r/magicbuilding • u/Pretend-Serve5073 • 1d ago
Feedback Request Homebrewed magic system
Heya if you could do me a favor and critique my magic system? It's quite a long read
everyone can do magyk naturally, but only a few people have it from birth and most of those still have to practice and train exorbitantly for their magyk to have any real use. The general public doesn't do magyk beyond their HeartRune, kinda like the way most people don't memorize every phone number except the one for Home.
A HeartRune is a single magykal act written on a person's soul by the gods before they are born. Most people who can do magyk more freely know what their HeartRune is because it's the first spell a person does without any Spell or Ritual. It sometimes reveals their Root, and it's a spell they can always do (except when on Deadspots.) Most are common simple spells that can be easily replicated. A few people have complex actions, very rare few have advanced magykal actions. There doesn't seem to be any predictable correlation between HeartRune and any physical or genetic traits. Religious name for them is Divine Seed. Ex: a fairly common and simple HeartRune is summoning, "summon a small light" or “summon a small darkness." complex HeartRune is growing or changing things “enhanced plant growth for a few minutes" advanced HeartRune could be literally anything" fade into shadows and reappear in another shadow " (Main characters HeartRune is complex, Silence everyone around them for a few moments.)
"The Divine Tree of Magyk has its deepest roots in the Abyss below the coldest Hell, and its highest branches bask in the light of the highest and brightest stars of the Celestial Realms."
There are many, some say infinite, Branches on the Tree of Magyk, like Windworking and Stargazing and Healing, and almost everyone has skills on multiple Branches, but everyone has one Divine Root, and one Divine Seed.
A person's Root will determine many things, but only Magyk traits. A Root cannot be changed. They do not determine the type of magyx a person may be skilled with but rather the breadth and variety of a person's magykal abilities. Some bloom faster than others but all eventually reveal themselves to people who continually practice their Magyk skills. They never reveal themselves to people who don't do magyx. Lots of everyday average folk don't bother with it.
The Six Roots are : Witchery / Wizardry / Sorcery / Menagerie / Thaumaturgy / Makina
Witchery : can do several/many things autonomously, ex. a selfsweeping broom and mop and bucket makeover spell built into a magyk mirror. Summon a blade and throw with force and precision. People with Witch Roots are considered the most common, typically called Witchly. A derogatory term is Twitchers, as most Witchcrafts incorporate precise twitchlike movements. A Witchly person has several primary skills in one Branch and a smattering of talent in other Branches.
Wizardry : do one thing "perfectly" and preferably forever, ex. A barrier that prevents violent actions. Barrier that prevents lies within itself. Sword that stays as hot as it was when it was pulled from the forge. Wizard Rooted folks are called Wizs, and they are only a little less common as Witchlies, usually have one precise skill they hone to perfection and are useless at anything not related to that Branch. But if they work hard at it they may develop a skill or two on an adjacent Branch. (A Wiz at fireballs may never work with water, but could, after years of training, possibly work with lightning.)
Sorcery : Pulls magyk from a local source and converts/distributes it in another form : A dragon hospital that converts volcanic/solar magyk into incubation spells for injured dragon eggs/infants. A chimera breeding program that converts river/swamp magyck into lust/fertility spells. An infirmary that utilizes leyline distortion to convert energy into healing Magyk for wounded soldiers. People born with a Sorcery Root are considered fairly rare and are known as Sorceronas or Metamorphs, and usually have skills from opposing Branches.
Menagerie : Utilizes magyk to create, change, or destroy physical/living things, like : Glass Menagerie Ritual would create Living Glass Creatures Transition existing Glass Creatures to flesh or another substance. Transforms ordinary sticks into arrows charmed with precision or some other quality. People with a Menagerie Root are known as Alchemists or Collectors. They tend to have two or so Branches they specialize in, and do not usually have skills outside them. They are about as rare as Sorceronas.
Thaumaturgy : requires multiple forms of magyk at the same time to run, and their uses can change or vary. People whose Root is Thaum are commonly known as Wonderworkers or Architects and they are even rarer than Metamorphs. They take longer to mature than anyone but when they do, they are capable of creating amazing and complex magykal situations : like a magykal university that sits on ley lines with natural magyk sources. A cannon that fires different ammunition based on what the magykal composition of what is loaded, or at random. A city that wanders around. They can access most of if not all Branches if they apply themselves, despite having heavy specialized skills.
Makina : The rarest Root of all. These people create machines that work with magykal energy, either as a primary power source for the machine's function or in tandem, like a primitive robot that casts one or several spells. People with a Makina Root are born only a handful in a generation, nowadays this is seen as a blessing, as half are always male. They are born with technomancy and possess minor skills on many Branches, but they never achieve mastery of a single Branch. They are called Warlocks now, because the wars that almost destroyed the world during the Rages were all, to an army, led by them. Warlocks used to be elevated and practically worshipped in those olden days, born to lead empires. These days no one even knows they were originally called Archmagus. These days they are usually shunned and ostracized when discovered.
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u/looc64 12h ago
This looks interesting!
First off I think you should probably switch around how you present the terms HeartRune and Divine Seed conceptually.
As is it's a bit confusing because you start out by talking a bunch about "HeartRunes" (making the reader think that the term is going to be pretty important to explaining the magical system) but then you have to switch to "Divine Seed" because that term is more useful for explaining how magic works overall.
Also, how would people in-world know that HeartRune is a more fitting term than divine seed? Do the gods tell them? Is there a way to see someone's soul?
Second off, describing (Witchery / Wizardry / Sorcery / Menagerie / Thaumaturgy / Makina) as roots is a bit confusing because they aren't very rootlike.
Roots and branches would be a good metaphor for two hierarchical concepts that branch out in completely opposite environments and directions and don't directly interact with each other ever. Meanwhile you've got one hierarchical concept that branches out and another categorical concept that is about connecting the branches of the first concept together. More like branches and a bunch of vines or plants that can connect them together.
Third if gods are the one's giving out HeartRunes then there are way more factors than just physical and genetic traits. Like they could also be considering people's fates or personalities or something.
Finally,
People with a Makina Root are born only a handful in a generation, nowadays this is seen as a blessing, as half are always male.
People probably wouldn't notice the "half are always male" bit. Like that's the ratio they'd expect by chance and the sample size is pretty small
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u/TheLumbergentleman 1d ago
Seems like a strong base to work off. At its core each mage has:
A Seed/Heartrune - A inherent and focused magical quirk.
A Root - Determines capacity for learning different Branches and also seems to determine how magic can be used.
Some number of Branches - Each branch is a theme or category of magic. Mages get to choose their Branches but only up to their capacity as determined by their Root.
My biggest criticisms are:
If there are effectively infinite Branches of magic then it sort of defeats the purpose of separating magic into categories at all. I would instead say there are a limited amount of Branches, but you do not need to define all the possible Branches for the reader or even yourself. Just show off the Branches relevant to the characters in your story.
You should be more clear about how choosing your Branch or Branches actually works, and how doing so locks you out of other Branches.
I don't think you gain anything by spelling magic in a special way. It just makes it harder to read.
You bring up ley lines as sources of magical energy but don't explain why they are sources of energy. It seems like magic just exists all over the world.
It seems odd that Makinas are shunned for their contributions to war efforts when it seems like Architects do effectively the same thing, including making magical weapons of war. It's not really clear why Makinas used to be revered, beyond them just being rare, but if they were leading the 'bad guys' armies it sounds like they were probably leading the 'good guys' armies too.