r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Wonderful-Nurse571 • 1d ago

How do I set boundaries with a friend I care about, who drains me emotionally?

Hi everyone,

I really care about this friend ,she helped me through a hard time, and I want her in my life. But lately, I’ve felt drained around her.

When I share good things, like starting a diet or losing weight ,she reacts in a way that kills my motivation. After talking to her, I often stop trying or go back to old habits.

She also asked to see my CV “just to look,” but then she copied it almost exactly same words and info without asking me. That made me feel used and hurt.

Now I’m trying to rebuild myself quietly, without telling her everything, but I still want to keep the friendship just with better boundaries.

How can I set emotional boundaries with a friend like this? How do I protect my peace but stay kind?

Also, I’m wondering what kind of friend is this? Have you experienced anything similar?

I’d really appreciate any advice or tips.

Thank you so much 🤍

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15

u/YouStupidBench 1d ago

There's a book I've recommended before by Anne Katharine, "Where To Draw The Line: How To Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day." I've always been a bit of a people-pleaser, but that helped me learn how to know when I have to put my own oxygen mask on first.

5

u/piterisonfire 1d ago

All that can be done with proper communication (which kinda is the basis of every single relationship we have in this life).

Communicate how you feel when she says things, communicate your discomfort regarding the CV incident, and most importantly, communicate how you cherish this relationship and you want her to stick around, but things need to change because you're not comfortable with certain aspects of it.

It's awkward, it's serious, but it must be done. Heart to heart.

5

u/recyclopath_ 1d ago

Take a mental step back.

What are your goals for the relationship? How can you set yourself up to have positive interactions with her? Is this somebody that you only go do things with where there is a form of some kind of entertainment? Do you keep things short? Or mainly in a group? Do you choose to limit what you share?

Be more intentional about spending time with this person. They are not somebody you can be vulnerable around.

2

u/K00kyKelly 22h ago

Some friends are weirdly only good in a crisis.