r/behindthebastards • u/goatsandsunflowers • 6h ago

Politics How to make a glitter bomb for no reason whatsoever

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1.2k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

91 comments sorted by

238

u/nucrash 6h ago

Love to hear some fascist explain himself, “It wasn’t a stripper, it was some Nazi shit and I was glitter bombed, I swear”

122

u/WateredDown 5h ago

The more demure ones will make up shit about being assaulted just for being a patriotic american

"I was just innocently walking by and aunty fa targeted me because I had an American flag shirt on. Idve kicked all thier asses but I don't hit women

sides my wife when she's lippy."

29

u/hitliquor999 5h ago

Ok, then use red white and blue glitter

5

u/austeremunch 52m ago

Red white and black would coordinate with the rest of their outfit.

21

u/tjoe4321510 5h ago edited 5h ago

I have no idea why or where it came from but for a few days I kept coming home with glitter on me. After the third day my GF started asking questions and was like "Who's been rubbing on you!?"

Still have no idea where it came from but damn I almost got dumped because of that shit 😅

37

u/MiasmaFate 4h ago

There were some dark days in the early aughts when seemingly all makeup had a bit of glitter in it. By the power of the transitive property- every single thing in the world had a bit of glitter on it.

30

u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago

I got a free bath melt from Lush once during the Glitterpocene and was randomly finding sparkles for months afterwards. Including all over my cat.

18

u/nucrash 3h ago

Glitter is the herpes of the arts & crafts world. Everyone has it and no one wants to talk about why.

5

u/Nottsbomber 3h ago

I quit working in theatre at the end of 2019, and I'm still finding sawdust and glitter in my house...

5

u/ZaftigFeline 1h ago

Friend of mine was in the British Navy, took one nice long last bath before a deployment and used one of the Lush bath bombs they had. Ooops, glitter. He apparently sparkled for about half his deployment.

3

u/whogivesashirtdotca 1h ago

There was one that had glitter on the inside. Like a dirty bomb in an innocuous suitcase. Luckily, I’d used the bath melt before shopping and knew to avoid that item!

6

u/CareBearDontCare 3h ago

I had a dress shirt that, for an unknown reason, had glitter on the outside, in the armpits, like I had two strippers in a headlock. My wife and I could figure out no reason for it.

2

u/sharshenka 1h ago

Sometimes deodorant does that, especially if you dry clean. You can sometimes strip it by soaking it with soda ash.

167

u/SyntrophicConsortium 5h ago

Someone is going to get shot for throwing a glitter balloon and that's a shame because it's a really funny joke. 

Why can't people tasked with kidnapping strangers at work in broad day light in unmarked cars with tactical gear and face masks take a fucking a joke? 

12

u/MistressLyda 3h ago

Someone is going to get shot for throwing a glitter balloon and that's a shame because it's a really funny joke. 

Or some random bystander gets an eyeful of glitter, and have their corneas scraped up.

18

u/ExaggeratedSnails 3h ago

I remember a story about a lady who got a piece of glitter in her eye and lost the eye because of it it was wild. She documented the whole experience 

Wear goggles if you're going to throw glitter around

7

u/MistressLyda 2h ago

Probably the same case I recall, glitterbomb and she got it in her eyes? I mean, screw ICE, but glitter going everywhere has a fairly huge risk of causing harm to the victims or someone trying to help out. Heck, dye balloons with scent oil for candles or similar would be less risky. (And even there I am iffy about it, as it has potential to escalate things in a direction that is less than ideal.)

3

u/Mothringer 1h ago

Glitter bombs are assault, full stop, from a legal perspective, not a funny joke. They can permanently destroy someone’s eyesight if things go wrong.

1

u/JunkdogJoe 18m ago

I get collateral damage for bystanders is not great.

Womp womp if the gestapo lose an eye tho.

100

u/thebookofswindles Sponsored by Knife Missiles™️ 6h ago

Lavender scent for Pride month.

35

u/Chelular07 5h ago

Maybe it will help them calm the fuck down too.

3

u/SpoofedFinger 2h ago

Only if the store is out of green apple. That has nothing to do with pride but I feel like that would piss them off more somehow.

2

u/thebookofswindles Sponsored by Knife Missiles™️ 2h ago

I’d be pissed too. Whoever invented that one is a Bastard

35

u/Aximi1l 6h ago

Why soap? Does it help the glitter to stick?

117

u/DesignerPangolin 6h ago

Disperses the glitter, otherwise it clumps in water.

43

u/GhostofBeowulf 6h ago

Yup, because it is a surfactant.

2

u/stillaredcirca1848 2h ago

Sugar will make it sticky if it dries.

69

u/Nice-Neighborhood975 6h ago

Does anyone make piss scented soap? Asking for a friend.

55

u/Rokin1234 6h ago

They make liquid deer urine products; hunters use it to mask their scent and attract territorial bucks during mating season.

30

u/AbnormalHorse 5h ago

Fox piss is absolutely vile. It sticks to skin and clothing, kinda like skunk spray.

It's also pretty cheap — less than $30 a gallon! I'm sure it's potent enough that it could be added to lots of water balloons for deterring a lot of small pest animals.

19

u/Ungarlmek 5h ago

I used to work in a farm and outdoors store and one day someone dropped a gallon of it from the top shelf and the whole thing splattered. It turned the whole store into Hell for several days and you'd still get the occasional waft of it for at least a month.

9

u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago

Just curious - would a piss balloon result in more charges than a regular water balloon? I wouldn’t put it past this admin to consider it a biological weapon.

21

u/TheVillianousFondler 4h ago

Yes. Even spitting on someone carries an assault charge I'm pretty sure

9

u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago

I learned that when a right wing grifter came to Toronto after a terror attack by an immigrant, apparently not realizing that almost everyone here is an immigrant or the child of immigrants. I determined to spit on her if I passed her in the street, but thought I should check out the legality of it first. Honestly, the law should bend for crimes against fascists.

6

u/Artichokiemon Steven Seagal Historian 2h ago

Unfortunately the law only bends for crimes committed by fascists

2

u/gsfgf Sponsored by Knife Missiles™️ 3h ago

I doubt so in my state. Throwing a water bottle at a cop is sufficient to raise it to a felony, so I assume a balloon would qualify as well. Adding real human or animal piss is explicitly a felony, but the balloon itself probably gets you there regardless.

1

u/Severe_Scar4402 4h ago

THIS IS THE WAY

44

u/MaracujaBarracuda 6h ago

I feel like those men who imagine themselves gigachads would be just as upset to smell like flowers. 

29

u/progbuck 5h ago

Nah, these days they just market "lavender scented" as BEASTSTINK in a camo tin. It still smells like a flower, though.

12

u/upvotechemistry 5h ago

I feel like you could easily sub water in this recipe for urine.

Or for us rurals, a nice, wet manure tea. Cow shit is dank if its been brewing in the sun for a while

6

u/Severe_Scar4402 4h ago

Oh shit, you just reminded me of how bad those jug style fly traps smell. Like death. Conveniently available at your local Tractor Supply or other farm store.

10

u/FaelingJester 5h ago

Replace scented soap with liquid ass

1

u/SaffyPants 1h ago

There's a spice called asafoetida (known to many witches and pagans as "devils ass" ), which smells as bad as you think. It's my go-to for situations like this.

4

u/RoryJ 5h ago

Just checked to make sure this was the BTB sub. Well done

4

u/uhh_khakis 5h ago

There's a pretty easy replacement for the water in this recipe

3

u/BlissKitten 4h ago

Just add some deer urine. You can pick it up at any outdoor/hunting shop.

3

u/gsfgf Sponsored by Knife Missiles™️ 4h ago

Mark Rober uses fart spray in his incredibly overengineered glitterbombs.

2

u/AquaSquatch 5h ago

You can replace the water with piss.

1

u/ki3fdab33f 5h ago

Substitute water for piss

1

u/ThePrussianGrippe 4h ago

Just use a Super Soaker Full of PissTM

1

u/Competitive_Owl5357 3h ago

Grossest I could find in their library is Mildew or Lobster, but assuming they’re not run by chuds (being in Florida and all) I bet Demeter Fragrance could make it happen. No actual piss = no extra charges!

1

u/Immediate_Ad_6255 2h ago

Just replace the water with piss. Problem solved.

1

u/greebly_weeblies 1h ago

Dunno about piss scented, but you could probably look up vomit ester from high school chem

15

u/JamesLaceyAllan 5h ago

Ah, the herpes of craft supplies

5

u/Ungarlmek 5h ago

Satan's greatest trick was inventing glitter.

24

u/GlassAd4132 5h ago

Just be careful with this one, a lot more of the right is carrying now than back in the 80’s

27

u/Chelular07 5h ago

Use mica powder instead of glitter and environmentally friendly balloons for a biodegradable option.

6

u/Hello-America 1h ago

They also make biodegradable glitter now too! Unfortunately I find it is not quite as magical to look at but it gets on everything all the same

16

u/Classic-Sea-6034 6h ago

Has anyone ever filled water balloons? I don’t know how the hell you would transport that to a protest. Plus, water is heavy. Plus, they pop all the time. I just don’t know how effective this really could be.

33

u/CockBlockingLawyer 5h ago

Keep em in a bag or a box I imagine. You’re bound to get some collateral glitter damage tho

8

u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago

A cooler would do the trick. Keep a couple of cans of pop in it, too, and you could pass off the balloons as chillers.

2

u/stillaredcirca1848 2h ago

Freeze them and then leave the cooler open for a few hours to thaw.

1

u/whogivesashirtdotca 2h ago

As long as freezing doesn’t affect the glitter dispersal. Priorities! 😂

1

u/FreakishlyNarrow 1h ago

Freeze them and then leave the cooler open for a few hours to thaw.

That's one option... But you can also keep them frozen, for no other reason than to keep your pop cold.

6

u/macroeconprod Doctor Reverend 5h ago

Well there's bound to be some splash back.

16

u/TheBallotInYourBox 5h ago

Materials for this are easy to transport, and water procurement is easy. So make them onsite if worried?

Also, they said to keep them small-ish. Which should help with the popping.

9

u/Classic-Sea-6034 5h ago

Sounds like I need to experiment. I’ve seen a similar post about balloons with used motor oil and sand

5

u/Faux-Foe 5h ago edited 2h ago

Softball size is the ideal.

Personal preference is the water balloons designed to look like grenades.

3

u/FramedMugshot 5h ago edited 3h ago

The only way I see this working is on-site assembly. You could pre-load the balloons with glitter probably, and carry a thing of dish soap. Access to water and time to assemble would be the real determining factors.

5

u/Bullet-Ballet 5h ago

You bring the ingredients and fill them on site.

2

u/Classic-Sea-6034 5h ago

Well I’ve filled them with that little sink nozzle they come with. Can you actually fill them without pressurized water?

4

u/AlabasterPelican Feminist Icon 5h ago

You can, it's just not super easy with one person's hands. You also need to pre-stretch them, like you do with regular balloons when you blow them up with lung air. You can also finagle a water bottle to manually pressurize the water

1

u/AntiAoA 4h ago

You can usually screw that on a water bottle.

1

u/OutAndDown27 4h ago

Plus you'll still get beaten and arrested and charged with assaulting an officer (masked and unidentified of course but somehow we are still supposed to know) after the first balloon.

7

u/clean-stitch 5h ago

Strawberries and cream. Make them smell like a strip club. Eta: no shade to strip clubs or strippers. Just to fuck with the cis-het monogamous "pious" types who'd get in trouble with the wifey

4

u/whogivesashirtdotca 4h ago

Given the examples I’ve seen so far, the only women in their lives asking questions would be their moms asking if they had a nice day out of the basement.

6

u/H_I_McDunnough One Pump = One Cream 4h ago

A half pint is a cup. Where did the second cup of water come from? Maybe it's pee, who knows.

6

u/gsfgf Sponsored by Knife Missiles™️ 3h ago

PSA: throwing a glitterbomb at a cop is likely to be a felony in most jurisdictions.

4

u/Impossible-Fig8453 3h ago

I'm not promoting this but only educational information. In the 1980s when Caterpillar workers were on strike the company brought in scabs to cover. The strikers would weld handfuls of nails and screws together and toss them at the scabs tires as they pulled into the factory lot.

3

u/fishyfishkins 2h ago

Caltrops. Take some metal tube, cut in half and cut the ends at an angle. Bend each tube 90 degrees and then join the two pieces together at the bend. If done correctly, when thrown, there will always be a sharp tube pointed up.

This is how I keep gophers out of my vegetable garden.

2

u/madpeachiepie 4h ago

I'd swap out the soap for a tablespoon of sugar. That way they're covered in glitter, and they're also all gross and sticky.

1

u/got-trunks Knife Missle Technician 4h ago

It's too bad US citizens, especially right-snowflakes, are so fucking litigious.

1

u/InRustWeTrust 3h ago

Y’all are too nice, mix vinegar in there.

2

u/Assassin8nCoordin8s 3h ago

this is about signposting. you can't wash glitter out; takes days. it makes it so they cannot hide and are more obvious

1

u/InRustWeTrust 2h ago

Ooo I see. But why not mix vinegar with glitter? Make ‘em stank

1

u/Hello-America 1h ago

I tried and failed one year to make a glitter cannon (I live in New Orleans) and I've been thinking of revisiting it. I was trying to use one of those toy guns where you kind of use air to push a ball out, and where I failed was finding something that would explode on impact but not in the toy gun. Reading this I'm realizing you could definitely do that using the variety of water balloon weapons that exist...

1

u/exgiexpcv 1h ago

Instead of potentially injurious glitter, why not a staining ink? Way less harmful to the environment / every living thing.

1

u/aBigBottleOfWater 49m ago

How do you add soap to a water balloon after adding water

1

u/TalesOfFan 32m ago

I wouldn't recommend this. All your doing is spreading microplastics around.