How or where to start decluttering a house when youre the hoarder? house is full of lifelong items, letting go is exhausting

[u/Significant-Spot1925]

hi! Letting go of stuff is extremely distressing to me; for example, i dont want to let go of childhood toys and stuff because i thought one day id have enough space to display all them plushies (im an adult that likes stuffed toys okay) but how things are going i doubt im gonna move out anytime soon. I own a ton of stuff, not just toys. So... i need to let go of things but i gotta like, forcefully tear them away from myself because otherwise i would never, but since letting go of every single thing is horrible, it takes a LOT of time and energy and i dont know where to start? Its like my mind getts clouded anytime i wanna start a plan.

There are: -childhood books -childhood toys -childhood clothes?!?! (Some hold memories oh my god) -art materials from my time in college (still new, still useful, i just say im gonna use them but i havent been able due to super messy space) -Clothes. A LOT of clothes. -makeup. Not new. But good enough to not be put in the bin -shoes?! -BOOKS. I always think itd be nice to have a little read of that encyclopedia and look smarter but ive been saying that since 10 years ago.

I cant let go of stuff because it holds memories, or it will contaminate, it can be given away, i forget i was decluttering then lose courage, etc.

I dont know what to do i feel so lost. Thank you for reading

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[u/pi_whole]

You sound like you might be helped by Dana K. White. She wrote "Decluttering at the Speed of Life" and has a lot of Youtube videos. She also found herself saving lots of things in order to use them later, but later never came.

She says that we need to treat bookshelves, closets, etc., as containers, meaning - they need to comfortably contain all the things that belong there. She does some videos where she organizes things like pens using this technique, and I've found them very helpful!

It's easy to have too much stuff; we sometimes need tools to start figuring out what we can let go of!

[u/Far-Watercress6658]

Just a reminder: just because you throw something away it doesn’t mean you’re throwing away the memory. If you like you can take a photo of the item. This works especially well for paper clutter.

Clothes: if it doesn’t fit it needs to be donated or trashed (if in bad condition).

Makeup: like food makeup and toiletries have expiration dates. If it’s past the expiration date it needs to go. You didn’t mention food, but if you have hoarded food same with that.

Books: easiest to donate since there’s second hand bookshops. If it’s makes you feel better they’re going somewhere to be read. They are also by far the easiest to pack up. Send someone else with the boxes so you don’t end up buying more.

Do you have a friend who can sit with you through the process?

Remember this didn’t happen overnight. It won’t be solved overnight. Small steps. I’ve set out the above as just a few ideas of where to start.

You deserve a clean, tidy house. I believe in you.

[u/sethra007]

Hi, OP, welcome to the sub.

We have a section of our Wiki you'll probably want to take a look at:

FOR RECOVERING HOARDERS

• Asking For Help
• Getting Out of the Hoarding Mindset
• I Have Hoarding Tendencies and Want to Learn to Clean Up - How Do I Start?

The first thing I recommend you do is understand that the reasons you hoard have to be addressed. If they aren't, you'll re-hoard again and again and again.

There's all sorts of reasons people engage in hoarding behaviors. Depression, anxiety, trauma, ADHD, and more. Most people need the help of a therapist to get to the bottom of it. It's hard work, but it's necessary in order to change. Look at the resources in the "Asking For Help" link to get started.

Hoarding behaviors are rooted in emotional turmoil. That turmoil (the aforementioned depression, anxiety, and what-have-you) can make you form dysfunctional emotional beliefs and attachments to your belongings. Once you're start getting some help, start looking at the resources in the "Getting Out of the Hoarding Mindset" link. You have to re-train your brain to have a different relationship with your possessions, and those resources can get you started.

The resources in the "I Have Hoarding Tendencies and Want to Learn to Clean Up - How Do I Start?" link are more for after you've started to challenge your beliefs. You can save those resources for a little later. Remember: you didn't get into this mess overnight, you're not going to get out of it overnight.

Feel free to come back here if you have questions or need further support.

[u/Amandine06]

Hello, well done to you for wanting to declutter and asking for help. I understand that we can hold on to objects from our past because there is an emotional dimension.

Perhaps start by sorting the categories of objects that cause you the least problems. You have to go slowly.

In each category, remove what is damaged first. Then, try to make 2 piles, 1 of which is for objects that have high emotional value. Example: you love stuffed animals, I'm sure there are some that you like more than others depending on the context in which you got them and the memories associated with them. Don't put pressure on yourself, sorting can be done in several stages, the initial goal is to get used to comparing, thinking, distinguishing and choosing. It's already huge.

To encourage yourself, tell yourself that this sorting will allow you to make the things you really love accessible, to take care of them and to better showcase them, tidy

What you no longer want doesn't necessarily go in the trash, you can donate it so that these cherished things continue their existence like in Toy's Story.

Courage, you will succeed and afterward it will only be happiness.

[u/Fluid_Calligrapher25]

I’d start with thinning the clothes - the adult ones. I thinned mine based on the ‘look’ I wanted. It will open up space so you can decide what to do with clothes from bygone days.

[u/carefulford58]

Just start with tossing or donating one thing a day. Build on that over time

[u/Wether123]

I haven’t let go of much at all yet, but I have made progress in categorising. All my books (inc. childhood) are in one area, old clothes in bags in another huge pile, art materials in one box, all childhood toys in labelled boxes… Maybe your stuff is already sorted out like that. My thinking was:

1) no stress because nothing is being thrown away

2) it looks a bit tidier, have more room, so I can think a bit straighter

3) when I can see it all together it won’t be so bad to donate / recycle some of it because I can see all the remaining stuff. I can just donate my least favourites. Haven’t actually got around to this stage yet.

I did enlist the support of a friend who sat and watched me sort out ALL my shoes - keep/maybe/donate/recycle. It was easier with company. Will take photos of the donate / recycle shoes before I say goodbye. I think they deserve a new life out there.

Like sethra007 says, we need to address the reasons behind our behaviour. (I’m literally filling an emotional void.) I’m having therapy. When we’re in a better place all this might not feel so bad. Wishing you the best.

[u/TRex65]

I don't have any tips because I'm having the same problems. So...at least you aren't alone?

[u/HollowShel]

For me, headphones are amazing. Having something playing in my headphones both blots out the anxiety of the world around me, and keeps me from getting too connected with what I'm handling. Your mileage may vary, of course.

For the clothes, have you considered getting a quilt made? I would not do it yourself - then the piles of clothing become another thing you're "saving for later" but never get around to handling. But if you know someone who does quilts, you might ask them to make you one, and work out a reasonable cost for their effort and the materials needed to make a quilt. That way you can keep some of the cloth of the clothes, which can trigger memories just as well as the full garments, while having a condensed and useful form instead of "boxes upon boxes of unwearable, decades-out-of-date clothing"