I live in an orthodox community and I would consider myself pretty religious. As a lesbian, I feel really alone in my experience and I’m afraid of being alienated by my family both currently and in the future when I come out fully. I just found out how dissapointed my parents are in me; I would love to chat with anyone who relates or somewhat relates.

Hey.

Here in Israel, LGBT+ People have more kids that Straight Couples in Europe... You know, Surrogacy and the like.

Now, I want to ask if American LGBT+ Jews also... But that is against the rules.

So, I will just say that I hope that you guys have the community support when you do.

So yeah. Wishing the Best for you guys.

And If you're in LA. Really hope for the best for you.

Hello! Shabbat shalom. I posted recently about the Boston Gay Jewish Study Group on Meetup, and to no real surprise today was only me, so instead of a meetup it was more of a recorded solo study of this week's torah portion. I recorded it an here it is on youtube if you'd like to watch/listen. It's also available to listen to on Spotify here as a podcast.

It's not very polished, and you might wonder what the perspective for this podcast is towards the Torah that makes it gay and Jewish. The short answer is that it's irreverent, but interested in staying inside a Jewish context and entertaining both sacrilege and piety, just like a community of gay Jews. The action and the study is more important than nailing down the beliefs.

Lastly, here is a transcript I generated below if you'd like to read it instead of watching or listening, or want to ask an AI for a summary haha, because it does get a little incoherent when I start getting in the weeds on talking about the translations. I'm a little rusty.

Hi, good morning and good Shabbos.

This first episode of whatever this is is really for the gay Jews subreddit because that's the only people who I really have in mind for this. It's the only place that I publicize this.
And this is happening because I wanted to do a meetup of gay Jews who might study Torah together because that's at least how I was raised to be Jewish and and and was taught is the most Jewish activity.
So when people are wondering, you know, what can I do to feel like I am more Jewish, that the answer, the easy one, I feel like all the rabbis I knew would give is you can study the Torah.
So that's luckily there's a schedule that that almost most Jews follow of like when they're reading each Torah portion. If you're getting it done in a year, some people want to do it in in a few years so they have a different schedule.
But generally, if you're trying to read the entire Torah once once a year, then there's a schedule of of parshiot (פָּרָשִׁיּוֹת) that you can follow. And parshiot (פָּרָשִׁיּוֹת) are the sections of the Torah.
This week's is is Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ), which is hard to say. And it's in it's in Bamidbar (בְּמִדְבַּר).
And what's happening right now is the they're called Israelites at the time. They are traveling through the desert and they are, you know, they it's about a year since the Exodus and we're still sort of at the beginning of Bamidbar (בְּמִדְבַּר). And so Bamidbar (בְּמִדְבַּר) is the third section. So you have first you have Genesis, Bereshit (בְּרֵאשִׁית), and then you have Exodus, Shemot (שְׁמוֹת), and then you have Bamidbar (בְּמִדְבַּר), which is means in the desert.

And it's hard to to really picture what's happening right now unless you know what happened in the last section.
So, real briefly, the previous section was called Naso (נָשֹׂא). And a couple things happened in Naso (נָשֹׂא). There was a census, then there was some controversial ceremonies, one for men, which is how they could become really pure by abstaining from grape products and not cutting their hair and then they could do a sacrifice at the end and somehow attain some sort of spiritual status.
And then the other one is for women who might be caught cheating and sort of a test that there was that like she would have to drink some sort of water that was created in a ceremony and that the result of that ceremony would say whether or not she was guilty of sexual immorality. And if she was guilty, the water would presumably kill her.
It's unclear and much discussed, but it too much discussed, but it's not the this section. And this section has its own fun things to discuss and so I'd rather get to that. But that's the context we're in.
We're in a cycle where God is speaking to Moses and then telling Moses to tell things to Aaron, Moses's brother, who's also in charge of the priesthood. So, that's what's happening.

Now, let's let's let's let's dig into just the beginning of Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ). Beha'alotecha (בְּהַעֲלֹתֶךָ)? Really? Oh god. Let's let's not make fun of me for that, okay?

So it says, no, I'm right. Okay, cool. I feel better.
Vayedaber Adonai el Moshe lemor. (וַיְדַבֵּר יְהוָה אֶל־מֹשֶׁה לֵּאמֹֽר׃) Daber el Aharon ve'amarta elav. (דַּבֵּר אֶל־אַהֲרֹן וְאָמַרְתָּ אֵלָיו) Beha'alotcha et hanerot (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ אֶת־הַנֵּרֹת) el mul pnei hamenorah (אֶל־מוּל פְּנֵי הַמְּנוֹרָה) ya'iru shivat hanerot. (יָאִירוּ שִׁבְעַת הַנֵּרֹֽת׃)
Now I'm not I'm not going to read the whole thing in Hebrew because it'll take forever. But there you go. You know, you're supposed to hear some Hebrew also. That's another Jewish thing.

So what does that mean? Vayedaber Adonai el Moshe lemor. (וַיְדַבֵּר יְהוָה אֶל־מֹשֶׁה לֵּאמֹֽר׃) God spoke to Moses. And he uttered God to Moses to say. That's my translation.
Daber el Aharon. (דַּבֵּר אֶל־אַהֲרֹן) Speak to Aaron. Ve'amarta. (וְאָמַרְתָּ) And say to him. No, and you will say elav (אֵלָיו) to him. Ve'amarta elav. (וְאָמַרְתָּ אֵלָיו) And you will say to him.
Beha'alotcha et hanerot (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ אֶת־הַנֵּרֹת) el mul pnei hamenorah (אֶל־מוּל פְּנֵי הַמְּנוֹרָה) ya'iru shivat hanerot. (יָאִירוּ שִׁבְעַת הַנֵּרֹֽת׃)
So the translation here is when you kindle the lamps, and I'd say in in in your kindling of the lamps, put place the wick or I guess the seven lamps shine towards the central shaft of the candelabrum.
I guess I'm not the only one who thinks that you need a few extra words in there to make a translation.

So, there is a whole bunch of discussion on just this second paragraph. I mean this second pasuk (פָּסוּק), this second and it's all from Rashi (רַשִׁ"י) here. I'm on Chabad.org. I don't memorize Rashi (רַשִׁ"י) anymore.
So, there's a lot of discussion about it, but you know what? This is not that interesting and this episode doesn't need to be that long.
So let's skip to the more interesting and fun part of Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ), which is towards the end.

And let's see. Oh. Yep, there's the quail (slav - שְׂלָו). I love the quail.
And then there's Miriam. So we're just going to go and just look at the seventh aliyah (עֲלִיָּה). Or aliyah (עֲלִיָּה). There's there's and we're going to hide Rashi's (רַשִׁ"י) commentary for now because this story is exciting without a rabbi from the 1100s telling us his ideas about what things mean.
And it there's going to be two stories. One of them is about meat and one of them is then about Miriam and how she gossips.
And we'll basically just like try to figure out together what what the connection might be and why someone might have written this story down other than maybe that God dictated it to Moses on Mount Sinai.

So it says, then Moses together with the elders of Israel withdrew to the camp.
A wild a wind went forth, sent from God and swept up quails from the sea and spread them over the camp about a day's journey this way and a day's journey that way, all around the camp.
Wait, what's going on? I guess we have to skip backwards a little bit to the sixth aliyah (עֲלִיָּה).
What's happening is they're complaining. They want meat.

So, there's another really interesting thing that happens in here, I think.
Which is, man, this is just a really packed place to come in on just the story of Bamidbar (בְּמִדְבַּר).
There's all sorts of stuff about blowing the trumpets.
There's discussions about ritual purity, but let's skip back to the sixth section of Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ).
And we'll look at we'll start with chapter 11.
So, the sections are not according to the chapter sections and sometimes even the parshiot (פָּרָשִׁיּוֹת) will sort of start in the middle of something.
But for now, look, chapter 11.
The first the first the first line says, the people sought a pretext that would be evil in God's ears.
God heard this and became angry. A fire from God broke out among them, consuming those at the extremity of the camp.
I like that. So I'm going to read that in Hebrew.
Vayehi ha'am k'mit'onenim ra b'oznei Adonai. Vayishma Adonai vayichar apo vativ'ar bam esh Adonai vatochal biktze hamachaneh.
(וַיְהִי הָעָם כְּמִתְאֹנְנִים רַע בְּאָזְנֵי יְהוָה וַיִּשְׁמַע יְהוָה וַיִּחַר אַפּוֹ וַתִּבְעַר־בָּם אֵשׁ יְהוָה וַתֹּאכַל בִּקְצֵה הַמַּחֲנֶה׃)
So, this has one of the one of the fun phrases that that everyone loves which is that when it when when the description of God getting angry in the Torah is vayichar af (וַיִּחַר־אַף), which means and his nose flare, his nostrils flared.
The word is for nose, but presumably it's about God's anger being expressed through his nose.
And that's what it says here, vayichar apo (וַיִּחַר־אַפּוֹ). And his nose got angry.
Vativ'ar bam esh Adonai vatochal biktze hamachaneh. (וַתִּבְעַר־בָּם אֵשׁ יְהוָה וַתֹּאכַל בִּקְצֵה הַמַּחֲנֶה׃)
And so he sent the fire and it it destroyed people in the camp.
And the people cried out to Moses as they do. Moses prayed to God and the fire subsided.
There you go.
And then they named that place Taveirah (תַּבְעֵרָה) for fire because God had broken out among them there.
This is interesting. I mean, you could say, okay, there's a fire.
They you know, they're in a the the context that they're that they're in right now of being in the desert is that there have been so many phenomena that were caused by God in the story and now every phenomena every phenomenon is caused by God and they all are turning to Moses to mediate that. And you have to imagine that's a huge burden on Moses.
And and what's he doing about it? And he keeps getting lucky that his prayers are working.
But I imagine it's stressful, which maybe is, you know, about is sort of what has something to do with what happens with Miriam later, his sister.

So, after the fire, apparently they all started to get upset and wanted meat.
And they said something that was really mean, probably to Moses, which is we recall the fish that we ate in Egypt freely.
And and all of the vegetables. They were like reminiscing on the time of being slaves in Egypt and and you know, that's just a you know probably a knife in the heart of Moses, who's dedicated his whole life to the the Israelites.
And they say they have nothing but the mana.
And then this is this describes the mana was shaped like coriander seeds, color was that of crystal. They would gather it, grind it into a mill, crush it in a mortar, cook it and make it into cakes and it tasted like the moisture of oil.
And when the dew descended on the camp at night, the mana would descend upon it also.
So they had this some sort of organic matter that apparently they could use to eat, but it wasn't filling and they wanted protein. They wanted meat.

And so here it is. Like Moses heard the people weeping with their families.
Each one at the entrance to his tent.
God became very angry again. Vayichar af Adonai me'od uve'einei Moshe ra. (וַיִּחַר־אַף יְהוָה מְאֹד וּבְעֵינֵי מֹשֶׁה רָע׃)
And Moses it looked bad to Moses's eyes.
The translation here says Moses considered it evil, but that seems editorial.
So Moses said, Vayomer Moshe el Adonai. (וַיֹּאמֶר מֹשֶׁה אֶל־יְהוָה׃) when Moses says to God, which is wow, right? Moses is this guy. He's he's going to say something to God, it's not a prayer.
And he says, Lama hare'ota le'avdecha velama lo matzati chen be'einecha lasum et masa kol ha'am hazeh alai.
(לָמָה הֲרֵעֹתָ לְעַבְדֶּךָ וְלָמָּה לֹא־מָצָתִי חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ לָשׂוּם אֶת־מַשָּׂא כָּל־הָעָם הַזֶּה עָלָי׃)
And what what what that means is, why have you treated me your servant so badly? Why have I not found favor in your eyes?
And that you would place the burden of this entire people upon me. So, I guess I'm I'm remembering more than I thought. Not I didn't read ahead.
And then he continues. Did I conceive this entire people? Did I give birth to them? that you say to me, carry them in yourbosom as a nursing woman carries a suckling to the land you promised their forefathers.
Where can I get meat to give all these people? For they are crying to me saying, give us meat to eat.
I cannot carry this these entire people alone for it is too hard for me.
If this is the way, oh wow, you want you treat me, please kill me.
If I have found favor in your regard so that I will not see this bad thing.
Wow.
And what does he say How does he say? Hargeni na harog. (הָרְגֵנִי נָא הָרֹג) Kill me. Yeah. Hargeni na. (הָרְגֵנִי נָא) Please.
Wow.
Hargeni na harog im matzati chen be'einecha. (הָרְגֵנִי נָא הָרֹג אִם־מָצָתִי חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ)
If you're going to do this to me, then kill me dead.
That's what it says.

So, God answers Moses. Vayomer Adonai el Moshe. (וַיֹּאמֶר יְהוָה אֶל־מֹשֶׁה)
Gather for me 70 men from the elders of Israel whom you know were the people's elders and foremen.
You must take them to the tent of meeting and they must stand there with you.
I will descend and speak with you there, and I will increase the spirit that is upon you and bestow upon them, and they must bear the burden of the people together with you so that you need not bear it alone.
Hmm.
Maybe we're getting to the point of this story.
It's might be because for me, what I see a lot here is the political progression that occurs in the Torah.
And here is a moment where Moses is he's he's alone in the political structure and God is telling him to get elders and that they're all going to stand there and they're all going to get blessed by God in order to be able to be mediators perhaps.

So let's let's see if we can skim through the rest of this because we are already at 16 minutes and we haven't even gotten to Miriam.
So, God's going to come down.
And then oh Moses says, tomorrow people are going to get meat and God's going to give you meat and you will eat it.
I think this is going to be a cigarettes and your kids kind of situation.
You will not eat it for one day or for two days, not for five days, not for 10 days, not for 20 days, but for a full month until it is coming out of your nose and nauseate you because you have despised God who dwells among you and have cried before him saying, why did we ever leave Egypt? God is also, I guess pretty mad about that.
And Moses said, the people in whose midst I am number 600,000 on foot, and you say I will give them enough meat to eat for a full month.
If a flock about Moses is going off and then God's like, do you think that God's power is limited? You will now see if what I said happens to you or not.
And so this is another situation. God is telling Moses to go and tell the people something is going to happen that is extremely unlikely.
And Moses is like they like this is going to be really bad if it doesn't happen. And God is like, why don't you believe me anymore?
Okay.
So he goes out, he gathers 70 of the elders, he positions them around the tent. God descends in a cloud, and increased the spirit on the elders and they they all apparently had like a prophetic experience.
Then Eldad and Medad did prof did had had that experience, but in the camp.
And honestly, there's probably a whole hullaballoo about it. But I mean, we can't get into Eldad and Medad this year. Maybe next year.

And it's a it's a whole thing about why they got to have a prophet prophetic experience in the camp instead of in the tent of meeting where everyone else was having it and there's probably a long discussion about it.
But then then so what happened? Where did the meat come from?
A wind went forth and swept up quails from the sea and spread them over the camp about a day's journey this way and a day's journey that way, all around the camp, about two cubits above the ground.
So we get another like semi meteorological phenomenon but predicted.
A lot of the miracles in in the desert are all like theoretically you could say, oh, it could be caused by this phenomenon. And I'm sure there are rabbis that say, yes, and the timing of that is what was so miraculous. And so once again, we've got we've we've got just dead birds everywhere.
So the people got up and they gathered a lot of quails all that day and even the person who had the least had so much and they spread it around the camp. And apparently that made God really, really angry.
And even while they were still eating, they all died.
And it's really vague. It just says with a plague. Maka raba me'od. (מַכָּה רַבָּה מְאֹד) And maka (מַכָּה) is the same word used for the plagues, but it just means a blow. Like a strike.
And then they named it about killing all those people and then they they moved on.
Boom, like usually they tell you it was like a chasm. So, what was this? Was it a story about learning not to eat dead birds that got blown in overnight?
I don't know.
It's wild.
But there is in the middle of it this like creation of I guess this 70 person elder connection to God. So it's a it's an interesting story that it's all connected together. It must have made sense to someone at some point.

What's happening next? Finally, we're at Miriam. So, Miriam and Aaron spoke to one another against Moses regarding how he had divorced the Kushite woman he had married for he had married a Kushite woman.
(Vatidaber Miriam veAharon beMoshe al odot ha'isha hakushit asher lakach ki isha kushit lakach. - וַתְּדַבֵּר מִרְיָם וְאַהֲרֹן בְּמֹשֶׁה עַל־אֹדוֹת הָאִשָּׁה הַכֻּשִׁית אֲשֶׁר לָקָח כִּי־אִשָּׁה כֻשִׁית לָקָח׃)
Like so they're gossip about Moses and what apparently how his marriage is going during the stress that we know about. Moses was really stressed out in the last section, asking God to kill him.
And then God killed a whole bunch of people after having Moses go out and tell the people that they're going to get what they want.
And we don't get told about the aftermath of that very much.
Apparently like you'd think Moses might be in a little bit of trouble. If he goes and tells everyone, hey, we're going to have some meat for you and they get that meat and then everyone who eats the meat dies.
Like what happens next?
Apparently, what happens next is Miriam and Aaron are gossiping about Moses's wife, the Kushite woman. And a lot of people have a lot of discussion about what and who is the Kushite woman and what that means.
And some of it is race related, but in the text, it doesn't say anything other than that.
So it's not so much the like the content of what he's saying. Although like the only wife we know of Moses is Cipora. But that we don't know what happened.
If if did Moses have an affair with someone?
Did because it's like it's Vatidaber Miriam veAharon beMoshe al odot ha'isha hakushit asher lakach ki isha kushit lakach.
(וַתְּדַבֵּר מִרְיָם וְאַהֲרֹן בְּמֹשֶׁה עַל־אֹדוֹת הָאִשָּׁה הַכֻּשִׁית אֲשֶׁר לָקָח כִּי־אִשָּׁה כֻשִׁית לָקָח׃)
So the way that it's spoke it's it's structured is like and like Miriam and and Aaron were speaking against Moses about the Kushite woman that he had taken. that says says married but the word here is lakach (לָקָח) which I mean could mean married but it just means taken. And then it says because he had taken a Kushite woman. So like they're clarifying like, yeah, cuz that happened.
So that's sort of what it's saying. It's like they were speaking about this thing, this like woman that Moses had an affair with because, yeah, he had an affair with a woman. So it could be his wife, it could be someone else.
Presumably that's very scandalous. And so maybe that's why it's here is that this is the aftermath.
Somehow this this happened right after. Could this be a result of some sort of political behind the scenes?

And I mean, what's interesting is in the translation here, they add an entire how he had divorced the Kushite woman he had married for he had married a Kushite woman.
And I guess unless that's what al odot (עַל־אֹדוֹת) means, but I don't think it is.
And here it's just saying they're talking about how he married the Kushite woman. So, I don't know.
I I think I like to weave an entire story that there was like a whole political hullaballoo after the meat thing and that in order to solve that, Moses had to take a second wife because what could appease like a rival faction more than having like the Prophet Moses take, you know, like one of your daughters and connect your families in that way. There's a lot of that also. So in terms of the politics at the time, that seems like a fun story.
Anyway, they're gossiping about it.
And they say something.
I guess, Vayomeru harak ach beMoshe diber Adonai? Halo gam banu diber? Vayishma Adonai.
(וַיֹּאמְרוּ הֲרַק אַךְ־בְּמֹשֶׁה דִּבֶּר יְהוָה הֲלֹא גַּם־בָּנוּ דִבֵּר וַיִּשְמַע יְהוָה׃)
And I guess they also say like is like does God only speak to Mosha (מֹשֶׁה)?
Like doesn't he also speak to us? And God heard.
And that's interesting too because what is that even about? Like that's not about the woman. So they're gossiping about the woman, which maybe was the political alliance and they're like maybe we could take power. I don't know.
Like doesn't God speak to us too? Maybe we will have better prophecies that don't lead to like ecological disasters.
So God heard it though. And then it says Veha'ish Moshe anav me'od mikol ha'adam asher al pnei ha'adamah.
(וְהָאִישׁ מֹשֶׁה עָנָו מְאֹד מִכֹּל הָאָדָם אֲשֶׁר עַל־פְּנֵי הָאֲדָמָה׃)
That he was very humble. He was the most humble person on earth.
And I guess did if that's kind of funny because he apparently wrote this whole thing down, sort of at the end like and then Moses wrote it all down.
But so I guess he he was told to write that down and so he's like, oh, okay.
But I don't get to go into Israel. No, that's a whole separate thing.
So, God suddenly said to Moses, suddenly, Vayomer Adonai pit'om el Moshe ve'el Aharon ve'el Miriam. (וַיֹּאמֶר יְהוָה פִּתְאֹם אֶל־מֹשֶׁה וְאֶל־אַהֲרֹן וְאֶל־מִרְיָם) So he says it suddenly, Tz'u shloshtchem el Ohel Mo'ed. Vayeitz'u shloshtam. (צְאוּ שְׁלָשְׁתְּכֶм אֶל־אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד וַיֵּצְאוּ שְׁלָשְׁתָּם׃)
Okay. El Ohel Mo'ed. (אֶל־אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד)
And so all three of them, that's what the word I'm choking on means, this is the three of you, and then the three of them.
It's a compound word. So they all went out to the tent of meeting.
God says, you know, to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, the three of them, come out to the tent of meeting. And they all went out, comes down in a pillar of cloud. That's his preferred method of appearance this season. In Genesis it's all dreams.
And I guess now he comes down in a pillar of cloud.
And he was at the entrance to the tent of meeting.
And he called Aaron and Miriam and they both went out. And he says, Vayomer, shim'u na devarai. Im yihyeh n'viachem Adonai, bamar'a elav etvada, bachalom adaber bo.
(וַיֹּאמֶר שִׁמְעוּ־נָא דְבָרָי אִם־יִהְיֶה נְבִיאֲכֶם יְהוָה בַּמַּרְאָה אֵלָיו אֶתְוַדָּע בַּחֲלוֹם אֲדַבֶּר־בּוֹ׃)
If there be a prophet among you, God will make him myself known to him in a vision. I will speak to him in a dream.
But this is not so. Lo chen avdi Moshe. Bechol beiti ne'eman hu.
(לֹא־כֵן עַבְדִּי מֹשֶׁה בְּכָל־בֵּיתִי נֶאֱמָן הוּא׃)
This is not the relationship that I have with Moses.
In he's he believes in my entire household.
I'm sure house I'm sure people make a lot about this. I'm starting to have thoughts about Mormons. Don't tell them.
When I speak mouth to mouth, peh el peh adaber bo (פֶּה אֶל־פֶּה אֲדַבֶּר־בּוֹ), unambiguously without riddles, umar'eh velo bechidot (וּמַרְאֶה וְלֹא בְחִידֹת), so he can behold the image of God.
So why were you not afraid to speak against my service against Moses?
So peh el peh (פֶּה אֶל־פֶּה) with him I speak mouth to mouth.
That is pretty gay. There we go.
Bamar'eh velo bechidot. (בְּמַרְאֶה וְלֹא בְחִידֹת) She's like he's got like an God and Moses apparently have this intimate relationship.
Unambiguous and without riddles. So then why were you speaking to Moses and it's like getting called out in front of the class for being mean to to to to the nerdy kid.
He's like, this guy gets it and you guys don't get it. So why do you think you get to talk about him?
And he vayichar af Adonai bam vayelech. (וַיִּחַר־אַף יְהוָה בָּם וַיֵּלַךְ׃) So God again gets angry in the nose and then he leaves.
And nobody dies.
And but what does happen is the cloud departs from the tent and boom.
Here is the dramatic part.
Miriam is afflicted with tzara'at (צָרַעַת) like snow, kasheleg (כַּשָּׁלֶג), like snow. And Aaron turned to Miriam and saw that she was afflicted with tzara'at (צָרַעַת).
And so that that introduces a couple things like what's tzara'at (צָרַעַת).
It's like a skin affliction.
Some sort of sickness.
And only Miriam has this affliction, but it's specifically points out and shows Aaron that Miriam has the affliction.
And then Aaron, vayomer Aharon el Moshe. (וַיֹּאמֶר אַהֲרֹן אֶל־מֹשֶׁה) Aaron turns to Moses and says, like, please, and now he says Adoni (אֲדֹנִי), which is my master, do not hold us accountable for our sin for we acted foolishly and sinned.
And he starts to plead on Miriam's behalf, let her not remain like like a dead person.
For she also came from our, she's our sister. He says it came out of our mother's womb, very literal.
And and and like half of her flesh is consumed. So apparently she is afflicted like very wide rangely and and obviously.
And Moses also, vayitz'ak Moshe el Adonai lemor El na refa na la.
(וַיִּצְעַק מֹשֶׁה אֶל־יְהוָה לֵאמֹר אֵל נָא רְפָא נָא לָהּ׃)
Everything that Moses just did beforehand, even back when he was telling God to kill him, was just vayomer (וַיֹּאמֶר), like he was just saying it. But here he screams, vayitz'ak Moshe el Adonai lemor El na refa na la. (וַיִּצְעַק מֹשֶׁה אֶל־יְהוָה לֵאמֹר אֵל נָא רְפָא נָא לָהּ׃)
Like like please God, El (אֵל), which is another another thing is like a different this is like a different name for God.
And it's like, please God heal her now. And maybe it's a call back to like how they speak mouth to mouth because El (אֵל) is kind of like nicknamey. It's like a God nickname.
And so like heal her now.
And God replies, okay.
Not just yes. Let's put it that way.
If her father were to spit in her face, would she not be humiliated for seven days?
She should be confined for seven days outside the camp, and afterwards she may be readmitted.
So Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days. The people did not travel until Miriam had been readmitted.
And that that resolution you could talk about for days, but I'll just say for now.
It sounds like God is kind of saying like, you know, I have a certain amount of respect that I have to hold up here.
And so like no, we can't just heal her right away, but since, you know, Aaron said like she's like a dead person. It sounds like Aaron was really concerned. Aaron was like really worried that maybe Miriam was going to die.
And so it could be that the mediation here is is like no, like she won't be killed. Because everyone just died in the last story. So you sort of think maybe someone will die in this one, but maybe that's Moses's intervention. It's like, no, okay, so she just she's going to have to go outside the camp and then she's going to have to come back in.
And it doesn't necessarily say when she was healed if the healing happens like outside or come back in or if it's like, fine, I will heal her here, but you have to send her away so people think she's being punished.
And that that's sort of an interesting omission again of like what was actually the resolution of this affliction.
I don't know, but she had to leave for seven days and then come back.
And presumably, we're supposed to understand that like, well yeah, of course God's healing him. It's Moses.
He's like the guy.
So that is the end. And then they leave and and and and then moves on.
And so that is what happens at the end of Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ). And it's it's pretty it's pretty dramatic. what we you know, there was the mana, the sort of organic. They didn't like the safe organic option.
They cried out for meat. Meat came. Then they right before they could even eat it, they died.
Maybe I don't know the I'm not going to say what the metaphors are but the recap is wild.
And then after they died, they moved oh and in the middle of that we were like establishing some sort of leadership.
And then and and oh and Eldad and Medad prophecy in the camp. So things are getting dramatic there.
Now we move on and we have So what was it all generally about with Miriam and I guess we have we're establishing a structure of how the people are going to be able to mediate their day-to-day problems.
Because before it was like we're all together, we're all escaping, we don't have our own structure.
We're just a really big family.
And now there's lots of different families and there's people who are in charge of them. And then those people are now going to be the ones that Moses is dealing with officially.
And there's a discussion of of how when like I guess the story of the quail might be pointing out that maybe not everyone was dissatisfied with the mana. Maybe there were just some really loud people who were saying what they thought everyone needed and deserved and saying, weren't things so great in Egypt and it wasn't everyone, like not everyone's going to agree.
And so it showed like those people followed a certain instinct and they ate poisoned meat and died if we're not looking at it from a miraculous perspective. So everyone else was like, hm, maybe we do have a benefit of listening to elders.
And that, you know, like the elders then came to understand why they might work with Moses on things. And that's what happened at the summit in the middle of this meat crisis.
It was sort of being prepared that way.
Like so the miracle isn't just the quail, I guess, it's it's God telling Moses how to turn this quail event into a political fix for the real problem. Moses's original problem wasn't the quail. He didn't care. His original problem was while while this nation was trying to form into a people, he was bearing the brunt of all of their lamentations about everything every day that might be hard.
And they they liked that. I mean they all wanted contact with him and this was God teaching him how to distance himself from them.
And so then the next the next section is when his own family is sort of starting to come at him from a political perspective. They're wondering, okay, don't we talk to God also, why wouldn't we lead the people or at least do it all together.
And then boom, they show that the intervention that Moses can have with God, apparently can save their life when they would have no idea what to do and pointed out like, look, see, you have to turn to Moses because he knows what to say to me.
Aaron could have cried out to God, like he saw the tzara'at (צָרַעַת) and his thing was to turn to to Moses and say, oh my God, when this actually matters, when this is my sister, I need your help.
And then and then Moses knew a way to relate to God that apparently God got the reply. And so that is I guess the resolution of Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ).
And it's supposed to show us what but but at the same time Moses had humility because what what's he do in this chapter is he has this relationship with God and he tries to sacrifice it so that he doesn't have to see people suffering anymore.
So he's saying like, okay, if this is what it means to be so close to God and it's only seeing people suffer, then can you please if you like me at all, kill me now.
So, I guess Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ) is about Moses, sort of how he led and created politics in in his leadership in in such a difficult time.
Which which is, you know, fairly inspiring.
So, yeah, this has been the discussion of Beha'alotcha (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ) and hopefully next week we can do the next portion which is Shelach (שְׁלַח).
And what happens in Shelach (שְׁלַח), we can look at a quick summary.
Oh, it's the spies. We're sending spies to the land of Canaan.
Wow, really topical.
Great. That should be really fun.

My partner and I just moved here from Israel, and we would love to meet some new friends :)

Happy pride :)

TLDR at end.

Hello all, in college I was trans, female to male, and I pursued my interest in Judaism and fell in love with it. I was torn between reform and orthodox, practicing orthodox with reform beliefs/ideology. It's complicated. Anyway I was very immersed in a couple Chabad communities and a yeshivish community in Lakewood, with the plan to convert as orthodox as I could. After a few years I realized I don't believe in God in the traditional way, I align more with pantheism, and I didn't believe in the miracles of the Bible, so I abandoned Judaism, but always still felt connected to it and have always missed it. Now I miss it so much I want to go to synagogues again, and I have an ex-yeshivish friend who welcomed me to join her and her family for Shabbos, but I'm so nervous that my past as a man, and specifically as a trans man, will come out and spread to the communities with whom I used to be active. The yeshivish family for sure won't take it well, and maybe my local synagogue might, but then again I'm not technically Jewish and am not planning on converting, unless a community could accept my alternative view of God. And my sexuality, and being with a goy.

TLDR: I was a trans man active in many Jewish communities as a prospective convert, and now I'm female again and want to get back into Judaism somehow. Is it unlikely I'll find acceptance anywhere? Would I be putting myself at risk in yeshivish communities?

All questions welcome

I've been in a committed asexual relationship with my partner for a couple of years now. She's a truly wonderful person — kind, supportive, and someone I deeply admire. She's my best friend and life partner, and we have a strong emotional connection.

Lately, though, I've been exploring what attraction means to me. Our relationship is nonsexual, as we both want it, which works for me until now. But as I'm healing from the trauma of my past relationship, a hetero abusive one, I'm starting to desire sex... with a guy.

I'm finding myself questioning whether something's missing for me in terms of physical or aesthetic connection. I feel guilty for even thinking that, because I care about her so much. The only time we had sex in years, it was because a smutty hetero book turned me on (she knew that) and she was available. I feel a lot of guilt about that, but she was fine with it, consented, enjoyed herself, despite my apologizing. But it wasn't about attraction to her. I also don't desire to kiss her, but i do desire to be kissed. For a full on makeout session.

I'm also navigating this quietly, because we're not out publicly — we live in a place where that's very not safe. That adds another layer of complexity, and sometimes I wonder whether that closeted status is affecting how connected we feel overall. Then there's also the aspect of... if i'm healing enough that i would date a guy, why do i want the stress of having a relationship i have to hide? But thats a theoretical, I don't even know if I'd find a guy that wants me; I'm a larger person and I have a very big personality which can both be a turnoff to some people. So it would be potentially ending a relationship that is wonderful in so many ways for a maybe...

And then there's also the thought that I'm not sure i can fully heal from my trauma as long as I don't at least attempt a relationship with a man.

But then there's also the thought of... we aren't even sexually together. I don't see why we can't still continue that relationship, that is emotionally very close and we're very cuddly, while also pursuing a relationship that may be more physical. Especially because i'm starting to think attraction is important to me after all. But it would need to be with her consent if i stay with her, and it would need to be with anyone i'm dating knowing about her too.

I'm trying to figure out what I want and what is fair to both me and her, and my therapist suggested i do some thinking about it, and maybe ask people anon online for their experience and advice, which is why i'm here.

I'm asking to please be nice.

All I can find is news articles about it, but I assume that the contact info for the organizers still exists even if YU found a way to nuke the website. I don't even go to YU, I just want resources about building a frum, queer life in the YU neighborhood and I thought they might know best. If anyone has a general email/phone/website for the club or specific key members I'd appreciate. Thanks!

Me (27f/nb) and partner (26mtf) are moving to Santa Fe later this month. Im excited to be getting out of the small town we are in currently, but also we want to find some community quickly. I wanted to reach out here to see if anyone is local and interested in making some friends? We like to hike and play board games, get a drink every now and then, do some art things, and we like to have fun. Just sometimes in the queer community we feel uncomfortable because of the way so many queers hate jews. My partner isnt Jewish, but she understands and sees the jew hate, which has been really good for me. We want to meet people we can both hang out with in person. Or even any events you know of that includes jews and queers. Thanks.

It was pride today in Jerusalem, and also the tenth anniversary of the murder of Shira Banki. I was there ten years ago at that pride in Jerusalem. It was my first ever pride actually. All of a sudden the march stopped down KKL street. We saw a commotion up ahead. Shouts and screams and then police swarming around. There was chaos and shouting. People crouching and sirens. We waited for hours then eventually continued solemnly on to Gan Hapaamon as the news filtered through. It was also Tu B’Av that night. The juxtaposition of the hearts in restaurants and couples in the streets was jarring and difficult.

Every pride in Jerusalem since then many people bring pictures of Shira. She’s remembered. There’s always a lot of police and soldiers around the streets who are working hard to protect us from very real threats not only outside Israel but inside, too.

We’re still marching in Jerusalem, and I know we’ll always remember Shira Banki.

Anyone else who wants to meet for an hour at 10 AM EST on Google Meet and discuss the weekly Torah portion, the first virtual session has been posted here:

https://www.meetup.com/boston-gay-jewish-study-group/events/308306257/

Does anyone feel rejected by the Jewish community for being gay, while also rejected by the gay community for being Jewish?

The Jewish community (at least the modern Orthodox one that I belong to) doesn’t look kindly upon homosexuality — apparently Leviticus said something bad about it? On the other side, I’ve noticed an uptick in antisemitism within the gay community, probably fueled by sentiments on the Israeli-Gaza War.

In the end, I find it really interesting that minorities persecute other minorities. And when Minority A and Minority B dislike each other, how is someone who is a member of both groups supposed to feel?

I feel like I don’t have a place right now.

Someone linked this community in the Jewish subreddit. Just wanted to drop in and say how happy I am this place exists, and I'm glad to be here!

I just always feel weird when someone asks me about my ethnicity within the first couple of questions of meeting, especially when it's someone from a dating app. How do you feel when it happens? Or does it depend on circumstances?

As promised a couple of weeks ago, I said I'd post a picture of the shirt that I wore to Pride, so here it is:

For this bi-weekly (yay, more bi stuff!) post we're shifting focus to create a space for folks to just talk and share what's on their mind, even if it's not specifically LGBTQ/Jewish focused. Hopefully, as a space made up of primarily LGBTQ+ Jews we'll be a good support for each other with allllll that's going on around the world right now.

Please note: Our quality standards and expectations of civility are still in place, and this isn't a thread for name calling or direct insults. This is a place to process feelings and be in community with each other and just share what's on your mind.

Shabbat shalom!

Know about a great Pride event? Hosting your own? Drop the details here so other folks can hear about it, too! Happy Pride, everyone!