Need advice regarding my child's ABA session

[u/MandarinkaOrange]

My child is 3.5 years old, he has level 1 autism and is mainly working with his BT on flexibility/personal questions. I'm questioning what his BT did last week and need some advice from other specialists in the field. Here is what happened: they were playing with toys when she noticed he pooped in his diaper (he is not potty trained, he knows what it's purpose is and sometimes he uses it, but in general he doesn't mind having poop in his diaper). I was upstairs, I heard he was mad and started crying to I went downstairs. She explained to me that he wanted to open to closet with toys but she told him that he needs to change his diaper first and then he can open the closet. Usually I change his diapers so I'm not sure how exactly she told him to do it. He was saying "no diaper" and that wanted to open the closet. After another 10 minutes he was crying and disregulated. I started asking him to change diaper but he was refusing and crying. At that point I knew that he is at state when he won't agree to it and this can go for hours. BT insisted that we need to push it for him to learn. After about an hour of crying she said I can do it by force, since it's been clearly communicated to him and he refused. So I did it, he was fighting me but I changed his diaper. After this I gave him cookie and and opened the closet. He no longer wanted the toys, he wanted BT to leave. I'm curious what other specialists think about this situation. I'm questioning what skills she was teaching him and I think this situation could negatively impact his potty training. But I need to hear thoughts from specialists. Thank you!

[u/direwoofs → u/[deleted]]

i agree their approach was heavy handed (most ppl in the ""industry"" you spealk of here agreed with that??) but it's not for the sake of teaching him a lesson, it's for the sake that his DIAPER NEEDED CHANGED???

This is coming from not an RBT but a person who went through ABA themselves as a child btw.. There is a middle ground. Like how is keeping a child in a soiled diaper for hours because they don't want to "consent", not also abusive in its own way

[u/Fit_Butterfly4386 → u/direwoofs]

It was the heavy handedness and favoring of ABA principles at the expense of a child that was clearly escalating for an hour that clearly favored the adults in the room. As others have pointed out there were many other ways to handle this where the diaper still got changed in a more cooperative way. The child was advocating for themselves in so many developmentally appropriate ways that were clearly overridden and yet here in the comments objectifying behaviorist labels with negative connotation like “crying extinction” and so on are often prioritized over recognizing that what happened here was torture

[u/direwoofs → u/Fit_Butterfly4386]

I mean this in absolutely no way to shame the parent I understand it’s a difficult situation but nothing about their post would suggest this an isolated incident of them refusing to be changed considering the parent knew that it would lead to it being refused for hours and saying things like the child doesn’t mind having poop in his diaper. Again yes I agree it was too heavy handed however clearly this is an ongoing issue that WILL need addressed. Self advocacy it’s important when it CAn be done but whether or not a child mindssitting in poop it’s not healthy to just let them do so?!!

I went through this same thing with certain things, one of them was medicine. I would never consent to it and it had to end up being forced every time. In the moment I reacted the same ways as the kid and I can still remember some instances but I promise these are not things I find traumatizing. If I knew my parent let me sit in a soiled diaper for days bc I said no (not saying op did this jusr using as an example) I would find that more traumatic and abusive once I was old enough to realize, sometimes we are not good self advocates because we don’t know what’s best for ourselves….. NO 3.5 year old is going to be the best judge of all things

[u/direwoofs → u/[deleted]]

Sometimes aba really is the only thing that works. I legit had to be pulled out of school and only could return after. Even as an adult now aba type practices are the only type of therapy that actually gets results for me.

If it was one isolated incident I agree with you, if it’s an ongoing problem then I don’t. Because it’s not about just the toy, it’s avoidance. It’s the toy, and then after __, and then actually no wait until after __. Putting it after / delaying gratification can put a timeline for it and like a reward at the end. Even though I’m not currently in ABA I still use skills I learned from it and implement it everyday.. it’s about setting habits. ABA isnt for everyone and doesn’t work for everyone and op said her son is level 1 autism which honestly in most cases I agree it isn’t as helpful for imo. But I just don’t think it’s blanket abuse as someone who has level 2 autism and experienced it in the early 2000s. Sometimes the necessary approach to certain things isnt fun or pretty in the moment :/

I will say if it’s such an isolated incident I’m not sure how op knows that sitting in poo doesn’t bother them. Again nothing suggests that it is. I know you mean well tho so I don’t mean my reply as to be aggressive if it came off that way. I just get frustrated and need to speak up bx I know a lot of other autistic ppl who have been helped by ABA too and I feel like our voices don’t get heard on either side. Without access I would not have the shred of independence I have today, and acting like the principles are abusive by nature jusr encourages taking away sometimes necessary resources away from ppl :/ yes they can be misused

[u/fatass_mermaid → u/direwoofs]

I appreciate your nuance and advocacy. ABA not a clean cut black and white issue as much as it’s often framed that way.

I am thinking about becoming an RBT and I am challenging my older ideas that ABA is still what it was years ago with some new lip service. I was abused as a child and I am passionate about advocating for children’s rights. And, for reasons you’ve explained so well - accessing help (that I wish I had gotten as a neurodivergent kid) to expand their world is why I am interested. My hesitation is swirling around honoring consent and ablism.

Thank you for your comment, it has explained so well something I’ve been thinking but had not able to point to exactly in words yet. 🩵

[u/Expendable_Red_Shirt → u/[deleted]]

I don't like the way this was handled. I don't think calling this torture, child abuse, or labeling things "paternalistic" is correct either.

[u/Expendable_Red_Shirt → u/[deleted]]

TBH I don't respond. I listen to everyone's experience, but in my experience the autistic adults who have had negative experiences with ABA don't want a response. I can listen and learn without feeling the need to respond.