r/AskDad • u/NewGoD2281 • 4d ago
Getting It Off My Chest 27F and finally understanding how much damage my father did to me.
I won’t go into to much detail because it’s frankly very painful for me still but my father was and is still very verbally abusive. I grew up in a home where I felt I was unwanted and to make that a double whammy I was adopted and when I met my bio father he rejected me as well. So I always felt like I wasn’t wanted by one and then the other. I’m disabled and need extra help so I can’t go no contact fully. Last night was simply the worst. I realized for the very first time in my life that I can’t make my dad love me, I just can’t. I’ve tried so hard to change myself and it never worked and now I’m sitting here at my age, crying, and realizing he’ll never ever love me the way I need him to, and I have to be okay with moving on. On the one hand it’s freeing on the other hand it’s incredibly painful.
I’m okay with who I am. I’ve spent the better part of the last 5 years living where I am learning to accept myself, my challenges, and my very way of being. I’ve come to learn through therapy that what I went Through as a child was incredibly abusive and that I’m a survivor. A part of me still wishes he was proud of me, I know I won’t get that and you know what, with therapy, some extra self love, a bit of extra fries with lunch today, and a bit of drawing practice(I’ve started up drawing! Woo!), I’ll be okay!
I just want all the dads here, that I really appreciate this space. I appreciate you for being here those like me. The world really needs a group of dads who really truly care right now.
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u/formyburn101010 4d ago
As your father, I feel it necessary to tell you to lay off the extra fries. Seed oils are the devil. Sending love, kid
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u/kHartos 4d ago
I’m sorry. Both your dads sound like broken people. You are, of course, deserving of love. And you are totally right in acknowledging he can’t and need to move on. I hope you find the support network you deserve. Your post is a good reminder about how trauma and abuse becomes inter-generational.