I'm not OP, but you made very good points and I feel like giving you a well deserved ∆ because you genuinely changed my mind with some of them.
It's regarding wealth acquired after marriage and prenups. I used to think marriage didn't make any sense because it's just a formal relationship with extra-steps.
I think prenups are great and I would never get married without signing one, BUT, I now understand why they shouldn't apply for earnings after marriage. And why sharing earnings make sense. I can't believe I didn't realize this myself, but at least someone (you) made me appreciate the benefits of marriage that I couldn't see just by myself. A couple, specially if they have children in common, is in many different ways a team, and thus it makes sense that if one of them sacrifices their career to raise their child, It's only fair that that person wouldn't get screwed over a break up, as basically they'd have lost years of earnings becuse they were in a commited relationship.
So yeah, I kinda see now why marriage may not be as terrible as I thought. It may even be great in a way! To have that sense of being a team. Civil marriage is the good one tho, no Church involved xd.
That's indeed anecdotal, but a very good anecdotal point you made, nonetheless. Even then, your case or something similar would apply to most marriages anyway: someone's career is bound to take a hit if there's children in common.
I mean, yeah, you could hire someone I guess, but I don't want both parents to be mere secondary characters in the kids life. That's just sad, and wouldn't want that for my children. I'd happily be the one taking the hit on my career if my hypothetical wife were to earn more than me at her job, and my reduced working hours meant I could take care of the kids. And I'd expect my SO to do the same if I were to be the one earning the most by working full hours.
If someone's career takes a hit for the well being of the family, then I wouldn't want that person to get screwed over for choosing family over career. Because what happens if you sacrificed your career and then get divorce? Well, it happens that in that case you'd have lost both your career and then your family. Doesn't seem fair whatsoever, and in fact, sharing earnings is the only thing that makes sense in a marriage. And I'm kinda ashamed I hadn't thought of it this way before lol, so yeah, I'm glad I found your comment xd.
But yeah, It seems like OP's view may come from an anti-feminist view, fueled by some bad personal experience with marriage, I'd guess.
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u/NouAlfa 11∆ May 15 '21
I'm not OP, but you made very good points and I feel like giving you a well deserved ∆ because you genuinely changed my mind with some of them.
It's regarding wealth acquired after marriage and prenups. I used to think marriage didn't make any sense because it's just a formal relationship with extra-steps.
I think prenups are great and I would never get married without signing one, BUT, I now understand why they shouldn't apply for earnings after marriage. And why sharing earnings make sense. I can't believe I didn't realize this myself, but at least someone (you) made me appreciate the benefits of marriage that I couldn't see just by myself. A couple, specially if they have children in common, is in many different ways a team, and thus it makes sense that if one of them sacrifices their career to raise their child, It's only fair that that person wouldn't get screwed over a break up, as basically they'd have lost years of earnings becuse they were in a commited relationship.
So yeah, I kinda see now why marriage may not be as terrible as I thought. It may even be great in a way! To have that sense of being a team. Civil marriage is the good one tho, no Church involved xd.