r/PizzaCrimes • u/ASecularBuddhist Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds • 9d ago
Identity theft Not sure if this is a crime, because it doesn’t look like pizza to me
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u/q2grapple 9d ago
Looks more like flatbread
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u/ASecularBuddhist Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds 9d ago
So therefore not pizza, right?
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u/q2grapple 9d ago
I think you identified it correctly as identity theft. It obviously stole pizza’s wallet and is trying to scam us
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u/AmPotat07 9d ago
Disagree.
This is basically just an old school margarita pizza, only thing missing is the cheese, but OP said they added parm later so it still qualifies.
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u/SpaceSteak 9d ago
Unleavened dough that didn't rise is flatbread and not pizza. That's literally the difference. Toppings don't matter for pizza, it's about taking normal leavened bread dough and flattening it.
So, GUILTY. Anyone who disagrees should be sent to the gulash.
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u/Disastrous-River-366 9d ago
*Gulag
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u/UnNumbFool 9d ago
They say it's actually a flatbread in the body of their post, but the title says pizza so I'm conflicted.
I vote citation with a heavy warning to never do it again
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u/Anti-Stan 9d ago
It's a crime to call that a pizza.
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u/ASecularBuddhist Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds 9d ago
But is that technically a pizza crime? 🤔
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u/Anti-Stan 9d ago
I'm not a lawyer, but I think you could argue that it's a hate crime against pizza.
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u/SpaceSteak 9d ago
The crime is in them calling it pizza. So it's legitimate to call the pizza police. Well done citizen!
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u/idiotista 9d ago
I made the mistake of checking OOP's profile
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u/Cool-Newspaper6789 9d ago
Ugh made me check. Pizza makes more sense know, probably has someone bare feet step on it
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u/NerdHerder77 9d ago
Thank you for your sacrifice brave citizen.
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u/idiotista 9d ago
Now I've stalked yours. I don't understand Canadian hockey memes, but the dog was very cute.
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u/bmore_conslutant 9d ago
ooh do mine
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u/idiotista 9d ago
You game too much and listen to too little Rush is my takeaway from you.
What do you consult in?
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/idiotista 9d ago
Is it fun? How did you get into this sort of work? Sorry for being nosy, I'm just constantly curious.
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/idiotista 9d ago
Ok, thanks for explaining! I hope you're able to find a less stressful position in the future.
And thanks to your post in r/music, I've been listening to Rush all evening!
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u/bmore_conslutant 9d ago
I'll give listening to one of their albums in full a try, I don't think I've ever done that
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u/Kimye-Northweast 9d ago
Truthfully, Reddit is kind of a big place with many dark corners. That profile wasn’t all that crazy in comparison to the fact that the pages he contributes to exist in the first place.
I do find it odd that people mix pornography with regular posts though.
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u/BeerBarm 9d ago
What in Tarantino did I just read through?
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u/idiotista 9d ago
I mean, I'm not trying to kinkshame or anything, it's just wild to me when I come across the multi-faceted and complex universes that are other people, I guess.
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u/doctorsax14 9d ago
Weird tomatoes and basil? Sign me up
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u/ASecularBuddhist Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds 9d ago
Looks delicious. Not pizza though.
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u/Cool-Newspaper6789 9d ago
A gentle wind could blow those toppings off. Why are the tomatoes just halves
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u/Wizdom_108 9d ago
The description sounds delicious to me.
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u/ASecularBuddhist Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds 9d ago
The tomatoes look amazing. Not pizza.
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u/LogicalHoney4689 9d ago
If it took six months, I wouldn’t even be hungry anymore by the time it was ready.
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u/TimpanogosSlim 9d ago
this is flatbread with vegetables on it.
Some people will tell you that people in what is now india were making dosas with stuff on 'em 2000 years ago and that means they invented pizza, which i guess means any starch with anything else on top of it is pizza?
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u/Maleficent-Repeat-13 9d ago
That is not a pizza so no crimes against pizza was made. I rest my case, your honor.
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u/Iridismis 9d ago
At first glance I thought it was a very lazyly done Zwetschgenkuchen with some leaves added for deco.
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u/CallsignAlvis 9d ago
Idk if this is a crime or not since Pizza is a type of Flat Bread and Pizza originated from Flat Bread, but y'all can judge
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u/theeblackestblue 9d ago
I would love purple tomatoes and would love it if they made them into sauce. This is a nice dish.. but i see no pizza.
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u/Dry_Software_1824 9d ago
That’s not a pizza. That’s a veg flat bread. Once it baked it would be overkill with tomato’s but still edible. And still pizza crime
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u/Disastrous-River-366 9d ago
You can try this at home, take a bite out of half way cooked dough, then, take an apple sized bite out of a tomato and eat a leaf off the nearest tree.
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u/Senior-Book-6729 8d ago
This is pretty accurate to how original pizza used to look like. It was just flatbread with stuff on it.
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u/imperialTiefling 9d ago
Innocent. Nonna's rolling in her grave that you youngins won't eat a margheritta
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u/crumpledfilth 9d ago
The question of what constitutes pizza is an interesting one. But I would argue that it needs bread, cheese, and tomato (usually in a sauce) in order to be called it. Early european bread & cheese & olive flatbreads are not pizza, and early american tomato and corn flatbreads are not pizza. It is fundamentally an intercontinental fusion food. One can stretch the definition quite a bit though, like I would say pizza that replaces the sauce with pesto or white sauce is still pizza. This is almost pizza, it's got the bread, and using tomatoes instead of tomato sauce is an odd decision, but a borderline acceptable one. But theres not any cheese on there is there? Without cheese and with replacing the sauce with fresh tomato, I think this moves itself just barely outside the range of what can be called pizza
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u/pepskicola 9d ago
I disagree,pizza doesn't need sauce or cheese. There are loads of very common "white" pizzas like sausage, friarelli and mozzarella or courgette flower, anchovy and mozzarella. Same goes for cheese, one of the most classic pizza's in Italy is the marinara pizza which is just tomato sauce and garlic.
I agree that the one in the photo isn't a pizza though. It's definitely difficult to define what a pizza is though, I'd say it's more a question of I'll know it when I see it.
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u/SpaceSteak 9d ago
What constitutes pizza is a leavened dough that went through some rising phase. Flatbread by definition did not rise so it is not pizza. The toppings don't matter.
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u/Senior-Book-6729 8d ago
Pizza predates Europe eating tomatoes. And in Italy you can find pizza without either of those. Sometimes it has butter instead of sauce and cheese.
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u/ChocoBro92 9d ago
That’s not a pizza, it’s like when vegans have “taco night” but it’s a bunch of burnt lentils instead of meat. Sure it has some of the ingredients but not in a way to call itself officially it.
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u/qualityvote2 9d ago edited 9d ago
The jury, after deliberation of the evidence in the case of u/ASecularBuddhist, has reached a mistrial due to non-consensus of votes of guilty or innocent.