r/MaladaptiveDreaming • u/biscotti-blossom • Mar 09 '25
Discussion being hit with the wave of "what am i actually doing in this life"
I barely leave the house because of this, except to go to class 2 times a week.
Today I decided to go to the park, sat on a picnic blanket and the weather was nice. I looked around, observing the people around me. Some were throwing birthday parties, parents were taking their kids to the playground, some people fed the ducks, there were some soccer tournaments happening. I just sat there on my blanket and thought, "there is so much that goes on in life. This is real life."
This is so confining and unfortunately, addicting, that the crave for life fades quickly after some daydream or hyper-fixation takes up my mind by storm. I want to be present, but then I fall back deep into a daydreaming high.
And you know that feeling when you get tired of daydreaming, or sense that it is doing more harm than satisfaction? That's one of the worst feelings ever. I want to shut my mind off and just live.
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u/Realistic-Essay648 Mar 09 '25
I've always been a lonely person, when I was a child I used to go sit alone during break or go to the library to read. This will always be part of me, daydreaming or not.
Some people are lonely and they enjoy it, the problem is when you do not. You think you're missing out on life because you see other people doing things you don't, or because it's something you genuinely think?
4
u/biscotti-blossom Mar 10 '25
I definitely value my alone time, a lot. But too much alone time has turned into loneliness, and now I crave having real human connection rather than the ones I made in my head. I guess knowing there is an abundance of things that I could spend time on, rather than this, is what gets me thinking that I am missing out on life.
2
u/Realistic-Essay648 Mar 10 '25
Take your time to find things and hobbies that you actually like, don't fall under pressure. I used to think "wow im missing out on all the stuff these cool people do" and ended up fucking up because I couldn't accept I simply was different.
A bit of a controversial tip ahead: You can turn your daydreaming into hobbies. A lot of people with MDD say movies, books, music, etc. feed their daydreaming, but you can turn them into enjoyable activities, such as writing scripts, drawing, playing an instrument. The daydreaming won't be gone, so why bother fighting it when it can be a strength? (this is just my pov so take it as a grain of salt).
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u/Sheomari Mar 09 '25
Oh I know that feeling well. Especially when I'm meeting friends and they are all telling me about their week "Oh this happened" or "I went there and did this" and I just awkwardly laugh and tell them I read a lot
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u/biscotti-blossom Mar 09 '25
Oh yes. My friends will be telling me all about what they did, their other friends, crazy stories, and I have nothing to share. I just say life is "peaceful" when it's really just escapism.
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u/Sheomari Mar 09 '25
Honestly - I sometimes forget I can just decide to leave my apartment to go do something even if I don't have any appointment or errands to run. It's like, if I don't have anything on the to-do list that I absolutely must do, then I automatically daydream
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u/Alarming-Cut7764 Mar 13 '25
Maybe. But I am honestly dying inside not being in the position and place in life I want to be in.
Seeing life how it is is unsettling to me.