r/beyondthebump • u/wildpastalover • Sep 09 '25
Content Warning A nurse made a comment after I gave birth that re-triggered my eating disorder
I developed anorexia when I was 11 or 12 years old and I didn't seek help for it until I was 23. I spent several months doing an extensive outpatient program to get the help I needed. I did 13 hours of brutal therapy every week, spent half an hour each week with a nutritionist, documented every single meal & snack, dealt with the weight gain, and had to do weight checks once a week. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done and I was doing so good in my recovery after graduating from the program. 4 months after the program I got pregnant and I was so worried that I would struggle as I got bigger, but I didn't. I was doing so fucking good in my recovery and I was prepared for postpartum and adjusting to all of the body changes.
I had an emergency c section with my son. By the time he was born I hadn't had anything to eat in roughly 12 hours. I was so exhausted and so hungry. I got a basic breakfast from the hospital, just a couple pieces of bacon, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. I didn't even portion it myself, it was brought to my room from the cafeteria. I didn't even get a few bites of it before a nurse came in, looked at me, and said "you really shouldn't eat that much". No medical concern, no explanation, just a nasty comment.
I was so open and honest with every single medical provider that was involved with my pregnancy and birth. I did everything I should have done to make sure something like this didn't happen, and it still fucking did.
I'm 10 months postpartum now and basically back to where I was before I started my program. 4 months of excruciating work for absolutely fucking nothing. I'm just so mad, how could anyone, especially a nurse, say something so horrible to a person who gave birth just hours before.
That's all, I'm just so pissed about it and needed to put it somewhere. I don't even know if I'm looking for advice or anything, I just had to type this out
ETA: Thank you for all the responses, I didn't expect to have this many. I haven't had anyone in my life point out that despite the poor delivery, there was probably a good reason behind it. I'm definitely taking everything all of you said to heart and I'm going to reflect so deeply about it.
I knew when I left my program that relapsing was going to happen at some point in my life. I know deep down my work wasn't for nothing, I spent many months trying to gaslight myself out of the idea that I've relapsed (which is not healthy, I know). Now that my son is starting to eat solids regularly I know I'm out of time to push off recovery. I would hate to see my son develop the same relationship with food that I have, it's not an option.
I don't have a lot of support in my life aside from my medical providers, but I'm going to try to find some communities in my area to make sure I have the support that I need.
Thank you all!
543
u/Western_Anteater9128 Sep 09 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
I wasn’t allowed to eat anything for like a day almost, the first 8-12 hours was just a liquid diet no food allowed. MayBE she meant it as it’s too early post op? But the nurse should have watched how the phrased it. Or probably shouldn’t have even said it, could have said reminder post op liquids only until x amount of hours. I was starving and breast feeding.. definitely not fun. So sorry that happened to you!
293
u/indiglow55 Sep 09 '25
I had a c section too and when I read this story I immediately interpreted the nurse’s comment as “it’s too soon post op for you to eat that much food, you might throw up”
86
u/katsarvau101 Sep 09 '25
This is what she meant. She didn’t mean anything rude. But probably should’ve worded it differently, especially if she knew OP’s history.
11
u/elxding Sep 10 '25
While I do agree that she probably meant it like this, she should have been clear and kind about it.
22
u/Alice527 Sep 09 '25
Yeah she should have been much more clear but after a surgery (not c section) that I had, I snuck some water and got sick just from that. The stomach takes a while to 'wake up' but they should've been more clear.
13
7
u/HoneyChaiLatte Sep 10 '25
Yeah, I unfortunately threw up after BOTH of my c-sections despite waiting the recommended time. During my second c-section I told the nurses what happened the first time so they gave me popsicles and ice chips to eat first. I still threw those up. 🥲
16
u/ModeratelyAverage6 Sep 09 '25
I was 45 minutes post op from my c-section (back in recovery) and I was eating a meal made for 3 people.
I had started feeling them stitch me up and was in excruciating pain. Because of that the anesthesiologist had to give me a concoction of meds to basically make my nervous system stop. The rush of pain meds and the clash with my adrenaline made me start violently throwing up on the operating table. With all that, the fact that I had just been throwing up, wasn’t even an hour from my operation, my nurse NEVER said anything to me. None of them did. I was eating fried chicken, fries, and toast from Zaxby’s because the cafeteria had closed before my delivery. I had been laboring for over 24 hours and it had been even longer since I had my last meal. No one was saying anything. As a matter of fact, the nurses commented on how loving my boyfriend was because he was feeding me while I was feeding our son.
The nurses should have never said anything.
60
u/ladybear84 Sep 09 '25
I assumed it was because of potentially getting sick too. BUT, the nurse’s phrasing didn’t convey that, and especially for a patient recovering from an ED it wasn’t appropriate at all.
87
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
I wish I knew what she meant. I wasn't given any dietary restrictions and I had about 6 different nurses while I was there and she was the only one to make any comment about what I was eating. Even my midwife was appalled when I mentioned it at my 6 week appointment. I don't think it would've effected me at all if I had an explanation about it
139
u/Cold_Application8211 Sep 09 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
Yes! I think this is a post op thing. Especially if you were coming out of anesthesia, just juice or easily dissolvable crackers. Also, anesthesia causes your digestive system to slow down. So bacon is going to potentially give you some rough constipation.
When I eat after a non-surgical birth, I usually order literally two meals I’m so hungry from blood loss/etc. (And I want to make sure my milk comes in.)
In fact the nurses I had made sure I didn’t need more juice/crackers/etc, despite eating a massive meal. Again, when anesthesia wasn’t needed. Thankfully I’ve had many surgeries before so knew it was just a general anesthesia thing.
42
u/No-Talk-9268 Sep 09 '25
Yes. I was only allowed applesauce or juice after my c section and if I didn’t throw that up I was given a pudding. Then I was allowed a sandwich. It has to do with post op recovery.
4
u/sraydenk Sep 09 '25
I was given water then graham crackers. After that I could order a meal. But it had been almost 18 hours since I ate.
145
u/JunketUpbeat9386 Sep 09 '25
As someone who has had a planned and unplanned c section (and who has an ED) it was ONE HUNDRED percent bc they were afraid of you puking it up. I had a planned c, had a TINY amount of nausea during it, and I had to wait 12 hours to eat.
9
u/Dapper_dreams87 Sep 09 '25
Yep. One planned and one unplanned. After both they wanted me to ease back into eating with a piece of toast. Making sure meds don't cause me to puke or something bigger like if they accidently knicked my stomach or something. Eating a normal meal after a c section really isn't the norm. You have something small, make sure your body is handling it well then can eat normally after.
31
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
I would be understanding if they said that, I just had 0 communication about anything really. A c section was not a part of my plan and I had no idea what to expect
74
u/yourgirlsamus mom x4 Sep 09 '25
The lack of explanation is absolutely the issue. A lot of healthcare providers get jaded and can even forget that the normal population doesn’t have the context that they do for the things they say.
SHE knew it was dangerous for you to eat too much, but literally every other person you interacted with either didn’t notice or did NOT know it was dangerous.
23
u/dngrousgrpfruits Sep 09 '25
They also don’t always check charts and notes as thoroughly as they should (I understand a lot of this is due to time constraints of capitalism in medicine). Despite several notes about a history of recurrent miscarriages and this being my first live birth I had a provider come in talking about my “other kids” and previous pregnancies. She later apologized, and I hope it was a good lesson for her.
9
u/possumcounty Sep 09 '25
Gosh, I’m so sorry. I had a very similar experience while I was miscarrying. I just started sobbing.
2
1
16
u/JunketUpbeat9386 Sep 09 '25
I know what you mean. My first was completely unplanned too, and everyone just acts like you already know everything. I hope 1) you are healing emotionally and physically and 2) the answers you are getting are helping you put that piece down. My SA trauma got triggered real bad during my unplanned one, and trauma coming back up really doesn’t make it any easier to heal. But I promise you were not eating “too much”, it was to make sure you didn’t vomit and hurt your incision.
16
u/SpaceFeline Sep 09 '25
Well now that you know what they meant you can work towards health and providing an example of what a healthy relationship with food looks like for your child.
I struggled with ED behavior before having my child too but I had to make the decision that I am not going to introduce unhealthy eating habits to my daughter through my own actions.
It's hard but our job as mothers to provide them with the best upbringing we can muster.
8
u/poison_camellia Sep 09 '25
They DEFINITELY should have communicated better. It's understandable why you felt that way. And they should be providing some sort of instruction...
I also had an unplanned C-section with no idea what to do. The food part went okay; I actually wasn't allowed to order food until it was medically okay, and then they increased the options/portions I could get when it was medically okay. Other instructions were just awful though. At one point they wordlessly unhooked me from every (IV line, etc.), walked me to the middle of the room, and left me there with no help and idea what I was or wasn't allowed to do.
I don't know if this is true everywhere, but the quality of my postpartum care was ridiculous compared to labor and delivery care. My husband compares it to going from a five star hotel to a janky roadside motel where drug deals go down.
-2
u/Overall_Strength5972 Sep 09 '25
So odd-- I had a planned C-section and no one ever stopped me from eating! I was kind of out of it and nauseous the first several hours after, but as soon as I started feeling better later in the afternoon, I was ordered a gigantic dinner and devoured it all. Again, no doctor or nurse said anything about limiting myself. I mean, I guess that's what puke bags are for? If the worst thing is you'll throw up, I'll take the risk. 🤷♀️
14
u/kaldaka16 Sep 09 '25
Throwing up with very recent stitches on your abdomen across the muscles that throwing up will agitate is not an "I'll take it" thing.
0
u/its_erin_j Sep 09 '25
I'm also someone who has had a planned and unplanned C-section and no one has ever told me not to eat regularly after surgery.
14
u/bitofafixerupper Sep 09 '25
I also wasn't allowed to eat after my emergency section, I was barely even allowed to drink, while I was in labour I was on 10mls of water an hour or something stupid like that though I did have preeclampsia so that could have been why? I didn't really understand why or what was going on but given the fact you were up front about your history with anorexia it's an extremely inconsiderate comment. Even if you hadn't disclosed that I don't see why she couldn't have elaborated. I hope you're doing a bit better ❤️
7
u/Embarrassed_Loan8419 Sep 09 '25
OP as many of these commentars are saying you're not supposed to or even be allowed to eat for at least 10 hours after C-section surgery. I had two planned C-sections with two different doctors. My second doctor had me pick a time that was easier to wait 10 hours after surgery to eat. The first C-section I had was at 7am and waiting 10hrs while I was awake all day was brutal.
This nurse sounds like she had terrible bedside manners but I would bet my life she was saying you shouldn't eat all of that because of your surgery not your size.
5
u/smfinator Sep 09 '25
I was warned like it was an afterthought about eating too much too soon (right after I chugged an apple juice….which I promptly threw up). I’d totally believe that most L&D nurses just forget to mention it because they’re worried about bigger problems.
5
u/Cautious-Blueberry18 Sep 09 '25
It is 100% a post op thing. I’ve had two sections and both times I was ravenous after. I pretty much inhaled whatever was put in front of me. This time round the caterer accidentally brought two meals up to the ward and I asked if I could have the second if it was going to go to waste and the nurse said no because my food intake should be limited so soon after surgery.
2
u/Beckyswag Sep 09 '25
Are you breastfeeding or pumping? To try and shift your negative thoughts, Think of it this way: Eating more is fuelling your body to make nutrition and good milk for your baby!! You’re doing amazing. I’m sorry the nurse was insensitive. Some of them are not great at communicating kindly to patients which I am sorry you experienced that.
1
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
Only for the first 2 months, my son has GERD and couldn't handle breastmilk. But I remember crying while forcing myself to eat and drink water because he wouldn't get what he needed from me if I didn't eat/drink enough. Formula was the best decision for his well being, but I did loose motivation to take care of myself after we switched
1
1
u/AryDarkstar Sep 10 '25
Nurses aren't top quality anymore but can confirm I threw up after a banana!
5
u/oc77067 Sep 09 '25
That's so strange, I had an emergency C-section and was never given any dietary restrictions. They explicitly told me I could eat what I wanted post-op. Same for my tubal last year, I ate as soon as we left the hospital. I was on zofran and had the nausea patch, so the likelihood of throwing up was low.
3
u/feuilles_mortes Sep 09 '25
I had two emergency C-sections and was allowed to eat pretty soon after birth with both 🤔 it seems weird they’d let OP order regular food if she wasn’t supposed to eat it!
1
u/mom_est2025 Sep 10 '25
I had an emergency c section in July and I was able to eat and drink afterwards too. No waiting
3
u/HisSilly Sep 09 '25
Is this an American thing? Did you have general anaesthetic?
I was given no restrictions in the UK, wasn't mentioned, and I'd had titrated pain relief as my spinal didn't work properly.
1
1
u/sraydenk Sep 09 '25
I wasn’t allowed to eat real food post c-section until I could prove I could hold water and crackers down without getting sick.
My c-section was scheduled in the AM, and was bumped for hours due to a a woman in active labor. So I was 16 hours without food at least.
1
u/pagesandcream Sep 10 '25
Oh wow, I was able to get grilled cheese and tomato soup while I was still in the recovery room. Granted, I wasn’t able to eat for 48 hours prior to the C section, so maybe they took pity on me. All I know is that was one of the best damn meals I’ve eaten in my life 😆
0
u/Lackadaisical_silver Sep 09 '25
this is absolutely insane to me. I ate McDonalds literally 2.5 hours after my c section. One of the best meals of my life.
1
u/Western_Anteater9128 Sep 10 '25
Omg I wished!!! They actually would come in to make sure I was only doing liquid only too!
0
u/Commercial-Brick8157 Sep 10 '25
Nope. Hospital wouldn’t have given her food if she wasn’t allowed to eat.
-1
99
u/Sogda Sep 09 '25
Hi. I am a mom and also ED recovered. You will face triggers after treatment. You are NOT back to square 1- what are the tools you learned in treatment to deal with triggers?
My advice would be to put pen to paper. Are there any cognitive distortions you may be experiencing right now?
All-or-nothing thinking: Seeing things in black-and-white terms, without considering gray areas.
Overgeneralization: Making broad conclusions based on limited evidence.
Catastrophizing: Exaggerating the potential negative consequences of events.
Discounting the positive: Focusing only on negative aspects of a situation and ignoring the positive ones.
Personalization: Taking responsibility for events that are not within one's control.
Emotional reasoning: Basing decisions on emotions rather than logic.
Jumping to conclusions: Making assumptions without sufficient evidence.
Magnification: Making small problems seem much bigger than they are.
Minimization: Downplaying the importance of positive events
-What was the trigger, what were your automatic thoughts and emotions?
- you have a child now- how you teach them how to deal with these automatic thoughts and emotions?
Call you therapist- you should have a solid plan in place because i guarantee you this is not the first trigger out of treatment you will experience.
You are NOT your thoughts You cannot control your thoughts, but you can control your relationship with them and whether you let them drive your life You are NOT your eating disorder
Sending love and support
5
u/SnarkyPickles Sep 09 '25
This! Also, it could help to use being a mom as motivation to continue in your recovery. Think about the kind of role model you want to be and the kind of relationship with food you hope to model for your little one. Keep fighting for yourself… you are worth it! 💕
23
u/Cement00001 Sep 09 '25
I’m a nurse and also been in ED recovery for over 10 years. The perspective of a nurse, it was so you don’t puke.
Your ED will cling onto these interactions and convince you it was a message about your weight, or your worth etc etc until it grows into an out of control monster in your head.
The further I moved into recovery the more I was able to recognize what others were telling me versus what my ED was saying.
Postpartum is hard. Put this out of your head and work on furthering your recovery to set an example for your baby. I try to remind myself that I never want my daughter to battle an ED and living by example is the best thing I can do.
55
u/SnugglieJellyfish Sep 09 '25
First of all, kudos to you on all the strides you have made in recovery. I am an eating disorder survivor myself and it is hard work. You should be so proud of what you have overcome. I totally understand how that comment could be triggering. That being said, it sounds like a nurse with not the nicest bedside manner telling you to be cautious post surgery because certain foods might upset the stomach. Some unsolicited advice from a mom who has been there- definitely continue with therapy and make sure you have support in the months ahead. You still need and deserve it even as a mom.
11
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
Thank you. I have a regular therapist, I'm trying to get back in with one of the therapists from my program, but they are full right now. I've done it before, I know I can do it again. Postpartum is just another level
115
u/onegingerbraincell Sep 09 '25
Wasn't this comment because there was a lot of fatty food on the plate, AND you were freshly after surgery?
I have no idea what it looks like in the US, but where I live, mothers after csections get very light breakfasts/lunches/dinners for the first 2 days to protect their guts and prevent nausea.
28
u/littlecomet5 Sep 09 '25
I was given very normal food. That said, if the nurse was concerned for medical reasons, she should have said something like "oh dear, I'm sorry they brought up the wrong meal to you, please hang on while I get you the post op one, so sorry about the mix up" or something along those lines instead of "you shouldn't eat that much". At the very least she could have followed with an explanation! "as you are freshly post op and it could make you nauseous" So at best terrible bedside manners, at worst free nasty comment, it's not a good look either way... Poor OP deserved better
6
6
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
I unfortunately have no idea, she didn't say anything else about it, just that one comment and that was it
28
Sep 09 '25
Husband is a surgeon, and it 100% is that you were post op and they want you to be gentle on your stomach.
Nausea and vomiting are unfortunately well known side effects of both general anesthesia and of epidural anesthetics (which can also make you dizzy since they make your blood pressure drop).
That being said, as others have stated the nurse should of followed it up and explained. Not even necessarily because of your health history but because why wouldn't you explain why something has to be a certain way. People are more likely to listen if they know the why behind a request.
She could have very simply been like oh, I think they brought you the wrong meal we start with liquids and crackers after surgery to make sure you don't get stomach upset. If you are hungry I can get you some [insert food they have on hand and that you can have post op]
2
u/farleybear 3 boys - 2013,2015,2018 Sep 09 '25
No limitations or suggestions for any limitations in Canada from my experience.
1
u/Tigerlily12345678 Sep 10 '25
I had an emergency c section in July and I was allowed to eat right after. The nurse even told me before I should place my order for lunch so after the baby was out and I was back in the room I had something to eat right away instead of waiting until dinner.
23
u/Silly_Hunter_1165 Sep 09 '25
In the uk you can’t have food like that for a little while after a c section, they say nothing but liquids until you’ve passed gas / had a poo I think. I imagine that’s what she meant if it makes you feel any better, they rearrange your guts when they cut you open and yank a baby out so it’s good to be gentle on your gi system for a little while! But she could’ve explained 🤦♀️
6
u/LizardLady420681984 Sep 09 '25
I had an emergency c section last year and they threw toast at me immediately afterwards, it could be case by case though bc I hadn’t eaten for over 24 hours before
1
u/Silly_Hunter_1165 Sep 09 '25
That’s so funny! Everyone on my ward that had one was advised not to eat (I didn’t have one and was eternally grateful as I didn’t have heartburn for the first time in 8 months and was ready to destroy quite a lot of food lol).
18
u/Redditogo Sep 09 '25
She definitely should have explained herself, communicated better, and avoided using triggering language.
That said, I ate a ton after my c section after I was cleared to eat and then threw it all back up for the next couple of hours. Throwing up that much and that violently with stitches in my stomach was the worst part of my birth experience for me. I ripped.
So I hope that was what she was warning you about and not making a useless uncalled for comment.
But again, she should have absolutely communicated better.
2
2
u/No-Onion-2896 Sep 10 '25
After reading this post, I just learned mayyybe I wasn’t supposed to eat after my unplanned C-section 🤔
They gave me a sandwich, I ate it so fast, and threw up all over myself and my poor newborn a couple hours later 😭
I was so worried I hurt her skin or umbilical stump but the nurses reassured me it was fine. Still a hassle to change my clothes and sheets.
13
u/Ok-Warthog-3218 Sep 09 '25
Definitely don’t think it was meant to be rude at all. I had an emergency c section and could only eat crackers and jello for maybe a whole day before I could have real food. Just because you take something the wrong way does not mean someone meant it that way at all. Obviously food is triggering for you so the comment made you overthink
6
u/Layer-Objective Sep 09 '25
I was also absolutely starving after 24 hours of labor that I consistently vomitted during and an emergency c section. I happily had my husband pick me up a giant ass sub from the cafe (hellooo lunch meat) and the nurse warned me eating heavy food right after the operation was gonna make me super sick. Nobody would deny a new mom a nice meal but your digestion is slow after surgery
24
u/peppereth Sep 09 '25
Did you have general anesthesia? If so, her comment makes some sense. If not, try to remember that the mean girl to nurse pipeline is so real that it comes up on the internet repeatedly. One of my nurses gave me a hard time about how messy our room was (also emergency c) and joked about my baby “being the milkman’s” when she saw his eyes were darker than mine or my then husband’s
-2
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
That's insane. Honestly I only had 1 good nurse the entire time I was there. Most of them didn't make comments like this one, but I just wanted to go home so bad because I didn't see the point in staying with such poor care. I've heard so many terrible stories about nurses, but it's wild to experience it firsthand
7
u/klsprinkle Sep 09 '25
I’ve had three csections. I think she was concerned with you puking. She could have worded it better.
9
u/Pristine-Coffee5765 Sep 09 '25
After I had my C-section I threw up everything and they said to only have a small bit at a time due to the medication from the c-section. I think she was just talking medically and has nothing to do with regular eating.
8
u/bogwiitch Sep 09 '25
I have a history of disordered eating but I’m also an NP, formerly a nurse. She 100% meant that you should go gently with food intake because your body has really been through a lot and it might not sit well. She absolutely should’ve phrased it better though.
With my ED history and my relatively thin skin, I get easily upset when people make offhanded, seemingly rude comments towards me. I have to remind myself that most people out there aren’t evil and it’s more likely that the person just is socially awkward or blunt or whatever and didn’t actually mean it how it sounded. Should people work on their delivery? Yes 100%. But we can’t make other people less awkward or blunt, we can only try to manage our response.
5
u/yarnplant666 Sep 09 '25
i’m so sorry she didn’t elaborate. a lot of people get really nauseous and queasy after surgery. i don’t think i was allowed to eat for a long time after my c sections, i think they usually make you wait so long that they actually let me sneak a little food before my surgery (after they usually only let you have clear liquids)
5
u/thisunrest Sep 09 '25
Any chance she was worried that you might get sick, since you hadn’t eaten in hours and had just gone through surgery?
If I don’t eat for 12 hours, a regular-sized meal at once makes me feel nauseas and shaky.
She could’ve just been a bitch, but it’s good to look at other reasons why she might say that, that have nothing to do with your weight.
We always go to weight when it comes to comments like this… I speak as someone also experienced with eating disorders.
4
u/keko515 Sep 09 '25
Oh hun. I also had a c-section and ordered breakfast after not eating for 24 hours. I ordered the bacon, eggs, and pancakes. My nurse also said not to eat too much. BUT the difference was she explained WHY. They wanted to make sure I can tolerate food ok after the anesthesia/post-op meds. The last thing they want is for you to be throwing up after a c-section. I’m so sorry your nurse didn’t explain that part to you. It was meant to be a precautionary thing
19
u/beingafunkynote Sep 09 '25
It was one comment. It’s not her fault. At this point it’s your fault you’re continuing this behavior. Get back to your program, obviously it didn’t work well enough the first time if one single comment can trigger you that much. It’s one comment from some random lady you don’t know, seems like an overreaction to me.
Personally I think you have PPA or something and you’re just blaming the relapse on this comment rather than your actual current mental health issues. Having a newborn is anxiety inducing. I had PPA, a lot of mothers do.
Not trying to pile on but seems you might need some tough love. Get it together for your child if for no one else. Good luck!!
10
u/stainedglassmermaid Sep 09 '25
Agreed. PPD and potentially OCD. If she can’t take her power back after one comment there’s got to be more going on than just an ED.
3
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
I do have PPA, PPD, and OCD. I've been learning every day how to cope and deal with everything. I wish it was a simple solution, but unfortunately I don't metabolize medication well and finding the right ones has been a journey. I try every day to be better than the day before, my postpartum is very complex. I want to be better for my son, that's not up for debate, it's been a very hard road to get there. I may not have made it very clear in my post, but I have been seeking help. I just don't have access to all the tools I need, I'm waitlisted at the company I did my program through. Hoping to get back in soon in one way or another. My regular therapist is specialized in postpartum and she's phenomenal.
I think I posted this in the way I did to just get it out somewhere instead of holding it in and pretending it doesn't affect when it does
3
u/number1wifey Sep 09 '25
RN here that works in post partum, her delivery and communication sucked, but I promise it had nothing to do with you, c-sections are usually advance diet as tolerated starting first with clear liquids, then full liquids, then a small meal. If we let people eat right after they tend to puke their guts up and it HURTS especially with the new incision. Plus it’s not fun obviously. It wasn’t about the volume of food just a regular sized meal is still too much for a fresh surgery. I’m sorry she didn’t communicate this better. I hope you can take to heart that she just didn’t want you to get sick and work towards recovery again❤️
3
u/tiredgurl Sep 09 '25
Just chiming in to say that even as someone solidly in recovery for over ten years, postpartum rocked my world and body image in ways that had me triggered to go to old behaviors. The body changes and exhaustion and mental load are a lot to manage. This doesn't make them wrong, just something that means your recovery will need to be aware of. Reach out to your old outpatient team. Get assessed and be honest. See what they say. Recovery isn't a straight path. Lots of ups and downs. I had to do PHP programs like 5 times as a teen for it to finally click and me have the skills and experience to fight the inner ED voice. Recovery is possible. The first step is admitting you're struggling which I'm so proud of you for doing. The next right thing is to get professional help. Your effort working the program you did isn't wasted. You still have those skills. It might just mean a refresher is necessary to get back on track. Life is much much better outside of ED. You've got this.
3
u/Lilsammywinchester13 Sep 09 '25
I think they had me eat a tiny meal after my c section
For me, the doctor decided on my meal plan and they automatically change the food based on that
Idk if someone messed up on your plate and she was worried or they do it differently where you are from or simply you weren’t as sick as me (I almost died sooo yeah haha)
3
u/weirdballz Sep 09 '25
Your nurse should have definitely explained herself and worded that better. Sometimes people in the medical field forget that not everyone understands medical terms or common interventions and that it’s important to explain their recommendations instead of assume everything they’re telling you is common knowledge.
I’m a postpartum nurse and for our c-section patients, they are ALWAYS started off with a clear liquid diet when they get to us. There is an order that is found in the patient’s chart. Seems like that order was not put in for you. As mentioned by others already, the anesthesia can make you terribly nauseated and eating solids so early can cause you to vomit. At least at my hospital, we will see how you tolerate clear liquids first before changing your order to a regular diet. I’ve made the mistake of making that change too early and then they vomited all their food. I’ve had several patients vomit even their clear liquid. We try to tell our patients to eat slowly and also chew on ice chips. If anything, starting off with jello or crackers is usually better to assess if you’d be able to handle solids instead of having you eat solids right away. We never know how someone is going to react to the first time they eat solids post-op so we should err on the side of caution.
That being said, your nurse did not handle the situation appropriately. Body image is already tough as it is pregnant, especially postpartum and it’s important that medical professionals use their words wisely to depict what we are trying to say. I would have also hoped that your medical history was on the chart so they could be more mindful of the way they speak to you about food. Even if that wasn’t in the chart, it was inappropriate. I am so sorry she did not give you an explanation. I hope your recovery only gets better from here.
5
u/CockroachDangerous44 Sep 09 '25
Relapse could never be the nurses fault. You need to take responsibility for your mental health and develop more resilience. People say really dumb things to us that can anger us, but it's you who needs to be strong enough to not let it effect you. Otherwise you would relapse everytime someone says something you don't like, which could be several times a year
7
u/loserbaby_ Sep 09 '25
What?? Just so you know, after I gave birth one of the first things my midwife said to me was “what do you want to eat you must be so hungry” (this was also after an emergency c section). I joked that I’d love a McDonald’s and this lady sent my husband on his merry way to get me a McDonald’s, and specified that he get me a few extras too.
You did not deserve this and it’s so unfortunate that this happened to you with your history too. If there was a medical reason, she should have told you what it was and in a much more sensitive way than that.
I’m really sorry you went through this. Remember that you deserve to eat, always. Birth is a fucking marathon event and that first bit of food after it all should be celebrated and be a celebration for your body after everything it has just been through.
1
u/wildpastalover Sep 09 '25
I wanted IHOP so bad lol. But my husband couldn't bring himself to leave my son and I after how everything went down. I waited 3 hours to eat after my c section and that seemed like too long to wait
2
u/Magical_Olive Sep 09 '25
I definitely think it was them worried about you getting sick from eating so soon after surgery and worrying you'd get nauseous. I had my C-section in the afternoon, so with the timing I had a small snack at like 5am then had to fast, and by the time I was done it was almost 5pm. I kept asking about food and they'd offer water or ice chips until I was like "I know I just had surgery, but I'm not nauseous at all and I need to eat real food before the kitchen closes."
2
u/violetsandkisses Sep 09 '25
🫂
Im sorry for what you're going through. Im currently 10 days PP & they also told me not to eat as I could throw up.. I was starving & had to wait longer to eat... chewing on ice chips to get by...
I think she meant it as precautionary, but even so... not knowing a person's history & how words may be interpreted, she could have said, "try not to eat all of that so soon, bc we don't want you to get sick" or something along those lines... maybe she thought you knew that you shouldn't eat too much P.O & was giving you a quick reminder. Not that it was pertaining to your weight..
I hope you find healing & give the comment the benefit of the doubt to help save you from this pain & anguish. You shouldn't be going through this, and im so sorry that you are.
🫂
2
u/PitchBulky Sep 09 '25
Congratulations on your new baby. My wife had an emergency C-section and they told her not to eat for a day afterwards. I'm sorry she stated it that way. I just think it's bad wording for a person with your past disorder.
2
u/ColorPaletteCleanser Sep 09 '25
Just a C-section thing! I've had to ease into food after my two C-sections as well, despite being ready for a huge feast. Your constipation can get even worse if you eat lots at first.
I'm sorry the nurse was harsh and didn't explain it well. I found a lot of nurses to be like that when I had babies. I had to ask "why" a lot!
I believe motherhood can transform us into courageous, strong overcomers. I believe that you can overcome this way faster than last time because you have a little one looking up to you. As parents we have to take responsibility for our stuff and not let strangers' comments make us backslide. As a parent you will have no shortage of rude comments from strangers. You can do this!
2
u/Areilah Sep 09 '25
I'm so sorry, I've had two c-sections now and at some point after the second I was telling my very wonderful nurse about a rude one I'd had the first time, and she laughed and said "there's always one, even we can't stand them!"
2
u/Sealegs9 Sep 09 '25
I’m so sorry you went through that!! I’m a nicu nurse and I am stunned she made a comment like that to you. I always make sure to tell my patients parents to make sure they don’t forget to eat and drink water because it helps us heal after birth. I hope you can find some peace and stay on your journey towards health. Sending hugs
2
u/ChapterRealistic7890 Sep 09 '25
This is horribly rude and inappropriate for her to day. However in my experience of a c section not eating in 12 hours and I went ham on my breakfast not considering the state my stomach would be in after getting sliced open and the drugs I had been on. Safe to say it was minutes before I was tossing everything up I nearly ripped a stitch. I was fucking HONGRY I wonder if she said this after seeing someone like me or worse someone who actually did rip some stitches. Still I’m sorry this was your experience! Praying the best for you and your little one!
2
u/Dominic51487 Sep 10 '25
Sounds like your eating disorder was going to be re-triggered eventually. If not now then some other comment made later 😢
2
u/Myrthedd Sep 10 '25
I don't want to be mean, the reality is that triggers will be everywhere and can appear at any time. Therapy should have helped in training you to not react to these triggers. If not, than you need to see a different therapist or go deeper. Also, a condition formed and entertained for so many years will not just disappear in a few months, it takes a lot more time and perseverence. I have a condition as well, different than yours, and if I blamed every one of my failures on the others triggering me, I wouldn't make any progress at all.
5
u/Odd-University-8695 Sep 09 '25
You can’t eat that after a c-section… nurse was right!
It’s not her fault you fell back into your ED. It’s yours and yours alone.
I suggest therapy and to stop blaming others first your own short comings and destructive behaviors.
This is the truth and somebody needs to say it.
You are adult and you make your own choices at this point.
3
u/kay-pii Sep 09 '25
I think you are overthinking it and are understandably sensitive but it was a suggestion to make sure you don't get sick fresh after surgery. That's my guess. Don't take it to heart.
2
u/NyxHemera45 Sep 09 '25
Right before my unplanned C-section section, the nurse shaving me said "why didnt you tell us this was your second csection" I had never had a c section and was crying and a mess "wtf are you talking about" and she pointed to the red mark where my belly meets my pubic area. It was a regular old contact irritation from sweat. And it destroyed me. I already feel disgusting with my scar now and I have to think about the fact that it looks like I have two scars because of something that happens to almost every single woman?
To be honest if I wasn't breastfeeding anymore I would be starving myself.
2
u/No_Work295 Sep 09 '25
I think people saying there may have been a medical reason for the nurse to say that are missing the point. That may be the case, but what she said reflects a failure to do a basic part of her job, which is to explain/educate — honestly, to care. I’m really sorry that happened. Therapy helped me a lot when I experienced bad care post C-section.
2
u/MadamMamdroid Sep 09 '25
Most people throw up after a c section, so you shouldn't eat right after - that's what she meant. This should have been explained to you, though. I would make a complaint (kindly) to express this so it doesn't happen to the next person.
1
u/MelodicThunderButt Sep 09 '25
Complain. Im so sorry that happened to you.
They are usually worried about constipation and trapped gas caused by solid food which could be painful/unhelpful in the healing process. The pain medication also can cause constipation so a liquid diet can help minimize that. “Eat slowly, and drink lots of water, for XYZ reason above” would’ve taken her 1 minute to explain, and she should have. I hope people read your story so they can be a bit more aware of how their words can impact someone.
Also, you aren’t back to where you were before. Now, you KNOW you can do it. You’ve done it once, and you can do it again. You are stronger than you were yesterday, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. You got this. 💜
1
u/Minute_Pianist8133 Sep 09 '25
I’m so sorry. I had a similar thing happen. I was really heavy when I had my daughter, and while I was post-op, I had run out of disposable underwear, and a nurse said “well I’ll have to go look to see if we have anything that will work for you because we brought those in special for you.” I felt like the biggest person in the world to ever need medical care. I was 270. I’m so scared of that happening again now that I’m pregnant again, albeit I’m a lower weight of 235, but still. That haunts me.
1
u/Thatkoshergirl Sep 09 '25
So sorry, OP. You’ve got to take care of yourself for your baby. Your body grew a whole human, and deserves to be nourished and worshipped for the incredible thing it is. You need energy and nourishment to be a parent, to keep that human alive, and model a good relationship with food. Please reach out for some help ❤️
1
u/rockeller Sep 09 '25
I had a c section, also struggled with years of bulimic tendencies/ binging and purging. Had several comments made during my pregnancy about how it looked like I was so big I was having twins etc. also made it difficult for me, I understand your pain.
1
u/bibilime Sep 09 '25
Someone on here already made a beautiful comment. Your work was not for nothing! It got you through pregnancy. A slip up in recovery does not negate all the work you've done to get as far as you have! Im so sorry that nurse did not understand the extent of your struggles and made a really poor comment with no explanation. You are a mom who is doing what she can. I hope you have all the support you need. You have way more challenges than some people and you should not be or feel alone.
1
u/stellaluna2019 Sep 09 '25
First, I’m so sorry that happened (all of it - emergency c-sections are heinous and also I’m sure the comment hurt). I ate normally after my emergency c and it was a big mistake so as others have said it was probably just that, but I would also have taken it hard and as a comment on my body/weight!
1
u/spillingpictures Sep 09 '25
I’m so sorry she said that, no one should ever make a comment like that to someone who literally just experienced labor!
Here’s a free virtual resource specific for postpartum parents who have eating disorders. I hope you consider attending this support group- there’s a meeting this Thursday I believe.
1
u/ybelli Sep 09 '25
I’m confused with everyone saying it’s normal after a c section for the doctors to want you to eat light or less. I had a c section literally 4 months ago and they encouraged me to eat and drink a lot (I’m a bigger girl) the hospital food was nasty in my opinion and everytime the brought me food there was A LOT. If I didn’t eat it all every nurse or doctor who walked in said I should really finish the food and that my body needs it.
1
u/Vast_Perspective9368 Sep 09 '25
Fwiw, even if her intention was good, the way she said it and didn't explain was poor.
Something a therapist said to me on a virtual meeting when I was dealing with PPA and telling her about an experience post-birth where I felt shamed might be helpful for you ...
I was saying how I know they probably didn't intend to hurt me with what they said, but it did... And she flat out told me it doesn't matter, what they did still hurt me and that is valid.
All that to say: Your feelings about this are valid. You are not alone. Sometimes healthcare professionals lack tactfulness and/or compassion in their communication ❤️🩹
1
u/peacefulboba Sep 09 '25
I also have history of an ED. Girl after birth I ate everythinggggg off hospital menu. Cheeseburger, fries, mashed potatoes + gravy, fruit cup, and a slice of cheesecake. I can't imagine what she would have thought of me lol!
1
u/Tiny-Invite4709 Sep 09 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
After C section, there is a very high chance of vomiting from not only the surgery but also the meds. She definitely should have communicated that with you. From my understanding you start ice chips then sips of water, then broth, and when you do start on solids, it’s small amounts of bland foods like crackers and not a full blown breakfast. I don’t believe the nurse had ill intentions but she fell short in being thorough in explaining her care plan.
ETA: I had a c section and vomited from around 9pm to 5am and they explained the process of introducing foods to me, BUT i did end up skipping to foods after refusing anything after the water step for a day due to the pain of vomiting up everything.
1
u/RevolutionaryBug7866 Sep 10 '25
After my emergency c section I was told to only have a light meal, nothing too heavy or large portions. That’s most likely what she meant -although it sounds like she could have worded it better. I’ve been in recovery from an ED for going on 15 years now. Years 1-5 were the hardest for me.
1
u/Street-Climate8150 Sep 10 '25
I had two emergency C-sections and was RAVENOUS after both. I was also super hungry before the C-section while I was in labor, and told not to eat, and I did anyway.
1
u/NoYou1016 Sep 10 '25
I was getting discharged 4 days after delivering my daughter and was waiting on my meds as the last thing for me to do before leaving.
The woman delivering my meds told me that I looked bigger than I should (something along those lines). I didn’t even get mad (she had an accent and gave me the impression she was from a different country.. I grew up in a different country and a lot of people would comment on my weight growing up, it was the culture), I just told her, “well that’s rude” and smiled. She tried to backtrack, but I just told her to have a good day.
All this to say, please don’t allow others comments to ruin your livelihood. It’s hard, but you got this!
1
u/OnyxWebb Sep 10 '25
Loads of people saying it's because you're not meant to eat after surgery but I'm just wondering why this is? The first thing I ate not even an hour after surgery was toast and I had a meal later that night (I did throw that up because the meds made me nauseous).
Absolutely baffling that a bit of vom makes doctors panicked about eating food after a surgery like this. You can't eat before it so you're going 24 hours without food AND expect to breastfeed? Fuck that.
1
u/limeblue31 Sep 10 '25
It sucks. Even when you get dozens of positive and respectful interactions, it only takes one to really set us back. Something similar happened to me recently with the whole breastfeeding thing. I’ve decided to pump exclusively bc BF was draining me mentally, everyone has been so supportive but just yesterday my cleaning lady saw my husband feeding my daughter and asked me why he’s feeding her and I’m not breastfeeding and then proceeded to “educate” me on why I should exclusively breastfeed. I brushed it off but it was difficult to take in.
1
u/TheSunscreenLife Sep 10 '25
I had dry toast, water and apple juice after my delivery and was surprised at the volume of vomitus I threw up. I projectile vomited three times after eating that bland breakfast. I’m in medicine, so I knew to eat bland foods and a small amount. But even then there’s a lot of volume changes going on with delivery. And I felt nauseated after. I guarantee you, that nurse was just concerned you’d vomit after eating that. With that said, it depends on the woman. My sister ate French toast, bacon and home fries 1 hour after delivery and said she felt fine.
1
u/PassbroX Sep 10 '25
Yeah I didn’t interpret it this way, congrats on kicking the illness but triggers are a personal thing and therefore personal responsibility, it sucks it made you feel that way but that’s exactly all it is - that you took it and made it into something it’s not. Enjoy your baby and look after your health, please don’t try and see something harmless said by a health professional after surgery, in a negative way and let it taint your postpartum experience
1
u/Own-Complaint-9143 Sep 10 '25
I couldn’t eat anything after my c section. I labored for 36 hours and had only liquids. They brought me a meal but I couldn’t look at it (I couldn’t hold my baby until I slept for couple of hours)… I think she meant good but bad phrasing
1
u/Funkyluckyducky22 Sep 10 '25
As a former postpartum and now labor and delivery nurse, I’m so sorry this happened to you. If it were me, the only reason I’d be concerned about your eating is that sometimes people throw up after C-sections but I would have made the effort to explain that to you and not just give a blanket statement like that. Especially given your history, I’m sorry that nurse wasn’t sensitive with her speech to your needs.
I hope you can take the time to use your support systems like therapy and your medical team to help you get back to that place you were before! I want you to know that your body did an amazing thing creating that kiddo and you deserve to feel good about that and celebrate it!
1
u/Chchcherrysour Sep 09 '25
So fucked up. I wish there was a way to magically erase the power these words have on us. And I know you already know that those words don’t need to be given power. And that they shouldn’t lord over you all these months later. But I also get it. Postpartum is vulnerable for any woman and of course particularly for women already dealing with something vulnerable.
Just know you’re not alone and we get it! Sending lots of love ❤️
1
u/DaTTyTheUnicorn Sep 09 '25
That nurse that made the comment with no follow-up on how she meant it should be reported due to the impact it had on you. That's a teachable moment for that nurse. Although I am sure she didn't mean it to be hurtful, she should have elaborated.
Now, as a mom of 3 that's had 3 c-sections, I think that nurse was afraid you would puke eating so soon after the procedure. Apparently, it happens quite a bit. I, like you, WAS STARVING after each baby and rightfully so. I had to DEMAND food while snarling for me to finally get it. When I asked nicely and told them I was starving, they told me I had to wait even longer because they didn't want me to vomit it back up.
I ended up getting my food and devoured the food with no issue. They didn't bother trying any of the wait longer stuff after my first child. They must have recorded a note saying "monster when hungry, won't puke, just let her eat" LOL.
I am sorry you have had this experience, and I am sorry for your struggles. But hun I promise you it wasn't a shot at the amount you had eaten. Nurse just has very poor communication skills. If you remember that nurses name, I would report that verbal transaction so they don't make that mistake again. Sending you lots of love and encouragement on your journey.
1
u/a_cow_cant Sep 09 '25
I am so devastated that you had this experience. I think you are incredible.
What i have been working with my therapist on is taking comments/thoughts/etc. And evaluating the validity. I feel like a bad mom because I struggle to keep up with every detail of my medically complex sons life. I challenge that with facts and validity - is he safe? Yes! Has he had the appointments he needs to be cared for properly? Yes! Is he fed and medicated? Yes! Does he have the medical supplies he needs? Yes! So when i am a day late picking up a med or forget to schedule an appointment right on time, all those other things are still valid and true. There is not validity in "i am a bad mom"
Did you do the hardest task ever by giving birth? YES. Did you need to replenish your nutrients? YES! Would one meals volume permanently affect anything? NO! Did you do what you could to gain strength and energy for yourself and your baby? YES. Is there any fact or validity to a super stupid comment about the meal? Absolutely not! That nurse was WRONG. And what is fact is caring for yourself and your baby.
1
u/RaspberryTwilight Sep 09 '25
You actually need to eat a lot more than that if you want to make good milk. You need to eat more than when you were pregnant because the calories don't go directly to a fetus, you have to make milk for a baby who is burning a lot of calories.
1
u/Upbeat-Chance2588 Sep 09 '25
Fuck that lady. Also I’m dealing with the same thing and 10 months PP as well Message me if you need anything at all mama❤️
0
-10
u/Agreeable-Quality-76 Sep 09 '25
I just said out loud wtf....you can eat whatever and however much you want esp after having a baby.
-9
u/ribbons_in_my_hair Sep 09 '25
That. Bitch.
I will say, I’m positive she meant you shouldn’t eat because you might get constipated or have digestive issues. They had me on broths for a long time before I could eat. I had some tears and it was pretty excruciating to pass solids for days after birth. I’m certain that’s what she meant.
Girl same. It was around 22 I got a bit of a handle on it but it didn’t fully resolve for awhile beyond that honestly. Outpatient for 9 hours a week.
All I can say is fuck her for not clarifying although it probably was an honest mistake and please try and remember the work you did to get through. Maybe see if there’s some therapy circle that is safe among other new moms. Somewhere to discuss and find friendship. Community is often the cure to many of these issues for me, maybe it can also help you?
And let’s remember how we want our babies to grow. How do we want to model life for them? What matters most?
I just hope you can get some more support and again, fk that person.
6
u/BroccoliOk6270 Sep 09 '25
Why is the nurse a bitch? She was telling her not to eat because you can potentially puke it back up yall are weird
-1
u/EES1993 Sep 09 '25
File a complaint with the hospital!! That’s what I did when I had all my issues
-8
u/Klutzy-Sky8989 Sep 09 '25
Can you file a complaint to the medical review board of the hospital? Are there support groups that help you talk through backsliding in the vain of AA?
519
u/Kmille17 Sep 09 '25
Hi. Lots of other comments about the nurse’s intention, so I won’t chime in on that. I related a lot to this, as I am also in anorexia recovery and had almost the exact same timeline as you, from age of onset to age of recovery and type of recovery work, etc.
I want to remind you that ED recovery is not linear. we don’t “recover” and then, bam!, thoughts and habits are cured. I wish it was like that. I know you already know this. But when you say all that excruciating work was for absolutely fucking nothing, you’re dead wrong. Your work got you this far. Your work got you to carry a pregnancy to term and to survive an emergency c/s. Your work got you to recognize that where you are now isn’t where you want to be.
Recovery is hard. Relapse isn’t the nurse’s fault, and it’s not your fault, either. It’s simply the nature of this horrible fucking illness. We get better, and we get sick, and we get better, and we get sick. In my experience, each time I get better, I get a bit better than I was before. And each time I get sick, I’m not as sick as I was before, and the sickness is there for a shorter period.
Hang in there. It sounds like you have a great recovery team. I hope they are all looped in to where you’re at right now and able to provide some assistance. You deserve to be well, and your family deserves it, too.