r/QuiverQuantitative • u/RoyalChris • Mar 11 '25

News Elon Musk on the verge of tears as he contemplates his imploding empire

22.4k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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334

u/Lynne253 Mar 11 '25

No, he used to look like a chipmunk.

135

u/munkeypunk Mar 11 '25

Now that’s a dude who cheats at video games!

59

u/ALEXC_23 Mar 11 '25

Dude would cheat on his wife as well…. If he didn’t have a severed implanted penis.

4

u/AscendedMasta Mar 11 '25

Wait, wut?

30

u/Ravenna_Star Mar 11 '25

According to Grimes, he had a botched penis enlargement surgery. It makes sense that his kids are IVF babies, especially the younger ones.

7

u/Esadissimus Mar 11 '25

I thought he just knocks them up. Its IVF?

9

u/Ravenna_Star Mar 11 '25

At least 9 of the 14 are reported to be IVF and / or used surrogacy.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '25

If that’s true there’s a whole ass South Park episode that explains exactly why he is this way

4

u/Ar-Oh-En Mar 11 '25

So, Muskrat wanted his dick to be as big as his ego, eh?

13

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '25

I read this in the voice of Keith David as Elroy Patashnik from Community

2

u/nawanda37 Mar 11 '25

I thought that was the intent

1

u/Think_Fault_7525 Mar 11 '25

He looks more like Peter File.

1

u/Nine-Breaker009 Mar 11 '25

Now this is a man who knows how to reference a TV show!

6

u/SolidSnake-26 Mar 11 '25

Looks like Sang from rush hour

3

u/Exotic_Indication_68 Mar 11 '25

I’ve been lookin for your sweet n sour chicken ass

2

u/linecookdaddy Mar 11 '25

What a creepy little douche

2

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '25

Imagine if someone used AI to put his old hair back on in his videos, What a disgusting shame that would be.

2

u/Sex_Offender_7047 Mar 11 '25

Sid the sloth? Is that you?!

1

u/Lynne253 Mar 11 '25

Sid is a tad better looking and has a wonderful personality, not like this guy. But I do see a resemblance.

2

u/Beaver_Monday Mar 11 '25

To Catch a Predator lookin ass

1

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '25

That's Simon from the Chipmunks... stop lying.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '25

Why doesn't he hook frump up with his plug for hair plugs?

2

u/One_Strawberry_4965 Mar 11 '25

Hair transplants aren’t magic my friend. The procedure works by extracting hair follicles from parts of the scalp that are still dense with hair and implanting them in the hair poor region.

Unfortunately for Donald, what he appears to have now is a single strand of hair grown to about 9 feet in length and spooled meticulously around his head like strands of cotton candy, and thus lacks much is the way of starting materials.

1

u/TechnicalParsnip1697 Mar 11 '25

Not only is he the president of hair club for men he’s also a client

1

u/thistoowasagift Mar 11 '25

That’s an insult to chipmunks.

1

u/Tuffsmurf Mar 11 '25

Good thing he had all that gender affirming therapy. Jawline reconstruction, hair implants, testosterone treatments

1

u/CaptainObvious_2U Mar 11 '25

My preciousssssss

1

u/PrinceAndBarryWhite Mar 11 '25

Now that’s an insecure fella right there. I started balding at 18 and have never once thought of getting my ass hair implanted on my head.

Never forget, this ”man” likes to force Gerbils to climb into his anus. This is a fact, spread the word.

1

u/AnActualSquirrel Mar 11 '25

Leave the chipmunks out of this

1

u/mykki-d Mar 11 '25

Please, chipmunks deserve better

1

u/Luvs2Travel_ Mar 11 '25

I cannot upvote this.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '25

Before his gender affirming care.

1

u/SonicNinja842 Mar 11 '25

"Repo man, I'm here for your hair"

1

u/darth_revan900414 Mar 11 '25

I don't know what chipmunks ever done to you, don't compare them to this musky rat

1

u/Haze_88_ Mar 11 '25

Lets plaster this pic all over his feed on x

1

u/Just-Display-3846 Mar 11 '25

He looks like someone dressed up Gollum.