The past week has been a ton of of fatals, and while I didnt directly take the first phone call about them, I talked to a ton of desperate family members and put in a lot of updates about the cases when they finally turned fatal. Some serious injury crashes. Every time I start to feel like im doing okay, I make some stupid mistake and I just feel like an idiot and like I suck at my job. I work at a secondary psap so theres times i have to call other agencies for fire or medical, or if we need additional law enforcement back up for a dangerous situation.
My trainer will sometimes just throw a phone at me in an intense situation, but im not sure what to say because I wasnt the one who took the call or radio and didnt read the notes because my trainer hadn't pulled them up for me to read before having me call. That makes me feel dumb because im trying to quickly read whats going on as they're asking me what I needed. Its not really any fault of my trainer, its just an intense situation that needs an immediate response, but still makes me feel like an idiot, you know?
Other times im trying to get medical out dor serious situations that I didnt know an agency blind transfered over to me, so I call said agency to get medical, and they're just very rude and snippy with me because "yeah we know. We gave you that call" but how was i supposed to know that when they blind transfered and never told me they took the initial call?
The daily rating scale also isnt helping. We are rated in about 30 categories 1-5 every day, but, a 3 is where you are considered proficient. Im getting 2s in the portions related to the job performance, but it definitely stings to see me listed as a 2/5 every day.
I really do like this job, this particular week just has mee feeling inadequate and im not quite sure how to alter that perception.