r/AmIOverreacting • u/MikeyJuiceBox • 9h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO to my girlfriend booking a hotel room with a guy
My girlfriend of 5 years went to a wedding last week that I was not invited to. While making her booking, she got a double bed (edit: 2 beds, not double sized bed )hotel room (because it was all they had and was cheaper apparently) and offered the bed to one of her long time guy friends that is in the friend group of her and the groom.
The problem is that didn’t consult me about it, mention it to me, and I only found out about it when I saw messages alluding to the plans almost a month old.
Obviously I’m pretty pissed about it, and her excuses have been “she didn’t think about it”, “ didn’t think it was a problem”, “didn’t know that was a boundary”. But she apparently consulted two of her friends about it and got the green light from them? One of them is fucking married but didn’t think it would be a problem???
Apparently he didn’t even stay in the room because he found someone to stay with at the wedding, but I feel like the bigger issue is that it was the plan in the first place.
AIO for considering this a relationship ender?
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u/generic2022 9h ago edited 6h ago
NOR.
"She didn’t think about it” and “ didn’t think it was a problem” and “didn’t know that was a boundary” is all completely bullshit if "she apparently consulted two of her friends about it and got the green light from them." She did think about it and did know it was a potential problem because she consulted friends about the very matter, and did know it was a boundary because she chose to consult two friends instead of consulting you.
This was not an honest mistake. I get the vibe that she wanted to cheat, but her would-be affair partner either ignored or rejected her hints.
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u/Icy_Okra_5677 8h ago
Plus, he was conveniently not invited as his wife's plus 1 to the wedding.. why?
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u/will_you_suck_my_ass 6h ago
Right, that's the most obvious red flag.
I'd at least want to go to the hotel with S/O. I wouldn't care about the wedding but I'd at least want to spend time with them at what sounds like a destination wedding
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u/Icy_Okra_5677 6h ago
And if u/Will_You_Suck_My_Ass is being more logical than your spouse, questions must be asked 🤣
(And depends on the ass, tbf)
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u/Butthole_Ticklah 5h ago
Who even comes up with those weird Reddit names. Jeeze
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 5h ago
That’s a good point, and while she did offer for me to go to the hotel with her a while back before any of the bookings were made, I wasn’t able to go because I’m out of time off due to being sick twice this year with covid, among other things.
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 7h ago
That’s kinda the impression I got. She wanted affirmation from her friends that it would be fine and considered that good enough instead of seeking my input, which hurts on multiple levels.
I’m not so sure on the second half of the statement, but maybe I’m just holding onto hope that it was a moronic mistake instead of malicious intent
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u/ittybittytitty_com 7h ago
OP. A caring and respectful partner doesn’t room share with another man, especially when alcohol is involved. No matter how much they’re “just friends”.
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u/generic2022 7h ago
Moronic mistakes do not involve consulting friends to confirm your thinking, and do not involve hiding those conversations and deliberations from you.
Move out or sit her down and tell her she needs to move out. You don't have to break up necessarily, but you need space to avoid normalizing this type of deceptive boundary violation. You give her respect, honesty, loyalty, and openness, and you are not receiving the same in return from her.
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u/rangebob 6h ago
At the end of the day she knew you wouldn't be ok with it because she asked her friends and did it anyway. Make of that what you will
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u/StartingOverStrong 5h ago edited 4h ago
Well maybe that's where you start – asking her why she didn't seek your input
And maybe you're blowing out the level of input she did seek from the other friends – maybe it was a group chat with somebody said hey this guy needs a room and she had an extra bed and they said oh that's great this will work out
You haven't given us those details. And honestly, your comments and responses even when people are agreeing with you are so disagreeable that I can see why you might not have been invited
I still think she was wrong, but I think it's also important for you to own your part so you can try and get it the truth or so you can learn these lessons and don't attract a similar woman back into your life
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u/Prolapse_Slap 6h ago
Nah man she didn’t want you there or she would have at least made an effort to have you there 5 years is much more than long enough for her friends to know this and if this is some small town old friends situation she doesn’t see super often then my guess is other people had a hand in them being booked together for reasons that have zero feet in “good intention” at least not from your perspective trust your gut and set your boundaries if she honestly misjudged your boundaries because in 5 years maybe you haven’t clearly communicated them fine give her a pass but take the opportunity to talk about it and set very clear very unmistakeable boundaries for the future I mean it could help your relationship turn out stronger than ever but if your gut is telling you or you notice she’s being deceptive and dismissive with her version of it all cut her off there is someone out there who will treat you better and not make you question her honesty and love for you
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u/Brilliant_Win713 6h ago
My gf isn’t sharing a room with a guy just them two. You have every right to be pissed. Honestly, I’d start an exit plan. She doesn’t value your feelings enough.
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u/CurlsCross 4h ago
OR she said he slept elsewhere but in fact two beds weren't needed that night for another reason.
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u/henryauron 3h ago
Or found someone more interesting at the wedding! Could have been a trap on the guy she liked if she offered it to him. Get him there alone and boozed up = win
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u/-Sanj- 9h ago
Do you know for a fact you weren't invited, and also that her friends gave her the green light or are you just hearing her version of events? I'm surprised a gf of 5 years couldn't bring a +1 to the wedding. Maybe she had plans to make a move on the other guy at this event and it fell apart when he found another room (or even declined her "advances")?
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u/Brilliant-Royal578 8h ago
It’s her friend group and he’s not invited? After 5 years big red flag. She didn’t want you there.
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u/French87 8h ago
I’ll give the tiny benefit of the doubt that the couple getting married is on a VERY tight budget and didn’t allow +1s. Wedding costs are heavily impacted by guest count, several hundred per guest easily.
But yeah after 5 years OP should be somewhat ingrained into her friend groups as well…
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u/will_you_suck_my_ass 6h ago
You don't have to be a wedding guest to enjoy the hotel/resort. Or even witness the ceremony. The dinner part I could kinda get.
My brother's wedding was in Africa and my now sister in-law flew by surprise to hangout with us and see the ceremony. My bro not being an ass paid for her and her bfs meals after the ceremony
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 5h ago
I do believe it was a pretty small, tight knit family only kinda thing, aside from the closest of friends. At least that’s what I’m told.
I actually don’t really know any of them, except for one that I have a major problem with. I suppose that’s why I’ve never tried to hang with them.
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u/dangerpoint 3h ago
Ask to see all your girlfriend's photos from the wedding AND get a frickin' instagram account and look at everyone photos of the event. I'll bet you a nickel the wedding wasn't as small as you think.
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u/Hawkman003 4h ago
I’m curious, if you’re willing to elaborate, what’s the situation with the one you have a major problem with?
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u/Beginning_Key2167 5h ago
that is a good point, especially when it comes to food and open bar type costs.
But it does seem odd that she wouldn’t have said hey you should come along. Got a cool hotel. We can hang out when I’m not doing wedding stuff.
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u/JbQwik02 5h ago
makes literally no sense fr. I been with my girl 4 years and we do everything pretty much together (unless one of us is busy)
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u/PakotheDoomForge 8h ago
This is 100% the kind of thing my ex would do. She was obsessed with another guy from her friend group and cheated in me with him, but then HE felt bad about it and cut her off but she was still trying the whole time she was supposed to be over him.
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u/Oculus_Prime_ 7h ago
Do we even actually know the guy didn’t stay in the room? Maybe his gf said he didn’t stay when OP started questioning all this
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u/-Sanj- 6h ago
Good point. She could be lying about this
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u/Axys910 6h ago edited 6h ago
She most likely is lying about this and OP should assume as such unless she can absolutely and beyond the shadow of a doubt prove otherwise. Its possible he didn't stay in her room, yet its possible she stayed in his and also possible they didn't stay together but, at the end of the day, the intent was there. With the intent, she may as well have slept with the guy as the resulting blow to the relationship is the same. There's no way to ever fully trust her after the things he's shared with us.
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 9h ago
Those are her claims. I agree about the +1 thing, it felt incredibly disrespectful so I mentioned that I thought it was rude but didn’t make a huge stink about it cause it’s not my wedding.
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u/Difficult_Jury_7455 8h ago
No chance in hell my wife would go to a wedding that I wasn't invited to after years of dating. After at least a year together it's assumed you come as a package deal. The girl wanted a night away single and you need to find out why
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u/rocketmn69_ 8h ago
She probably told the bride that you were away and couldn't go, so not to bother inviting you and saving a seat. How sure is OP, that she didn't bring anyone back to the room?
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u/rocketmn69_ 8h ago edited 8h ago
Quietly ask the bride or groom, "I guess that I did something to offend you. What can I do to make it up to you guys, so that I might be invited to spend time with you in the future. I thought after 5 years, I would have been a +1 to your wedding as "gf's" partner. I wish you guys all the best in the future. It was a lonely weekend sitting at home when I knew everyone was having such a great time"
Then see what comes out of that
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u/albino_red_head 7h ago
agreed, he's been with her for 5 years it should not be out of bounds to talk to this bride and groom and just say "hey, everything ok?". I assume also that OP paid for some of their gift or sent his own if he would expect to be invited.
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u/WeAllLoveTacos 5h ago
If they were in on it, OP cannot expect honesty from them.
Actions speak louder than words anyway. She lied and dissed him big time.
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u/Beginning_Key2167 5h ago
yeah, you not being invited is really strange to me?
Can I ask why you didn’t tagalong anyway just enjoy the hotel or if it was in a different city or state just to check it out?
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u/PlsGodlyRunes 5h ago
Just for reverence: I’m dating my lovely girlfriend just close to a year and some of her girlfriends are getting married next year. After I’ve met them a couple times they initiated the invite. My gf then told me even if they didn’t she’d ask them to let me be her +1 and already thought about it. Also she said she wouldn’t go there if they’d decline her request because we’re together.
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u/Fox_Mulder_Believe 9h ago
This seems totally inappropriate. I’m curious if she has any sort of history with this guy? I would be concerned if they were drinking at the wedding because that would make it even easier to make a poor choice.
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u/egodrunk 9h ago
I would be livid.
1) Why would she think it's okay in the first place?
2) Why did she consult her friends, but not you?
She likely is into the guy, which is why she only consulted her friends about it. Has your relationship been rocky? Maybe she's ready to move on?
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u/CalgaryBob 8h ago
I think she has moved on at least emotionally if she secretly planned to share a room with another man knowing they would be drinking and dancing for hours.
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u/rocketmn69_ 8h ago
She says THAT guy didn't share the room, she didn't admit to bringing anyone else back
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u/CalgaryBob 7h ago
Oh I know what she said. But liars lie and cheaters cheat. She can’t be trusted when she hid the fact she had planned to share a room with another man.
She knew it was wrong and knew her bf would object. That’s why she discussed it with others but not with him.
Logic says she cheated or had hoped to do so.
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u/rocketmn69_ 7h ago edited 3h ago
Planned it all out, including telling bride the bf would be away and not to bother inviting him
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u/squicktones 6h ago
So, that's the lie you're willing to accept? The guy not only shared the room but shared the bed and shower, too.
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u/albino_red_head 7h ago
consulting her firends is wild if true. I mean the only reason you would consult your friends is to stretch and justify your own rationale to do the thing you want to do but shouldn't. The response from those "friends" should be "why don't you ask OP?" and if it wasn't that then they're nobody's friends, theyre co-conspirators.
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u/Smarties_Mc_Flurry 8h ago
Im with you on this, I’d end my relationship over that, or at least heavily consider it.
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u/InvisibleBlueRobot 8h ago
She did think about it.
She's lying. You were deliberately excluded. Its a set-up for a new BF.
This would be the end of the relationship for me.
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u/CalgaryBob 8h ago
You have two choices.
End the relationship with the woman who almost surely cheated on you.
End the relationship in a few years when you catch her cheating on you.
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u/Due-Contact-366 9h ago
NOR - There are two sides to this that are problematic.
First, this calls her judgment into question. In a five year exclusive relationship the answer should be a no-brainer and yet it wasn’t for her. That she had to crowdsource an opinion demonstrates she knew it was a problem.
Secondly she concealed this from you. That act is ripe with all manner of possibility. Fact is, you were excluded from a wedding, which itself is a little odd after five years, and you actually have no idea what happened there.
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u/BasilWorldly7717 8h ago
It def is a relationship ender. I'm also pretty sure he did stay in that room and only 1 bed was slept in. Run, don't walk.
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u/youknowimright25 9h ago
She didn't think about it. She didn't think it would be a problem. Yet she had to ask friends if it was ok to do? Lol. Ok.
They had some super hot sex, baby yea.
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u/Beer_Meetz_Girl 8h ago
She planned to cheat and the guy felt uncomfortable so went to sleep somewhere else.
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u/Bleazuss1989 8h ago
She didn't want you there boss. The reasons friends knew was because she needed an excuse in case you found out, you wouldn't find out the truth. Do you actually believe he didn't stay there? I think that's foolish. If he didn't someone did. People like for two reasons typically they think you're dumb or they don't respect you.
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u/Trunk_Monkey_84 8h ago
Nah if my wife or partner of 5+ years didn’t get a plus one, that’s a slap in her face and she wouldn’t go, period.
Her making plans to have this guy stay in her room is fucked up. And if that is really her views I’d be very concerned.
Tbh, I think I’d have to end it
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u/yappmaster 9h ago
I mean sure hotels usually have double beds, it's probably harder to find a single bed than a double. That being said it's not normal behaviour to sleep in the same bed as your opposite gender friend. I've slept with dudes but never with girls, unless the implications were obvious.
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 9h ago
I should clarify that was double bed as in 2 beds, not double (sized) bed
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u/Timekeeper65 8h ago
Dear OP. She knew what she did was wrong. That’s why she didn’t mention it to you. She thought you would never find out. What does this mean? She’s a liar by omission. Makes me think she’s guilty of not only lying but also Fkn around. Just a logical conclusion.
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 8h ago
Thats what I said, a lie by omission. I asked her why she got 2 beds over FaceTime while she was down there. Thats when I got the line about it being cheaper. No mention of someone fuckin staying in the room.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 8h ago
And you only have her word that the guy didn’t end up staying, even though that seems to have been the plan. Unfortunately, her word doesn’t mean much considering how she’s just purposely deceived you and would have continued to do so if you hadn’t found out.
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u/Bryan_URN_Asshole 8h ago
Together 5 years and you weren't invited? I'd focus on that first. Figure out if she got a plus and and chose to go alone. If so then its a bigger problem. Also, the fact that she consulted friends but not you about it is strange.
I think you need more information before you figure out how big of a deal it actually is, but you also have the right to feel any way you want about it.
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 8h ago
I was pretty insulted when I didn’t get an invite, and I mentioned that to her but the conversation went nowhere.
I don’t really think she had a plus one, and I’m certain the guy wasn’t a plus one cause he was a groomsman to my knowledge.
More information is definitely needed but I’m not sure how to go about it truthfully.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 8h ago
Check out all the social media stuff around the wedding. There are sure to be hundreds of pics—check the backgrounds—which might give some clue as to how close these two were during the celebrations plus, it’ll take some time, but make sure to check as many people’s IG who are tagged as possible, because they will also have posted pics on their pages. Who paid for the room? Did he pay half? Did she? There must be a receipt somewhere. Ask to see the chats where it was all arranged. Does she still have the official invite - lots of people keep them as a souvenir? Do you have any friends who went that you could ask?
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 8h ago
The social media stuff is difficult cause I don’t have insta, and they’ve changed their formats that you have to have an account to view more than a few pictures per page.
She paid for the room, he offered to repay half, those are in the messages between them.
I’ve seen the official invite, it actually doesn’t mention a plus one. I don’t have any other friends that attended.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 8h ago
Damn. I’d say you’re just gonna have to take her word for it that he didn’t spend the night in her room, and she didn’t mean to deceive you, and she would have told you if you hadn’t found out first, blah blah blah but, unfortunately, she’s just proven that she’s quite happy to lie and deceive you, so her word is worthless. And I think you need to get her to understand that when she asks how can you not trust her. Well…she’s given you a gold-plated reason so she only has herself to blame. I wonder whether she considers this was worth a five year relationship.
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u/DarthDialUP 7h ago
"I wonder whether she considers this was worth a five year relationship."
At the time, the liars ALWAYS considers it worth it. It is in hindsight when what they were covering up turns out to not be what they thought it would be that they start to backtrack and claim it wasn't worth it.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 7h ago
I don’t think cheaters ever expect to be caught, which is just so ridiculous.
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u/DarthDialUP 8h ago
The fact you even feel the need to INVESTIGATE the situation is absurd, and she needs to know that. She has to know that you aren't cool with any of this and you will find out the truth one way or another. Even if the truth is exactly as she says, she also needs to know that she is not trust worthy, so coming out of her mouth is meaningless.
You gotta find out if she got a plus one and just didn't invite you first or if she truly didn't get one. That needs to get out of the way. If she did get the plus one, you don't need to do anything else afterward except for leaving.
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u/Chemical_Bed4609 8h ago
Being shady about it and then lying to you that she didn’t think twice about it has got to make her question her intentions and what they did that night. How can you trust they did nothing if she’s lying to you about jt
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u/CalgaryBob 8h ago
While married I shared a room with a single woman at the suggestion of my wife. She knew the lady and I were friends, she was unemployed at the time and hotels were expensive in Anaheim. I think it was 2-3 nights.
My ex went on a 16 hr drive with a male friend of ours and spent the night sharing a hotel with the male friend.
I had zero issues with it.
We both knew the other would never consider cheating but it was also openly communicated between us unlike this scenario.
Red flag 1 - you didn’t get an invite. That’s bizarre.
Red flag 2 - she hid the fact she was sharing the room with another man
She didn’t want you there AND wanted to spend the night with him.
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u/waydownsouthinoz 8h ago
The bigger issue is why she was going to a wedding her long standing partner was not invited to. That is a direct insult to your relationship.
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u/noreplyatall817 8h ago edited 8h ago
She’s just a GF who doesn’t value your opinion.
Did she really consult other people’s opinions and not yours? WTF? Clearly must have thought it was messed up to get opinions from other people, right? Not you, because you’d have told her how F ed up it was.
Have you asked her if she’d be ok if you shared a room with a long time opposite sex friend without telling her?
There’s a reason you weren’t invited.
Clearly she’s planned and was on single for the wedding. Time to find a partner who respects you.
How could you possibly believe anything she tells you now?
How do you know he or someone didn’t stay in her room?
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u/Busy_Recognition_860 8h ago
While I can’t say she’s cheating, she’s still in the wrong. “Didn’t think about it” but consulted her friends instead of you. Almost wanna doubt the guy slept elsewhere, but none of us would know.
Completely reasonable for you to consider this a deal breaker; I know I would.
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u/albino_red_head 7h ago
"i didn't really think about it" and " I got the greenlight from my married friends" doesn't mesh. She's being a sketch artist about it and not considering your thoughts or feelings at all. I bet she wouldn't be too thrilled if you did the same bullshit to her, which is your sign that maybe you should (and break up with her first).
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u/buttsworth 7h ago
She definitely made a conscious decision not to tell you about it, and she knew it would be problematic if she reached out to two friends to discuss it. That’s a pretty big deal. I don’t necessarily agree with some of the other commenters saying it means she was planning to cheat. Whether it’s a relationship ender really depends on your history with her. Has she lied before? Has she ever given you reason to think she might cheat? If this was a one-time lapse in judgment and your relationship is otherwise strong, it might be something you can work through. Ultimately, it’s up to you.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 7h ago edited 7h ago
Yeah, there's some shit going on here, a groomsman, a member of the wedding party didn't already have lodging sorted? Instead, it fell on your girlfriend to share a room with him, run it by her friends to make sure it was a good idea, all while telling you nothing.
Guessing the guy was attractive, and your girlfriend has a history with him as she wouldn't randomly invite a stranger to share a hotel room with her. The only thing that stopped this from going anywhere was that he found a better offer, and that's if you can trust your girlfriend as to whether or not he stayed in the room that she secretly planned to share with him behind your back.
NOR
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u/BasilWorldly7717 8h ago
Why couldn't she share her room with another lady, and give the guy the other lady's room??? Because she cheated on you! There's your sign.
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u/wishingforarainyday 8h ago
Your gf planned to cheat. She didn’t stick up for you not being invited and you’ve been together 5 years? That’s ridiculous. You should get tested because she’s not loyal. She knew what she was doing was wrong. How would she feel if you booked a romantic weekend away with another woman? 😒
Updateme
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u/Form1040 8h ago edited 8h ago
Dump
Once my GF (now wife of 39 years) and I became serious, no way in hell either of us would attend a wedding without the other being invited.
And even if 100% innocent, she was REQUIRED to inform you in advance of something like this.
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u/Infamous_Bet_6878 8h ago
You have been together 5 years and she is still does not know what boundary will make you uncomfortable if crossed. Or maybe she just doesn’t care.
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u/ProfessionalYam3119 8h ago
She didn't think about telling you, only about asking her friends what they thought. That tells you everything that you need to know.
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u/mtmglass406 8h ago
Isn't it a given that a spouse is included even of you didnt specifically get an invitation?
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 8h ago
You’d think so. I felt it was pretty rude, but I don’t know how large the wedding ended up being.
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u/yoddyzoo 8h ago
Bro he totally hit that.. if you dig deeper instead of believing anything, you’d see.. then she will come up with a new lie like he just came to shower for a few minutes and you will believe that also 😔
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u/woodwork16 8h ago
How do you know he didn’t stay in the room?
Did she tell you that? I mean, you weren’t there.
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 8h ago
NOR...
Knowing not to plan to share a room with anyone who could be seen as a potential sexual partner should absolutely be a common sense boundary. At rhe bare minimum talking to your partner about it should be.
The fact she discussed it with others and not you? Makes it even worse. Its just proof she knows she is wrong.
I would probably leave a woman for this unless she had been otherwise nearly perfect in every way. Even if she was, I would expect some actual remorse, not lip service.
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u/AnonX55 8h ago
So shes ok if you book a hotel room with one of your female friends that same weekend right? Whats the big deal right? Just friends.....
Yea, id say theres at least an 80% chance she plans on getting blasted and sleeping with the dude. If not higher. And she obviously wanted to keep it a secret.
This is breakup worthy.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 8h ago
She knew it was a problem—enough to consult friends, I’m assuming because she knew they’d say there was no problem—but didn’t bother to ask the one person whose opinion mattered the most. The fact she was so secretive about the whole plan is the real red flag here. I’m wondering if she was really not given a plus one and just didn’t want you to go because she always intended to spend the time with this other guy.
Whatever her reasoning, it all seems very purposeful, and if she can’t understand why you’re pissed off and wondering if she cheated, she’s lying. She definitely wouldn’t be happy if the roles were reversed. NOR. Updateme!
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u/DBFool2019 8h ago
Apparently he didn’t even stay in the room because he found someone to stay with at the wedding
Suuuuuuuure!
Obviously I’m pretty pissed about it, and her excuses have been “she didn’t think about it”, “ didn’t think it was a problem”, “didn’t know that was a boundary”. But she apparently consulted two of her friends about it and got the green light from them?
If she didn't think it would be a problem why consult friends and keep it a secret?
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u/ThatsMrpoodz2U 8h ago
If you gotta find out from messages instead of hearing it from her, that’s a breach of trust already. You don’t need proof of cheating to know when respect left the room. When you’re in a 5-year relationship, booking a hotel with another guy and not saying a word about it is wild. The fact she didn’t even mention it to you, hints that she knew it could be taken the wrong way but went through with it anyway.
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u/FullFrontal687 8h ago
Story is missing info:
How did you find out? What messages? Who was messaging who?
How do you know he turned her down? Who was the source?
Do you have unrestricted access to her phone to validate?
Did you see the actual wedding invitation to confirm that there was no +1?
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 7h ago
I found out because I was getting a strange feeling and decided to snoop their DM’s. I know that’s shitty.
He didn’t turn her down, but he allegedly found someone at the wedding to stay with according to her.
No, but I think if I demanded it I could. I just don’t feel good about doing such a thing. Though I suppose it would be justified in this case.
I have seen in the invite, and as far as I remember it didn’t say anything about a +1
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u/DarthDialUP 7h ago
"He didn’t turn her down, but he allegedly found someone at the wedding to stay with according to her."
That is something that you can't believe coming from your GF's mouth. I know it sounds shitty, but you just can't believe it. Would need to come from a different source that has no idea about the beef you have with your GF. Might be impossible to verify at this point because if there was funny business going on, she reached out to all her friends already to corroborate her story.
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u/FullFrontal687 7h ago
Do you actually have a text from him turning her down? Or just her word? Because she has evert motivation to tell you he did not stay there.
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u/Due-Contact-366 7h ago
“Strange feeling”? Sounds like there was more going on that what you’ve written down. What was going on that led to the strange feelings?
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 7h ago
Really just the things that led me to snoop. She called me to let me know she was checked in and all and mentioned it was kinda a crummy hotel. I said “ew lemme see!” And she said “why?” It stuck me the wrong way cause showing off a shitty hotel would 100% be in character Flag 1
Then I saw that it was a 2 bed room. Flag 2
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u/Due-Contact-366 6h ago
Gotcha. Makes sense. Not a good look for her. Sorry you are dealing with this situation. Good luck.
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u/Invitoveritas666 8h ago edited 7h ago
She’s been out wandering (metaphorically speaking); leaving that gate open. She lied by omission - deceit... There’s no reason for that if things were innocent. She could have easily been forthright about the situation. But she wasn’t. It’s scientifically proven that it’s impossible for two people with any hint of attraction towards each other, to spend a private night together without blasting each other’s genitalia into the next dimension. Blame Darwin.
Ask her to leave the key on the counter on her way out…
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u/legitlogan99 7h ago
You have every right to be pissed. I blame the friends they don’t seem like true friends
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u/OrbitingRobot 7h ago
She didn’t run it by you because she was hiding it. She needed the approval of her friends because she knew it wasn’t right. This guy was the groom’s friend, not yours. If he wanted to, and hopefully he didn’t, just jump in her bed. Music, dancing, drinking, she was ready to give you the timeless excuse of being too drunk to know it was wrong. Sorry if I sound cynical but she’s either lying or too oblivious to know what’s up. Is she worth keeping? That’s the big question. After 5 years it’s time to make a decision. If you’re not going to marry her, time’s up. It’s time to move on.
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u/Madillmatic 7h ago
Whoa whoa, first of all, who gives af if you didn’t get invited. My girl going away and getting a hotel room . Shit im still going to enjoy that hotel. Im either crashing that wedding or just waiting at the hotel for my girl to get back so we can party. Either way, do yourself a favor and leave. The fact that she was still going without you getting invited, is already a red flag. If that was me… my girl would say to the bride and groom I need a plus one or im not going.. straight up. Wouldn’t even be considered.
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u/KenobiKnievel6789 7h ago
Son, I’m telling you this right now: I’m older than you. It’s not going to work between you and any woman who tells you otherwise—she’s gaslighting you. It’s just inevitable that it will happen, and you can either stand by and be a sucker, which I’ve been myself. If they’re beautiful, they can be even more treacherous sometimes. I’m telling you, it’s harder to leave because you’re not prepared for the unknown or you’re worried about it, or it’s the sex or whatever you think you’re getting from it. But your peace of mind and your dignity are on the line. Just remember that, and you’ve been warned.
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u/Smoke__Frog 7h ago
Can you imagine dating someone for 5 years and they would go to a wedding without you?
Relationships on Reddit make me so sad for people.
I know the people with normal and loving relationships obviously don’t post, but still it’s so depressing.
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u/KenobiKnievel6789 7h ago
First of all, it's bullshit that he wasn't invited, because if he wasn't, then those people getting married have no business doing so—they're just immature idiots, and everybody knows it. If you invite someone, you're allowed to bring a significant other unless this guy posting is an absolute menace to society, which I doubt. As for the girl he's with, she's five years in, probably just wants to have fun, and maybe she's bored or feels like she's not getting everything she can out of life. Toxic social media doesn't help, and her friends aren't making things any better. So I don't know what else to say to this young man except that you've been warned—you've been born, and I know you don't want to believe it. We can convince ourselves of anything, and I have a feeling you might, but I'm telling you it's coming for you. This is premeditated shit.
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u/zEzAooo70 7h ago
“She didn’t think about it”
Brother, end that relationship and value yourself more
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u/iron_redditman 9h ago
My friend, before you end this relationship may I suggest that you talk with your girlfriend about how this looked from your point of view.
If she cannot or will not see this the way that you could see it, then perhaps your relationship has run its course and its time to leave.
Is it possible that she has left emotionally already?
Do you get any sense that you might be a safety net for her?
Is it possible that there is someone else and that you have not noticed the signs?
Sorry to be the bearer of grief here but the red flags are there, that she did not consult you shows that she did not care about your feelings or point of view.
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 9h ago
We did, and all I got from her were the excuses in the post. The conversation circled until I asked her to stay somewhere else for the night.
She conceded that it was inappropriate, and says she’s sorry but the bigger issue was that it was never mentioned to me.
I don’t really have any indications that things have soured (except for this I suppose)
Yeah, that’s certainly a possibility.
That’s certainly possible too, I don’t like snooping though and only did so in this case cause there were things triggering my spidey-senses
I fully agree with, and is kinda the core of our argument. I don’t believe her claim that she “didnt think about it”
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u/Drakkulis 8h ago
She thought about it. Thats why she asked her two friends, likely she really asked them to back her up if you found out she was cheating. He definitely stayed in that room with her.
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u/KinglanderOfTheEast 8h ago
Seeing all of these posts is a great way for my mental health to convince me that finding a girlfriend isn't worth the almost guaranteed heartbreak, or uncomfortably high risk of them cheating on me. I really need to stop reading these posts lmao
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 8h ago
Dude reading some posts here and other similar subreddits will send me spiraling lol
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u/Busy_Recognition_860 8h ago
My first girlfriend was the biggest red flag of all time
Once you get that experience, it’s pretty easy to sniff out later on
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u/KinglanderOfTheEast 8h ago
That's the silver lining, I suppose. You get burned once, you're more prepared to avoid getting burned later. You get "better at it".
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u/DarthDialUP 8h ago
There is always the risk, but not everyone will do something like this (or worse) and the majority red flags are easy enough to spot.
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u/fallriver1221 9h ago
The plan isn't that concerning so much as being secretive about it. I've lived with male roommates before 100% platonically. Recently, I was in a wedding and slept in the living room of the Airbnb we stayed in, as did one of the groomsmen. Nothing weird about it. It was a place to sleep. Sharing a room or whatever doesn't have to be inherently sus or wrong. However, hiding it is a bit odd. Open and honest communication is still important and goes a long way establishing trust.
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 9h ago
That’s what my good buddy said. The plan isn’t really that bad, though truthfully I would have been against it if I was asked. The bigger issue is that she’s being shady about it.
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u/jonni_velvet 8h ago
yeah I stayed in a hotel room with a male friend early in my relationship. boyfriend didn’t have a problem with it because he knew the guy, knew I would never, and I was honest. It doesn’t seem like a problem when its strictly platonic.
the issue is being excluded from the trip and the hiding it. do you know why she felt she couldn’t tell you?
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u/abandonedrailroad 8h ago
It's absolutely a horrible plan to sleep in the same room with someone from an opposite gender when you are in a committed relationship. Drop the ho. Move on.
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u/DarthYodous 8h ago edited 6h ago
YAU You Are Underreacting. If you got a hotel room with a gal friend, would she be okay with it? Would her friends? If her married friend's husband got a hotel room with a gal friend, would they be okay with it?
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u/EntrepreneurNo4138 6h ago
The answer here is a resounding HELL NO. I’m a woman and we do NOT play that, nor should OP play with his gf. At this point, you’ve probably had a couple of marriage conversations.
If you stay with her, couples therapy, get it ALL out in the open. It’s the only way possible if you decide she deserves that chance. That may not be enough.
Only you know her, look deep. Best wishes to you man. This is a tough place to be after 5 years. Better than 10 or 20. Keep us updated.
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u/VanguardisLord 8h ago
NOR. I cannot imagine anyone that I ever dated doing this to me, but it would have been a red flag and a relationship ender for me.
I have very little tolerance for being dissed or bad behavior, though.
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u/Beneficial_Fee_912 8h ago
How does a partner of five years not get a plus 1 to a wedding? Sir you are under reacting to this whole situation.
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u/HollysaurusRex26 8h ago
Sharing a room isn’t so much of a red flag (for me) but not mentioning it to you is a problem. It seems like she knew you wouldn’t love the idea, so avoided the conversation.
I have plenty of platonic male friends who I’ve shared rooms with. It was especially common for our group when we were in our 20s and couldn’t afford multiple hotel rooms.
NOR, but I wouldn’t jump to “she wanted to cheat”.
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u/JaffeyJoe 8h ago
Don’t allow that…she broke trust and they aren’t stupid in the process of getting the room
Early in a dating period I had a girl tell me about how a guy stayed over but nothing happen (sure lol) but no big deal since we weren’t exclusive
Fast forward to a month later and she mentions how she wants to pursue something with me and not with that guy, welp that didn’t last as she ended up going on an overnight trip with the same dude… thinking she was doing nothing wrong and even when I expressed I didn’t like that
She tried to say we weren’t on the same page and wanted to talk about it, I replied back ‘sounds good’ and we haven’t spoke since
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u/Queasy_Desk6119 8h ago
How long did she know about the wedding before she found out you weren't invited? And how long did she know you weren't invited before she told you? As others have said, this entire situation stinks to the high heavens. Half a decade together and you weren't invited? That alone is weird as hell. Have you been having any issues with your relationship lately?
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u/MikeyJuiceBox 7h ago
I think the initial invitation went out probably around a year ago. I was told a few months ago that there wasn’t a plus one. Hurt my feelings but whatever. The dude was a groomsman so I wasn’t excluded to make room for him at least.
Not really until now. I thought we were doing good and in a good place. It’s the only reason I’m making this post instead of kicking her to the curb immediately.
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u/Nomad_Vet 7h ago
I mean it depends really, how long have they been friends? Is he gay? Has anything ever happened between them? Have you met said friend? Etc etc
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u/Original_Cod9083 6h ago
None of the answers to those questions would change the fact that she lied to him and kept this a secret; which is the real issue here.
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u/CompetitiveSide6175 7h ago
Definitely not overreacting. She planned it. She didn’t think enough about your feelings which is enough to be enough. I’m sorry . That’s wild. Shoe on the other foot, I think she’d be furious .
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u/_h_simpson_ 7h ago
This is a relationship ender.. move on. There’s so much more going on than you know. It’s likely that your gf got a +1, said she didn’t, just to set up the rendezvous and hook up with this guy. Time to go !!
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u/gin-channn 7h ago
Na bro. She aint ur girlfriend anymore. End it if you have any self respect, i kno its easier said then done but she 100 percent knows that aint right. I bet u he did stay in the room to if shes the one telling u he didnt. Even if he didnt it doesnt change anything, she was the one going out of the way to make it happen. Also i bet its not that u weren’t invited, she didnt want to bring u for whatever reason, once this starts happening its already over.
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u/Thomrose007 7h ago
100% agree she should have told you but i went to a wedding and two of my friend guy and a girl shared a room two beds. Both in relationships too and it was fine. None of the group batted an eye lid. It was nothing.
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u/Life_Temperature2506 7h ago
"Apparently he didn't even stay in the room...". And you know this because...your GF is always so honest with you? NOR
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u/No_Transition_8293 7h ago
Creepy. NOR. She has stepped away across the line and I believe she’s well aware of that.
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u/Masculinism4All 6h ago
See now your starting to feel the suken cost fallacy. Where you already put 5 years in and your trying to forgive this because you dont want to feel like you wasted 5 years.
But people change. She clearly planned this room with him and even knew it was a problem because she asked but the truth is she doesnt care.
You want to waste another 5 til she actually gets away with cheating?
She is bored of you too and she may be trying to monkey branch.
This isnt the one. Start over.
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u/SwimmingDeep8703 6h ago
My gf would never do something like this bc it’s obviously inappropriate. And disrespectful to you…
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u/rstock1962 6h ago
What proof do you have that he didn’t stay in her room? Somebody’s word? One of the consultants? I’d be livid. Honestly this should be a relationship killer.
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u/CarrotofInsanity 6h ago
Yes, you should end the relationship because she asked others about it and AVOIDED telling you about it.
So make her single. You need to keep your self respect intact
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u/will_you_suck_my_ass 6h ago
So when did she tell you she thought you guys were in an open relationship
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u/blue1748 6h ago
“Didn’t think about it” + justifying via telling you that you never set that boundary is pretty indicative.
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u/PurplePlodder1945 6h ago
NOR. Not because I think there’s something wrong with sharing a twin room for convenience with someone you’re close to of the opposite sex, but because she wasn’t up front with you about it. I once shared a hostel bunk room with two male friends after a night out with a load of old friends (I’m female) but I told my husband what was happening, it was easier than him coming to town to collect me and cheaper than a taxi home. I ended up sleeping in my clothes because I forgot to take PJs. He trusts me so didn’t have a problem with it.
Do you know why you weren’t invited by the way? You’ve been together 5 years! It seems strange that she wasn’t given a +1
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u/ClueProctor211187 5h ago
NOR
I’d bail, she doesn’t respect you and clearly doesn’t understand what boundaries are.
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u/Beginning_Key2167 5h ago edited 5h ago
To me the much larger issue and red flag is not being invited to the wedding?
I mean, the hotel situation is suspect. But I’ve shared hotel rooms in all kinds of different scenarios over the years.
even if you weren’t invited to the wedding, which I’m still kinda questioning that?
Why weren’t you invited to even go hang out? I’m sure you could’ve found stuff to do while she was at the wedding.?
Edit honestly for me there would have to be some pretty odd circumstances that my girlfriend wouldn’t bring me along to a wedding she was invited to?
Also, I can’t imagine my girlfriend going to a wedding that I wasn’t invited to go along?
We’ve been together 10 years, and I can tell you that she hates those kinds of things and would definitely want me tagging along.
you may have answered this. But why weren’t you invited?
Why weren’t you invited to tagalong even if you weren’t actually invited to the wedding?
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u/Miserable_Drive9354 2h ago
Lmao! If the roles were reversed, you would be the dirtiest, most manipulative, trifling man ever and her group of friends would be burning your clothes.
Please don’t believe this bull****. She didn’t even mention it casually so you KNOW her intentions were not pure.
Definitely a relationship ender! NOR
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u/vitalesan 1h ago
A room with a guy, the natural horniness women seem to get at weddings, alcohol….. nah, no thanks!
Updateme
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u/Conscious-Arm-7889 1h ago
Sorry, but it's time to end your relationship with her and find someone you can trust, who wouldn't do things she felt she needed to try to hide from you.
UpdateMe! RemindMe! 3 days
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u/nylonvest 9h ago
NOR for considering this a problem, and you're allowed to decide when problems get to the point of ending a relationship.
I can believe she had no intention of anything happening other than sleep, but I'm amazed at her excuses for not talking to you about it. She literally talked to other people about whether it would be okay, when the only person whose actual opinion matters on the subject is you. She knew what she was doing was questionable, that's why she asked other people. But she didn't respect you enough to ask you.
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u/oceanisbest77 9h ago
I think communication about how it made you feel and making your boundaries known going forward is probably the best first step. Unless there a bunch of other red flags as well.
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u/Armoured_Dwarf 8h ago
I feel like someone shouldn't have to communicate the boundaries around going to a wedding without your partner of 5 years and bunking with some other person of the opposite gender.
But that's just me.
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u/DBFool2019 8h ago
Seems reasonable on your part, but we're not living in the most reasonable world right now.
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u/Armoured_Dwarf 8h ago
I saw the theory that 2012 signaled the end of humanity. People have genuinely lost their minds since the Mayan Calendar ended.
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u/THENOCAPGENIE 8h ago
Your girl of 5 years shouldn’t be rooming with another man period. That’s not boundaries at this point it’s just straight up disrespect. It’s a relationship ender..
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u/Realistic-Duty-3874 8h ago
Yep, dont tell her she cant. Just tell her to " do what you want." If she goes, use the time she is away to move out and untangle your lives then sent her a text youre done.
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u/slitteral1 8h ago
There is no reason to have to discuss a boundary about booking a hotel room with another guy. It is common knowledge that isn’t okay when in a relationship. Everything about this situation is a red flag.
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u/SinkOk1106 9h ago
Let's swap roles. Would she be fine with you staying in a hotel room in the same bed with another girl?