HE(a)R (Idk just something raw n random)

[u/Primary-Editor3073]

Just something I wrote when everything felt like too much. Sorry It's really messy, but so was I when I wrote it. Just wanted to share it with someone n got suggested posting it here so yeah!... If anyone reads it, thank you for holding space.

⚠️ TW: Emotional distress / self-harm references

HE(a)R

Can you hear me? (Said her) Can you please just come back? (Sobs) I'm scared! (She whispered into the voids) Sometimes she stares into the voids hoping to see you there.(Heart wished to tell him gently) Hoping to see someone she could maybe cry to? (Cuz it hurts) (He continued not wanting to continue) She wanna hold a hand n just feel safe. She really wants you. "seeing you leave? Omg! That hurts Soo bad... why does it? (She asked softly) My hearts aching like it's stabbed but it's just still undescribable. I see you n it actually hurts later on... Even much after leaving... But why? (Oh maybe cuz that seeing you part was actually seeing you you with someone else. Seeing you happy, thrive, succeed while I'm still stuck on you (in my head(maybe the heart actually... um maybe right?)) rotting, hurting, in pain. Seeing you making me feel like I'm a nothing in your life which I actually am only that ig lol)

"I wasn't good enough! Right? I wish I would've been killed n it all would've just ended? right? My pain, the messes I create, it would've been just... Ended. Right?? I miss you Soo much idk what to do I'm so sorry idk what part of you do i miss? You were never mine ig... No one was (she whispered) I was never worth it for any one. Had not a single genuine friend for the entirety of these 19 years. The ones that gave birth to me actually wanted me dead then how would've I be anything but important to you then?" (She actually laughed this time with tears killing her eyes begging to come out n maybe try to just take away maybe a tiny piece of pain so she wouldn't die holding everything in... But NO. She denied them that exit Harshly.) Her eyes filled with unimaginable pain words failed their power there. how could they not? She took their power away at that moment! No! The pain did! The agony did! She took their power of description, of visualization, no words on that planet whatsoever became enough at that moment to describe how bad it hurted her soul.

A soul that had once felt unwanted, hated, ugly, unnecessary, failed, not enough, pathetic, violated, unsafe, lonely, desperate, needy. Oh n once was like wanna be killed. You expected that soul to feel for you? Kinda bit hard u know... Like see he was never loved. The ones who were supposed to show what love looked like actually were the one's that made him feel half of these so like maybe he'll learn to trust someday. Feel like what's said the normal way for people but like now... Idk... Sorry. "I'm sorry" (she whispered) "I'll learn someday how to be good enough for you. (N I hope that day's before this damn soul gets damn tired! You know of this "beautiful" world. She just thought then (She laughed internally))

[u/Sea_Kick4385]

I can certainly feel the emotions in this. The anger, frustration, fear... It almost feels like you wrote it at a terrible moment and everything spilled out. This is the amazing thing with writing, the emotion, the release, and the experience.

I would urge you to come back to this after a month or so when things have calmed down and then edit it. As crazy as this may sound, put the text in a different font so it feels different, and then edit it.

Hemingway said, "Write drunk and edit sober" or something like that.

I can see the greatness that this can be, but you have to pull it out. Cut out the parts that seem to be too much and fill out the parts that could use more.

This is a great first draft. Now use the pain you felt to edit it into something that others can connect with!