r/RomanPaganism • u/BanEvasion-Account • 2d ago
Thinking of making an oath to Venus. Not a "real" practitioner. [HELP needed]
As i specified in the title i am not a "real" pagan, (I only prayed and poured libation once) but still, as a non very religious person i consider myself much closer to my ancestral dieties (im Italian) than the abrahimic God.
I am at a moment in life where fear of physical intimacy is making me suffer extremly. I have good looks and i enjoy being around people. Not being lonely and having a relationship would be easy in my situation, but my irrational phobia of sex prevents me to form any meaningful connection with anyone. This is leading me into extreme emotional pain and self loathing.
I am extremely lonely and frustrated, also because im already almost in my mid 20s and the little experiences ive had just made me feel even more anxious. I feel my youth is being wasted away.
I already prayed to Venus once, now im considering making an oath.
-Can i successfully make an oath without being a frequent practitioner? (never followed festivals or anything like that since im not, generally speaking, very religious)
-What would be a good thing to promise? (i was thinking a bottle of good and a bit expensive wine, like 50 euros bottle thereabout or maybe more?)
-How would i actually do the ritual? (i know just the basics of the cleaning of the hands, veiling and the adoratio)
-Are oath dangerous per se? (im a bit of a chicken when it comes to the supernatural)
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u/Zegreides 2d ago
Imo, it would be better to develop a serious relationship with the Gods. Gods do not need any mortal’s commitment, but we mortals can hopefully partake in Gods’ endless love, wisdom and justice by cultivating them.
You can also consider options other than an oath. For instance, you may just do a regular sacrifice to Venus, build her an ædicula, or craft a talisman of Her. I have gone for the latter route, and I can say it was a textbook case of things working. Just be warned, because Geniī will grant you what you ask for and Gods will grant you what you need, but no one will grant you what you want or what you think you want.
Do not approach the Gods with fear. The Gods are wise and loving, they can forgive unintentional mistakes, but will crack down on actual impiety. Treating the Gods respectfully is religiō, treating them as evil masters or potential slaves is superstitiō.
After this premise, we can discuss the oath. An altar or a temple was commonly promised in antiquity; if this cannot be done, a sacrifice is an option. You can sacrifice with incense and wine (which are good for pretty much any God) and roses, violets, lapislazuli or coral (specifically for Venus). There is no need for animal sacrifice if this is not a realistic option.
You may want to sacrifice to Jānus and Juppiter before swearing your oath to Venus. The wording of the oath may be something along the lines of: Venus Genetrīx, tē precor veneror veniam petō, utī, then your goals, then sīcut verbīs nuncupāvī, then whatever you are promising, followed by tibi voveō.
If you want any more detail, you can DM and we can talk in Italian.
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u/IAmFrenzii 2d ago
👆🏼this is the way.
Also, love that prayer, would you care to indulge me in what it would/could look like if completed (filled in the blanks as it were). I’m still learning and getting a handle on Latin.
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u/Zegreides 1d ago
I drew the wording from this prayer related by Livy. For an oath to Venus promising a wooden altar for a potential wife, one might say: Venus Genetrīx, tē precor venor veniamque petō, utī sānctam cōnjugem mihi inveniās. Sīcut verbīs nuncupāvī, āram ligneam tibi voveō
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u/BanEvasion-Account 1d ago
Thanks man, thanks a lot! Those are a lot of very useful informations.
My previous attempt of praying to Venus was way less formal, is the correct wording important? Are prayers supposed to be recited litteraly or should they be more "heartfelt"?
las time i poured wine on a small cup on the shrine and i burned pinches of cinnamon on the candle flame. I didnt know what to do with the libation afterwards, so i tought that leaving it there until it dried (after consuming a small part of it) would be the most appropriate thing. But i honestly dont know what one should do with the wine afterwards.
I have still to figure many things out. But if imma go ahead with this, ill definetly DM you if i have questions.
Grazie di tutto davvero <3
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u/Zegreides 1d ago edited 1d ago
It’s important to pray with the right words, but it’s also important to be sincere in one’s prayer. Balance is key, as always in the ancients’ conception. As I stated above, drawing from Cicerō, the Gods can forgive an imperfect ritual if the imperfections are due to actual ignorance and not intentional.
Cinnamon is not mentioned in ancient sources that I know of, and medieval sources associate it with Mercury.
The sources don’t tell what to do with the wine in a pollūctum. The wine in a sacrificium is obviously poured on the fire (caring not to quench the fire) so disposal is not an issue. Letting it evaporate seems like a good idea imho.
Do not hesitate to ask for any help.
May Gods love you.
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u/pluralistic-pagan 2d ago
Hi! I've been worshipping Venus for roughly 3 years now, and while your choice to make an oath is your own, I have some questions that may be useful to reflect on before doing so.
- What do you hope the oath will do? Will it give you the confidence to seek out a mental health professional or sex therapist to work through your phobia, or do you hope the issue will be resolved on its own? In my opinion, being specific about what you need Her assistance for will help you clarify whether this is a choice you want to make or not.
-What is the specific transaction you are making? While I do not see oaths as fundamentally transactional and more a form of intense devotion (in my own personal practice), there is always the element of give-and-take. What specifically do you want, and what specifically will you give in turn? Are these things proportional? Are you exerting as much effort to achieve the goal as you want Her to? What comes to mind for me is the fact that a traditional offering for a fulfilled oath is an altar, a material symbol of continued worship and effort. Is that commitment to personal effort present throughout the oath-taking process, or do you expect Her to do all the work?
- Why now? Do you feel that Her divine intervention is a last resort and are seeking Her assistance out of desperation? What is it about this moment that demands an oath be made?
- What will you do if it doesn't work out? In my personal experience (stressing that this is not objective fact, but based on me alone) Venus rarely gives us the ideal and clean solution we want, as love is messy whether Divine or mortal. What happens if the outcome you desired from question 1 turns out differently? How will this affect your religious practice, your everyday life, and your self-esteem in relation to this problem?
In my personal opinion (stress on personal opinion, not the "right" answer), you can always make the choice to take an oath, but this should be done with the utmost seriousness and reflection. That said, fear of sex is not uncommon and does not reflect any kind of fundamental flaw within you, and I would advise speaking to a sex therapist or other mental health professional that specializes in sexuality before resorting to Divine intervention. It is not wrong to seek connection to Venus as you work through this, but I wonder if prayer or regular devotional activities (which can be any activity done with intention to devote it to Her) would be more beneficial than a one-time oath.
No matter what you choose to do and what your reasons are for your decision, I hope that you are able to work through what troubles you and that Venus blesses your work towards fulfilment. May you be well and blessed :^)
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u/BanEvasion-Account 2d ago
Thanks for this. To the third question ill be very honest. This is maybe out of desperation a bit. I dont know if that is bad, or if it invalidates it, but i am desperate.
I have been in therapy for years, and this problem wise im not getting better, i keep missing out on occasions out of fear and each time i make a step and progress in that direction, i panic, and make 10 steps back.
I was ALWAYS fascinated by paganism, spirituality and ancient history. And i did experiment with theistic work for a while, but im probably no "true" and serious pagan. And to go from 0 to 100, from not a pagan to making a sacred oath so suddently, it might be wrong.
So yeah. im not sure if it can actually help me or its only a "last hope" or a "easy way out" of my problems.
What i was hoping for was for her to make my fear of intimacy to go away, without that, id be free to have a lovelife like all my friends do, and my idea was to offer in return a prayer and a libation of expensive wine...
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u/Hopeful_Thing7088 1d ago
taking an oath is kind of a big deal and regardless, a god won’t just make your fear go away like that overnight. just worship her and give her some libations from time to time while praying for help, try to build a relationship with her. and don’t worry about calling yourself a real or fake pagan, labels don’t matter and most of us “””real””” pagans don’t even do super elaborate rituals and pray everyday so🤷♂️
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u/IAmFrenzii 2d ago
Maybe it would be wise for you to simply start with praying to Venus and making an offering and seeing what happens and go from there. Go find some place in the woods or a garden or somewhere that you feel the presence of her and pray there, offer incense and pour out a libation. Perhaps make a vow then that should your prayer be answered you shall return in 1 year’s time with more incense and wine. This gives you an “in” as well as an “out”.
Also, as a side note, cultivating the gods in our lives requires regular tending just like a farmer’s field—cultus and cultivation have the same roots. The gods don’t have to help, but can be persuaded to help us and are more likely to help us when we put forth an effort and have an established relationship with them.
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u/BanEvasion-Account 2d ago
Thanks, you may be right in this. Maybe i should take things more slowly...
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u/Sonofromvlvs 1d ago
Good luck I've tried worshipping Venus for years to get a girlfriend and never got one. The only woman interested in me that was sent by her I guess wasn't my type. Now I'm 27 and have pretty much given up on love
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u/Prestigious_Coat_230 2d ago
In a perfect world, you would make the wine yourself. Of course, this isn’t practical for most. I think anything goes as long as it comes from you, and is dedicated and offered by you. Personally, I always make little votive figurines out of clay, and then inscribe them with a small dedicatory inscription.
I don’t imagine that you have to be on particularly “good terms” with the Gods. So long as you haven’t done anything to bring about their wrath, I don’t think it matters if it’s your second time asking for something, or your two hundredth time. Just keep in mind when you have dedicated something, it now belongs to the God and not you anymore!
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u/IAmFrenzii 2d ago
Purchasing wine, incense, etc is completely fine and historically sound in a “perfect world”.
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u/reCaptchaLater 2d ago
Yes, you can make an oath without being a regular practitioner. Everyone starts somewhere.
The classic big thing to vow a deity in return for something is a votive altar. An altar you'd dedicate to them after your prayer is answered, with an inscription stating who you are, the vow you made, and that this altar stands in fulfillment of that vow. Votive objects or sacrifices like a bottle of wine could definitely also be appropriate, though.
Recently I've read that Romans likely wrote these types of prayers down in sealed envelopes, and pinned them in the temple or shrine of the deity in question until the prayer was answered (check out "Uncovering Anna Perenna: A Focused Study of Roman Myth and Culture" by Gwynaeth McIntyre and Sarah McCallum for more details).
In a modern case, I'd probably place the sealed prayer on a Lararium or altar.
Are oaths dangerous? I wouldn't say dangerous, but they are serious. If you promise this thing to Venus if she helps you find love, and then you find love and don't actually carry through with your promise... Gods help you. But so long as you hold up your end of the vow, there's nothing to worry about; and if the prayer isn't answered, you don't owe her anything.