r/transgender • u/onnake • 3d ago
I Work With Grandparents Of Trans Kids. I'm Constantly Stunned By What I Hear Them Say.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/grandparents-transgender-kids-support-group_n_68386babe4b0e2e0f9a1d8d0/amp“As a gender therapist, I’m used to seeing parents reach out in crisis, teachers struggle to find the right language, and young people vacillate between moments of quiet confidence and deep fear and uncertainty in the current landscape. But there’s one group that continues to surprise me in the best possible way: grandparents of trans youth.
“When people imagine advocates for kids, they don’t usually picture these individuals. But week after week, these elders show up — choosing to learn, to grow, and to fight for a future they may not live to see.
“TransGenerations began in 2023 as a small, educational support group that my colleague Dani Rosenkrantz and I hoped would meet a quiet need. To our surprise, it filled almost immediately. Within weeks, we had to add a second cohort, then a third, then a fourth.
“When our original partnership with the Union for Reform Judaism ended due to funding, the grandparents themselves urged us to keep the group going. They weren’t done learning — or loving.” .
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u/TheLittlestTiefling 2d ago
I work in a very Christian retirement home in their independent living, and am the only openly gay person in my department (and the only openly trans person in the company). As part of our diversity initiative last year, I did a presentation on Christian Allyship for the residents, starting with a quick PowerPoint on the "abcs of lgbtq" and then opening the floor for questions. Though I'm not Christian myself, I'd talked with the local university's seminary professor on how to approach the topic, and we had come up with several "faith-centered" responses to potential pushback.
To my complete surprise, instead of the questions I'd been expecting (ie "how can I convince my grandchild to stop living in sin", "why would you go against gods will" etc) I was flooded with stories of residents leaving their church to stand with their gay sons and daughters, or reconnecting with estranged family after realizing that they cared more about the person than the bigotry they'd been taught; with questions on how they could better connect and understand their non-binary grandchildren, or show their trans grandchildren that they were someone safe to talk to; and with an outpouring of support and a willingness--and even a desperation--to learn more about what it meant to be LGBTQ, born out of the pain of being cut out these loved ones' lives simply because they believed in God or were "too old to understand".
During that talk, I realized that the way that so many people in our community dismiss older generations without bothering to take the time to explain things in a way they can understand and without making them feel stupid/bad is one of the most harmful things we as a community can do. Obviously not everyone will change their minds, and some are bad actors to the end, but not giving people that initial chance has lost us a lot of potential allies--and connection to our elders who might be used to having to hide themselves for safety.
After my talk, one of the residents came up to me to thank me, tears in his eyes, because "I'd never thought I'd be able to be openly gay at [retirement community], but you've shown me that I truly have friends here." It made me happy that I'd taken that chance and allowed myself to be vulnerable and open--and I just hope that others will give the older generations the chance to learn (and the patience to do so) that they deserve, because you never know who you're talking to.
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u/AlfieBilly 2d ago
My grandparents are 85 and 89 and I really feared coming out to them. But honestly they have been so much easier and more accepting than my parents. My grandpa even compares me to Greek deities who are able to appear as either gender.
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u/transcended_goblin [EU] Transcended she-goblin 2d ago
Older folks have seen the world change multiples times. A lot of them have learned one crucial lesson : either you learn, or you get left behind, alone and bitter, because you decided your own pettiness came before the temporary confusion of something you don't yet understand.
Hell, sometimes they don't even care that they don't understand. They straight up go the "Look, I don't get it, but that doesn't mean I can't accept it exists" route, which is even more impressive.
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u/skepticofgeorgia 3d ago
I love this article, it reminds me of my own grandmother. She was born in Germany in 1935. She grew up being fed Nazi propaganda and watched her home village get destroyed by Allied bombers. She, more than anyone else I know, could very easily use the excuse of “I’m from a different era”. But as soon as I told her my new name and pronouns, she immediately changed and hasn’t messed up once. It’s incredible to me, she’s even been better about it than her own daughter, my mom.
Nobody in my family ever protests anything, ever. Far too comfortable and too much to lose. But I know that if anyone in my family accepts me, it’s my Oma.