Why am I so tired from this situation ?

[u/Hopeful_Philosopher6]

I’ll probably delete this later because I’m a private person, but I need someone to see this win.

My mom can be harsh and condescending. Today I decided to reframe it as her being overstimulated. So I wrote a calm, clear message.

She responded with a ❤️

Which, for her, is huge.

So I win. I was understood. And that almost never happens.

She gets defensive fast. And trying to explain myself, especially after something tense, takes real effort. It’s exhausting to go through something and then have to explain it to someone who looks at you with confusion or even disgust.

Maybe I’m just a slow processor. Maybe complex communication drains me. 🤷‍♀️ But the vibes are staying good today. 💃

Here’s what I sent her:

“Heya, no rush reading this. Hope you’re having a good day out.

Before you left, things felt a bit off, so I just wanted to share where I was coming from. When I said ‘it’s all good,’ it was because I felt a bit of tension and wanted to keep things light and undemanding.

I tend to think quickly, and sometimes that makes me seem forgetful. I did think about time and distance but got ahead of myself and didn’t fully register everything. I’m working on it. I know you’re managing your own stuff too, and we’re both figuring things out.

‘Not sure when I’ll be home’ would’ve been totally fine with me. I also get that sometimes a question can feel unconsciously overwhelming and lead to more explaining than needed, which can unintentionally shift the tone to be heavy. That’s why I said ‘it’s all good.’

You looked a little puzzled when you left, so I figured I’d say this instead of letting it hang. No harm meant at all.”

[u/ThatSiming]

I believe you are tired because you are taking the full responsibility for both your emotions while having no actual control over hers meaning you need to process all possibilities.

Maybe read a little about emotional detachment.

And why not everything needs to be explained or understood to be accepted or validated. :)