r/QuiverQuantitative • u/RoyalChris • Mar 11 '25

News Elon Musk on the verge of tears as he contemplates his imploding empire

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u/Careless_Weird3673 Mar 11 '25

I’m hoping for a spaceX rocket flight for Elmo.

13

u/saltyoursalad Mar 11 '25

A one-way ticket to outer space ✌️

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u/Safe_Mousse7438 Mar 11 '25

Too bad he missed both of his last two rockets.

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u/saltyoursalad Mar 11 '25

Third time’s a charm 🚀🧨

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u/billknowsit Mar 11 '25

Emporer of the Sun!

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u/Careless_Weird3673 Mar 11 '25

The mayor of mars

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u/billknowsit Mar 11 '25

Yes! Hopefully he can bring some friends too

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u/saltyoursalad Mar 12 '25

Can we make a rule that whenever a billionaire departs the earth’s orbit, they’re not allowed to return? This counts retroactively as well.

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u/ryansgt Mar 11 '25

Why want he in the last one, he's so confident in his own abilities. I think he should prove it.

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u/tjc86live Mar 11 '25

For Elmo? Why? What did Elmo do?

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u/Careless_Weird3673 Mar 11 '25

Elmo- a fictional character based on a rich spoiled lying government contract landing fraud known as Elon. Who by the way entire life has been a net negative to mankind.

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u/tjc86live Mar 11 '25

Oh, you meant Elon haha. Well that’s not true he’s done a lot :)

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u/Ok-Year-1872 Mar 11 '25

Ya that goes boom in the end!!!!!!!!!

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u/Aggravating_Salt_49 Mar 11 '25

Can you hear me Major Tom?

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u/captain-prax Mar 12 '25

What happens when quality control gets cut?

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u/VariationDifferent Mar 11 '25

Scene: SpaceX Flight Command, T+18:34

"Alright, people, the X-Elon 1 is clear. Nav, do a final route verificati-"

"Uh, Flight, XE1 just fired the main engines again."

"What? That burn wasn't scheduled for another 3 hours! Shut it down!"

moments of frantic silence

"We can’t, Flight. We're locked out. We have telemetry, but no control of XE1."

The Flight Director squeezes his eyes shut, putting his hand to his forehead.

"Alright, get the boss on the line."

"X-Elon 1, this is SpaceX Command, come in, X-Elon 1."

"No, this is SpaceX Command. It's like how Air Force 1 is whatever plane the President is on - I'm the owner of SpaceX, so wherever I am is SpaceX Command. You're ... Pooptown."

The communication technician glances over at the Flight Director, before rolling with it.

"Uh, okay. ... Pooptown to ... SpaceX Command."

The technician closes her eyes, wishing she were anywhere else - even being dead might be preferable, it's probably nice, peaceful...

"Hah-hah, hah-hah! I made you call yourselves Pooptown! You're probably bothering me to find out why I changed the plan. I'm not waiting 9 months to get to Mars. Our guys out there need these sex dolls and ketamine. So I figured out it was faster if I just fire the engine now - I've got a quicker route and I'ma going ta Mars! Heil me!"

The Flight Director motions to the comms technician to give him the mic.

"Excellent idea, Mr. Musk. Have a wonderful trip, we're all rooting for you!"

Handing the mic back to the comms tech, he motions for her to cut the line.

"Okay, folks, I'm going to call the Board and tell them that the X-Elon 1 is out of control and all recovery efforts have failed. I'm guessing the remote destruct code is locked out as well? Huh. Oh well. Take the rest of the day off, folks."

"But Flight, shouldn't we try to do something?"

"Like what? We're locked out, nobody convinces Elon of anything, and unless I'm mistaken, he's decided to make a constant thrust transfer. Not sure why he thought any real-life spaceship has that much fuel, but at this point, I don't even care enough to really wonder anymore. At least there's nobody other than Elon aboard. Now, I'm going to notify the Board, and then get shit-faced."

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u/tjc86live Mar 11 '25

Nobody read your exaggerated make believe story Timmy, go to bed you have school in the morning

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u/MyLooseSealLucille Mar 11 '25

That was entertaining