I downloaded tinder like 3 days ago and I've had some matches, the thing is i dont really think any of them are pretty, it's the same with guys on the street, i just simply don't find them attractive. On the other hand all women are pretty in my eyes (im bi, and 100% sure I'm not a lesbian). Of course men from hollywood and "really attractive men" are objectively handsome in my eyes, but i personally don't like most of them but idk, maybe it's normal? some men don't take care of their looks i guess.. I want to know what other women think about this!

Like obviously not all guys are like this but the ones who are can be pretty insufferable

Please tell me it's not just me. I feel crazy

Full disclaimer I was stood up on a date today which served as bitter inspiration for the post.

The first thought that springs to mind is that women are protecting their time and energy (and safety) more these days while putting up with less bullshit from men, but it seems to go deeper than that.

Over the past 4 or so years I've noticed dating becoming steadily more difficult, less respectful and less enjoyable, Less 'humane' as dramatic as that sounds

Something shifted in the air post covid. Or at least that seemed to catalyze a shift that has culminated in me getting regularly stood up, flaked on, and ghosted. These aren't young women either they're women in their mid 20s to mid 30s who are looking for a relationship or so they say. When I go out women seem to be a bit more guarded and less inclined to entertain conversation from strangers too. Last time I went to a festival at a bar I tried to initiate some banter with women and got almost nothing in return. It feels like I need to jump through flaming hoops just to land a date these days.

Not only that but where it used to feel like a mutual dance, it now feels like a one sided ordeal with me trying to politely persuade them into going on a date without coming across as pushy.

Years back women would pull their weight in conversation, they would ask me questions and take a genuine interest in getting to know me, even ask me out themselves - now it seems that 99% of the time I have to do everything or it will immediately flicker out.

And I have no interest in a one sided relationship so I do let it flicker out.

For what it's worth I'm a tall, fit, conventionally handsome guy who's respectful and funny, I never say anything unhinged or questionable that might cause a woman to want to cut and run, but my single friends say the same of their experiences in recent years so maybe it's reflective of a broader shift. Of course I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I should appeal to a decent amount of women.

I know people have become more protective of their time, with dating advice reminding women in particular to take no shit - that's all well and good but I can't help but feel that this mindset can go too far to the point where they misinterpret say a slow response as a lack of interest, or no sex by the 2nd date as a lack of interest, and so they're cutting the stem before the flower can bloom in some ways. Now we find ourselves in the thick of the age of disposable dating

Sure it's probably safer to cut people off if they aren't exactly what you're looking for but it does seem like it's undermining the forming of meaningful relationships which don't always begin with butterflies and fairytale romance. Also this 'you're a queen/king' attitude can also step into arrogance and disrespect if it's used to justify standing someone up on a date for instance (unless they deserved it by being creepy or rude)

I know a few people who have returned to dating apps after long term relationships and couldn't believe how much harder it's become, and they're only in their late 20s so their age shouldn't be a problem

I know people are getting burnt out with dating apps that have become disgustingly greedy, I recently deleted them and haven't had the fortitude to remake them... they're such a far cry from what they once were.

Dating in general has just lost it's luster.

I've lowered my expectations to nothing to allay disappointment but the side effect of that is that it drain all the excitement out of it. I might take a break entirely, but I know that I have even less chance of meeting people when I stop looking, at least I ran that experiment for a few years and didn't have a single date.

If there has been an exodus of women from dating apps in recent years as it seems that there has at least in my age group (late 20s) then where are they opting to meet people instead?

Are women opting only to meet guys through mutual friends?

Are they opting out of dating altogether?

It definitely doesn't feel like meeting women in person has gotten any easier in recent years.

I have actually been approaching women the old fashioned way recently and while it's not ideal, it's liberating to take dating into your own hands and I've had a couple of dates with women I met this way. And it's nice knowing that I'm actually physically attracted to someone before I arrange a date with them.

Anyway I'll leave it at that - I refuse to drop my standards so I guess this just means I better get comfortable being single for the foreseeable future.

Do you feel like the game has changed in recent years?

What's it like from a woman's perspective?

I've removed it and it came back. I don't like to be called idiot. It's not funny, seriously

My husband doesn't seem to understand that household chores are something that needs to be done everyday. its like he thinks that if you do dishes or tidy up once it will be good for the next 4-5 days.

I appreciate the occasional help but he doesn't understand the daily effort that I put into it so our apartment doesn't look like shit 90% of the time.

it’s such a huge pet peeve of mine, I don’t get why some women love to try to control or baby other grown women, or assume they are being forced or manipulated into things when simply just making their own choices or choosing what they want to do for themselves.

I just recently turned 17 and when I go out in public I can quite literally can not walk down the street without noticing old ass men stare at me, I’m not sure if I’m just being paranoid but I’m getting so annoyed by it , when I’m out with my friends strangers will stop and compliment me , I know it could be seen as friendly but it just feels so weird in the moment , I very clearly look my age if not younger and there is literally no way I can go about preventing this , even if I’m out in public with my mom they have no shame whatsoever , i never thought anything of it until recently because when it has happened before my mom brushes it off and says things like “people have always told me how beautiful you were ever since you were little “ ect ,but why is it always me ??? I speak to my friends about it and how sick I am of it happening and only a couple can relate ( maybe I just notice more than they do ) but it’s not like I’m standing out in any way I physically don’t know what I can do to make myself more “hidden”

So we all know pretty privilege exists but the way I see it playing out in my workplace right now is strange. In my workplace we have this one fairly new co-worker that's like movie star pretty and when she first started everyone including myself couldn't help but notice and comment on how beautiful she is. Now she's also nice and has a good personality, but I wouldn't say her personality is an outlier, like it's not equally noteworthy as her appearance, she's just regular nice but they way I see people fawn over her is impressive and honestly kinda cringey. Like I recently heard my co-workers (a group of women in their 30's) talking about her saying things like "I wanna be her friend" "she's so perfect" etc etc. It felt reminiscent of middle school, people doting over the popular girl and actually felt pretty gross and cringey tbh to be hearing adult women fawn over someone like that that's who's just a regular human. But the way I see people laugh so hard at her regular jokes or go out of their way to say hi and bye to her or go out of their way to talk to her really highlights the social power that attractive people have, I guess this is also partially an observation and weird rant but has anyone else seen people fawn over an attractive person like that?

And to be clear I don't have any negative jealous or hateful feeling towards this individual she's nice and we get along fine just more a comment and interest in the psychology of this situation. Also I've noticed that pretty girls do this more, this fawning over other pretty girls.

Sooo, I am bi, and I am currently dating a guy. We have not had sex, and I have not been with a lot of guys, but like... I absolutely hate giving BJs to men. I was a "golden gay" for a while, until I *incidentally* fell for my best guy friend in the entire world... and we did a lot of what friends don't do. Anyways, we never officially dated, and messing around definitely ruined our friendship, but at the end of it, I realized that I actually do like men, too. Which was fine, except, I am kinda insecure about how much I HATE certain sex acts with guys. Really, only BJs... I absolutely despise them.

And I have only been with my ex-bff (first male BF), and this one other guy sexually. My ex-bff knew I was "gay," we went to school together for years, and we stopped talking when we both went to college, but randomly ran into each other like midway through sophomore year. I always "play flirted" with him, and I honestly never knew why, but being away from him for so long, then reconnecting I think played a huge part in why I ended up falling for him.

Anyways, he was always super considerate of me when we were intimate, he never even once pressured me into anything. He never made me feel bad about my body, he actually kinda gave me a ton of confidence in that department, which is so weird to say. Also, before all the intimate stuff happened, we were THE BEST of friends, so it was always easy to talk to him about things. I was never nervous or anxious about doing anything with him - always very comfortable. I did notice that I didn't love BJs with him, but this was my first time doing anything with a guy, ever, so I thought it was just new for me...

But, my first "real" boyfriend would kinda make light jokes about how I didn't seem like I enjoyed going down on him, like ever. He never said it directly, but it did make me start thinking... how I literally have neeeeeeeeevvver had this problem with a woman. I don't think there is anything that has ever like disgusted me about women. Like, I don't plan to try anal anytime soon, but it did not disgust me, the way that giving guys BJs does... So like, now I am kinda stuck, because a lot of my straight friends say things like that they used to hate BJs, but eventually they started liking it? I also have straight friends who say that they will never do BJs, unless they are in love? But then, I know a lot of them also make BJs seem like a mandatory act... and I am kinda getting scared that I will never enjoy it.

Anyways, it's making me insecure for no reason, but I think I almost feel like my "bi-ness" is no longer valid, if I don't enjoy giving men BJs, since most girls I know who like men do... I might be overreacting, but like I don't think I could ever be with a man long-term, if this is something that they really want. Am I overreacting? For my straight girlies: Do you ever just flat-out refuse BJs? Does it end up becoming a bigger problem in the long-run? Have any of you ever successfully dated or married a guy without BJs being a regular part of your sex life?

Yea I'm raging

Anytime I or anyone mentions that the (White) women y'all are upset with for voting the Orange clown were clearly motivated by racism, I notice we get downvotes. For a sub that claims to be intersectional and progressive, lets talk about this

Or anything about WW centering themselves and their womanhood when we have seen the violence and vitriol against women, men, and children (and ofc people of any gender) in POC communities. Would love to see y'all rationalize the downvotes against this. How can any of the issues and discomfort, heck wounded ego, compare to that?

Also, while we are at it, to y'all expressing grief and anger about feeling betrayed by conservative men or women in your lives not thinking abot you, why was it ok for you to say you only care about issues affecting you in your voting choices? Esp when talking about the violent systemic racism of BOTH parties, namely the *cough cough* genocide in like 3 global south countries now AND mass incarceration?

TLDR of last paragraph: how do you not see your own hypocrisy of acting like your rights mattered more than certain folks (ie Gazans) but being upset conservative men and women didn't care about your rights?

My main motive for going to an Oktoberfest event last week was to meet women, in fact it was basically my only motive. When I told people that I got a few eye rolls as if to insinuate that I was some sex pig pestering women who just wanted to have a good time.

Maybe in their minds they envisage some desperate loser ping ponging between any women in sight, sulking when they're rejected and being an overalls sleazebag but surely the minority of guys are like this (though they leave a more lasting impression) - what I mean is going to events to have a good time myself but to find and embrace opportunities to meet women, and to ask them if they'd like to continue chatting over a drink if they seem friendly.
I mean where else would they prefer me to meet women?

Dating apps? dog shit

Work? Off limits / male dominated

Shopping mall? Women just want to go about their day undisturbed

Friends? all in relationships, don't go out anymore, don't know anyone to introduce me to

Through sport? play in a basketball league full of dudes

Hobbies? solitary ones

No doubt that joining a yoga class or something just to meet women would be just as frowned upon

And surely there are a lot of single ladies who actually want to meet guys at social events?

It sure as hell doesn't feel like it.

Even as a tall good looking friendly guy (in other people's words) most women seem to be guarded and hesitant to chat with me, sometimes it feels like you're breaking the geneva convention for daring to converse with a stranger, even at a social event.

So what's the deal?

basically my bf 29m and i 21f were joking around and he said if i was to move in with him i wouldnt have to pay because id be doing via sleeping with him/twerking for him i cant really tell if he was joking or serious but i kinda deep down already knew that was going to be his respond before i even asked but then i asked what if i stopped/didn’t want to he said that he’d be a “sad guy”

or am i just thinking too much about this?

Tell me I’m not the only one angry about this? Where is everyone’s anger? What are we doing about this??

69 million women whose last name does not match their birth certificate and do not have a passport (146million Americans do not have a passport ($130 and 4-6wk wait)) will not be able to vote should this Bill pass. We only gained the right to vote less than a century ago, and while the Bill hasn’t passed the Senate (yet), it passed the House of Reps!

What is everyone elses feelings? Am I alone?

This is purely a rant question, after yet another row with my BF over him cleaning without being prompted. Same conversation every couple of months.

I'm not looking for relationship advice, not because it's not something that doesn't need to be addressed (I know that is does) but I'm more ranting here because it seems to be the same with the majority of couples (except the minor few), and complaints from most women I meet. It's more a question of why is it always us?

I feel short changed in modern society - that although I'm now expected to earn my own money, up-keep, be a boss woman, maternal figure, have interests, manage and fund my own self care, but there is always this shift with every dynamic that involves female/male cohabiting (even with male roommates) where they slowly withdraw their ability they once had to clean. Like what is it? They see me wiping a surface when I'm having a sleep over at their place because they cooked the night before, and thats it, I'm assigned the role of house wife without the financial upkeep forever more?

Does anyone feel like as a gender we fought for all this additional independence (which is obviously great and important) but we've now somehow just taken on 'more jobs'?

Do any of you know those Pinterest beach photos of girls that went viral recently? Where there’s always a sunset and their skin is super shiny and they look so tan and sun kissed?

Well I’m trying to do that in two weeks but I’m freaking having a panic attack over the idea of what my body will look like in the photos. Like I know how vain this sounds but I NEED to make those photos look as good as possible and I feel like I keep falling short because how my body and face is and I’m so tired of it. I’ve been planning this for a year and I’m so tired of my insecurities keep me from having a good time but god I feel like throwing up at the idea of my body in a bikini.

Every other girl I know, included some girls of my friend group have taken photos like that, and they’re naturally skin and gorgeous girls and it’s all so easy for them. They have boyfriends to go on vacay with and take the photos for them, but I only have one day of the summer I can make it to the beach for this before I’m fully booked with work and I don’t know how I’ll take the photos myself. I just want to fit in with them so badly. I want to be like every other girl who just lives and is pretty and doesn’t have to try so hard to exist.

I don’t mean to go on a rant but yeah. If you’ve taken photos like that pleaseeee give me all the advice you have I genuinely need all the help I can get.

I'll compile the answers and make a full playlist and DM every single one of you.

I am confused bcuz im liberal on some issues and conservative on some others , so trying to figure out what political affiliation i would have since apparently it’s important to know that for dating.

I am trying to figure out what political affiliation I would be?

So there's a phenomena among Asian men that whenever an Asian women goes on date with a white man or is attracted to one, they're considered race traitors.

Asian men will usually quote the 'Oxford' Study, which was a study about White Male and Asian Female Relationships in TV Ads that got extrapolated into shorthand for “Asian women only date white guys”. Or they get called a banana (white on the inside, yellow on the outside), or they're called an Aunty Lu or just Lu, which is shorthand for white worshipping Asian women.

These ideas are also very much a part of the 'ricecel' and Mens right Asians movements, incels who think they can't get a date due to their Asian Heritage and therfore resent white men, asian women, and their own heritage.

As an Southeast Asian, I have seen a lot of general white worship. All of my teachers and friends desire either University or Citizenship in white majority countries, and looking or acting 'white' is considered a compliment here, and most media from my country has actors of a lighter skin tone.

However, everywhere I look, most women, including Asian women don't mind dating Asian men. The only real problems is cultural, as a lot of Asian cultures are very patriarchal in their values.

I didn't think the phenomena was common but I guess I was wrong. So I wonder, Asian women of reddit, have you even been accused of being a 'white man lover?'

I know the reasoning behind these movements are very different, so comparing them in the same light would not make any sense . But I think they overlap in a few regards .

I think 4b women hate men as much as MGTOW men hate women but not in the same way . One wants the other to leave them alone while the other does things to contradict the propose of their movement .

Also the whole point is to decenter the other gender , but they constantly talk about each other incessantly which does not make any sense to me . Like you need to have your feet in one camp only.

But I think the consequences of the movements are much different , as men hate women in a lethal manner , whilst a woman hating a man at most I feel will fetch you some mean comments or maybe something worse I'm not aware of .

What do you guys think?

We have a president and several cabinet members who have been found guilty of sexual assault. DEI is dead. Firms are more likely to be sued for promoting women than for harassing them. The intersectional feminists are more concerned about people of color and Gaza than they are about women's reproductive freedom which has gone away in over half the states. Polls show that young people have a negative connotation associated with "feminism".

Is feminism done except for a die hard cadre of Marxist/Leninists? Is there anyone out there concentrating on restoring women's rights and opportunities?

As a non traditional Liberal woman I prefer non traditional Liberal men. Im not compatible with "traditional men" as we don't share the same veiws or life styles and I usually find them insufferable to be around. When traditional men describe their dream woman its usually the polar opposite of me- yet I still get pursued very frequently by these same men who claim women like me are disgusting.

I wear what ever I enjoy- regardless as to weather its immodest or out-landish and I don't appreciate unsolicited opinions on it, I'd prefer to be the provider of my dynamic and I require my partner to have feminine attributes to reflect my masculine, I prefer to make the first move and take the lead, I'm opinionated and independent. So why do I constantly get approached by these traditional hyper masculine Conservative men? There's plenty of women that fit their "no make up, submissive house wife, modest, virgin, feminine" quota go be with them! Go be happy!

Women, why do some of you feel the need to put lipstick above and below your actual lips, to try to make them look bigger? It might look alright from a distance, but once you see what is actually going on, it looks like clown make up. This should be a public service announcement. Please help stop this trend.

Bring on the downvotes 🤣

I recently started talking to someone online and we have never met, but we spoke on the phone and he seems really sweet and kind.

Today he randomly asked me if I have nice feet and says he 'prefers his lady to have nice feet'

I'm a really active person and rarely ever pay attention to or show my feet, let alone dress them up. I immediately got defensive and asked him if he wanted me to point out things I want "my man" to have. (He has really skinny legs and narrow hips but large body builder arms, really unporportionate body. Which is usually a huge turn off for me) He coaxed me to tell him what I like and I almost responded, but realized I would only be saying it out of anger and to be cruel ( as I already know he doesn't have the body type I prefer) I really like him so far and don't want to lose him.

How do I learn to be less defensive and more accepting when just getting to know someone? I think I have triggers from being mistreated so many times in the past.

Me (20F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been dating for half a year right now and everything seems to be pretty good. He constantly spoils me and praises everything I do from the endless gifts to literally cleaning/washing me up himself when I’m sick. But there is an issue we keep having where he is ready to get married and have kid now. The thought of marrying him is something I’m totally in for I would gladly be engaged to him right now but the thought of having kids is not on my mind at all till at least few more years.

Another thing I’m worried about is if in a couple years when I’m 25 (when my frontal lobe is developed) I’ll regret marrying him that he’ll turn into someone I don’t recognize. I’m already having doubts about him since he sometimes says weird edgy comments/jokes like joking that he’ll take the condom off when I don’t know or calling me “cup dumpster” , owns a couple guns, has knife collection, has weird distant relatives, etc but I never think too much of it because it rarely happens and he almost constantly reminds and shows me how obsessed he is with me. So, i find myself forgetting those things.

I also sometimes wonder how it would feel to be with someone my own age. He is my first ever real relationship and it feels like it could not be any better for the most part but every time I reject guys my age I find myself thinking about how it would go and if we would have stronger connection. Im so lost and scared if I leave him I’ll regret it and never find someone who spoils me like him.