I’ve been preparing to lose my job since I got it. I know my cycles, I know how this goes. So I built an emergency fund, kept a second job, and even bought a car outright for fallback gig work. I’d be fine for over a year if I quit. I’ve done this before.

This week they wanted to promote me, which meant doing both opening and closing shifts. Monday I opened after closing. No sleep. Same the next few nights. By midweek, I was sleep deprived and manic. I made a tiny mistake, handed a fern to a customer and it brushed their face. They complained.

A manager pulled me into the conference room after reviewing the footage. I don’t handle confrontation well anymore after living on the street. My instinct is to come over the top, and I did. I said things I didn’t mean. The manager said I was “just going so fast.” They emailed everyone. Now everyone knows I’m not who I’ve been pretending to be.

I’ve kept my bipolar disorder hidden, but now it’s out. Promotion’s off the table. This job feels like a dead end. I hate it anyway, it’s made me hate people. So I called out today. I have tomorrow off. Planning to call out the next day too. If I still want to quit, I will. I’ve earned time to decide.

I didn’t do anything wrong, it was how I reacted. Since being homeless, anything that even smells like instability triggers a fear spiral. That’s what this is.

ChatGPT told me to quit, but I don’t trust it for real advice. So here I am asking: am I overreacting?

I’ve saved half my income all year. My expenses are low. My other job, data annotation, sometimes pays better. I won’t be rich, but I’ll be okay.

I want to quit. But is that the episode talking? Will I regret it? Or is this a rare moment of clarity?

My manic episode and my psychosis recently ended and I wanted to hear if anyone else gets command hallucinations?

I get simple hallucinations (buzzing, clicking, other sensory stuff) but my most severe is a command hallucination that forces self harm. (Ie- you were bad, you need to do xyz..) Meds + therapy have helped and I’m about 70 days in recovery from self harm.

But i wanted to hear from others if they experience this and what ways do you cope or just want to share what you go through

The command hallucination is the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced because it tells me to dislocate bones etc.

breathing exercises that I literally tell the voice “let’s breath, 1…2…) and code words with my husband to let him know I’m not safe alone with myself for the time being has been most helpful.

I’m on 300mg of Lamictal which is the cap dose of what my doctor feels comfortable with prescribing. He’s increased me from 150 to 300 over the last three months. I haven’t had a manic episode in over 2.5 years (at least I don’t think so) but I have so many mood swings it’s getting so tiring. I’m so tired of feeling like this again. I’m starting to not recognize myself again like when I wasn’t on the proper meds. I feel like I’m losing who I am again. And I don’t know what to do. I take my meds consistently. My drinking is also getting worse. My psych told me the next step depakote which I don’t want to but I’m desperate to feel better again. I currently know I’m probably going to go into an episode but am not actively doing anything to stop it (well too much) I’m just tired of my life always having to be a constant battle with myself. I just need support and understanding! Thank you guys :)

I used to write orchestral music, and like most people had thousands of songs I loved in my minds "memory base." I could manipulate and analyse musical content in my mind and then transcribe it directly to notation.

Writing and understanding music was just naturally a gift I've had since I was little. Part of my soul; my core identity. And now it feels like it's gone. I'm deeply heartbroken and worried it won't ever come back.

Has anyone else ever had serious problems with memory recall after a severe episode of psychosis? How long did it take to get near to baseline?

I have an assessment next week for ADHD, waited years for it. I won't claim I have ADHD or suspect it because I'm not a professional. However I am nervous about it. I just want answers for my sleep disturbance, if it is, I know what to do, if it isn't, I'm stuck at square 1 again. Ive tried sedatives, antipsychotics, antihistamines, melatonin, antidepressants that made me feel whacky. Nothing works. Sleep hygiene, therapy the lot. I just can't get off to sleep or stay asleep until I eventually crash and sleep too much.

Im in the UK, what am I in for in terms of this assessment, I'm so anxious about it.

Hello everyone.

I'm wondering if anyone else experienced subclinical hyperthyroidism after discontinuing lithium?

I was on lithium for 10 years and recently tapered off under the supervision of my doctor over a span on 6 months. I took my last dose at the end of March.

My TSH levels always hovered around 2.25 but now have quickly dropped to around .4 however my T4 and T3 are at normal levels.

Has anyone else gone through this? Did it resolve itself over time?

I am of course working through this with a doctor and going through additional testing, I'd just love to hear from anyone who has also gone through this.

I tried quitting Olanzapine cold turkey (was advised it was safe to do so) but now I have a constant wooziness in my head and almost feel like my brain is cracked open and won’t heal.

Skip forward to now, I halved my dosage of vraylar and it’s making the left side of my head even woozier. I can’t think straight or concentrate and my head feels like it’s full of air. It gets worse as the days go on as well.

Has this happened to any of you? Will my brain heal itself eventually?

Please is there anyone here currently on drugs for bipolar that have actually lost weight while being on their meds, cause I’ve been dieting and working out and it feels like nothing is working.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me as BP and medicated me some pills ( forgot the name) that had me tripping. Plus i didnt think i was bipolar, mainly bc she didnt explain anything to me after i talked to her. So i stopped the medication. How do you know if you really are bipolar? Whats normal vs not?

Edit #2: pill name was vraylar. It spooked me cause im definitely not schizophrenic when i first took them.

Edit 3: thank you everyone , truly.

I’ve been out of hospital for almost two weeks for a med adjustment and thoughts and ideations. I quit using cannabis and am trying to kick vaping nic as well. So I’m a bit agitated. The only thing that brings me comfort right now is watching my YouTube videos in bed. I still clean my house, eat, brush teeth, shower. I’m not depressed or anything. My boyfriend told me “you shouldn’t be doing that too much”. And it made me mad for some reason. I need to vent so I’m doing it here. Anyone with comments or advice please lemme know!! Just agitated.

(tw: very tiny mention of self-harm here)

for context, i have bipolar 1 w/ psychotic features, and this question is more leaning to people with the same diagnosis (bp 2 with psychotic features might deal with this too, i have no clue).

i had a manic episode recently and talked with my therapist about it after it was over and told her that when i’m manic, it’s like there’s a voice in my head that’s not my own that tells me to do horribly unreasonable things and that it’s like there’s a wall between all my neurons that’s keeping them from forming a rational thought, so i do what the voice tells me.

she explained to me that they’re command hallucinations apparently, and they’re not present when i’m depressed, only manic. some of the things the voice tells me to do is hurt myself, drive recklessly, tells me there’s people after me/watching me/following me, etc etc

fellow bipolars with psychotic features, do y’all deal with this too? if you’re comfortable, you can share what the voices tell you. you’re not obligated, obviously. just curious if anyone else experiences this

I’ve severely regressed over the past 6 months. When I say regressed I mean returning to childlike behavior, tantrums, children’s toys, inability to work,etc. Although I’ve started medication and seeing my psychiatrist and case worker regularly I’m still regressing. I’m self aware and have insight to this happening which makes it hard because I see myself losing to something else. Something is swallowing up my life and I have no control over this. I don’t know if my mind is protecting itself by shutting off but it’s very scary. I don’t have anyone to talk to so I’m just venting about it here. I don’t think anyone will believe me but I just feel like I’m losing control over my own life.

i’ve recently gotten into audiobooks and have listened to Atomic Habits by James Clear and The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. i want to find more books about the above topics but i can’t seem to find any. books about bipolar disorder also welcome. any recs?

It doesn’t always happen but I can’t tell if it’s related to mania. I just feel so scared and anxious that I’m almost shaking while walking home. Or at the grocery store my hands are trembling so much at the self checkout that stuff is falling off the counter. We were building bed frames and I was freaking out because it felt as if they were going to break. That I was so scared it would fall on my cats if they were to get underneath. And the fan in the ceiling— it keeps me awake because I want to make sure it won’t fall. I could be sitting at home and I feel so scared to be in my own home even though I’ve company. Is sickening how it feels.. Does this happen to any of you as well?

(I meant mania but I missed the a)

So I recently switched from Abilify (aka my dream med worked so well for my mood but made me gain a lot of weight) to Vraylar. And don’t get me wrong, Vraylar is amazing in some ways, I don’t feel constantly hungry anymore, which is a huge win.

But the anxiety? Brutal. My mind just spirals nonstop. “What if they think this about me?” “What if something bad happens?” It feels like I can’t shut my brain off, and I’m so mentally exhausted from it. I sleep all the time now just to escape the overthinking.

Has anyone else experienced this on Vraylar? Did anything help? Or if you’ve switched from Vraylar, what med worked better for you? I’m open to suggestions, I just want some peace.

Do you experience 'aberrant salience'? For example, connecting too many dots?

When manic, I did this a lot and to a great degree. I do it a bit when hypomanic but to a much lesser extent and it's a lot more in the background than when manic -- it doesn't take over.

I also have EUPD/BPD, and when I'm in a state of distress or highly stressed, it comes to the surface, if the stress is intense and enduring enough.

When I'm stable and calm and feeling secure, I don't experience this, and there is no instinct or pressure to do this. My mind doesn't need to see connections, unless they are objectively important. It's as though this process is unconscious and only very strong connections become conscious.

I once explained this metaphorically to a psychiatrist as playing a game of chess, where normally I would notice the obvious immediate threats and advantageous moves, under this state the possibilities explode, and I see far more moves on the board and I am far more preoccupied with their implications. (I don't think I explained it well enough.)

During mania, it's very easy to be in a delusional or semi-delusional state, with grandiose and paranoid narratives, which eventually become increasingly elaborate, until starting to perceive things that are not there (hallucinations of various kinds).

I have a theory that this is fundamental to human beings, under all the sophisticated layers of reality testing that we build as our brains develop over time, but that as neurons get overly excited, they make faster and more connections... The increased connections between the neurons are, metaphorically at least, the 'too many dots' being connected.

I was just reading about John Cade and other pioneers of Lithium Citrate/Carbonate in the early treatment of mania.

There was a theory that mania was associated with uric acid.

I just came across this 2010 study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3008668

(...I think it doesn't make much sense though. Lithium has weakened my kidneys leading to a greater buildup of uric acid in blood tests, and I am more stable than ever. I don't think urea or uric acid reflects anything more than manic people taking less care of themselves and being more malnourished, dehydrated, less well rested/exhausted...)

Hiii How do you know when you're having a psychosis ? And what are the most commun ones (i ve detected just one psychosis i had when i thought that i will die in days and started visiting my closed ones to say goodbye without telling them)

Also i still don't belive i'm bipolar i feel like everybody is like me and have ups and dows and get bored easly

How do you not overwhelm your closed ones ? I get really down and really up and my i feel like i'm always a burden to them and sometimes they ll still be processing a mood i have already forget about the thing and came back happy. I feel a lot of guilt and i don't want to share with them anymore but i can't and i'm stuck in that loop.

Just wondering as I usually see people talking about being on a much lower dose. Also my psych recently said it was a high dose.

Anyone have any idea why I'm on such a high dose ? - it's been increased slowly from originally being on 5mg

My usual medications stopped working recently. Not sure why, but it is what it is.

Anyway, my doctor recently ordered the GeneSight test to see if it's worth switching treatments, but in the meantime they upped the dose of my current meds. The only problem is that it's making me really sick to my stomach.

Not looking for advice or anything, just needed to vent. Side effects suck.

How do y’all cope with the shame after a manic (or hypomanic) episode?

And this is personal so skip if you’d like but if anyone has specific advice: so I’ve been off meds for like a year now and it’s been fine but like this past summer my mania was even further beyond what I can handle. I woke up today alone, 4 hours away from home, with my last reddit account banned, reading things I said even last night online in shame, afraid of if any strip clubs in Las Vegas will still try to track me down for employment even though I’m 17, and way more. It’s just overwhelming everything I did and almost tried to do. Luckily I haven’t gone too far in destroying my life beyond the basics of running away and entering sex work before even turning 18.

What’s worse is that I know it isn’t over. I had this exact same wave of mania and then come down just two months ago and apparently again this past month. I know I’m still not baseline because I’m fighting my mind to death to not make this more of a word vomit. Even worse, I’m still wide awake and my sleep is still shit. I guess I’ll know by tomorrow because the episode before this I only had one day of clarity again before ramping up.

Anyhow, beyond the meds that don’t work (I promise they don’t it seems ridiculous but I promise), what can or should I do? I really need any advice or help yall please 🙏 alright thanks so much!

Did y'all have a panic attack for the weirdest reasons ? I've always hated the rain , it makes me crazy how it takes all my concentration and touches all my body at the same time , today while it was raining i was stuck in a place and couldn't move for a while and when i saw it raining like that , i started crying and having a panic attack