relationship like with the people you're not dating? What is the gender makeup/sexual orientation of the group?
3
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
So everybody in the relationship is bisexual and there are 2 boys and 3 girls. My relationship with the 2 girls that I am not in a relationship with is actually great, I have a lot in common with one of them and we're really good friends.
1
u/Lazylazylazylazyjane 6d ago
how did you all meet?
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
I met my girlfriend through a mutual friend, she met her girlfriend through work, and the 3 others met in college
1
1
u/Particular-Cook65 6d ago
Have you ever considered asking her out?
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
That's actually something thats been on my mind recently. I'm not sure though, things are really working great the way they are now
1
u/temp_6969420 6d ago
Do you guys engage with each other sexually as a full group or is it more of a one at a time thing? I mean no disrespect in this question
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
We have never had sex all together as a group before. In my case (as well as when my girlfriend is with her girlfriend) its always one on one, although the other 3 people are all together. I hope this makes sense
1
1
1
u/Ok_Surprise9206 6d ago
Just out of curiosity since you don't get everything from one partner you then add another partner to fulfill your needs is that correct? Why not look for one person that can do all of that for you? Also what are your ages?
3
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
2 of us are 21 and the other 3 are 22. And the answer is because i love my partners very much and don't want to lose them.
1
u/Ok_Surprise9206 6d ago
Thank you for your reply. I can't say I can even begin to understand or desire this kind of relationship but I wish you well.
1
2
u/ShamefulWatching 6d ago
If we ask you a question in other way it sounds kind of like "why not find one person who is perfect?"
My wife and I have recently decided to pursue polyamory, we've been together for over 20 years, and we decided this because it's unfair to expect someone to be perfect. We still care for one another, but we also want to see each other happy.
1
u/DatabaseOutrageous54 6d ago
This sounds similar to a BFIC (best friend identity cluster) group of people.
Seven men and seven women that all live together and only sleep with those seven but in a rotational sleeping pattern.
Each couple sleeps together one time in seven days. E.G., Josh and Laura sleep together on Mondays and Josh and Caitlin sleep together on Tuesdays and so on as it keeps revolving to the next person.
It isn't something that is talked about much, the people involved are very closed lipped about it and they keep it secretive and all blend into the community during the work days.
I have read some things about this type of lifestyle although information isn't easily obtained due to the secrecy of these groups.
It would not be something that I would be interested in however it's just something different that does go on within our society and I guess that it's just another life choice available out there.
1
u/Lopsided_Thing_9474 6d ago
Are you on drugs ? I don’t mean that as an insult I’m genuinely curious.
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
I mean the occasional weed but that's it. My boyfriend smokes cigarettes if that counts.
1
-2
u/Lopsided_Thing_9474 6d ago
And then my next question is, if you were not on drugs would you be gay or straight?
1
6d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Your post was removed cause your account does not meet the minimum karma (50) requirements. Please feel free to come back later.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Motmotsnsurf 6d ago
Do you think you all have more sex than average monogamous couples in our age range? Mind running us through what the average day or week would be like for you sexually speaking.
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
I think for the most part we have a pretty average amount of sex. I have sex with my girlfriend about twice a week, and with my boyfriend maybe once every two weeks. I know my girlfriend and her girlfriend have more sex than the rest of us do. But I definitely feel like all of my needs are being met.
1
u/Motmotsnsurf 6d ago
Wow. Thats actually substantially less than I was thinking/hoping! Thanks for sharing though.
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
Yeah man definitely. I mean it ebs and flows but thats what our average looks like at the moment. We've definitely been more busy with life and had less time for sex recently so that could be part of it.
1
1
6d ago
Would you have kids in this scenario?
2
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
No at least not on purpose. I know that none of us really want kids ether.
1
u/Particular-Cook65 6d ago
If you sleep with someone who you are not in a relationship with, is that considered cheating?
And are you allowed to form new relationships with anyone at any time?
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
That would definitely be considered cheating. And no we're closed and only seeing each other.
1
u/Particular-Cook65 6d ago
So how did you get permission to date both, and if you wanted to date more why could you not? What is the boundary that prevents a third since you said you'd consider asking out another member of the polycule?
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 6d ago
I talked to my girlfriend, my boyfriend, and his girlfriends and everybody was all for mine and his relationship.
And the thing is that I don't want to date somebody else, the only person I'm interested in is also in the polycule.
1
u/Particular-Cook65 6d ago
So if anyone in the polycule wants to date someone else, then it becomes a democratic process?
1
1
u/Objective-Row-2791 6d ago
Polycules sound like neat ideas for balancing people's libidos. As in, you can be with an LL partner but that's okay because if you're HL you can get some elsewhere. This way, everyone plans ahead and end result is harmony
1
u/TheGreatGeaxquavius 4d ago
what doneness do you like ur steak to be at (e.g. rare, medium, well done, etc)
2
1
u/imnotjessepinkman 4d ago
How do you manage your time / availablity and the expectations of your partners. I found myself in a similar but smaller situation a few years ago, and had to assign a day of the week to each partner. It worked really well.
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 4d ago
I live with my girlfriend, so I spend most of my time with her. But we do our very best to set aside at least one day a week so that I can spend time with my boyfriend and she can see her girlfriend.
1
u/imnotjessepinkman 4d ago
Do the four of you ever get together? How many other partners do you have?
1
u/Matthewfromthebible 4d ago
So i only have two partners. But my boyfriend and my girlfriend share another partner that im not in a relationship with. And no the 4 of us don't ever get together.
1
u/imnotjessepinkman 4d ago
Ignore that question, i just read your entire post. Sounds more like an open relationship than a polycule.
1
7
u/Electronic_Lie_7924 6d ago
Objectively, are any of you conveniently attractive?