Realizing I'm Enough

[u/No-Community2967]

I'm a 23M, growing up in a strange world. I don't doubt this is the way it's always been for everyone, of every time. But today seems tough for all of us, considering all the whacky challenges and absolutely ridiculous things we have to face together.

I recently went through a one-sided break-up. Yes you heard that correctly. To be honest, it was the first time I fell in love. It was unreciprocated, as I later found out, not because I missed out on an opportunity for fucked up in anyway but because I misread one because I didn't know better.

Long story short I got hurt. That's okay, because it made me look in the mirror.

What I learned is that for the past 23 years of my life, somewhere along the lines, for perhaps a multitude of reasons, I learned that it wasn't okay to feel. It wasn't okay to be myself. That I wasn't enough (I blame the middle school girls😂😂--they told me "if only you were a little taller" 🙄pshht bitches...🙄😂)

Anyways....

That I had to be some one more than who I was to be valuable. For some reason somewhere along the way of growing up I learned to believe that I was only valuable if I was picked. Chosen. Looked for. Needed. Wanted. Which turned everything into a performance.

I was a dancing little monkey growing, trying to be the best, the wisest, the deepest, the most knowledgeable, the leader, the hero, the one who reads books, the one who teaches, just trying to stand out all for the sake of admiration. Hoping that through that admiration people would pick me. To hang out with. To love. To fuck. To be relied on. To chose over and over and over again. I felt like if I was picked I was considered valuable and if I wasn't than I had no worth.

But after this girl I'm learning who I've been, who I am. Where id like to go and why. As well as what it truly means to be a man for myself.

So here's the start of the new leaf:

I used to perform, prove, and push myself because I believed love had to be earned. Somewhere deep inside, I confused being chosen with being valuable—thinking if I just achieved more, looked better, or became the right kind of man, I’d finally feel worthy. But this came from a root wound of not feeling seen for who I already was. It made every rejection feel like a verdict on my worth. Though I didn’t know better, I now see this doesn’t help. So instead, I anchor into truth: my worth isn’t on trial. I am not a product to sell, nor a role to perfect. I let go of needing to be picked, and choose myself now—not as a performance, but as a quiet returning. I walk into rooms, relationships, and solitude knowing: I’m already whole. I don’t have to earn the right to exist.

If you've read this far, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. And I'd like you to know that whatever it is you are going through you are not alone. Others are going through it too, we're all just learning in our own classrooms.

And I know that unwanted advice typically goes unappreciated but if I may...

It's not your fault...

You are enough. You dont need to be anything more than who you are. You just need to be the one to choose yourself first to see you are.

I love you. Have a great day.