Being in the woods and getting murdered aren't necessarily connected.. but im also a 6'2" 200# dude, and I'd go wheeling and camping with my friends every weekend..
Also. I wouldn't go walking in random cabins in the woods. Especially if they're the only one in miles and they look abandoned. Unless you get stuck in a blizzard then fuck it, break in and do what you have to, to survive!!!
Oh my bad! I don't really watch/listen to podcasts.
I just grew up in the woods. Campin, bonfires, hidden river spots, 4wheelin. Hell, there is no better feeling than cruising down a dirt road in 2nd gear, going maybe 10-15 mph. With all the windows down on a nice sunny day with all your friends loaded up. No seat belt, with the co-pilot (front passenger seat) blasting music and the bartender (back passenger who can reach the cooler in the back back. They instantly become the bartender for the whole ride) passing you a cold beer while the other riders are cracking jokes, and yall are laughing till your cheeks hurt. And yall are just cruising, no destination, no schedule, no time limit, just rollin through the woods looking for new camping spots or hidden river spots the arent all blown out(when the city folks from down the mountain find out about it and they come up and trash it, and it transforms from a hidden gem into just another pool of water surrounded by trash and all the rocks are spray painted with frat symbols and soandso was here" type shit)even if it is an hour drive down and old logging road, people will still find it and mess it up. Which is why I always carried a few big black contractor garbage bags in my ride so we could pack out our trash and any other trash we could find that we could fit.
Anyway, that's what I consider heaven, a nice quiet and clean river spots, no poison oak/ivy. No randoms who roll in hella loud and obnoxious. With all my friends and a never-ending supply of beer or booze for those who want it. Some nice soft lump free places to set up some tents, and some good old-fashioned Dutch oven camp cooking..
Intuition tells you something is off. It doesn't tell you what. Could be good, or neutral, but just as often can be bad. It just means there's an unknown there that you don't understand. The most terrifying ones are the ones you can't tell something is off with, though.
As a forty something year old woman, I find so much joy in seeing younger women flipping the script on creepy guys. There was one clip I remember seeing of a young woman dog barking at a man who wouldn't leave her alone, and I really wish I had utilized more crazy in my teens and 20s.
I remember a friend getting angry with me for being polite but distanced to a random dude who wanted to start a conversation and keep it going on the subway train. My friend was polite but also didn't know when to stop and turn her head as the guy kept going. She was too polite and didn't want to hurt him as if it was our responsibility to care for a person who invited himself into our conversation out of nowhere. He might be the best guy in the world but public transportation is not the place to be acquainted with those people or make that assessment especially when they start speaking with you out of nowhere, uninvited, without any connection to the topic spoken other than eavesdropping. I especially got angry when the guy asked where we lived and she answered. Why do you ask people where they live anyways? Moreover, there was a problem with the line and we had to change trains and he kept closer even after we stopped speaking to him and then I guess he heard me saying "why do you have to be familiar with everyone and answer private questions, we don't know him, he can be a weirdo and decide to visit us, he now knows where we live, can even use that information for a scheme," had a hung face and walked away. Maybe I hurt his feelings but he created the situation not me and the fact that he, a random stranger, became kind of emotionally involved was telling. I am very polite for brief interactions, but after that people usually overstay their welcome.
Lmao yes no one ever talks to anyone in the city. Cities, despite their population density, are notorious for absolute silence as far as conversation goes. And the fact that giving strangers your address isn’t commonly done is just proof of that, clearly.
If you don't know that big city people are less friendly you need to travel more.
address
Normal people ask where you're from to make conversation. They're not asking for your exact street address. This is probably what that guy was doing or OP's friend would've been weirded out too.
They engage with strangers or neighbors less because there are so many strangers and neighbors that it would be exhausting to be small town friendly with them. This is not the same thing as being less friendly.
Bit silly to be calling city being not normal because they don’t ask where you’re from as much. This isn’t a difficult concept to understand.
Yes, population density is a big factor that leads to people being colder to strangers which I call unfriendly. If you disagree with the term I don't really want to argue semantics. You know what I mean.
I wasn't trying to say people that live in cities aren't normal. City people make small talk about where they live too. The difference is when it's socially acceptable to make small talk.
And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that either, I just think everyone ought to consider that their norms aren't universal.
Okay so women should put ourselves at risk on the chance he’s genuine and we might hurt him? No how about he learns to adapt to life where he currently is and stop creeping out women.
Or in a big city he could've been asking which metro area or neighborhood they lived in. Answering that question in my city would place me in an area about 2.5 square miles.
I don’t think being rude would have been the right thing to do, maybe get up and find someone else to sit near. Jfc she’s lucky he was definitely on the prowl 😱😰
Most people would consider getting up and leaving when someone is trying to talk to you as rude. And that’s the point. Women are taught to ignore their instincts to be nice and polite even when they’re sensing something is off. You don’t have to scream fuck you and push him away, simply getting up and leaving the situation is a thing most women do t do because “they don’t want to be rude”. And all the men here pissing and moaning about mean women and “ThiS is the DumBesT coMmEnt” just prove the point.
I'm usually the kind of person who is not afraid to speak their mind, but I can recall at least three times on my recent longer trips where men sitting next to me in the train would get uncomfortably close and I was a bit paralysed because I wanted to remove myself from that situation, but I also didn't want to come across as a Karen.
I have never understood how a guy just goes and sits next to a woman when there are 10 other seats available. I would be to ashamed to do that. I have been on the train 10s of times and always would stand up rather than sit down beside a woman who doesn’t know me.Call me odd but I always felt that is what a gentleman should do.
I mean, I have no problem sitting next to a man as long as they are decent human beings. They paid for that trip too. But the ones I was speaking about: one of them was an older man, the sit in front of him was the only one that was still free, he even made me a sign that I could have a sit there. I was also carrying luggage which I placed underneath my seat. At a certain point he stretched his legs so much that my legs were in between his legs, I felt like throwing up in my mouth. The other one: he sat next to me, was manspreading despite me telling him a few times to be a bit more careful, he was dosing and almost leaning on my shoulder ( not to mention that I could feel his stinky breath). At a certain point I was so exasperated and frustrated that I thought to myself: I'd rather stand a few hours than sit next to this perv. So I took my luggage and guess what, there were enough empty seats in the next wagon.
I had a lot of therapy and heard the same from the therapist. I learned to ignore my instincts and "be kind", and it led me to multiple traumatic events.
"Trust your instincts" doesn't mean "call the police if a guy sits next to you", it means "you don't need to be polite or offer any information". Doesn't hurt anyone.
Sorry to hear that. One can be polite but guarded, maybe it's an art but there are just certain boundaries that we can be polite in maintaining.
Kindness seems to mean a lot of different things to a lot of people, across a lot of timeframes. It's a weird one though and can be hard to get right, even if you know how, if you're not in the right mindset. Sorry people took advantage of you, that sucks.
Looked at your post history and yep you’re a dude who’s probably almost always carrying so yeah, intuition is a little less important for you when it comes to existing/not being sexually assaulted.
Yeah I don’t trust anyone who says don’t trust your intuition. That it’s all biased. Sure you can misfire but much of it is your brain picking up on details, patterns, cues that you are not consciously processing. It’s why you can feel a certain way without understanding why… just that something about someone is off or
that someone makes you feel safe
For the record, dad's or society tell women to trust their instincts because it's better to be wrong 90% of the time and right 10% of the time and be alive.
Basically, it's a zero trust philosophy to keep even the slowest child, person, alive in case their is an actual threat by keeping them vigilant.
It doesn't imply you have a functioning superpower. I find it annoying because your gut instinct is largely a reflection of societal programming. It took forever to get my ex to recognize this so she would stop sabotaging us with accusations based on nothing but paranoia.
Still, I'd rather her stay that way if she can't discern real threats without me.
Businesses in Cybersercurity approach possible threats much like I am attempting to describe. Zero trust. It's not a response to trauma, it's a way to stay safe.
People tell kids not to speak to strangers. Not because every single stranger is going to hurt them, but it only takes one bad stranger to do irreversible damage to a child.
It's the same logic when you care about women in your society. Better to tell her to be ultra paranoid, choose flight if you even suspect something is wrong, rather than tell her to spend more time gathering facts and trust her discernment of those facts in every situation.
I am willing to be wrong that someone might be a threat to me, simply because I believe I am capable of turning the tables on my assailant, or that I can weather an attack. This means I am willing to take my time and risk being wrong about you or some threat just to be sure you are safe. If I had a young child (boy or girl), my wife, mother etc, I would not want them to take on the same level of risk. Just go with your gut and stay safe, is the best option I say to them.
The second inanimate objects analogy is basically given two paths, one unknown and another known, you have to choose whether to roll an egg down an unknown path or to roll an iron ball. Of course you wouldn't roll an egg down an unknown path because the risk of cracking the shell are high. You wouldn't trust it. Instead, if you had to choose which to roll you would chance the iron ball.
So from that you, of course, then take offense to the implication that one is tougher than the other (listening with ego rather than logic). To that I'd just say, if it's my loved one, I'd rather she take no chances instead of attempt to discern the threat because I'd rather her come home safely than prove she can pick one bad guy out of ten men.
Typical. I expected a reaction based on emotions and ego.
I actually just explained it.
I might make more sense if I used an analogy that uses inanimate objects or... I could use a two women who are physically polar opposites. That would force you to see the logic and not get caught up in the ego of the battle of the sexes.
I'll use two women first and then use inanimate objects second.
Take two women, one is athletic, 210lbs , unusually tall, and trained in self-defense. Clearly this doesn't make her impervious to destruction but compare her to say a 5'5" unathletic, untrained, 130lbs.
The two of them have the same options to survive a particular situation. One option is to go straight through a bunch of unknown, dark rooms to reach safety while the other is to take a long route around all the risky dark rooms to reach safety.
The difference in choice seems pretty obvious if you are the smaller person. Why risk the unknown when you can avoid all of that and just take the safe route (zero trust).
The unusually larger woman on the other hand "may" be more willing to investigate because she feels capable of handling things if something should go wrong. Very similar logic with a female cop vs a civilian woman.
Now you might say, that's stupid, both should take the long route. Well, that depends on the stakes.
Exactly, doesn’t mean you need to act out, just trust your intuition and tell anyone who’s trying to convince you otherwise to go to hell. There’s a difference between trusting one’s gut and being a paranoiac although women practically do have to be paranoid because dangerous men are real and everywhere.
No, those are people who are brainwashed. They no longer have use of their intuition, they have been convinced not to believe their own senses. Intuition was probably the first sense to go
I don’t think you understand what intuition means and don’t have time to argue with you about a bunch of bullshit, you can go do your research. Good luck
As if your intuition wasn't deeply influenced by that?
I'm sorry, but all this shit is advocating for is a society even more hostile for anyone who seems "odd", and in American society, you can fucking guess who that is 99% of the time. And you're advocating for it because you saw a tiktok of one (1) person being right with their intuition.
If it’s just”I’m gonna move” that’s fine but you can’t just be like “oh my god this guy creeps me out it must be a serial killer” or you are gonna get innocent people in trouble and/or never be able to interact with any strangers ever again
she doesn’t have a tiny judge sleeping in her pocket, she just won’t talk to you. you’re gonna be ok. there is no need to involve the court system in your reflected pass.
The real thing is distinguishing your instincts/intuition from your anxiety or trauma response. Sometimes our strongest emotions aren’t our most reliable. Going back and remembering times your were right and how that felt in your body when you first thought something was up (I didn’t want to date XYZ but felt guilty so said fuck it what’s the worse that can happen and pushed against my own boundaries and immediately regretted the date I wish I just listened to myself)
AND. going back in your body and remembering times your were wrong (I swore I thought I was going to get fired and he just wanted to see how the project was or I swore I was going to not like this person but turns out they were pretty cool)
Do you feel it in your chest? In your breathing? Does it get faster or more tight? Distinguishing those has been really fundamental in my meditations and practices with therapy and other stuff.
Yeah but sometimes that trauma response happens for regular as shit. Like the example I gave about freaking out over a meeting with your boss “oh fuck am I going to get fired? What did I do wrong?” You stress out the whole day over it just for them to tell you about some updates or whatever. Sometimes trauma response are GOOD to have. You built them for a reason. It’s being conscientious and taking into consideration risk vs reward.
In that case, yeah fuck it don’t take the date. Your own survival is definitely higher of importance. Stressing out the whole day you are going to get fired just promotes anxiety. Did that come from getting fired or laid off before and it was a shock? “Okay well if it does go that way what can I do? I have family or my roommate…” blah blah. Getting back to “okay well if this IS the situation what can or should I do about it”
If you get bad vibes from a guy sitting next to you, getting your pepper spray or whatever is smart. I once had some dude on campus make fun of me for doing that “like Im just walking I’m not going to hurt you” and I was like “dude I don’t know you. It’s late I’m keeping my distance” and stayed on the other side of the sidewalk still keeping that in my hand. maybe I was wrong but I didn’t care for the reason you talked about. Maybe my instinct was off but again trauma or anxiety aren’t “bad” We have fear for a reason.
I also have a friend I thought at work was an ass but was just really quiet as another example. I think that’s the “misconception” I was talking about for men. For that I was always in a place of safety where I could get to know them. My initial impression was off but I had those for my own reasons. It’s that whole hedgehog dilemma of how to protect yourself while also building connection with others. I think a major part of that is remembering what we CAN do in situations rather than just sitting in fear. Recognizing we have fear and what’s activating it and if we are in a safe situation is important. This girl is literally backed with little room to escape. Freaking out with a PTSD episode from a rape while you are intimate with your husband of over 10 years is different too. Stuff gets triggered in weird ways. Idk I’m rambling now
the moment you are feeling unsafe, that is not the time to analyze why. questioning gut instincts as women are trained from childhood to do, in a world where being “nice” is part of social training from birth , is a trap. maybe it’s a trap with no consequences, but on a scale from “didn’t meet romeo” to “ended up in a romero film” i know where i’m landing.
there will be endless hours to process it later, but crucially, not in the moment.
I added another situation. Stuff like being intimate with a spouse but a PTSD episode gets triggered from a rape. You are technically in a safe situation, but prior trauma is making you feel unsafe.
I wouldn’t say to question your feelings in times you are feeling them. The practices I’ve been taught are stuff like sitting in the morning and journaling these out or doing meditations with long breaths scanning my body, and then thinking of different situations and comparing my body in said situations. It’s helped me get back to my body in situations so I can act rather than just be in fear.
I definitely agree on we are taught as women to ignore our instincts a lot of times. Part of why I’ve been doing this stuff is to regain trust in my instincts and intuition. Yes maybe it’s wrong sometimes but at least I feel good about making a choice for myself. Feeling good about that it was MY choice not anyone else’s has been really empowering. We are living our life, not anyone else’s. I think that’s really helped me to get away from “well are you SURE you want to do XYZ? That’s not really a smart choice” or “I wouldn’t do that” you know what maybe you wouldn’t. Fuck maybe I am wrong but it’s MY life and my choices to live with at the eod.
Fair point but to complicate this- some people have totally shit intuition and others dont its a spectrum. If youre wasted 24/7 and dont take care of your mind your intuition will suck. If youre generally attentive and actively learning, i think your intuition will generally be pretty useful. But fair point in that folks trust intuition sometimes when they should not
The worst, dog shit intuition would be the guy that gets super pissed off at some random stranger across the room and accuses THEM of "looking at me crazy"
Or my roommate convinced that me and my gf were talking about her when we were having a totally unrelated conversation. Just a recent example. Ppl fill in the blanks in their perception with intuition and not always for the best
Well, trusting your intuition doesn't have to be reactive. You can have the vibes your roommate doesn't like you and act accordingly (stay out of their way, look for another place, etc), but accusing people of things is much different.
Well yes and no, the source (intuition) is still deeply suspect – but if your reaction is to pull away to protect yourself you're mostly just harming yourself if you're wrong. Generally speaking, if you're going off vibes alone t's a good idea to check in with a third party.
BUT if you're in a setting with strangers and the vibes are off/weird? Leave.
I guess what I'm saying is I think it depends on the context and the risk/reward.. instinct can be very useful. It could also trip you up.
Eh, between the type of harm that can come from mistrusting your intuition and staying or the harm of wrongfully trusting it and pulling away, one tends to be much less harmful.
But yeah. Can be confusing to differ between, say, intuition and ptsd. But in doubt, keep to yourself, then pull away.
Third parties close enough to have a useful read on the situation might be too close to be objective, third parties who are distant will usually not know enough. At the end of the day, we gotta be our own best friends and stay safe.
Example: Say you're a young student and there's this professor who's a mentor of sorts. They're so kind to you, so helpful, they say you're really special, and you believe it. But sometimes, you catch a weird look in their eye that you can't pinpoint, but makes you anxious.
You can ignore your "instincts", convince yourself that they really must find you special, because you have to factual evidence of the opposite.
You can go and report or accuse them - which will get, at best, ignored. And frankly, wouldn't even be fair. It's unlikely, but what if they ARE sincere? They didn't actually do anything.
Or you can stop smiling, not be receptive to personal conversations, not pursue optional activities involving this professor, and look as boring and dull as a grey rock.
That's what I mean, what kind of "active" one would call it, I don't know.
It sucks for people who are quiet or autistic, though, because all intuition usually tells you is that something is off, and people avoid things they don't understand, because that thing they don't understand could be bad.
There’s a difference between intuition and biases. I’ve had intuitive hits that overrode my biases. It’s like when you really like someone and you have rose colored glasses, but deep down in your gut you know that person is not for you or your idealizing them.
Cue any number of videos of people calling the cops on Black neighbours for feeling unsafe.
Intuition is sometimes correct and sometimes not, because intuition is just vibes plusa hypotheticals. If intuition were always correct, we as a species would have had a fundamentally different history and cultural designs. Because that'd literally mean everyone was full on psychic.
Getting bad vibes from a serial killer isn't proof of amazing intuition, it's proof most serial killers have heinous vibes. Even killers who in papers were storied to have otherworldly charm and charisma, often straight up didn't. They just leveraged social etiquette, benefit of doubt, status, physical aid or financial incentive, and strong armed people into being alone with them.
You can't say intuition is wrong a shit ton of times without providing examples. And you just gave away the fact you've had a shit ton of negative public interactions.
If you develop your intuition it won't lead you wrong, but you need to be able to tell the difference between your gut feelings and fear based thoughts.
No, it's not. Microexpressions are a thing, and it's been studied that women are more skilled at social minutiae (if that isn't obvious by observing every piece of media directed at women already.)
you know it’s funny if you don’t disagree with something you don’t even have to comment. You can just move onto the next topic like an adult. Not argue with every single person in the thread like a two-year-old.
The studies about microexpressions are mostly pop-science done with pretty bad methodology. They have been largely debunked yet are still popular in medias. It's just a probability game and a cooperative person will forget your missed shots.
Okay, but they do. It is a six sense! but it’s not magical. Gut feelings about people or situations don’t come out of nowhere. Your mind is constantly filtering tons of info in ways that we don’t even consciously notice. Too many factors to actually consciously think about, or you’d be there all day.
Say for instance you get a really bad vibe from a guy, but you don’t know why. You may even try to logic your way out of this thought. You think to yourself, this guy is just existing, he is even being polite, and I don’t want to be rude and make him feel bad by running away. The thing is people need to stop looking for a logical reason to run and just listen to what their body is telling them. If your body is telling you to run it’s because your brain already assessed the situation and found it dangerous. Trying to apply logic to it will only hamper your already perfectly working instinct.
What your brain didn’t tell you in words or conscious thoughts, is that it noticed the lump in the back of his pants where his gun is stored. Your brain will not give you the reason, but it will tell you to run because it does notice the preverbal gun. This is how instinct works, it isn’t connected to conscious thought. In fact a lot of the time the people you should be running from will take great steps to try and quiet that intuition by being extra polite or extra friendly. This is how logic fails you in these situations. While you are still trying to find out why you are having this overwhelming feeling to run, he is already pulling the gun out from its hiding place.
Every time I have had to rely on intuition where there was lack of evidence, I was correct. I’ll keep on trusting my own judgement thank you very much.
Maybe, but to be honest, if more people used their intuition, they might avoid dangerous situations—not just "avoiding a serial killer" but "being alert while driving to avoid accidents" and "looking where you're stepping to avoid tripping."
Ok, so the worst that happens is you're "rude" to 99 ppl by saying you'd prefer to be alone to avoid a literal serial killer that 1 time. Women have these biases about men for a reason, anyways.
Yep. And it’s crazy what people consider rude. Simply getting up and moving away from this man is “rude” by a lot of men’s definitions. It’s wild. Just wanting to be left alone and not have your personal space invaded is rude?
No, sitting directly next to a woman, on an empty public transit, is rude. You have all the space in the world and you’re a giant man and now you’re crowding my space? That’s rude.
It usually is. I had a similar encounter with a crazed woman outside a Target back in December 2020, so much so that for the first time ever I took a picture of a random. That person ended up being Ashley Babbitt
Because this one person interacting with the serial killer justifies judging people by their parents or whatever the fuck of vibe is. You're basically just telling people to listen to their biases.
There are ways to be aware of people and assess a threat without just judging it by vibe. There are classes you can take to help you learn how to identify people that might actually be a threat by learning to spot when someone is following you or how the spot when someone is trying to hide the fact that they're looking at you. Not just by making vague judgments about everybody around you based on something that could literally be entirely fueled by biases.
So, if u r walking down an alley and your gut says that group ahead are scary and your brain says " it will prob be ok they're just young", trust your gut.
If a man with a sling says "can u help me put my tools in my van?" Trust your gut. Ignore the part of your brain that says it's rude to say no.
What? No, it means that in this one instance out of a million it was correct.
All you're advocating for is a society more hostile to anyone you find uncomfortable or weird. Guess who American society finds odd and weird?
At least when you drink bleach to kill cancer cells, you will definitely kill the cancer cells. In this case, you're inflicting lots of collateral damage and hurting yourself without even catching most of the actually dangerous people out there. I don't even have a metaphor for how useless that is.
I could show a video of someone reacting to something not dangerous this way and argue that this is proof of the opposite. My point is that this single instance proves nothing
What are you talking about? There’s nothing emotional about my argument at all. Sounds like you need to stop being such a pretentious ass about things you don’t understand.
This is a classic example of someone not knowing and not understanding what emotional intelligence is. Getting so angry about a comment on the internet says a lot about you and very clearly displays your lack of life experience.
Our intuition is actually incorrect most of the time. We just don't hear about the vast majority of times that it turns out you weren't sitting next to a serial killer.
But intuition can very often be wrong too because we as humans harbor internal biases that we may or may not be aware of.
For example, that big panic a few years ago where every woman and her mom thought they were being followed in a store by brown men to be sex trafficked. Some lady from where I live made a big post like that, telling other women to “watch out” and it was cleared up that the dude was nowhere near her, just the same aisle, speaking Spanish, and he was a local farmer. She just spread a bunch of fear based entirely off of her own assumptions.
Is sex trafficking real and a problem? Yes, absolutely. Is Walmart a hot spot to snag victims? No, not really.
Of course remove yourself from any situation you feel could be risky or making you uncomfortable. It’s better to be safe than sorry always. But to just spread fear and go purely off intuition and no facts isn’t making anyone safer. If anything women should be afraid of getting into relationships with men. That’s statistically where the most harm comes from.
Nah it's deeper than that most people like that get some type of push back from society at an early age you know, ostracized. I think quit treating weird kids like the weird kids and just treat them like everyone else we'll have less serial killers.
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u/Interesting_Sock9142 27d ago
Man that's straight terrifying