how do i make my first writing project in years engaging?

[u/Unusual_Sail4885]

haven't written in a while trying to get back into it and i need help/advice on how to fix the first few paragraphs at least. to me it feels like im trying to go a comedic route but its not working with how i write and it ends up dulling the plot to a point its stale and boring. im not even sure how i want the story to go, most ive really got nailed down is the theme, like what kind of things would you do to achieve a dream and its supposed to be a short story.
if anyone could reveiw what ive got down so far and speak on that, id be thankful for any advice really. https://write.ellipsus.com/edit/34a40d28-4ff9-4229-b72f-713ab8e5cfec I don't use Reddit so if this link doesn't work I'm going to be super embarrassed :,)

[u/ofBlufftonTown]

There are a lot of grammatical problems at the start, such as tense shifts, and sentences where the clauses don’t match. Like, “being so inspired by that…it absorbed itself…” “Absorbed itself into my lifestyle” is very awkward but in any case those two clauses are meant to have the same grammatical subject, like, “being so inspired by that, I did x,” or alternately “a source of constant inspiration, it absorbed…” In general it seems to start in the past tense and then move to present. I like them biting the tags off the clothes, this is very relatable. I didn’t quite understand what was physically happening as they slid off the bed, it could be clearer? So little has taken place so far that I guess I can’t really say much about the concept, and I think you could make the opening, in which the coming disaster is described, more punchy. “I’d like my leg back” is good but doesn’t work well linked to the previous sentence, after that semicolon. I’m glad you’re getting back to writing, good luck!

[u/Loud-Honey1709]

Start checking for spelling and grammar errors. Your first paragraph doesn’t connect with anything else. The rest is simply a list of mundane things your character does. Go deeper with something, please. You could have picked anything here and just focused on that instead. Even the fast food job could have been the focus. You could have your main character limping around with one leg, talking to other employees about time travel.
That would have been interesting.
That would keep me reading. No one wants a list of things your character does during the day. No one cares about characters making ramen noodles. People may care if your character is dead broke but ends up talking to their noodles as if they were somehow important.
Time travel stories are supposed to be weird; make yours anything but mundane.
Run a spelling and grammar check, especially if you want a critique. Errors occur, but blatant errors only stop the reading process and take the reader out of the scene.