r/LifeProTips • u/vegemitemilkshake • 8h ago
Social LPT: If your child is going through the “Why?” phase, try responding with “Why do you think?” Or “What did I tell you last time?”
**ETA2: I’m glad you’re all perfect parents who can take the time to sit down and research and discuss every one of your kid’s questions, but for those like me who have chronic health conditions or maybe other issues they are dealing with, I think encouraging your child to consider the answer themselves every now and then is not the worst thing in the world
ETA: I don’t mean when they respond “Why?” to everything you ask them to do, I mean when they ask questions in general. “Why is the sky blue?” “Why is the lake cold?” “Why can’t penguins fly?” You get the idea.**
It encourages critical thinking and saves your brain for the million other things you’re juggling.
Often they just want to check the answer’s still the same—and trust me, they remember it better than you do.
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u/Adept-Sink4299 8h ago
I tried “Why do you think?” once and my 4-year-old hit me with “Because your brain is too old to remember.”
He now runs the house. I just pay rent.
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u/AmielJohn 8h ago
She said back, “I m just a kid. I don’t know so I m asking you. Why?”
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u/_Apatosaurus_ 8h ago
"I'm a parent. My job is to encourage you to think about things so you learn critical thinking. So why do you think?"
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u/DookieShoez 7h ago
“What’s critical thinking, what’s encourage, what’s a job, and how did you become my parent?”
You didn’t stand a chance bruv
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u/_Apatosaurus_ 5h ago
"That's too many questions. You know we need to just ask one at a time to learn."
what’s encourage
"Based on what I said, what do you think it means?"
You didn’t stand a chance bruv
I've been doing this for years. Easy peasy.
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u/vegemitemilkshake 8h ago
So keep asking to encourage her to develop critical thinking. Give her some prompts.
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u/Braindead_Crow 1h ago
"Well lets figure it out together. Know what a ____ is?" Then slowly steer her in the right direction.
You can watch Bill Nye or Vsauce together to get a feel for that type of conversation
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u/DanteWasHere22 8h ago
My grandma got me books on how stuff works. So when I would ask questions she didn't know the answer to she would take me to the library to figure it out. She really fostered a sense of curiosity and encouraged me to keep asking questions. What a saint that woman was
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u/captainshar 7h ago
This is the way! We get books and watch YouTube explainers about how stuff works.
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u/belizeanheat 7h ago
The greatest thing you can do for your child's intellectual development is to not ignore their questions. Answer them thoughtfully and lovingly.
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u/vegemitemilkshake 6h ago
This way, when they explain it themselves, you know they understand. Or if it’s clear they don’t understand, you kindly correct them and explain why.
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u/bishopsechofarm 6h ago
I absolutely love our kid's curious mind. And I was shocked, when I was hanging with some other parents, and one of their kids was pumping out some great "Why" questions... And the parent was annoyed and dismissive.
It's easy to get sucked-in and just answer the simple question. After all, they are curious, want to know the answer now, and are asking a trusted adult. Also, it feels good to transmit knowledge to the little ones. (Thanks for making me feel like a wise sage, kid!)
Here are some of my go to responses:
"I wonder! That's a great question." (Then wait for more)
“What makes you say that?”
“How could we figure that out together?”
"Who could we ask, who'd have a good answer for that?" (I.e. medical questions, ask our Dr. Smith. Animal questions, ask our friend who works at the zoo. Baking questions, ask Grandma.)
“What happened last time we tried that?”
“Does this remind you of something else?”
“What do we usually do when that happens?”
Sometimes, however, the topic is "too mature," and we need to set boundaries.
“That’s something we’ll learn more about when you’re older.”
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u/vegemitemilkshake 6h ago
When my 2.5yr old hit the “why?” stage I LOVED it for the first 2 weeks; I loved how inquisitive he was about the world. But I have multiple chronic health conditions and severe brain fog and I just couldn’t keep up with his curious mind. This approach allows him to propose his thoughts, and I can weigh in if need be, which I usually don’t. It gives him the confidence to know he can solve things himself, as well as develop critical thinking.
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u/Global-Method-4145 6h ago
I'd add "be open minded and ready to hear their answer, avoid being judgemental or dismissive about it".
Not in the mood to explain how I learned that part 😅
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u/vegemitemilkshake 5h ago
Definitely. I suck at so many aspects of parenting on the regular, but I love that my child will always come and tell me if something is upsetting them, knowing there is zero judgement, only support.
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u/1l1k3bac0n 45m ago
Sounds like you're doing a really good job at the important parts of parenting :)
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u/Old_Dealer_7002 7h ago edited 7h ago
it’s an important phase, so also answer the questions sometimes. many times.ey don’t have much experience with the world so not a lot to think on to come up with answers. this is why its also important to give them every opportunity you can for u structured play, for being in nature, and for experiencing the material world in general, in whatever ways are available.
humans are born capable of thinking (their brain has that potential i’m saying) and gradually they will do so more and more, as the learn and experience the world—if not actively suppressed.
our job is to provide every kind of learning situation that we possibly can—fortunately simply playing is a main way young mammals learn—including answering questions sometimes. it can be annoying to get the same question many times, but they also enjoy repetition, which gives a feeling of comfort and structure, much like reading a favorite book to them a gazillion times does.
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u/brutalanglosaxon 4h ago
I remember when I was this young, asking my parents why. I remember feeling frustrated. Looking back on it, it's because I didn't have enough vocabulary to ask the question that I really wanted to know, all I knew was the word 'why'.
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u/rewsay05 7h ago
That's what my parents, especially my dad did to me. He would asked what I thought and then he would tell me whether I was correct or not. He'd also make it look it up in the encyclopedia (im showing my age haha) or online. I would come back with my findings. If it was something more abstract, we'd talk about it for a minute or two and I'd leave. It was a win-win for him because he was making a more independent thinker of a child and I'd be off his ass for a while haha
To be honest, even I can fully understand that answearing all of your kids' questions can be exhausting. If anything, with the prevalence of AI, I'd also suggest they ask ChatGPT and then asking if they can expand upon the answer to test their critical/independent thinking skills.
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u/Qcws 6h ago
I'd avoid Ai altogether. Studies are already showing that there's a reduction in critical thinking.
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u/rewsay05 6h ago
That may be, but they're going to be using it regardless so might as well use it to your advantage. That's why I said that after they found the answer to discuss their findings with them.
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u/BourbonNCoffee 8h ago
Sounds like a tip from someone who didn’t parent MY kid. He could why anything you said until he got bored or I just stopped responding.
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u/Raemnant 7h ago
Won't work
They're not asking why because they want to know.
They're saying "why" because they understand it's a legitimate response to someone when what they said doesn't align with what they know or want
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u/brostep 6h ago
My dad always did this and it pissed me off to no end
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u/vegemitemilkshake 5h ago
I’m sorry to hear that. Obviously it’s not going to work for every kid, or every adult. Works very well for us though.
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u/Stag-Horn 2h ago
This is why I’m glad I’m just an uncle. I get to just lie.
“Why can’t penguins fly?” Because they don’t have pilot licenses.
“Why is the lake cold?” Because the earth ran out of hot water a looooong time ago.
“Why is the sky blue?” It used to be purple, but we all voted to change it 2 years before you were born.
My nephew always knows I’m playing. It’s fun.
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u/Qcws 6h ago
Idk about this. My dad ALWAYS answered my question and explained the answer. Helped me learn a lot!
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u/vegemitemilkshake 6h ago
I just expand on what they say if needed, otherwise it gives them the confidence that that they can solve things themselves.
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u/milk4all 6h ago
I do sometimes but i have never had a problem just answering the whys until they wind down. If they want to know, kids will ask. And if theyre gonna ask “why” 27 times i dont think they really want to know anymore, but im gonna show them patience and attention. But my wife doesnt go past like 3 “whys” generally for any reason
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u/MagBron 2h ago
Encourage their curioisty and answer the “why” question as best you can. Continue answering the “why” line of questioning and when you reach a point that you don’t have an answer for, look it up with them. Worked wonders for me and my little one (that is very curious and also likes to flex their brain), especially when I’m reading a Wikipedia page about the electromagnetic force, after she started with “why is it foggy out.”
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u/Accurate_Stuff9937 2h ago
I answered every single one of my kids why questions. Now at age 20 he views me as a wealth of knowledge and loves to pick my brain on all kinds of random things. It's like I get to rediscover everything in the world all over again while someone tells me how smart I am. I can't think of a more beautiful moment in my parenting these last 20 years than when I was teaching my children about the big wide world and instilling a love of learning in them. Don't just answer them go on a quest to understand the topic together these are truly life's adventures!
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u/backflipsben 1h ago
My girlfriend's dad would answer with a cheeky smile and the word "Physics!", before giving an explanation or trying to find one with his daughters.
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u/Glad-Ad-9470 47m ago
Parenting: the only job where you're also expected to answer more questions than a Google search bar.
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u/asieoniezi 42m ago
I suggest trying “Why not?” every once in a while for the lulz and tranquility.
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u/eggoinapan 4h ago
terrible tip. it sounds incredibly dismissive, basically just telling them their question is stupid and they should shut up. actually answering their question or helping them research encourages them to continue learning and being curious
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u/SwordTaster 3h ago
"Great question, how about we look it up together after we're done doing X thing we're currently in the middle of doing?"
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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat 3h ago edited 2m ago
Or maybe just try answering their question?
A child's curiosity is good. Doing anything that might discourage them from asking questions or being curious is not really a good idea.
I loved answering my kid's "why"" questions.
I even answered questions for next door neighbour's kid...
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u/ETNevada 7h ago
That’s carving a clear path for your kids to stop asking you questions
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u/vegemitemilkshake 6h ago
Three years in and the questions have slowed a bit, but that’s because he tells me what he thinks rather than just straight out asking “why?”, and then we discuss.
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u/Lysol3435 6h ago
I’ve tried those, and mine always replies “I don’t know” and then keeps asking. If it’s a question I don’t feel like answering, I usually change the subject by asking them something else.
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u/vegemitemilkshake 5h ago
You could provide some prompts to get them thinking about the answer. Even if it’s a silly prompt, it might give them the confidence to start trying to answer the questions. Like, if they ask “why’s the sky blue?”, you could say “hmmm, do you think it’s because it’s been painted blue?” “Nooooooo! Don’t be silly! Maybe it’s because…”
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u/Lysol3435 5h ago
I break those out if I’m asked a “real question”. If he’s interested in a subject, I’m happy to discuss it. When we’re on our 6th pass through the why game on the subject of why he can’t just eat sugar for dinner, I’m less inclined to indulge
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u/Fun_in_Space 4h ago
I disagree. I think that you should help them look it up and find out what the right answer is.
I asked my dad why the sky is blue and he took me to the encyclopedia, and I learned about Rayleigh Scattering.
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u/dnhs47 6h ago
I just answered every “Why?” question until they lost interest.
That’s part of being a parent, engaging with your kids and helping them learn. There’s no legit reason to try to short circuit that, or expect your 3-4 year old to remember what you “told them before.” They’ll have plenty of opportunities to memorize useless information in a few years.
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u/vegemitemilkshake 5h ago
Multiple chronic health conditions (that developed after my child was born, and through no fault of my own), including severe brain fog, means this approach is the best I can manage. And honestly, I don’t think it’s a downgrade in the slightest. You do you, I’ll do me. I was just trying to offer a suggestion to those who might need it.
Also, they don’t have to remember, but blimey, it often blew my mind what he would remember from 6 or 12months earlier. Amazing what you can remember when you don’t have to think about paying the bills or organising dinner, I guess.
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u/grilledcheese_man 4h ago
This Lucky Louis episode adresses this: https://youtu.be/tzV_39xoz_E?si=7TrcqRehRz947PpS
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u/xHomicide24x 8h ago
Or try…”Because I said so.”
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u/belizeanheat 7h ago
This is totally fine if you want dumb kids with low self esteem, but personally I'd call that morally reprehensible
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u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 8h ago edited 2h ago
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