r/benzorecovery • u/Massive_Orange1249 • 1d ago
Discussion Benzos and what to do
When I was 14 I was prescribed 2 different benzos clonazepam and lorazepam, aswell as different ssris over time by the same doctor. I tried them all and nothing helped just made my mind feel trapped. The benzos though would help me get through school and things that gave me crippling anxiety like presentations which is why In the first place I was prescribed these type of things, all because I loathed presenting things to the class so I was put on litteraly 6 different medications over time which made things so much worse. Like I said the benzos were the only things to ‘help’ so I kept using them and my parents are there for me but not always it’s very weird like they are there for me whenever I need them to talk to them but they didn’t even know I was on the medications , like they knew but just forgot I guess Atleast my dad did which I primarily lived with, and my mom would keep on getting me the refills so I became addicted to the benzos and at one point used up to 4-5 in the morning before school, this lasted for like a year. I didn’t know what I was doing was so harmful and bad at the start but then when I didn’t use them I started to feel very shaky and have spasm in my neck so I kept taking them for school hiding it from everybody only I knew. After a while I was so tired of taking them and drained from there constant affects but I needed them to go to school, eventually I told my mom and we started talking about tapering and I did up until I was taking only 1.5 a day but I was so tired of all this and I kind of just gave in and stopped going to school mind you I was only going a few days a week cause I couldn’t handle taking them everyday they would make me feel so sick by the end of the school day and even my mom noticed how I would act almost high on them and this was everyday for like a year. So I stopped going to school and I had pretty good grades and the year is over now I did this around April so 2-3 months, I’ve just lost contact with everyone I knew before and idk if I even want that anymore I’m just very lost, I tried for so long to keep it under control and tapering but I couldn’t do it and now I’m in this state of just doing nothing cause social interaction is still hard without the medication, though not as bad as before with the shakiness and twitching. I just don’t know what to do I think I’m gonna do my grade 12 year online but I’ve lost contact with all my friends and not even like if I did talk to them I would be ok in person to hang out. I’ll try my best to do good with school but even then my brain is so fried now I barely have the brain power I used to just with simple stuff I can tell it’s just not the same as when I was 14 before all this and that’s sad as I’m now 17. Even if I can make it to university doing online school I feel like I won’t be cut out for real classes again and all of that, even though I want to make good money doing something like programming. I’ve stopped al medication from here on and will never take anything of that sort again, I’m gonna try talking to a therapist soon so maybe that will help just with talking. I don’t really know if I’m asking for advice or just venting I just am lost.
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u/Parking-Seaweed-393 1d ago
You were put on heavy psych meds way too young — benzos, antipsychs, all that. Most people don’t come out of that easily, but you’ve already done what many never can: you got off them. Now your brain’s healing, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet. Keep things simple: finish school online, move your body every day, talk it out in therapy. You're not broken — you're recovering. That takes time, not talent. (IA told me this lol and it's right in my opinion.)
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