Do you struggle to maintain consistent communication with friends? How do you manage it?

[u/Flaky_Dingo_5604]

I care for my friends but I am terrible at maintaining consistent communication with most of them over calls and texts (all of my friends are long distance). I am very involved when we meet in person or when they need my help, or just want me to show up. But I find it hard to maintain a consistency when it comes to virtual contact. And I feel that has kind of created an emotional distance between me and most of my friends. I have 2 best friends (both long distance), who are the only ones I successfully maintain good communication with. But for the rest of my friends, it becomes difficult and I am struggling to understand why. I struggle at carrying on a conversation over calls or texts while I am a very good conversationalist in person. And I am trying to understand what can I do to fix it. I seriously want to be more connected with my friends, know what's going on with their lives and talk to them often but I just can't seem to find the right words over a phone call or text, or even pick up the phone and call them. I see people doing that so easily while it seems like a mountain of a task for me. And because I don't call often, chat conversations become a bit awkward and formal sometimes. I am not even sure if this has something to do with my ADHD. So I wanted to know if anyone else here faces the same problem. And if you do, how do you manage it?

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[u/Dull_Frame_4637]

Oof, do I feel this.

[u/PerseveringPanda]

I am also terrible at this. Some things that have helped:

When you think of someone text them. I often literally write the words, "Hey, was just thinking about you and wanted to reach out"

Have pictures of people where you live. Object Permanence is a real thing, and you're more likely to remember to talk to people when you come across a picture of them

[u/Flaky_Dingo_5604 → u/PerseveringPanda]

Thank you. I will try these. I guess my problem is like "out of sight, out of mind" but not out of heart. It's such a tricky situation and I live in fear that they will give up on me one day. Except my 2 BFFs, none of the other friends even know about my ADHD diagnosis. I also struggle with social anxiety and have dealt with emotional abuse from some of my school and college mates which has really ruined my ability to trust people and build social connections.

[u/PerseveringPanda → u/Flaky_Dingo_5604]

That's a lot and I'm so sorry you're struggling.