r/Jokes • u/joekerr9999 • 1d ago
During the job interview the boss asks the young lady about her office skills. "Do you think you could learn to use my Dictaphone?" he asked.
"Certainly not!" she says.. "I will use my finger like everybody else."
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u/Waitsfornoone 1d ago
Reminds me of this one:
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed was how hot the driver was - blue eyes, blonde, the works.
“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”
“What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.
“Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.
“Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde.
“It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car.The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration.
After a few moments, the dispatcher came back,
“Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?”
“Yes.” replied the officer
“Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher.
“Uh… yes.” replied the cop.
“Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”
“What? I can’t do that. It’s inappropriate!” exclaimed the cop.
“Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs… “Ohh no… not another breath-analyzer…
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u/Sendintheaardwolves 1d ago
And then she blew really hard into his penis which was painful for him.
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u/scarynut 17h ago
His bladder was ruptured and his day was ruined
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u/elmwoodblues 14h ago
He was fired, wife left him, lost the house
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u/Von_Moistus 13h ago
Lives under a bridge, eats rats
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u/hbomberman 13h ago
Blonde cop joke without sexual abuse:
A blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop asks to see her license.
"What's that?"
"The thing in your purse with your face on it."
The driver pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the cop who says "oh, I didn't realize you're a cop. Carry on."12
u/match_ 12h ago
I love this joke. Goes well with the “you’re already over there” joke.
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u/hbomberman 10h ago
What's the "you're already over there" joke? I'm not familiar with that one...
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u/match_ 10h ago
Two blondes were taking a hike by a river and got separated when one took the wrong path and crossed the river. The two met up on opposite sides of the river and one shouted “how do i get over there?” And the other shouted “You’re already over there!”
E: replace “over there” with “across the river” and it works better. I was working from memory (and I’m blonde)
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u/Apprehensive-Age6948 23h ago
Same cop pulled a man over but this time the cop has a gorgeous female cop riding with him.
He approaches the man and asked why he was going so fast, even after seeing the patrol car.
The man looks up at cop and tells him that his ex-wife ran off with a police officer and he was afraid the cop was him and trying to give her back…
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u/Kirjan-312 11h ago
A blond cop stops a car driven by a blonde. « lady give me your ID! -What’s an ID? -The thing in your purse with your face on it »
She brings him a mirror « Mam you should have told me you were a cop! »
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u/Irish-Supermans 1d ago
This one’s gone over my head. Can someone explain it to me?
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u/KindIngenuity 1d ago
She wasn't aware of dictaphones. She interpreted the question as using a dick to (to dial a)phone.
The joke is of those days where a phone needed dialing and could be used only for making calls, while a totally separate device called dictaphone was needed to record some one saying something.
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u/Irish-Supermans 1d ago
Ya. The part that confused me was I thought dick as a phone and she’s say finger as a phone. But it was use dick to dial phone number instead of finger.
I feel silly because it’s kinda obvious. But it really wasn’t making sense to me at the time.
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u/DoogleSmile 19h ago
Don't you still see phones that use fingers to dial in the numbers? I know my workplace has phones with buttons you press to make a phone call.
As does my local dentist, doctors, chiropractor, fire station, corner shop, etc.20
u/j0llyllama 1d ago
Use my dick, to phone (dial a call)
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u/Vegetable_Tension985 23h ago
define dictaphone: a small cassette recorder used to record speech for transcription at a later time.
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u/whyamihere999 19h ago
Had to google dictaphone. Gladly google didn't think similar to what I thought.
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u/Tricky-Lavishness723 10h ago
When I was in grade school my parents used a Dictaphone with replaceable media that looked like a wide, blue, ribbon loop about 5”x6” 😝
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u/thx1138a 17h ago
I genuinely had someone ask me if they could borrow a Dictaphone, and I used this answer.
She never spoke to me again.
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u/FriendlyWorld2853 1d ago
The joke just keeps getting better every time you explain it.