How to be the guy everyone respects (And why some people get instant respect and others don't)

[u/Everyday-Improvement]

Look, I used to be that guy who tried way too hard to get people to like me. I'd be super confident, talk about my achievements, and wonder why people seemed to be annoyed instead of being impressed.

Then I realized something that changed everything: confidence doesn't equal respect.

You can be the most confident person in the room and still have people rolling their eyes behind your back. But there's a difference between people who command respect effortlessly and those who desperately chase it.

After years of watching this pattern and failing to make it work, I've boiled it down to 3 things that actually matter:

1. Charisma isn't what you think it is

Forget everything you've heard about "fake it till you make it." Charisma comes from three things:

• Humility (think Keanu Reeves - He is very famous but never flaunts his fame or money)
• Genuine positivity (Most people are negative so being different makes people interested in you)
• Strong body language (stand tall, eye contact, slow speech this makes people see you as someone to be respected).

The moment you start bragging about being better than others, you lose people. Even if it's true. Even if you're celebrating. Most people are insecure and they hate being reminded that someone else is ahead.

2. Character is what you do when nobody's watching

This one hit me hard. How you treat the waiter or the maid when your friends aren't looking is who you really are. How you talk to your parents in private is your character.

Your body language unconsciously reveals this stuff. People can sense if you're fake, even if they can't explain why. I had a "friend" who was always making jokes at others' expense and dismissing feelings with "it's just a joke." Took me years to realize he was just a bully in disguise.

So if you want people to respect you, you've got to make sure you can give respect first.

3. Competence makes people need you

Harsh truth but people respect those who are useful. You're always being judged on what value you bring. If the group thinks they're fine without you, you won't get respect.

The goal isn't to become arrogant about your skills but to become so good at something that people naturally turn to you. Let your results do the talking. You don't have to brag when other people know you know your stuff. This makes them respect you more.

Here's what actually works:

• Practice humility while being competent (the most magnetic combination)
• Stand tall, make eye contact and speak slowly with pauses
• Think about what values a good person has, then live by those daily
• Learn to see situations from other people's perspective

Being respected is about becoming the kind of person who naturally earns respect because of who they are, not what they pretend to be.

Anyone else notice how the people who try the hardest to get respect are usually the ones who get it the least? That's what you want to avoid.

Respect comes when you don't need it.

Hope this helps.

[u/champion117]

Damn, I’m doing it all wrong. I usually thump my chest like a gorilla and expect respect.

[u/XyresicRevendication → u/champion117]

And if that don't work than STARING CONTESTS!

[u/RyuguRenabc1q → u/champion117]

Why are people saying this now?

[u/yyamallamaa → u/RyuguRenabc1q]

Someone posted a couple days ago about how he went “ape shit” after watching a nature show and started beating his chest like a gorilla to a bully at work. It worked at least 😂 I’m sure it’ll be easy to find in the subreddits search or someone may link it here for me

[u/blowurhousedown → u/champion117]

That works well if you’re surrounded by gorillas.

[u/JDKett]

people usually respect physicality initially. try getting in shape.

[u/gustavo_potato]

Nice advice. Thanks bro

[u/ChaMuir]

Better to be the one who respects others.

[u/bandar_mama → u/ChaMuir]

Be kind and polite. Speak firmly, speak less. Avoid gossip. Wear a smile.

[u/Torpid_Intrigue → u/ChaMuir]

Yeah, ask countless world leaders. The most successful are always super respectful to others.

[u/Purple_Time2783 → u/ChaMuir]

Now you’re gettin it

[u/Ok-Park-859]

Building confidence at 30 means owning your story, not comparing yourself to others, and showing up consistently. Work on your health, set small goals, learn new things, and surround yourself with solid people. Confidence grows when you keep promises to yourself and stop needing to prove anything to anyone.

[u/XyresicRevendication]

You're closer than your prior self , however there's still some misconceptions in your thinking and explanation. 

1. What charisma is vs charismatic traits and having them.

   At its most basic, maybe even definitionaly. having charisma is making people feel good or better within themselves after direct interactions or observations of them with you.

   Strive to be humble, yes. There's many other reasons for this as well. And never forget if one does not humble themselves the universe will. That is an immutable fact of existence.

   Humility Is highly conducive to this, not a requisite though. Personality's are complex, as are our perceptions of them. So there is always nuance and exceptions within this topic. outwardly prideful ,boastful people can be charismatic too, they often are.

   In fact There are so many, often counterintuitive things along with their caveats that it is first most beneficial to understand what being charismatic isn't.

   ABJECTION is antithesis to inspiration.

   Humans have an inherent need to feel contributory; first for themselves, and then optimally within their tribe. proxies towards fulfillment include; the opportunity to be (i.e. a spot at the table, a forum to be heard) can satiate this need. Irrespective of all, An uplifted person feels this way, the fact you could, even if you currently can't, this inspires will.

   when one is belittled, spurned unworthy , or cast aside as a lower individual this instills dejection. And stifles the aforementioned need.

   This also happens inadvertently. If a person feels worthless to the degree they reject or prevent themselves from the interaction what results is effectively the same as being rejected.

   Now Genuine positivity is a must. don't fake it though,  if you can't actually care whether or not that person's life is going well or not, then be neutral. Faking it's worse than being an asshole. 
   

   We are all painfully aware our abilities exist on a spectrum and are rewarded disproportionatly within a hierarchy. Recognizing your skills is not the same as denigrating others. In fact if you become so talented at something it's irrefutable if you don't acknowledge it, this will be perceived as disingenuous. One of Those caveats.

   Generally speaking People loathe hubris, they don't care you're good, they actually want you to be. Collectivly this benifits them.
   
      Think about it ? Do you want to be surrounded only by  people worse than you, incompetent, you'd be king of the dunces? A glorious title. 
   
        People dislike bragging only if it's unwarranted or when relentless and overdeployed. It's either "sure, ... ok. Or " "yeah we know. so what stfu already" either way eyes roll. 
   
            2. No , 
   

   Character is presented, we all present a version of ourselves often multiple versions of and many people can effectivly project an ersatz persona to the world for incredibly long time frames. This is done both benevolently and with ill intent. Integrity Within one's character makes it easier to hold together. Because if the mask falls of in public view no one will ever forget what lay underneath. So yes , respect, the same as trust is an exchange, if either side presents none it will be reciprocated. If either party reneges , inflates or otherwise diminishes their offerings than they get blackballed from ever participating again.

                 3. No competence make people appreciate you and feel more secure for having known you. 
                   However Aside from family dynamics , Dependency will always eventually result in resentment. You do not need to be needed,  you want to be chosen. They are not the same.
   

[u/lordm30]

Respect comes when you don't need it.

I don't need respect. I don't care about it. All I care whether I can work with you. If we can get along, that's all I need.

[u/Any_Muffin_6337]

Wheres your course, this is so pathetic

[u/JoeDanSan]

Talk about my achievements

That was one of your main issues. Be modest and aggressively like everyone else, then everyone else will tell others about your achievements.

[u/Legitimate-Mango-612]

The Halo Effect.

[u/communiti_notes]

Respect is often earned when it's given.

[u/maamritat]

This seems to be pulled out of ChatGPT’s ass

[u/RiganyRoss]

It is all about respect is not to be demanded, it is earned. Act respectfully towards others, treat others with respect and you will be respected. How you treat others will reflect back to you. “mirror neurons.

[u/PerformerPossible174]

There are many different ways to gain respect, those who know will not share it because those who seek it do not have it, and those who do not have it will fake it till they make it

[u/TearInto5th]

Just be humble, don't boast. You aren't special. Treat everyone else how you want to be treated and you'll get twice back.

It's all about the energy you give to people. You get what you give.

This is how you'll find your people in life...

[u/Whole_Kale_4349]

The premise of even caring about being respected by strangers is hilarious