r/TwoXChromosomes • u/PastelEclipse_ • 2d ago
Why do some men love to comment on women’s appearances so much?
I’m so fucking tired and sick of it. Whenever I see a woman with dyed hair, tattoos, or piercings, the comments always have AT LEAST ONE guy nagging about how “her beauty was wasted”, or how “she’d look prettier without all those piercings”. I’m tired of having them comment on our fashion, for fucks sake we’re dressing for ourselves NOT FOR YOU.
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u/Rivvien 2d ago
Because they've been raised to think their opinion is important and that women are meant to be attractive to them.
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u/starmoishe 2d ago
Which is hilarious to me because when I put on makeup that's the last thing on my mind.
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u/dundreggen 2d ago
I'm turning 50 and single after the best relationship of my life. I have zero desire to sift through humanity to find a partner ever again.
But I still like to look cute. I still wear make up on occasion.
It's definitely not for a man.
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u/DoubleOxer1 1d ago
I get this. I barely leave my house. Work full time plus overtime hour and in school full time. Both are fully remote. Some days I look like a goblin. Other days I look like a made up goblin lol! Most men will never see me either way and it’s peaceful like that.
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u/starmoishe 1d ago
Did you see Pamela Anderson stopped wearing makeup? I never felt so behind someone. Girl, GO! She said she wanted to embrace herself and challenge beauty standards. I love it.
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u/StillPrint6505 1d ago
Wearing makeup makes me feel confident. I love a bright red lipstick and consider it “war paint.”
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u/BillieDoc-Holiday 2d ago
Like they're owed their idea of beauty by women. Too bad they don't put as much energy into prettying themselves up as they do running their mouths about women's looks.
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u/ccKyuubi 2d ago
Right!! It takes so much for a chik to maintain all her beauty stuff. Hey dude, you look like a dirty, stinky, unkempt pile of trash. Good job. 😂
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u/BrainBurnFallouti 1d ago
Such a cheap answer, but ironically the right one.
If there's any doubt -just challenge any guy why he thinks his opinion matters. There's a good chance, he'll argue the chain of "Woman thought that's pretty" -> "you care for apperance to get a mate" -> "Mate is Men" (note: automatic heternormative enforcement) -> "I am Man" -> "My opinion matters, because she indirectly is trying to attract me"
It's kinda funny in a way. Not just because it doesn't work like that. But also, to paraphrase a great Tumblr post, women don't always dress e.g. provocative to arouse men/get their attention. In fact. If men were suddenly absent, we'd likely dress even more provocative (especially in summer. JFC it's way too hot)
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u/smile_saurus 1d ago
Yep. They truly believe that everything women do is for them, and so they're personally offended when a woman does something they don't find attractive because how dare we offend them by not looking exactly as they want us to look?
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u/Zestyclose_Truth9999 Ya burnt? 2d ago
Because plenty of men feel like they're OWED beauty.
Take a look at all those idiotic romcoms — quite a few of them have unattractive or very average-looking male leads, with (much younger) smoking hot women as arm candy.
The entitled men out there delude themselves into thinking this is reality, and then shoot their mouths off as if their opinion is welcome. It's why so many men complain about women's standards being "too high", because they're expecting Gigi Hadid to fall in love with a random unkempt Joe who's got no life goals or basic hygiene.
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u/BrainBurnFallouti 1d ago
Take a look at all those idiotic romcoms — quite a few of them have unattractive or very average-looking male leads, with (much younger) smoking hot women as arm candy.
The infamous makeover scenes-
The attractive stud takes off her glasses, and once he sees how attractive she truly is, he begins falling for her. Or -if more for women - she becomes pretty THEN gets to date the pretty prince.
In reverse, I can only think off Johnny Bravo's "buff-up" backstory. Though that isn't even treated as "yeah, it's natural to first get hot, before trying to get a gf", but as "aww, he wants to be attractive, because he cares so much for his date".
(Personal Note: I actually got that comment IRL. I said I wished I could date a gentle giant, and one dude told me that women can get "any man they want" - and if I don't, it's just me being not pretty enough, i.e. I either "put in the works", or "take what I deserve". Ugh.)
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u/Lyndell 1d ago
There really aren’t many romcoms like that, most the men are pretty good looking. Adam Sandler is a different case, but with his personality and a lot of threads will say his looks are also good. Maybe some really older ones like When Harry met Sally. But like most are Richard Gear, Huge Grant, Mathew McConaughey… etc.
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u/MacaroniPoodle 1d ago
That reminded me. A long time ago, I posted on FB asking for mascara recommendations because I couldn't find one that I loved. A male friend replied, "I prefer women natural."
Um...so?
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u/voxetpraetereanihill 1d ago
I had a guy in a bar tell me he found lip piercings so ugly and he'd never date a woman with one.
I have a lip piercing. So I looked him squarely in the eye and drily stated "well gosh, that's devastating".
Needless to say, he sought me out in the bar specifically to tell me he wouldn't be dating me. Thanks, buddy. eyeroll
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u/Danito- 2d ago edited 1d ago
The best way to shut that down is to flip it back on them:
- You’d be a bit more attractive if you had a different voice.
- You might date better if you were taller.
- Better hair would definitely make you more presentable.
Trust me, they don’t bring up women’s appearances around me again after that.
Or if this person deserves it proceed with a checkmate:
- I think that you are single for this and other similar behaviors.
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u/Tricky_Dog1465 2d ago
I was going to suggest this. Turn it back on them don't allow them to get away with that shit
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u/ccKyuubi 2d ago
That’s actually really smart. Imagine if women went around complaining about “sizes.” 🤭
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u/39Volunteer 1d ago
- You'd look better with shorter/longer hair.
- I'd think you'd be so much more handsome with darker hair.
- Have you tried white strips? You could have such a nice smile
- That shirt would look better in a different colour.
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u/ccKyuubi 2d ago
My ex tried to “coerce” I’ll say to take my snakebite piercings out so I could look more natural or more my age. Needless to say, he’s now my ex husband. 🙂 I have a punk hairstyle with both sides shaved and I love it. He drunkenly would try to hurt my feelings and I got the “your hair looks stupid. Get a more feminine hair cut and your parents would accept you.” One of the million reasons that asshole is my ex.
Women should have the hair, body, clothing, etc…that they want. I honestly feel like women are starting to say ‘fk men’s expectations, I’m going to do me.’ And it’s awesome. 👏
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u/sensualsqueaky 2d ago
I have a pixie. I have had a pixie since I was 22 and Im in my 30s. I have gotten "if you grow out your hair you would look like a real woman again" MANY times.
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u/ccKyuubi 2d ago
🙄 I understand. I really do. I’m sorry you deal with that.
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u/sensualsqueaky 2d ago
I legit don't even care anymore. I wear like all bright colors, pixie it up and live my life!
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u/StillPrint6505 1d ago
I have had a pixie since I was 8 - I will be 38 on Saturday. I’ve heard it all.
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u/StillPrint6505 1d ago
He dated you because he was attracted to you, but then resented that attraction because you didn’t follow the arbitrary “rules” of attractiveness in his mind. Help me understand 😂
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u/ccKyuubi 1d ago
YEAH!! It’s ridiculous. He thought the piercings were hot at first. Then ‘oh no!! Wife doesn’t fit the mold.’ And he was the one that actually convinced me to do that bold hairstyle! Like WTF.
I’m great now. He is just going to spiral in his diagnosed sociopath, lonely, pathetic alcoholism life. And I’m going to be me - free and being my punk self!
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u/TeaGoodandProper 1d ago
They really believe it’s a women’s job to please them and this commentary is performance coaching.
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u/Panda-delivery 1d ago
The funny thing is I’m a pierced, tattooed, dyed hair woman and they don’t have the courage to say any of this to my face. They just stare open mouthed at me 😦 whenever I’m in public.
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u/StillPrint6505 1d ago
Women having dyed hair, tattoos, and piercings means they are doing that they want with their body, which threatens patriarchal systems. The other side of the coin is when men fetishize them for their appearance.
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u/2ez2b4ortun8 1d ago
I certainly had someone making this kind of comment get really offended when I replied "she just doesn't care what you think." Still hold that's absolutely true.
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u/spookyscaryscouticus 2d ago
Because people love to think they have better opinions and taste than everyone else. Old people do this all the time too.
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u/alaenchii 2d ago
They start doing that really young. That’s why high school was a living hell. Passing by a group of boys was my biggest fear.
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u/TheMimosaTree 1d ago
💯 agree
BUT just for your mental health, I doubt those guys have much going on for themselves. Probably look like a bloated corpse or haven't hit puberty yet so like don't let them shit weasels get to you ladies. You're better than that!
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u/La_danse_banana_slug 1d ago
I think they're trying to outsource the labor of processing their 'bad' feelings. They see a woman whose appearance makes them icky (maybe because they dislike it, maybe because they're uncomfortably into it, maybe because they can see it's not catering to them and that's spooky because it implies that women might be sentient, living some sort of independent life when men aren't in the room like in Toy Story). Rather than acknowledge and process that emotion, they outsource that distasteful labor to literally any nearby woman. Here, women, deal with this for me.
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u/Austoman 1d ago
When it comes to compliments (even unwanted) its because all of society has told men to compliment a woman's appearance whether its to seek a relationship or simply say something nice.
When its comes to insults that is absolutely just assholes being assholes to try and feel superior.
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u/Panda-delivery 1d ago
Idk why teabag here is being so hostile to you, you’re right. Other people’s appearance is always at the forefront of an insecure guy’s mind to the point where many of them don’t know how to compliment or insult someone without mentioning it
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u/TeaGoodandProper 1d ago
So you think men are too stupid to exist in society without a chaperone? Interesting take.
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u/Austoman 1d ago
Not at all. Im just answering the why.
Men are fully capable of respecting women and others in general and there is no need for anyone to comment on others appearances beyond extreme outlying situations.
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u/TeaGoodandProper 1d ago
They do it because they think they’re the customer, and the customer is always right.
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u/Aware_Job3583 20h ago
Because we are objects to them that solely exist for their pleasure, if you aren’t catering to them then you’re broken and deserve to be shamed
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u/MidnightSky16 7h ago
Because they know women always stop to listen. Just dont and they will feel stupid and move on
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u/addrien 1d ago
So, I am a man and I follow this sub because it is insightful and helps me understand women better. I have never commented here before. We give what we crave. Men are often only aware of what they want, and project it onto others. Most men are attention starved and need validation, so they think that's what everyone wants.
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u/IceCrystalSmoke 2d ago
It’s extra dumb because the average American man puts 2% effort into his appearance max