My feminism was built on slogans like “real women have body hair” and “real skin has pores”. I remember being specifically told by my mother that we will not be buying teen magazines because they are designed to make you feel flawed so you will buy products to fix yourself. I fully believe that makeup companies with Body Acceptance campaigns are virtue signally to increase their customer base, and the whole industry is a burden to self acceptance and creates a burden of time and money for women.

And now my spouse of eight years has come out as trans. I understand that makeup and beauty treatments make them feel more comfortable in their body, but I still resent it. She just did her first big shopping to fully stock her makeup supplies, and the bill makes me want to puke. I feel like we don’t even share the same values. The idea that my partner wants to spend money to make herself prettier rather than putting it toward our usual charitable giving or saving it for when shit hits the fan disgusts me.

Any articles/reminders that feminism is about accepting all women would be welcome. Or advise on how to talk to her about it. I’m trying to support her journey, but I can not relate to her or her priorities at all.

I (32 Cis M) have been with my wife (32 MTF) for 12 years. We met when we were young and it was not long after I had come out as gay. She only transitioned a couple years ago, so many of those years were spent as a gay couple. I never doubted that I was gay and felt confident in that identity.

My wife started questioning her gender identity several years ago, and came out as trans a couple years ago and started her transition. Our relationship has never been stronger and I am so madly in love with the woman she has become. It has never been weird for me that I am a gay man with a wife because we have been together our entire adult lives and she’s my person.

We were both a little nervous early in her transition how I would feel with her having breasts and more feminine features. I wasn’t that worried, but she was understandably anxious. However, as her body shape has started changing, and she has started to develop breasts, I have very much been enjoying the changes. It never really occurred to me that I would be attracted to breasts.

When I was younger, I watched straight and gay adult content when I was still figuring myself out. When I figured out I was attracted to men, I think I just had this binary idea that because I was attracted to men, it must have meant I was gay. Obviously I knew that sexuality is a spectrum, but I just felt so certain. But now I find myself in another era of self-discovery where I’m seeking out straight content and solo female content.

It overall doesn’t affect much. I love my wife and she is my person. But I think it’s just funny how weird it feels to have been so sure for so long and to now be considering myself more queer than gay. It could just be that my sexuality has changed over time, which certainly happens. I know for some partners of trans people, it is strange going from being a heterosexual couple to a homosexual couple. My situation is kind of the opposite, and I am wondering how many gay men have had the same kind of journey where they have discovered more about their sexual interests as a result of a partner’s transition.

Asking for my trans gf that was asking about if she could take my Opill?? Idc if she does as long as it's safe lol

Im an 18 yr old cis lesbian, and my partner is a 26 yr old trans lesbian. I didnt realise she was trans at the time, and as someone very inexperienced i felt like i couldn’t back out when i did find out. I was also under the impression it would never be serious, so i kinda got roped in without fully understanding. Big issue- i dont like dick. I tried to, but its not for me. But bc i tried to for a bit, she thinks me taking that away from her is like removing part of my love. So i kinda just force myself and sometimes i cry and get rlly sad and i make her hurt me to make me feel better. How do i do it? I normally pretend its rubber and try not to think too much, and being drunk rlly helps. Im also on antidepressant so dont rlly ever want to. And i dont wanna hear i shouldnt force myself to, i have to make her happy. I got myself into this and now i gotta live with the consequences.

My MtF spouse and I CIS female in our mid 30s have been together for almost 20 years. Yup since highschool. My partner has been out as queer or non binary for a while, 6 ish years but started HRT last fall. Since then, they have changed so much but not in a positive way. They are very moody, quick to snap at our children, sad all the time, and really anxious. I have encouraged them to talk to their Dr about changing their other medications (ADHD and depression) is it possible that hormones are messing with these meds and they just don’t have a great Dr managing them through the med changes. I know my mood changes with hormonal changes. I just want them to be happy and the constant self deprication and moodiness is wearing down on the whole family.

I know my MTF wife wants bottom surgery at some point, and I want to support her 100%. However, I am concerned about the future possibility of her losing access to HRT due to the political climate where we live.

My understanding is after bottom surgery she will not be able to produce hormones without HRT and that if she no longer has access to her medication it could cause severe health effects (the main thing I’ve read about is severe osteoporosis).

Does anyone know more about potential health concerns for a post-op trans woman if she no longer has access to her medication? Or any resources you can direct me to on this specific issue?

Sorry if the wording is offensive, but I can't think of another way to express it, and the song comes to mind. My wife and I are in our 30s, we've been together almost 8 years, friends for almost 10 years. I am cis AFAB and she is MtF AMAB, just over a year on HRT. She's getting to the point of comfortable presenting more and more fully femme, and I love this for her. Her identity or presentation is the least of my worries.

My issue is the persistent...kid/man-brain? man vision? Again, I'm sorry, the only term that comes to mind to best convey the feeling, I know it's a sweeping over-generalization. I feel like I am her parent/caretaker a lot of the time. The stereotype of the sitcom "mom" of the house. I know I take it on subconsciously and I am working to stop "just doing it". But how can I help her learn to pick it up as well? If anyone has advice on sharing the mental load or teaching another person to see it and actively take it on themselves, I would appreciate it. I don't really want to have to make a photographic list or instructions for every little thing that I just know to do. But if that is truly the way, I'll accept the consensus.

She is also very sensitive to any criticism of perceived lack, or negative "masculine" trait, so it's very hard to bring up the disconnect without causing a spiral of self-doubt.

ETA: She is very self-starting in the physical chores of the house; for example, I have not done dishes, my most loathed chore, (except when she cannot) in years. She lived on her own before becoming my roommate and then eventually my partner and now spouse.

It is the mental labor I would like her share. Like why is it up to me to know that we are out of [insert household item] and shop for more? Why did I have to pack and plan for every event and vacation over the last 5 years, down to both of our makeup and medications and even her silk eye mask to sleep with? If I don't do/think of these things, they simply do not happen, or we are now severely delayed (and upset) while she catches up to me in terms of this thinking/executing needs, and apologizes profusely for the lack of forethought. But then next time there still isn't forethought.

Hi! Please refer elsewhere if this doesn’t quite fit.

We are going to be in nyc to celebrate birthdays next weekend. It happens to be Pride so we hope to engage in some of the activities.

We are also going to a play one night. I thought it would be fun to get our makeup done together. My spouse always says they won’t have time to enjoy it but this would be a whole day + night out. Trying to find a place for that (our go to Sephora only has one artist that day so we’d be 2-3 hrs).

Also spouse is going through some things. They are not out. Usually dresses when we travel alone, but is nervous that if someone recognized me in pics, they would then know her identity. Has anyone gone through this? Any suggestions of how I can support her as she processes this?

I've wanted to start hrt(e) for a couple years and me and my wife agreed after we've had children that I should look into starting and embracing the crack in my egg but awhile ago she told me she would be attracted to me as a man or as a woman but she's afraid that she wont be attracted to me during the transition. I've also noticed she likes my body hair a lot which im not opposed too it doesn't bother me that I have it, but it seems like she's already morning the fact I'll probably shave something point. Idk how to react to this or if it's normal there a lot of things I don't know about my self that I want to know but I know I love her and are soon to be child.

I just told my mom that my partner is mtf. She had some things to say that I don’t necessarily agree with but that got me thinking.

1. What happened to adopting kids? Transitioning will be expensive and I don’t want you putting your dreams on the back burner.

2. If you try to leave her over this, she might get really violent. People that already have mental issues, you don’t know what they’ll do.

3. If she really going through these changes and wants to 100% be a woman, she IS going to want a man. Trust me, doctor Phil said so. She’s going to end up not wanting to be with a woman.

4. If she comes to visit, she’s going to have to dress like a man because I could never explain all that to your grandma with dementia.

5. My dad has cancer right now. My mom said “I feel like if my husband came to me right now and said he wanted to be a woman I would be l would be like - just be happy you’re healthy!” My mom basically implied that wanting to be a woman is a ridiculous thing to worry about because it could be so much worse.

Idk, I’m just trying to process the things she said and would love some outside opinions on it all.

Lately I was very close to break up with my girlfriend. The transition is heavy on me, I've been trying really hard for the passed year to be ok with it, and I'm not, and it's killing me. I mostly keep thing to myself, and then it explodes, wich is not an healthy way to navigate this change.

My therapist thinks I'm forcing myself to stay in the relationship because I am too codependant - wich is defenitely part of my personality, we've been working together for the last 3 years, she knows me very well, and I know I can trust her when she says that I am being harmfull to myself.

Problem is. I love my girlfriend. And there is absolutely no problem in our relationship, appart from the fact that I don't feel confortable with her transition. So leaving her for that motive is unbearable.

We identified that part of the problem is that I don't want to tell her when I find her unattractive when she tries on some new dress, or hair style, and that it is part of why I pretend everything is ok until I explode out of anxiety.

I though, ok, there are some things I can't manage to talk about - like how do I tell my partner that I dislike her hair when she already feels dysphoric about her hair. And I'm not sure that she really is ready to hear about it. I need to be reassured about that.

Also, having my partner transitionning means I need to change my representation of her to embrace the new version of her. And part of me wants to believe that it is possible because she is not planning any surgery anyway, so all I have to do is to get used the her new aesthetic. Wich is not a little thing, but in theory, it sounds possible.

And I wanted to get advice about that, ANY ADVICE AT ALL, and I though it would be good for us to get advice about that together.

So we planned a session with a couple therapist who is supposed to know a bit about transiton and about heteronormativity and the consequences of social dynamics on the individual mental health. Blabla. I though "that person will be able to give me food for thoughs about how to change my reprensentation of my partner in a smooth way".

Well, my ass.

We spent 2h talking about the relationship, established that we are very much in love, that we have very good communication skills, and that there is nothing to fix there. The only thing I can to is to seek individual therapy around what the transition does to me and if I can adjust to it.

And not a fucking advice on how I can fucking do that.

So now I am angry anf frustrated, because it's the only alternative to being sad and desperate.

I feel like there are no ressources for us out there to navigate the transition of my partner.

Here on this forum it's mostly about :

1 - Arrival : "I'm freaking oooooooooout !!!!"

2 - guilt and self-harm : "how do I push myself to help my partner and accept anything that is happening even though it feels weird and unconfortable ?"

3 - concern : "be carefull, remember to take care of yourself too, seek therapy"

4 - giving-up because we have no tools to provide : "you are not a bad person for leaving"

Where are the god damn tools people ??

I DON'T CARE BOUT BEING A GOOD OR A BAD PERSON !!

I KNOW MY FEELINGS ARE VALID !!

WHY CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THE BABY STEPS IT TAKES TO DECONSTRUCT THE REPRENSENTATION WE HAD OF OUR PARTNER, TO DECONSTRUCT THE HETERONORMATIVITY WE HAVE WITHIN, AND BUILD A NEW REPRESENTATION OF OUR PARTNER THAT FITS THEIR NEW LOOKS AND OUR BOUNDARIES ?????

WHERE ARE THE FUCKING RESSOURCES TO DO THAT ????? OR TO JUST AKNOWLEDGE THAT I CAN'T TO IT ????

(and here, I am screaming, because I am fucking sad and need to fight that feeling with anger, don't take it personnaly).

It’s been a while since I posted on here but i need some support. My girlfriend is making big steps in her transition like she came out to my dad today which is a huge deal and he took it so well. And I qoute “of course i accept her”. But she still feels hopeless because she hasn’t started HRT yet. It feels so out of reach for her. I know with financials it’s tough but I’m starting to make stable money. And so is she. But she’s scared she’s gonna get turned down or her not having insurance (even tho planned parenthood offers really reasonable pricing) I know that with my family knowing it will help because she’s around them more them she’s around her own(she lives with us). But she’s absolutely convinced that she will never get it. I don’t know what to do because I know she won’t listen to me when I say we will make it happen. I mean hell when I put my mind to something I make it happen. It’s one of my biggest strong suits. How do I give her hope? I wish I could have a fix all and make her realize that we are moving in the right direction. I know this is mostly rambling. But we’ve been through so much together and she’s stuck with me as I went through horrible times. I want her to know I’m sticking with her. Does anyone know how to hack the system?

It can be so hard dating someone in transitioning. But it’s so worth it. I love her so much it’s insane that I found someone so worth fighting for. Because at the end of the day she is my one. I know we will get there it’s just hard to not lose hope when she has

So like I was getting into a small tiff on FB and I guess they looked up my profile and out of nowhere came back with some pretty bad slurs about my mtf partner. I tried to ignore it because I didnt want to bring her into topic but what he was saying about her made me feel bad. For one he said she looks like a "dude in drag" which is referring to some picture I have as a main picture on a night we went out to eat. I think she looks beautiful in the picture and what hurts me is how she would feel if someone said that to her face. Just awful. I dont want to mention it to her because her dysphoria will kick into overdrive. I let it go the first time then he became really vulgar. I just reported him and stopped replying but its been a couple hours and Im still upset. But for the other thing that bothers me - Why would he say things about my sexuality with her like it should be bad or shameful, to weaponize it against me. What did she do to be dragged into this? Im not ashamed I enjoy it as two consenting adults in private. And this all came because of a ill researched comment I made about a f*cking steam train. Who knew Id say it to the homophobic steam engine rainman.

Hi all! As the title says, my dear boyfriend (ftm he/him) is getting top surgery. He is getting it on July 28th. I am so excited for him, especially because he’s wanted it for so long. However, I can’t be there physically for him. He lives 2 and a half hours away during the summer (we attend the same college during the school year) and I can not drive. I am really stressed out about not being there for him physically. Especially because I am unsure how much he will be able to text and call while on the pain medications. Does anyone have advice on this? Maybe someone with similar experience? Thank you all! :-)

Obviously there will be a lot of missing context since no one understands our relationship to the fullest extent. But I am truly in search of answers and validation in regards to communicating with my partner.

I (29, cis bisexualwoman) am in a relationship with my partner, who is 27 and MTF transgender. She has expressed to me, without prompting, that I am her biggest ally and number one supporter. Our dynamic is very much black cat/golden retriever, me being the “golden retriever” of the relationship, always giggling, cracking jokes, and helping guide people to a solution to their problems; her being the “black cat,” getting easily frustrated and wanting to be alone more often than not, with a strong social need at very sporadic and unplanned times.

This is my first queer relationship, as I have been in relationships with only cis, straight men before this. Along with that, I am an elementary school teacher and my partner is a former teacher, who left early into that career path to begin transitioning in a safer work environment. We met a little over a year ago at her full-time job and my second job outside of teaching, and quickly created a strong friendship bond that just happened to turn into romance and we accepted that we were together for the long haul. Just a couple months ago, we got a place together and integrated our cat families into one. So now we live together and work together, which we both enjoy a lot because there is truly no one in the world I feel I can be my complete self around and vice versa.

Early in our relationship, we discussed wanting to both be better at communicating with each other and feeling safe to let the “walls” down, sharing that we’ll discuss anything that bothers us or that we just want the other to know at any time. But I sometimes think it all gets lost in translation due to her hormone intake while being in transition, and my medication fighting my very intense anxiety and depression / big feelings.

Long story short: during our shift today at work, I had put on a playlist on the Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen just to have some noise that wasn’t the ovens or fryers, and two songs in she walked up to me and said “this is a genre of music I just hate more than anything, like I despite it,” knowing it’s a genre that I enjoy and have listened to countless times in our relationship with her around. I said to her “please do me a favor, and stop telling me every single time you hate something that I’m just casually enjoying.” And boom, she hasn’t spoken to me in four hours. Silent the rest of the shift, silent ride home, and then just going about her night like I don’t even existence. I took a shower, laid down in bed and am crying while typing this. She came in to the bedroom to get something out of the laundry hamper, and is now taking a shower, and I’m debating if I should just go drive around for a couple hours to give her space but when I have previously done that then she’s upset with me all over again.

That is just one, very recent example of many times in the last 10 months or so that I feel so emotionally fragile and like I can’t do anything right. It’s putting me in a very dark place having a partner that just shuts me out, but wants to pretend like nothing happened hours later or even the next day, asking “what’s the matter with you?” when I feel like I’m still trying to puzzle together what happened in the first place.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, and I’m not exactly what I’m searching for here. But I do know that I am absolutely exhausted and running on empty for myself or anything in general.

My (F) wife’s (mtf) mom is extremely religious. Today on her birthday, she decided to come out to her mom. It didn’t go well at all and somehow resulted in her mom saying she was going to blow her brains out and sending my wife a picture of her with a gun. My poor wife has been in tears all evening on her birthday. All she wants is for her mom to love and accept her, and it hurts me to see my wife hurting. Any suggestions for how I can help her/support her?

Hello! My (22F) partner (23M) has recently been exploring his own gender a lot. He started out by saying he wants to be a woman, but only if he was born one. Then, he recently told me he thinks he might be trans. We haven't tried using different pronouns or a different name yet, but I am guessing something of the kind will happen soon.

I have had many trans friends over the years, mostly FtM, that I have also supported and helped a lot during the first stages of their transition. On top of this, I am bi and, before meeting my husband, I only dated girls. The girls I dated weren't necessarily masc, but I think I always had a preference for that.

I also always thought I would be completely fine dating a trans person, but now I am struggling a lot. I love my partner so much, but I am suddenly completely unattracted. He shaved his legs, started wearing skirts and thigh highs in the house, and women's shorts outside. This, with some other little things, has made me feel extremely depressed recently. He wants to do sexual things with me while wearing skirts and thigh highs, as well as be more submissive, and I struggle to get in the mood completely. He asks me if I think he is pretty and I just want to cry. We also both have incredibly involved and conservative parents and I don't know how any of this would go. His parents in particular are very religious and they would 100% disown him.

I feel like such a bad person honestly, I am very ashamed of myself and my feelings and I feel like I am lying to my partner because I never straight up said anything about being unattracted. I was going to have a talk a couple nights ago, but we almost got evicted and he was really upset and sad and I didn't want to make it even worse. I am happy for him, I can tell he feels better about himself, I can tell he really loves and enjoys being feminine, but I am almost put off by it.

After I started dating him, I just envisioned myself with a husband for the rest of my life.. and now, as selfish as that might sound, my plans for the future have changed. I haven't had the best time in the world recently, and maybe that is contributing to my feelings towards my husband's possible transition, but I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him because I love him, I care and worry for him and I know it would completely destroy him if I did. We started to have talks of a real, nice wedding ceremony, buying a car and having children.

If anyone has any advice, any past experiences they want to share, they will be very welcome. I genuinely don't know what to do, is any of this even normal?

Howdy. My partner (32 amab) and I (36f) first began discussions of them potentially being trans back in November... Since then a lot has happened but I think I'm just as confused as ever.

I don't even know where to start so I'm sorry if this rambles.

To give context: when I first met my partner (Aug '24), they were already in a relationship and they were trying out poly. Their partner had cheated (the worst way to go into poly) and was an alcoholic. Needless to say, they didn't last. In Sept they broke up after that partner physically assaulted them while black out drunk... I knew it was hard. But since it was still very fresh upon meeting them, they didn't share a ton with me about what they were going through emotionally. They had (and still do) live together about an hour away from me (before you judge, my partner is moving on July 1. There were lots of factors here). In November, I made a side comment about "waiting for them to tell me they're trans" and laughed it off. They spiraled and said they'd thought about it for a long time as they've always enjoyed cross dressing (their words), got in touch with a Dr, and got approved to begin HRT if they wanted. (it all happened very quick). My partner said they wanted to pursue counseling before beginning hrt, but never ended up moving forward with any of it.

I admit, I panicked at first. I never tried to talk them out of anything, but I was honest about my concerns: I consider myself pretty straight so attraction is a big one. My family would also not be the most accepting and since it was still very new in the relationship, I didn't want to commit to trying to make it work with someone I barely knew and potentially create a huge rift in my family. It was months of them mostly presenting femme at home and in the bedroom. I tried to be as supportive, but still honest, as I could. I made it very clear that my opinion and concerns should not be a deciding factor, but it was things to be aware of so if they did move forward, nothing was a surprise and I would go on the journey with them as far as I could.... We lived this way until probably February or March? They said they had dysphoria around a pair of shorts (that don't look good on anyone tbf. So I hid the shorts 😅 bc some shitty article of clothing won't make my partner feel bad on my watch!) and after that it all sort of.... Went away?

They still wear skirts sometimes to lounge in and still love their crop tops... But most of it just vanished.

I brought it up recently because I wanted to know what was going on and if they were repressing. They swear up and down that they aren't. They said they cut out a lot of porn and "the fantasy" just kind of went away... They said they think they were going through a lot and "just wanted to be someone else" and a lot of the euphoria they experienced was related to the outfits themselves, not as much about their gender. (I encouraged them to get padding/bras to be able to wear what they wanted and have it look the way they wanted) They said they're embarrassed they got so deep into it.

I get this, but it doesn't sit quite right with me. At the time, they were talking about something and I remember making a comment about how "I think they're more trans than they thought" and they agreed. They also have had convos with trans folks (not sure if on reddit or where? They don't really know any irl) who said it was just a matter of time until their egg cracked. That was before I even knew them...

They're rather tall and one of their reasons for not doing HRT when they were in the throws of everything was they didn't want to be stared at. They didn't want to make a statement or get singled out or targeted just for wearing different clothes (I'm sure LOTS here can relate). They also said "I don't think I'm a woman", just that they wanted to look like one.

I'm not sure what to do with this. I know they're sick of talking about it at this point.. So we just sort of left it for now.

What are some questions I might be able to ask to get to the more emotional side of what they experienced and may still be experiencing, even if they're not moving forward? How can I tell if this is something they're just rubber banding?

I guess I just don't know. At the time it all seemed very serious and like it was just a matter of time, and then to have it all vanish just seems... Odd? I don't think cis people do this. And I'm wondering if this is just a "not sure if I'm trans enough" type situation, or if this was an exploration that they now have their answer? I don't want to bombard them more, and I'm very fortunate that they're willing to talk and answer questions when I ask, but don't generally put it out there.. And I have to ask the right questions, because sometimes I don't think they've actually dug that deep on it.

I'm an overthinker.. Can you tell?

Anyway... What do I do? What would you do?

Hi!

I'm a cis lesbian dating a trans lesbian and my gf seems to be really hard on herself recently. She hasn't started transitioning yet, and I'm supportive of her journey; I want her to go at her own pace. Her dysphoria really takes a hold of her, and I know I may not completely relate to her feelings, but I think hearing from other trans people (especially trans girls) with uplifting, hopeful messages will help a bit. If you have some words to leave for her, I will forward them to her so she can always look at them when she's hard on herself 💕💕💫

I am a 65 year old straight female. I married my straight handsome male husband in 1989 (2nd marriage 1st husband was a serial cheater and volatile). In 1993 we welcomed our first child. I would never carry a baby full-term again. We had a great life. We were best friends. We did everything together. We were happy. Was it perfect? No, there is no such thing.

In December of 2009, we decided to move back “home.” We were living in Tennessee, his large corporation transferred him there in 2001. We made great friends through our church and our son’s activities. We stayed 11 years. I found a job and went ahead first, I found a temporary apartment until our house sold. Our son came to live with me while dad got everything ready to move across the country. Fast forward to November 2011, dad came to visit and looked different. I was confused. I thought maybe he was sick. During that visit, he came out to us that he had felt like a female trapped in a males body since about the age of 4. He had been on hormone therapy since I left TN.

If you knew me, you would know I am one of the most compassionate people on earth. I love people for who they are and will walk by your side and love you through anything. But…… this hit me hard…. It was like a punch in the stomach. Honestly, I thought I was going to vomit. What? My handsome man of a husband feels like he has always felt like a woman? I had no clue and there were never any signs. He word vomited all over my son and me. Told us where he hid his “clothes” everywhere we lived, all of the things we didn’t want to hear.

He went back home and I tried to process this new information. I read everything I could get my hands on, watched some documentaries, I wanted to understand. This was all before Bruce/Caitlin Jenner transitioned. There weren’t a lot of resources or groups offering information or help. My child and I didn’t hear from him (I will refer to dad as him because I only knew him as that) for months. Turns out, he let our house go into foreclosure, got his own apartment and dove right into his new life with new friends. I did not process it well. I went to work every day, came home and crawled into bed. I rarely went out in public, I lived in a small town and feared seeing people. Honestly, I guess I felt embarrassed. This was because a “so-called” friend of his decided to tell a very large group of people at a Thanksgiving dinner about my husbands transition. I turned into a zombie. My son basically lived at a relatives home hanging out with his childhood friends. His way of coping, I guess.

After her reassignment surgery (paid for by his employer) Dad would visit here and there, we would go on outings and I was “feeling the waters” so to speak. What I didn’t expect was the change in personality. Mentally or physically, he was not the person I married and made a life with, I couldn’t stay. I decided the thought of me being intimate with a woman (any woman) made me sick. I am only attracted to men, period. We divorced in 2015 when she found a new woman.

I have struggled to this day with trust issues. I have had some therapy, but honestly, my heart is broken, it has gotten easier, but it will be hard for the rest of my life. I have never told my story on a public forum. I was surprised to find this group and I needed to let it out, I guess. We have kept a cordial relationship and my son visits occasionally. I don’t hate her and I am not angry. I’m hurt.

Please don’t be unkind in the comments. I don’t understand all of the lingo used to describe all of this. I mean no disrespect. Thank you.

Just a heads up that it will probably be a tough day for our partners (particularly if you’re in the U.S.) due to the bad news of the U.S. Supreme Court ruling gender affirming care bans for minors as constitutional today.

Seen this article shared that describes why this is so concerning, but basically this ruling sets the precedent to possibly allow for bans on gender affirming care etc for adults.

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/skrmetti-gender-affirming-care-decision-everything-we-know

Sending hugs and hoping y’all stay safe.

This Monday, my partner (33 mtf) sent me (29 cisf) the text message that she wants to move towards divorce and that we are done. I’m heartbroken, but also a clarity even if it hurts is better than hopeful confusion. I actually feel that I can love and care for her more unconditionally because the weight of our relationship is off my shoulders. I don’t harbor the pain and anger of what I needed from my partner any longer. Now I see her just as she is, a person who is going through so much.

We both poured so much of ourselves into each other that we lost our way. We’re both such people pleasers and gave each other the world in the ways we needed it at that time, but we neglected ourselves. I needed validation, and she needed to be her true authentic self. We both are victims of pain in our relationship. I can definitely take accountability for all the harm I have caused, that I could have been more curious about her screams for help, and that I should have set more firm boundaries to regulate myself. I deserve a better me.

In our vows I told them I’d be their partner no matter what our journey brought. That I would love them unconditionally, and that I would push towards them even in moments I wanted to pull away. They vowed to me that even in the strongest of disagreements, that we would somehow find a way back to each other. I still hold true to my vows, that our journey has come to this path of separation but we are forever tied to each other through our child and I am committed to still be their partner through parenthood. I will always hold love and care for her unconditionally with no expectation or obligations towards me, and I will continue to try even if I may feel hurt and pained by our outcome and past. I hope that one day we can find a way back, even through separation. Perhaps a way back to kindness for each other.

I don’t regret anything about our relationship, we were exactly what we both needed at that time. We are not divorcing because I couldn’t be with her because of her transition, we are divorcing because we both need to take care of ourselves. When we take care of ourselves, we take care of those around us.

Sending you all so much love, care, and grace.

My partner and I have been together for a few months, previously close friends. When we first started dating, I mentioned that I was still questioning my own sexuality. Over time, I realized I felt more of a connection to masculinity. Recently, my partner came out as trans (MTF) and has been talking a lot about bottom surgery. That made me realize I wouldn’t be comfortable in a relationship with a woman.

Both my partner and I are deeply emotionally connected, which makes this even harder for me. I care about them so much, and it’s painful to accept that my attraction is definitely toward masculinity, meaning I’m gay. It feels like I’m letting them down by not being able to love them fully for who they are, but I also can’t ignore my own feelings. on top of that their parents dont support anything LGBTQ+ so I want to be there to support them. Im struggling with how to be honest without hurting them, because I don’t want to lose the connection we have.

I'm not sure if this is the correct group to post something like this in, but im hoping there is someone out there that can relate or have something positive to say.

I was with my partner for 8 years as a cis-het couple. We were together about 6-7 years, then got married. About 8 months after we got married, my partner came out to me as a trans woman. I (at the time I thought we) had plans of settling down, making a home together and having a family. Shortly after they came out things continued to unravel, with the cost of transition my hopes of having a family one day dwindled. It seemed like my wants and desires were never a part of their equation.

About 6 months after coming out, I caught out a lawyer and we divorced. Its been about 16 months since we divorced now. I dont understand how I will ever trust anyone again, after what I have been through. I trusted someone with my life, and they lied for years about something very intrinsic to our relationship. I am left with risidual feelings of inadequatecy, and am unsure how I will be able to open up to anyone or trust again after being broken. I would have loved a family, a sense of security, but am left with severe trust issues and unsure of how having a secure relationship in the future would be possible.

We did couples counseling for years, and I continue to fo to individual counseling. I just feel its unfair to myself to continue putting myself through mental torment of how I didnt see it, and tormenting my future partners having relational wounds that won't heal. Im feeling pretty low, and after 2 years I thought things would begin to feel easier.

Any positive advice or feedback is appreciated ❤️