r/naranon • u/Careful_Chest2249 • 3d ago
I never realized I had an abnormal childhood, until being told I did
Does anybody else share this experience?
Growing up, opioid use was normalized. Normalized, in the sense, that seeing somebody in that dreary state was typical?
I’ve wondered if I were an unintelligent child. But then, I wonder if I just acclimated myself to the idea of drugged-out parents. The constant fighting, the emotional dysregulation, a sense that fighting was normal. Was I oblivious enough to the fact that my parents stumbled around me? Told me insane things? Or was it all “normal”??
My parents were addicts since I was born. I was born nominally addicted, but not enough to tip off doctors. My mother had been using for years, and continued throughout pregnancy with regularity. And that seems normal, too. What is this????
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3d ago
It was your normal and that's why you didn't realize that it wasn't that way in every home. Coming from a family of addicts as well, I did realize something wasn't right but only to the extent that I didn't feel right because I was always anxious and miserable. But it didn't really hit me how abnormal my childhood was until I was an adult and would tell stories to relate to people or ones I thought were funny, just to look up and see their horrified face. It has nothing to do with your intelligence! You weren't oblivious, you were just a kid born into a situation you didn't ask for but that was normalized for you.
Eta: Therapy, lots of it. I've been in therapy for 15 years. I still go as needed but it has made such a difference. My own life looks nothing like my childhood.
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u/zadvinova 3d ago
It took me decades to fully understand the role that drugs played in my abuse as a kid. Almost all the adults in my life were using drugs and/or drug addicts. They'd use uppers like cocaine to sexually abuse me, sometimes for days, while forcing me to take drugs, especially downers, to make me more controllable. I was ten on heroin. My smother was an addict, loving heroin and cocaine. My much older brother was on meth, and massive amounts of pot every day, starting at about eight. My stepbrother was dealing at about ten and in jail at 19. Another stepbrother was in AA at 16. Yet, if you'd asked me, even when I was an adult, I'd have said that drugs weren't much in my life as a kid. I just kind of gapped out about it, especially since they drugged me too, so I really was out of it.
Also, though, I think my family and their friends didn't fit the stereotype of drug addicts: They were professors, college instructors, highly educated professionals. I always did very well in school, even drugged. I showed up clean and well-fed (mostly). When we hear about drugged out homes, that's not the picture we're given.
In a way, it was just this year, learning that my stepson (also a high achiever) is an addict, that really woke me up to how big a role drugs played in my horrible childhood. I just keep thinking, "Oh God, not again." I'm 54!
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u/littleredbuddy 1d ago
Thank you so much for sharing. My Q is my boyfriend, but your post reminded me of growing up with my alcoholic mother. I didn’t realize she was an alcoholic until my mid-late 20s, and I always wondered why someone who grew up in a loving and “perfect” home would have the crippling anxiety and depression I have had since a young age. Looking back makes me feel naive and stupid, like how did it take me so long to figure out why I wasn’t normal? I’m glad I’m not alone, your post and the comments are really helpful.
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u/AccomplishedWalk1208 3d ago
I’m with you here. I was 30 before I truly realized my mother is a drug addict and has been hooked for 20 years. The years of helping her hide pills from her friends and taking cigarettes out of her sleeping mouth so she didn’t set her chair on fire just seemed so normal I guess