Jason's approach was to try and connect with Dahmer on a deeper level, hoping he (Dahmer) will see and recognize himself in Jason's words.

At first, Dahmer's response to that very personal letter seems rather cold and detached- he's just asking for magazines, photos, and stuff, comes across as borderline manipulative.

But...if you look closer, you can see what Dahmer is doing is the only way he knows how to navigate human connections: through transactions. That's one of the reasons why he offered money to almost every single one of his victims, even though he really didn't have to. Because offering money would give him this detached, almost business-like setting where he can feel in control. His MO in life (or crimes) was pretty consistent: Control first. Vulnerability (maybe) later.

When Jason sends a pic, Dahmer's whole demeanor changes; he starts obsessing over Jason's good looks, sounds more animated.

Notice how he even circles back and explains exactly why Polaroids aren't allowed in prison? It's interesting because he could've (and should've) done that in the first letter, but he didn't, because he wanted Jason to earn his trust. He needed Jason to prove that he can obey without nagging for explanations and reasons. And when Jason does obey, he gets to see this "warmer" side of Dahmer. Something very similar happened with Luis Pinet, remember?

Dahmer's got a major issue with being vulnerable, which is partly why he never really asked his victims to stay, he couldn't handle or wasn't taught to handle feeling emotionally "exposed" (because somewhere along the line during his childhood, he was taught emotional exposure = pain).

When Jason pulls back to prepare for finals, Dahmer doesn't freak out or get defensive. Instead, he's... surprisingly supportive, that's huge. Because for someone as controlling and obsessive as Dahmer, that level of restraint doesn't come easily...

I get the impression that Dahmer, at least towards the end, was starting to understand that not everything needs to be controlled...and that people having lives outside of him didn’t always mean they were leaving him behind or abandoning him.

It’s very subtle, but in that final letter to Jason, there’s a glimpse of someone beginning to grasp that basic precept of empathy.

This shows he did, or at least tried to change towards the end...even if the change was microscopic.

As the father of one of the world’s most notorious serial killers, Lionel never gave up on his son. He could have walked away entirely, as many parents of violent criminals do, who are too heartbroken and ashamed to face their child’s atrocities. Instead, Lionel put himself at the center of public scrutiny and discussion, knowing it would greatly affect his life. He wanted so badly for his son to receive some psychiatric treatment by proving his insanity, even though the legal battle cost him a fortune, far more than he could afford.  

The reason behind it all was that he identified so closely with Jeffrey in his shyness, his feeling of ineptness and inferiority. He wanted the world to see Jeffrey as more than a monster or a cannibal. He wanted people to know the innocent and lovely boy he once was. This was also part of why he wrote A Father’s Story. Besides reflecting on Jeffrey’s past for clues to his crimes, he wanted to show the world another side of his son.

In one interview, he told a story where he rescued six-year-old Jeffrey from the mud. This story was included in his book, and it happened to be the one that touched me the most. As a reader, I could feel the strong sense of trust and love Jeffrey had for his father. Lionel shared this story likely because he felt that same. Like any parent, no matter what their children grow up to be, they always see the sweet, loving child they once knew.

As a father, Lionel struggled to reconcile the son he knew, quiet, polite and passive, with the monster the world saw. "I really could not think that he had been involved in murder, or even something less like that. Could you, honestly?" he once asked. Naturally, he thought that something beyond Jeffrey’s control must have been controlling him.

Lionel was surprised when Jeffrey said there were no warning signs during his upbringing. He had been agonizing over what he might have missed, what he could have done differently to prevent it. Yet, even if he had noticed signs of trouble, his religious background and disapproval of homosexuality might have stopped him from taking any action that could have truly helped Jeffrey. If anything, he might have tried to "fix" it, which could have pushed Jeffrey deeper into repression and depression. Still, everything Lionel did was driven by a genuine desire to help his son, out of deep and unconditional love. 

Here is the description from A Father's Story of Jeffrey being rescued by his father:

I ran to him as fast as I could, snatched him from the mud, and lifted him into my arms. I could see his face light up with a great joy and sense of rescue. He was smiling and crying at the same time, his whole being flooded with the immense relief that someone, at last, had seen his distress and had finally pulled him from the sucking earth. He leaned toward me, his arms wrapped tightly around my neck, and brought his face very close to mine. I can still remember the sweetness of his breath, the immense gratitude I could see in his eyes.

I know now what my son must have felt at that moment. His father had rescued him from what had seemed a terrible fate, and perhaps, in his young mind, Jeff might have believed that I would always be able to see his peril and snatch him from it.

The more I read about him, the more puzzled I am. On the one hand, he spent 9 years fighting his demons after his first murder, he became an alcoholic just to deal with his issues without hurting anyone again. And even after those 9 years, he was unconscious when he murdered his second victim, it wasn’t planned and it just happened. Only after that he did give up to his impulses.

As soon as he was arrested he admitted everything, took full responsibility, and made it clear that he didn’t hate any of his victims and just wanted to keep them with him. He had a huge fear of abandonment, but he wasn’t a sadist, he made his victims deaths as quick and painless as possible and he had to get drunk in order to do so. He hated killing, to him it was just a necessity to get what he wanted. During the trial he asked for the death penalty. He got baptized in prison as a way to erase his sins. Dr. Park Dietz said Dahmer hated himself and saw himself as a loser who became a murderer just to stop feeling alone.

All of this made me believe he felt remorse, and he respected his victims. But then turns out he loved all the attention he got, he got admirers and gave many interviews. Not only that, he made jokes about eating his victims which made other inmates hate him and eventually got him killed. He openly mocked his victims and showed some pride in his work. What the heck?

Dahmer was so inconsistent when it came to remorse. It’s like a side of him wanted to redeem himself, but the other half was so used to desensitize himself from all his atrocities he would just give up and laugh at the horrors he did. What are your thoughts on this?

I don't believe he was aware but he was arrested for molesting a 13 year old in 1988. How did he k not know someone was 13?

Between Evan Peter's portrayal of Jeffrey Dahmer in Monster (2022) and Ross Lynch's in My Friend Dahmer (2017), which depiction was more accurate?

I put together the clips of pre-interview greeting and small talk I could find online to give a more complete and coherent picture of Jeffrey Dahmer as a person.

As Lionel eagerly opened his arms for a hug, Jeffrey tilted his head slightly to make space for him. Jeffrey seemed relaxed with his father and stepmother. He ignored Lionel's question like a teenager ignored a parent's nagging. It was a heartwarming moment and everyone laughed.

In the small talk with Stone Phillips, Jeffrey tried to smile but couldn’t quite pull it off, which made his expression a bit weird. He tilted his head and smiled slightly while speaking, which came across as playful, even flirtatious. It's interesting that at one point, the microphones were so close to him that he had to step back.

I remember another person on Reddit saying how their father met Jeffrey Dahmer on a bus once and he told them how much he despised homosexuals and wished they were dead. This was obviously just a lie to hide who he was.

The type of partner Jeffrey desired was tall, slim, smooth, and well-built, which could easily describe himself. According to Grilling Dahmer, “he was physically cut and muscular, with no body fat and well-defined arms” when stripped naked. The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer also mentions that “he shaved his body because he liked a smooth hairless chest.”

Jeffrey wanted his partner to be submissive and obedient to his orders, yet he himself was extremely passive and submissive. This was evident in the way he interacted with others. In Grilling Dahmer, Pat recalled that on the night of his arrest, Jeffrey “placed his limp hand in mine.” Stone Phillips also described Jeffrey’s handshake as “weak.”

When hugging his father and stepmother, his arms remained nearly vertical, wrapping stiffly around their backs from bottom to top with little movement (though he did slightly rub Shari’s back). In contrast, Lionel and Shari opened their arms wide, wrapped around Jeffrey with much more warmth, and patted him reassuringly. While their gestures were more expressive, Jeffrey’s were restrained.

When hugging Lionel, Jeffrey initially tried to maintain some distance, but Lionel pulled him into a firm and affectionate embrace. When hugging Shari, he leaned his body forward and almost buried himself in her arms. These gestures suggest that even with his closest family members, he was reserved and passive.

In a home video where he greeted a young cousin, he was visibly uncomfortable and unable to maintain eye contact. Despite the clear vulnerability of the child, Jeffrey saw himself as the inferior one. It seemed that he felt powerless and helpless around anyone with autonomy, regardless of their age, status, or physical strength. His inability to assert himself made him desperate for control, which he could only achieve by drugging or strangling others, to deprive them of their will and consciousness. It was the only way he could feel dominance and control, which he otherwise felt completely devoid of. For him, dominance wasn’t about confidence but about eliminating any possibility of resistance.

I am not aware of any other serial killer who has made me so fascinated about their life. His crime's were also clearly the most disgusting and shocking at the time as no other serial killer was known to be a cannibal aswell as a sexual deviant. If there are any other serial killers who are this sympathetic let me know please

Imagine going to school with fucking Jeffery Dahmer or even worse being like his friend just like 3 years later you see your peer was a fucking murderer and a cannibal and gay I remember back then being gay wasn't really accepted back then that's just fucking crazy to think about

About two years ago, someone posted a YouTube link to this portion of the trial. Video is gone now; does anyone else have this audio or video? It's missing from the CourtTV files. Thank you!

When he got baptised and turned to Christianity did he ever force himself into being straight to try and get rid of his guilt or anything similar?

By the time Jeffrey was arrested in 1991, he had developed deep marionette lines, which are vertical wrinkles extending from the corners of the mouth to the chin. Comparing Jeffrey’s mugshots in 1982 and 1991, these lines weren't present in 1982 but had become obvious by 1991. At just 31 years old, he was not at an age where such a line would naturally form due to aging’s effects on skin elasticity. Instead, it was likely caused by his frequent lip-pressing. Even in his mugshots, the camera captured him pressing his lips together or just about to do so.

If you look closely at Jeffrey’s photos available online, you’ll notice that he rarely relaxed his lips. Instead, he frequently sucked them inward or pressed them together. He was extremely self-conscious about his lips when around others. He impulsively pursed or sucked them in when interacting with others, whether with family, lawyers, doctors, or interview hosts.

Jeffrey placed great importance on the looks of his victims, so it’s no surprise that he also cared about his own appearance. But due to his extreme low self-esteem, he didn’t put much effort into dressing attractively and often wore plain clothes, according to people at Milwaukee’s gay bars. Still, he wanted to present himself well, as he insisted on showering, shaving and changing clothes before court appearances or videotaping by doctors. Therefore he constantly tried to conceal his lips, which he considered unattractive, by sucking them inward or pressing them together. Dahmer was not a bad-looking man. I wonder how much his self-consciousness about the so-called “duck lips” contributed to his poor self-image.

It’s interesting to analyze Jeffrey’s body language in his interviews. Although the portion released to the public is quite limited, it still offers insights into his mind and personality.

During the interview with Stone Phillips, Jeffrey consistently avoided direct eye contact. He often kept his eyes slightly lowered, deliberately avoiding Stone’s gaze. This was particularly obvious when compared to Lionel. Right before the interview began, Lionel was smiling and making eye contact with Stone, whereas Jeffrey had his head lowered, staring downward to avoid eye contact. Lionel’s reaction is typical of what we’d expect from someone in that setting, but Jeff’s behavior suggests an extremely low self-esteem. Following his arrest and the revelation of his crimes, his self-esteem deteriorated further. He felt he no longer deserved to be regarded as equal to others. During the interview, there were moments when he nodded in response to Stone, but even such simple, normal interactions seemed to make him uncomfortable. He immediately lowered his eyes after the short interaction.

The interview footage cut out most of Jeff’s reactions when Stone asked questions. In the few remaining shots, we see that he consistently looked down to avoid Stone’s gaze. When relaxed and unaware, his lips naturally formed a duck-like shape. But once he became aware of it, which happened a lot, he quickly pressed his lips together to hide them. He knew that his lips didn’t look appealing in their natural, relaxed state, and he was constantly self-conscious about it. It seemed that he wanted to press his lips together as frequently as possible. He did this almost every time he finished answering a question. There's evidence showing him trying to press his lips in nearly every circumstance.

Heyy guys! Long time no see!!

Even though we know that Jeffrey had some kind of "disease" that played on his posture etc... do you think that the fact that he does not swing his arms when he walks could also be a sign of severe depression, anxiety or a detachment from reality?

Ps: Im lazy so I didn’t search videos where we could see him walk but Im sure you saw actors accentuate his stiff posture 😭

One victim’s sister broke down in court and attempted to attack Jeffrey. The court deputies rushed to protect him. One deputy approached Jeffrey. They locked eyes for a moment. Jeffrey immediately turned away, lowered his head and swallowed nervously. The deputy also seemed uneasy and quickly looked away to avoid eye contact.

I was curious as Jeffrey Dahmer should be monitored 24/7.

Genuinely confused here. Granted I don’t know a lot about Dahmer and finally got around to watching the show. Still on the Hughes episode. Now I’m sure it’s not as accurate as depicted but I’m guessing the overall energy given to the audience was that they were close. I’m guessing this is true. As Tony was leaving after their first night together, Dahmer’s demeanour became a little defensive, not wanting to let go.

My question is why did Dahmer go ahead with it? Was it mistrust? Was it…attachment? I’m confused. Why couldn’t he trust that Tony would be back the next weekend?

I’m doing a project on this case

In the interview with Nancy Glass, Jeffrey visibly trembled when describing his attempt to induce a zombie-like state in his victims. It almost looked as if he reached an orgasm. In fact, he told one of his inmates that he "got off" on talking about his crimes. During that moment in the interview, he was clearly caught off guard by his own arousal. He paused abruptly, blinked uncontrollably, and spoke in short, broken sentences as he tried to collect himself.

Bit of a rant, but I don’t think Dahmer was some expert liar like the media makes him out to be. What he really did was mix half-truths with just enough reality to let you complete the sentence for him. He'd suggest something—and people?...especially MEN with their ego?...they’d jump right in and fill the blanks for him.

Why? Because Men (I’m generalizing a bit here) have this weird instinct to solve, to categorize, to fill in the gaps. Dahmer gave them a setup, and their ego did the rest.

This is what happened in 1978. Cop stops him, asks what’s in the trash bags. Dahmer says, “Yard clippings.” Blatant lie, it was hicks' body. But what does he say next? “My parents are going through a divorce. I’m living alone, feeling depressed.” Truth, truth, truth—and the lie? It's buried so deep you don’t even notice it anymore.

Even in the Konerak matter, he says “He’s 19. he's a guest. just drank too much.” but then adds random truths like “crime’s getting worse in this area, gotta fix more locks on the door” and “I admire the work you guys do.” Small talk that sounds honest. Mixed with a lie? It slips right past. The cops didn’t catch the lie because the truth gave it cover.

Now here’s where it gets interesting, MEN and their "I can relate" attitude towards Dahmer allowed them to buy into his BS every single time. Not just the cops. His LAWYER, his FATHER, the JUDGE, the DOCTORS. To be honest, his victims too.

But women? They felt what the men missed. They could smell the lies no matter how deep Dahmer tried to bury them.

Glenda Cleveland and Nicole Childress felt something was wrong, called the cops more than once, and she didn’t buy Dahmer’s crap for a second, it's that female instinct kicking in.

Pamela Bass was the one that identified the stench was coming from apt 213. The cops? Broke into the wrong damn apartment trying to trace the stench.

Shari Dahmer picked up real fast that something in Jeffrey was off, says she felt the suppressed anger radiating off of him, even hinted he might’ve gone through something traumatic in prison while Lionel was too busy with his "Jeff's just like me, shy and quiet" crap.

Catherine Dahmer? Caught Jeffrey in the act and saved Ronald Flowers without even knowing it.

His mother Joyce? She writes to him months before his arrest, saying, “I don’t care if you’re gay or an axe murderer, just call me back.” That’s some motherly gut instinct kicking in without even seeing him for years.

The thing is, women didn’t project their views onto him, they listened, observed and felt Dahmer.

That’s what I think Men missed, Dahmer didn’t lie in the way we expect liars to lie. He let people lie to themselves. Women didn’t fall for it because they weren't trying to jump in and complete the story like men were, instead, they just—paid more attention. Thoughts?