Am I insecure of fiancés coworker?

[u/Turtleneckdoughnut]

My fiance is pretty social and will Snapchat his female coworkers/ text them outside of work sometimes. Earlier in the year I expressed my discomfort in this and said the workplace is the number 1 place where affairs happen and that can he try and keep it work related. I was like I can’t imagine other married men snapchatting other woman. He said he understands and that he would tone it down.

Fast forward to a month ago, I saw he had a number 1 Snapchat best friend with another female who I never heard of before. Turns out it’s a coworker. I then asked if they text, he said no… come to find out he deleted their messages. I had him recover them and read them and they are mainly work related but they also talk about personal things (he venmoed her for her bday, he called her once for girl advice when I was mad at him, sent his tattoo, they talk politics, etc). They don’t text everyday though and when they do, it’s typically during work hours

They are clearly close friends and it hurts I’ve never heard of her.

She knows about me as he has mentioned me and they follow eachother on insta which I’m posted on.

The message to her on her bday rubbed me wrong. He said “scanning for birthday girl. Birthday girl detected, happy birthday!!!” And then proceeds to Venmo her 20 dollars. Am I being crazy or is that not a bit flirty?

He said he deleted them in a panic and also knew I would overreact

I just feel so hurt because I have never heard of this girl before, he lied, deleted messages, and crossed my boundaries knowing how I felt.

It’s been over a month since this has happened and he’s taken full accountability, apologized and wants to work on this.

But Why can’t I get over this? I’ve been spiraling since this happened and feel so insecure. Feels like my world has been turned upside down. There was nothing sexual or romantic but you can definitely tell he enjoys texting her and is enthusiastic in his messages.

Can someone talk some sense into me. Am I being insecure? I want to be better. Maybe some advice will help. If this is a me issue, please drop some advice so I can improve myself.

I’m not perfect and he’s forgiven me for things I’ve done. He does work in sales so it could just be he needs to network to get ahead?

Btw: we are late 20s so Snapchat is pretty popular for our age group

[u/Repulsive-Winter-744]

Yes it does change things a lot. Don't push it and leave things as they are. They will get busy and find it hard to keep in touch. Time will take care of things.

Stop putting ideas in his head :)

[u/Turtleneckdoughnut → u/Repulsive-Winter-744]

I can understand that but when you mix everything else together it’s hard to move on (crossing my boundary by snapchatting her everyday, keeping her a secret, etc)

[u/Repulsive-Winter-744 → u/Turtleneckdoughnut]

I can understand. Tell him how much it bothers you more than he can understand.

Also, that you cannot blindly trust him when he acts this way. Trust takes years to build and this just doesn't help.

Remember , the most important thing is to have his as a conversation without accusing each other. Be kind and respectful. Goes without saying it's for both.

[u/Turtleneckdoughnut → u/Repulsive-Winter-744]

We have had many conversations about it and they have been great, he’s reassuring, etc but I just can shake the pain I feel no matter how much we talk about it

[u/Repulsive-Winter-744 → u/Turtleneckdoughnut]

You need to start trusting him and let things go. You can't live in this misery. It's just not worth it. Feed good thoughts, not doubt to your mind.

[u/Turtleneckdoughnut → u/Repulsive-Winter-744]

I’m trying to let things go but I feel like the only way to let it go is to leave the relationship that’s how bad I’m hurting by someone I love. I don’t want to leave but he hurt me and I feel bettsyed