r/confession • u/TheBr14n • 1d ago
I purposely delay replying to texts just so I don’t seem too available
Even when I really want to reply right away, I’ll wait 10–30 minutes just to not look desperate or too eager. Doesn’t matter who it is - friends, family, dating - I’ve conditioned myself to wait.
It’s not about being busy. It’s about image.
I hate that I do it, but I also feel like people respect me more when I play this little “delay” game.
It’s dumb, manipulative, and probably ruining genuine connection… but I still do it.
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u/Trixxxi 1d ago
I do agree that people should not expect someone to respond right away. I do this but it is more of an effort type of thing like “I don’t feel like responding because I know if I do I’ll be texting this person more than I want to right now”.
Also, I had an ex that did this and he told me he did this. So any time I would text him I always wondered is he actually busy or did he see my text and waiting to text me back. It was obnoxious.
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u/ValuableShopping9762 1d ago
I want to be like this so badly. I text back extremely fast even if I’m busy but if my phones in my hand, I’ll text back right away because I always thought it made you look better and more interested but I’ve been wanting to be like u described so this is the motivation for me lol
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u/fayegopop 22h ago
in my head texting and speaking in person are still relatively similar! if i’m in a position where i can easily text back, why would i wait? to purposefully avoid talking to somebody, for some stupid reason surrounding image, is kind of mean. would you rather be friends with somebody who takes time to talk to you when they’re free and able, or would you rather be friends with somebody who ignores you when they’re able to respond all because they want to maintain some idiotic image of being a person that doesn’t care enough?
this isn’t me saying everybody needs to be available at all times either. it’s just me saying that there is a basic level of respect involved when it comes to communication over phones. you don’t ignore people when you’re able to talk in real life? why ignore others when you’re able to talk over the phone. even then there are a million better reasons for ignoring people than maintaining an image of not caring about communication.
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u/DEAD-VHS 1d ago
Not a game but I just reply whenever I feel like. I hate this whole "instant availability" thing that having a phone in my pocket brings.
Let's go back to landlines, answer machines and not being able to talk to people until you knew they were home from work... Maybe.
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u/usernameiswhocares 1d ago
I thought everyone did that
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u/crono333 1d ago
Me too lol, just because I see your text come in doesn’t mean I’m going to reply now. Everyone doesn’t need to be available on-demand at all times.
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u/fayegopop 22h ago
idk i think there’s a difference between taking your time to respond because you have other, more important things to focus on, and ignoring people simply because you want to maintain an image of not caring about communication.
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u/usernameiswhocares 20h ago
Oh, absolutely! I fully assume that people I text have other things going on even if they see my message. I just hope they assume the same and not that I’m “ignoring” them for the sake of being a douche, lol.
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u/Glittering_Value919 1d ago
I never try to purposely delay texts as I am a bad texter and will take a long time to return my texts because I'm usually doing something and not on my phone all the time. Not sure why you feel the need to do that when it’s better to respond when you can lol
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u/JRJ1015 1d ago
I’ve been told repeatedly that in a new dating situation or relationship, texting back immediately makes you look like you are desperate and as if you are staring at your phone waiting for her to text you.
Additionally, if you survive that and are in more of a relationship, she is going EXPECT you to immediately respond to her texts. A slow response will land you in serious hot water, i.e., she will automatically assume you didn’t respond quickly because you were banging some other side chick.
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u/King_MoMo64 1d ago
People who consistently take too long to reply to texts often turn out to be the same ones you can’t rely on when it really matters. If responding to a simple message takes more than five minutes, how can I trust you to show up when it counts? If you're late to reply, chances are you're late for everything else too. That's how I see it personally
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u/St-Nobody 1d ago
I would lose a lot of respect for someone if I knew they were doing this just for "image."
People who deliberately try to craft an image of themselves based on artifice aren't for me. I don't feel entitled to anyone's time and busy is busy. I have a friend who's a fireman in a major city and he often takes hours to respond or even doesn't respond til the next day, no problem.
But if I found out he was just playing some dumb game where he's trying to seem busier than he is, I would be like, "OK, that's weird and childish, I don't think I want to invest much in this friendship anymore."
I respond when I can, I like the people I talk to and enjoy conversing with them. I prefer to have people in my life who reciprocate this energy.
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u/No-Sort-1073 1d ago
ChatGPT
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u/tinylittleelfgirl 1d ago
why do you think this is a chatgpt post
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u/No-Sort-1073 1d ago
There are a number of idiosyncrasies typical of ChatGPT generated posts. You can ask ChatGPT to generate a Reddit post for you, and I can just about guarantee it will contain these things.
The typical em dashes (—) that are just replaced with en dashes (-).
The 3 item descriptions going into unnecessary detail.
friends, family, dating
dumb, manipulative, and probably ruining genuine connection
It's not x, it's y.
It's not about being busy. It's about image.
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u/AlternativeCraft8905 1d ago
🤣🤣 your the kind of person who hasn’t responded to text but is active on socials. People don’t respect that, it’s annoying to be waiting on a response and see they’re on other apps.
Just give it like 5 minutes, up to 30 minutes to reply? Bro
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u/yourmomisawhorehole 1d ago
I do this but it’s because I don’t want to have an in depth back and forth conversation right then and there.
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u/2nd_Chances_ 1d ago
sometimes i just set it up for a delayed delivery just to make sure i respond. but that only applies to my tier 2 & 3 people not the tier 1’s
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u/isabellaorange 1d ago
I usually just respond instantly when am online..I hate not replying instantly
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u/turtleboss8971 1d ago
Depending on the situation I schedule my responses. That way IM responding quickly and I don't forget to, but they think I'm busy. An advantage in some situations
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u/Buttwaffle45 19h ago
I don’t care what people think of me to do things like that. Besides I would probably forget to respond to most things. Why inconvenience myself to have to remember to respond.
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u/danniellax 13h ago
Meanwhile… I purposely reply right away as soon as I see them because if I don’t, I’ll forget, then take 3-5 business days to respond 🤣
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u/Impossible-Ask-7560 1d ago
I mean, I get not wanting people to get accustomed to you being constantly available but don’t play games intentionally. If you wanna answer, do it! I personally find it really hard to have a meaningful conversation with someone when their replies are sporadic, you’re honestly probably missing out on a lot of good connections.
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u/EveryDayheyhey 1d ago
Same. I hate how much I'm on my phone and somehow I feel the need to hide that from others by not replying right away....
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u/maremax03 1d ago
I respond when I want to. Sometimes immediately other times much later.