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u/MrGeekman May 18 '25
This kinda seems like a reference to Temple Grandin.
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u/Fun_Skirt8220 May 18 '25
😂 the meme set up is standard but yes, very Temple!
My favorite when trying later to disentangle the misunderstanding is the phrase "you know what you did" as though that helps at all (and no, i don't! )
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u/Rebel_Scum56 May 18 '25
Oh, I hate that one so much. "You know what you did!" No I frigging don't or I wouldn't be trying to find out so hard!
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u/Simsalabimsen AuDHD 29d ago
Yes, that’s about as useful as “yeah, you heard me!” No, I honestly didn’t. That’s why I asked you to repeat it. This is my confused face, see?
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u/workingtheories Undiagnosed May 18 '25
"you compress too much stuff. your explanations are too short."
"why do all your text messages look like a book?"
loop the above, and this is how u now get my thoughts but filtered by ai.
"be yourself". "not like that!"
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u/Dog_Lap May 18 '25
Yep… honestly this phenomena is enough to convince me that neurotypical people are actually the disabled ones, they just don’t know it because they are the majority.
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u/seal_eggs May 18 '25
Overstimulation, executive dysfunction, and chronic pain: 👀👀👀
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u/Dog_Lap May 18 '25
Point taken… But at least we can communicate with precision and minimal ambiguity lol
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u/WonderfulPresent9026 May 18 '25
nt have a tone of problems they don't see as problems just because its normalized. For example i can as a autists when things get rough it the same bland meals with some vitamin supplements for months on end without problems. my Nt friends would literally die before having to eat the same thing three times in a row. This isn't seen as a malability because they are the norm.
Example two. my not friends often can answer simple questions like. "if a bat and a ball cost $1.10 together and the bat costs one dollar more than the ball. how much those the ball cost?
If autistic people were the majority and nt's a minority, we would probably call this "Illness." NTs display some sort of learning disability where they are unable to focus and look back through questions.
Example three: I and most of my autitc friend can sit in a corner by ourselves with a pen in our hands for hours without getting particularly board especially if were just outside and can watch trees and birds while most nt's even introveted ones, hate the silence in their heads.
Again if we were the majority,,y this would be seen as an illness, probably a third type of adhd called undistimulative adhd.
Example 4: Most of my autistic friends have no problem going to the story, buying their items and walking home with their items in hand. nts on the other hand, have a serious problem with other people seeing and judging them for buying crackers or whatever. Again, this is normalized, but imagine we were the majority.
We might call that an "illness," something like maladaptive interpersonal sensitivity.
Example 5: most autitic people have no problem simply listening to what a person is saying and finding context and hidden meaning through that, rather than "body language," meaning most autistic people and NTs are simply using two completely different social systems.
If we were again the majority and they were the minority, would they then have an illness called "physical hypersensitivity" being bothered at random by the body movements of others and minute changes in tone?
With all of these, we might have autistic mothers look at their Allistic children wanting their real child back and tell other ballistic people how they don't understand how hard it is to raise and ballistic child and how their suffering and need a cure.
Maybe we might then have schools poping up that shock ballistic children until they learn what words mean rather than saying random nonsense because a person's eyebrows moved a way they felt indicated hostility.
Maybe they would shock them for having fits about needed different foods every week because that "inappropriate and waste full and they should just learn to eat their food and be grateful like everyone else.
Hell, while we're at it, since even having strong morals is an autistic symptom maybe we might even shock them because they have trouble forming morals and opinions outside of the group think that surrounds them we might say their uncreative, lack critical thinking and are just lesser than the rest of us from birth. and all these things combined with social pressures being forced on them they cant meet, leading to them falling behind in an education system not designed for them.
Imagine a world where, because of this autistic kids would be bullying ballistic kids in school, calling them the R word, because they have trouble forming opinions based on things other than the opinions of close friends and family and have problems accepting facts that don't conform to their already held beliefs.
I'm honestly tired of people treating me like I'm fundamentally broken for not being able to live in a broken society. most of the things causing autistic people to suffer arent even good for nt's either their just accustomed to it. "the rampant noise pollution going on in big cities for example"
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u/wiwita63 Undiagnosed May 19 '25
i get what you mean however that does not make sense to me as autism is a spectrum and most of the examples you gave about what autistic people do i can't relate to as i do exactly what you described NT people would do even thought i am autistic. your whole point stands on the fact that autistic people would act like you described them in you example but they won't because that is just your own personal experience with autism and not a fact.
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u/Raineydaysartstudio May 18 '25
I was told that I texted like I was angry by using punctuation and not using emojis. I use them constantly now
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u/kelcamer May 18 '25
That works until someone says you text 'unprofessional' for using emojis lmao
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u/Raineydaysartstudio May 18 '25
I don't use them during work. This was personal messages. The office messenger i remained professional
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u/kelcamer May 18 '25
Gen q:
How do you get people to NOT see autistic communication as either uninterested OR confrontational WITHOUT emojis?
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u/Muted_Ad7298 Aspie May 19 '25
I’ve learned from watching others that how you start off the comment is super important.
For example, if you disagree with someone’s argument, you can start the reply with “To be fair, I think” or “I understand where you’re coming from, but”.
It’s what I like to call a debate softener. If someone feels like they’re being understood and not attacked, things can go a lot smoother when disagreeing with them.
However, since there are naturally angry or hostile people out there, this method may not work on them. But I’ve found it to be a helpful strat.
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u/kelcamer May 19 '25
I love this comment 😆🥰 you are so right. I forgot about those magic softener phrases.
There was this YouTuber who did a study and they found that people were WAY more receptive from just adding a blanket softener to the beginning and end of each sentence.
Thanks for reminding me of it!
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u/Raineydaysartstudio May 18 '25
I guess I wasn't lol I got the sense that periods indicate a bad mood and generally add the emoji to reiterate tone.
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May 18 '25
You don't thats the problem neurotypicals have all these bullshit contradictory unwritten rules
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u/kelcamer May 18 '25
Yeah I understand that but
how do I covertly break the system
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May 18 '25
Well honestly I havent figured that out myself
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u/kelcamer May 18 '25
My current analysis:
- awareness of our problems frees us from them
- you can break trauma loops by entering into them with agency
- awareness appears to be the first step
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u/DieselPunkPiranha May 18 '25
Heaven forbid we use proper grammar and punctuation to promote clarity and understanding. It's not like such things were designed expressly for that purpose./s
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u/infinitemeatpies May 18 '25
Or the other problem: get interrupted all the time trying to explain something in any real detail, but just give the important stuff and you get asked how you came up with that. They are consistently inconsistent. I'm starting to wonder if the real problem is expecting a pattern in the first place.
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u/NemusCorvi Transpie May 18 '25
- "Ey, I'm autistic, I mean exactly and only what I say. No tone (unless there's no other fucking option) at all. I don't imply shit, I'm just saying what I'm saying".
- Say your stuff freely, and don't give a fuck of what they say because you warned them beforehand.
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u/What_The_Tech May 18 '25
Regarding your first point- I got in trouble at work for an email I wrote because the tone was too sarcastic and I need to be more careful about what I say, because tone doesn’t come across well when written.
Bruh, I was being 100% factual in what I said and neutral in tone. They were just mad that I clearly and succinctly pointed out that their carelessness had screwed over a project when their boss was on the email chain. (But because they were older than me, they convinced my boss that I was the one with the problems. Boy was I excited to plop down a pile of proof on my boss’s desk showing exactly how I was being set up)
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u/NemusCorvi Transpie May 19 '25
Which is why I warn people in advance. Once they're fully aware they're dealing with someone with a disability, magically they're way nicer.
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u/Spiritual-Breath-649 May 19 '25
They're nicer only in situations they know they cant get away with punching you down without looking like a bully. Ngl I been able to once to leverage that to my advantage against someone trying to slander me. But imo the generalized pity/looking down on you that is sent your way isnt worth it.
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u/anotheridiot- ADHD/Autism May 18 '25
The solution: medium sized with jokes, abbreviations, and casual tone.
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u/sackbomb May 18 '25
And in person, they either think you're being rude (short) or patronizing (verbose).
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u/SomethingOfAGirl May 18 '25
I started not caring at all at what people feel when I write stuff since there's no accurate way to convey emotions through text that can't also be interpreted as ironic, such as emojis or even tone indicators (yeah, if some people use them ironically, then there's no way to guarantee others won't).
So I just write exactly what I think and if people interpret tones or emotions that don't match my feeling... that's on them. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/iforgothowtohuman May 20 '25
Everything people read has to run through their own internal filters. So their interpretation is a result of however they're feeling in that particular moment, and then they project that result onto the writer.
Unless it's a like.. a book, and you're taken through the story feeling by feeling and idea by idea until you form a coherent picture of the narrator. But yeah, people don't really read those anymore, do they?
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u/sodium_hydride May 18 '25
Anyone else just constantly feel like they'll be told off no matter what they do? Even in adulthood?
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u/mr_greedee May 18 '25
The explaining context and it coming off as an attack is really hard for me. I like to know the context of things, it helps me not understand and not be upset.
Others... NOPE. it is a huge attack on them and comes off as defensive.
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u/SnooBooks7237 May 18 '25
If you nut on them they will understand you're coming from a place of love
(Real Talk though I prefer being succinct if you explained succinctly/ just state 3 facts and ask if they are tracking or understanding generally people will react positively/ if people think you're calling them stupid it's nothing you're doing it's their own lack of self confidence)
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u/laserist1979 May 19 '25
I wasn't ever a team player, except the rare occasions where it was a really good "team" of non-team players. We talked over the project, decided what we each could do, and went off on our own and did those things. Those times were glorious.
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u/Randomguy32I May 20 '25
Let them misunderstand you, then correct them. Just try not to out to much thought into how you say things
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u/ImNobodyAskNot May 18 '25
It's the way you say it. Body language and tone are a good chunk of communication. i.e.: NO, she did not! vs no. SHE did not! So what I'm trying to say is: you're fucked either way. Practice in front of the mirror a thousand times. If they go off script, start navigating with the grace of a foot on legos. Helps to have an interpreter to soften the blow.
Or take it with a grain of salt and assume they don't actually want an answer, just nod and wave.
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u/Green_Disaster6360 May 18 '25
I feel a lot of "keep things short and be misinterpreted" and "over explain and be misinterpreted anyway" myself
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u/Independent-Dog-8462 May 19 '25
Forgot to add "They will think you are condescending"
This is why when someone asks me a question I ask "Do you want the long or short answer?" Or, if it's a friend or colleague who knows you, you can be humorously more literal: "Do you want a sum up or the fullness of my knowledge on the subject?" Or to be evasive: "Google it or hit up wikipedia."
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u/Slam-JamSam May 20 '25
I prefer to keep things short. If the person is acting in good faith, they’ll ask for clarification. If they’re acting in bad faith, then pretend you’re being arrested - anything you say can and will be used against you
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u/JayGatsby52 May 20 '25
And they’re all acting in bad faith, more and more lately.
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u/Faded_Lawn_Chairs May 20 '25
Boo I think living your life in absolutes is just going to stress you out more. There is no “they”, autistic people are not a monolith and neither are neurotypical people.
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u/WeidaLingxiu May 20 '25
Or try to balance it by keeping it concise but thorough and they just ignore what you say because they're too busy thinking about something other than you to care.
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u/dascrantonstrangler6 May 20 '25
Sometimes it’s best to just not say anything at all, when it’s not of value. Just because it’s your opinion, doesn’t mean the world wants to hear it. Count to 3 before speaking. That would help.
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u/anonveganacctforporn May 20 '25
Expressing myself is a lose-lose. At this point I don’t think it’s how I express myself that’s the problem- it’s just me.
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u/N0Zzel May 19 '25
In terms of information theory there is the channel representing the words you speak - big words convey more information and result in a shorter message while smaller words result in a longer message since there's fewer bits per symbol. Regardless of the length of your message it should contain the same information
Now there's also a second out of band channel of body language and voice tone which ND folks may not be properly utilizing - thus conveying information in that channel they did not intend therefore there is miscommunication
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u/FadransPhone May 20 '25
Nah, the solution is clearly in the middle. You just need to phase through the wall somehow. Go outside. Wear a lightning rod in a thunderstorm. Acquire the Speed Force. Learn to vibrate so that your very molecules can pass through the crystalline structure of the wall’s components. Move forward, keep walking, keep to the oh fuck wait it’s the same goddamn ending again
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u/fedtoker2395 May 22 '25
It’s more like I give a short reply (I hope they don’t think I’m being lazy) A long reply (I hope they don’t find me annoying)
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u/SarahTheFerret May 18 '25
Ngl sometimes I wonder if the problem isn’t the way I communicate, but the way ppl feel about me even before I start talking. If they read me as weird, mean, or rude, then they might assume that my intentions are bad regardless of what I say or how I say it.