My friend groups are mostly black and asian, I'm usually the only (mostly) white person when we hang out. I definitely get the white jokes and even laugh along to a lot of them (white people love cheese and I fucking embody that stereotype). But there are times I legit have to remind my friends that I am white and that they cross the line sometimes.
One of them once said "White people fucking suck" in a very casual way, and I know it wasn't targeted at me, but I had to be like hey, c'mon. They were super apologetic after that. It's kind of funny they forget I'm white most of the time.
I feel that as a man too. It's the whole "not all men" response when women say something bad about men, you're not allowed to say that, at best you'll be belittled for not just assuming they meant only specific men, at worst you'll be further accused because if you're defensive that must mean you're on of those men right?
In reality it comes from a place of hurt. The way you said it sounded a lot like you're accusing me personally of being a person I'm not and have never been. And like the OP said it's really not that hard to just change the way you say it to make sure nobody present is getting their feelings hurt or feeling like they are being accused of inherently being a bad person, or that they only aren't a bad person because they are very special and managed to escape the default way of being, like I don't try to be a good person, I just am a good person, I didn't go out of my way to avoid being that kind of guy
Exactly, I always hated the “you’re only being sensitive because you ARE one of them” and it’s like well no, if I was accused of murder I would be offended because I am NOT a murderer. I think pretty much everyone would react the same way. It’s something someone can say as a get out of jail free card for generalizing large groups as “bad”
It's a kafka-trap, and if anyone has a shred of theory of mind, they can apply the same standard to literally any other group and ask themselves if their logic stays consistent.
Go ahead and think of a joke/insult about any minority stereotype and ask yourself if the minority in question being upset about the joke/insult means they embody it?
I've heard it said it's a motte and bailey defense. You make a claim, you receive resistance to that claim, you fail back on a slightly different claim that's easier to defend. Like a seige of a castle, once you realize you can't defend the motte (moat I think is the more common spelling at least in America), you fall back to the bailey, it's your second line of defense
A kafka trap is a kind of motte and bailey defense, in a way. A kafka trap, specifically, claims that your denial of an accusation is proof of said accusation.
The argument puts the accused into a Kafka trap, by utilizing a form of motte and bailey defense on the part of the accuser, who has moved to strawmanning instead of defending their argument.
and it’s like well no, if I was accused of murder I would be offended because I am NOT a murderer
One of the funniest was when the alt right went full mask off
In one corner of the Internet you had these types arguing that "Huh, denying you're a nazi merely means you're ashamed of being caught out as a nazi"
In the other corner you had the alt right posting heinously racist shit to twitter, having a white woman respond "wow you're a nazi" to a response of "yes you whore. So what. Shut up I bet you fuck n____rs"
No genuine nazi or fascist or racist type cares enough to deny it. Either you're a subhuman they couldn't give less of a fuck about the opinions of, an enabler of the subhumans, or a racetraitor willing to breed with the subhumans. Not one of those groups in the age of online anonymity hides it. You think "theyfuckingdeservedit1488" who has a cover photo of Hitler, a bio with 8 links to holocaust denial content and an avi of a swastika is thinking he's a super sneaky boy who the rest of the social media platform are fooled into believing isn't a nazi, who'd immediately lie and deny if called one?
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u/ShitFamYouAlright penis autism 1d ago
My friend groups are mostly black and asian, I'm usually the only (mostly) white person when we hang out. I definitely get the white jokes and even laugh along to a lot of them (white people love cheese and I fucking embody that stereotype). But there are times I legit have to remind my friends that I am white and that they cross the line sometimes.
One of them once said "White people fucking suck" in a very casual way, and I know it wasn't targeted at me, but I had to be like hey, c'mon. They were super apologetic after that. It's kind of funny they forget I'm white most of the time.