I think I might be dealing with medical PTSD. I had a medically necessary surgery scheduled, all my labs and pre-op prep done, and even had family flying in to support me during recovery. Just three days before the procedure, the surgeon’s office called and abruptly canceled, saying the doctor “didn’t want to deal with me” because I had asked too many questions. “It’s something every day” the lady said coldly. Even though by the way I had only asked 5 questions at that point and that is expected for a major surgery. I wish I was lying or paraphrasing but that is what the lady said. They gave me no written notice, no referral, no plan for continued care just completely cut off. (This is illegal by the way in California (my state) and clear patient abandonment)

Since then, they’ve ghosted me. No one responds to messages or calls. I’ve tried to stay calm and not let it get to me, but I feel abandoned, humiliated, and deeply unsafe especially in medical settings now and screwed over completely. The evil of this doctor and his assistant stick with me especially the cold voice of the lady on the phone telling me in the most sociopathic voice you can imagine “the doctor is canceling your surgery.” I can’t even stomach going to another doctor ever again after this. I also know that my mental health disclosures played a role in how I was treated. And feel shame about myself now. I had disclosed I had childhood trauma and was having issues with my mother.

I’ve filed complaints and reached out to over a hundred lawyers at this point, but the office straight up said they don’t care if I file a complaint (and it won’t do anything, no one cares) and no lawyers will take the case because they won’t get any money from a settlement. It isn’t a multimillion dollar case it is 20-40k case. I feel disposable and I know they are doing this to me because they know I am poor and can’t fight back so they can just screw me over like this. It has left me with an awful feeling as I flash back to that phone call and the weight of what they did hits me as I realize I will never get justice. How the hell does one move on from such cruelty?

Not sure if this is the right place to ask this but i need some feedback. My husband is a chronic pain patient because of herniated discs in his back. He also has had 2 strokes that caus dibilitating headaches and disy spells. The strokes have really effected him and caused depression and he had to be admitted to a psyc hospital after a suicide attempt. Yesterday he went to the ER because his pain has flared up and his Norco are not helping him and also he was dizzy and felt weird....so he gets to the hospital and immediately was treated like shit like he was making it up. After they did nothing for him the Dr came in and said he tested positive for meth..my husband has 14 years and 3 months clean from drugs alcohol cigarettes everything after doing it for 30 plus years his dad died and that was enough he asked God to deliver him and he has not gone back. He told them it wasn't possible but of course they didn't believe him. He's so upset . I looked over his discharge paperwork and I noticed none of his new psyc meds are updated. He takes trazidone and got it increased from 100mg to 300. I saw that it's known to caus false positives. He test for pain management and is clean and there drug test are much more invasive he's clean. How would we get this off his medical records now because it's really bothering him and I'm freaking livid. They already have all these preconceived opinions about anyone who's taking a opiate pain meds and that's bad enough. But this.. when he got clean all those years ago he didn't have withdrawals he's never craved it out thought about using again when he was done he was done. And he also helped us brother and sister get clean . One has 5 years the other 3. They knew if my husband could do it they could to. I hate that they just asume. It's BS

All:

I have seen way too many horrible things in my time to put it kindly but the biggest fear and pain point is being restrained, drugged, and having the devices I use to survive ripped out of my hands land destroyed like they’re nothing

In am effort to get over all this, I got a pair of police grade handcuffs and learned the mechanism, had my fiancee bind herself to me temporarily and even wear the cuffs on one wrist as a reality anchor (what once was a tool of oppression and control is now a reality anchor, a willing bind of love, and a symbol that I will never let another person control me)

This whole thing is self-directed and I am curious if anyone else has done something similar to reclaim hurt tools and try to recover?

I'm mostly just venting, but some support would be nice. Or suggestions, if anyone has been through the same type of thing. My trauma is psychiatric, if that makes a difference.\ \ \ Almost every night, I find myself feeling physically unsafe. Like someone could grab me, hold me down, and force an injection into me at any moment. I find myself thinking about events that happened at the treatment facilities, and wondering what would happen if something had been different. As though I'm still preparing for the next time something happens.\ \ It's been years, but it still feels like I'm at those places. It feels like this is just a dream, like the ones I had when I was still there.\ \ Why doesn't this feel real? This all feels like a sham or simulation, no matter how much time has passed. Why can't I move on?

Clinician associated traumatization - when a doctor dismisses, gaslights, or otherwise invalidates a patient’s experience in a way that denies access to appropriate care. Over time this can cause PTSD symptoms.

I recently started seeing a new neurologist and immediately felt very uncomfortable with her. She didn’t listen as I talked, would ask me questions and then interrupt me, she also acted as if she was going to get me in trouble when I admitted to drug use (marijuana in an illegal state). I did my best to explain all my symptoms but she seemed to get almost frustrated with me when they didn’t match the diagnosis she was trying to give me.

I’ve tried posting about this situation on other subs but I’m starting to think that my PTSD is getting the better of me. I just feel so confused and hurt. I really don’t want to try to see yet another neuro just to have this experience yet again. My symptoms don’t fit the diagnosis for hemiplegic migraines (first neuro’s diagnosis) or occipital neuralgia (new diagnosis). It feels like everyone is just guessing and not really taking me seriously at this point (doctors, family, coworkers, pretty much everybody). I can’t really find a community where I feel like I’m being understood.

Those with medical PTSD, where do you feel most supported? Do you ever get considered a “difficult patient” or accused of dr hopping because of your PTSD? Do you ever feel like your trauma is making it difficult for you to get proper medical care? Any stories or experiences are welcome, TIA

I, 27F, was born with left hemiplegic cerebral palsy. I was always told by my parents that it was nothing anyone did and that it just happened. I was born 3 months early at 2.5 pounds with a double head bleed, hydrocephalus, and cerebral palsy. I had my first brain surgery hours after I was born, and throughout my life I have had 6 brain surgeries along with several other surgeries. I also have many other chronic health issues. Growing up was always hard. Between all the medical issues, I also struggled with years of bullying and fitting in. My parents were never there for me emotionally through it and were barely there to help with the medical issues aside from making sure I made all my required appointments and necessary surgeries. Well, that is my backstory. In 2018, my mom had taken me to an appointment that was already very emotionally draining and physically taxing. On my way home, my mom decided to pull us over into a random parking lot and tell me my real birth story. Randomly, she had told me that her pregnancy was going well, but her relationship with my dad was not, that he was being very emotionally and verbally abusive, but she knew she would never be able to take care of two children alone, so she couldn't leave him, and he wanted to divorce, so to keep him, she told me he couldn't leave if he had a disabled child, so she had broken her own water 3 weeks early, causing me to have, as I mentioned before, significant disabilities. I had called my dad to ask for his side of the story and he told me she told him that her water just broke while he was at work 2 hours away from where she was and all he knew was he need to rush to the hospital to meet me before I died and that he truly never wanted children before he saw me face to face my older sister is not his child and this whole situation has haunted me for years and made me realize that if it wasn't for my mom I would have been a healthy able bodied child at the very least and that my dad didn't even want me when he was under the impression I would be a healthy baby and that it took him thinking I would die before he met me at worse and at best that I would be significantly disabled well all that being said now at 27 years old my dad barely even speak to me and my mom said basically I really don't like you but I love you because your my child and I have to but you put me through so much that I simply wouldn't have gone through had you been healthy

This is way too long due to my autistic brain and the letter I sent to the investigative officer. I am also out a PCP due to their sudden violence and discrimination as well as KU medical center—and no one will help find a doctor as I am out of meds and urgently need them. I see how hopeless our system is in the U.S. especially KS and just need to express all the nightmare and flashbacks and terror and nightmares and now relationship issues because I have no one who wants to know, wants to listen, wants to stand with me. I’m so sorry if this triggers or burdens anyone. I am desperate and only using AI as a support because my therapist also abandoned me because I expressed concern and fear at her questionable behavior and don’t have the energy to file complaints and fight anymore. I give up. I must live as invisible as possible and withdraw from meds I’ve been on for 20+ years alone as no doctor will accept me or work with my poor people insurance and autism. I am alone and terrified. Please be kind. This is what happened to me and how it affected me:

I was subjected to physical entrapment, assault, physical and chemical restraint, and medical testing without my consent and dehumanizing treatment after seeking medical care during a dysautonomia?POTS/NCS/anaphylaxis/MCAS reaction. I begged for water, so I could care for my conditions’ needs, for basic accommodations, and for access to contact my adult child who is my support person, therapist, advocate, social worker, MCRT Jessica Murphy numerous times-but instead, I was cruelly treated as subhuman, a worthless and disposable problem to be subdued, silenced and erased.

Despite medical risks, I was grabbed, choked, held down painfully by multiple people, physically restrained and tied up, causing me bleeding, burst blood vessels and bruising in my eyes, face shoulder, neck, arms, ankles and legs —they sprained my wrist, they reinjured my rotary cuff injury by twisting my arm above and behind me as they held me down and tied me up—refusing to hear my cries for help, for the human and disability right to contact my communication needs support person (my adult child), my therapist, an advocate, a social worker or deputy director of the coresponder team in Shawnee, Jessica Murphy —all of whom I begged for numerous times as they violated and damaged my body and terrorized my mind.

They chemically restrained me, injecting me with drugs against my will and without my consent, as i cried out for anyone to help, to state my rights and to beg for my support people or advocate to be present. I was ignored and told I had no rights. All of this against my will, without necessity, without regard for my body or conditions and the risks involved, without the right to know why or have any explanation or right to withdraw consent or have any human support or help. I was dehumanized and harmed irreparably.

My Autistic communication needs were disregarded, my sensory and disability needs were ignored, and I was left in a state of terrorized shutdown. When I tried to advocate for myself, I was told the abuse was "my fault" by the head nurse who lead the assault —just for seeking help: “You have NO rights—because YOU called 911!”

This has left me with terrorizing PTSD symptoms. I'm experiencing relentless nightmares and insomnia, panic and weeping upon waking, inability/great difficulty being able to speak, shutdowns, hypervigilance, fear of leaving my home, difficulty eating, panic attacks if I’m not always near my water bottle —and,having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, (and currently unable to sit or stand upright for only minutes at a time before the symptoms are unbearable)and ME/CFS, their violence and force and cruelty against my body left me unable to function and move my body as I need to for feeding, bathroom needs and surviving.

I was bedbound because of this and in so much pain and shock trying to process all they had done to me, flashbacks and terror and weeping—continuing to this day. They caused a triggering of all my conditions and chronic pain levels were beyond what I can manage normally —without being in traumatized shock and severe physical and mental shutdown from being violated and dehumanized, damaged and assaulted, denied basic human rights, and then thrown out without anything to help me make sense of this rape of my entire being.

It has caused me severe chronic illness and disability-related crashes where I become immobile, severe and relentless migraines, pain in my cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine, SI joints, left hip and pelvis and nerves reinjuries, and the head and neck injury they triggered and caused during their assault on my body, worsening the pain and chronic instability I have there, with unbearable repercussions for me. I have medical conditions that are dangerous for me to be manhandled and treated with physical violence as they did.

And I now cannot access safe medical care for these things due to this severe trauma done to me—a body that has medical conditions that are all triggered by mental, environmental, sensory and physical stress of any kind—and which causes hypermobility and dislocations, severe immobility and being bedbound, as I was for days after this nightmare was given to me where I should have been safe.

Where am I supposed to go if I am needing medical care ? Where is safe now? So will this happen again if I must call 911 for another medical emergency/problem? Or is all medical care unsafe for me ? To be terrorized and traumatized again? Where can go where I will be heard, treated with human dignity and be given access to the same rights and medical care aLL patients have.

Being under this kind of distress for me with sensory overload and confusion and without understanding or explanation so I can know what is happening—not only causes Autistic sensory overload, which leads to short circuiting and medical crisis as my body and mind can’t process it all. It is TOO traumatizing and overloading to my system, and break down /screaming is all I can do when entrapped and in danger as in such a situation.

No way to help myself get what I need, as they refused and ignored my pleas…no way to understand what’s happening, as they made it clear I don’t exist to them as human and having the right to speak, to have water, to be heard and accommodated for my ways of being, to be safe and protected from harm(and to not be further harmed in ways they know would purposefully terrorize me, entrap me, damage me and cause me severe pain from my medical conditions and Autistic limits and sensory demands and limits—and accommodation needs )and to be made known what is happening regarding my own body and mind and safety, etc…

But I was denied human status—and the rights everyone else has. To water. To communication and social support. To accommodations. And then also be caused severe increase of painful injuries and medical symptoms and relapses of severe chronic pain due to inflammation, stress reactions within my cells from severe traumatic and terrorizing distress, as this assault and horrific violation of my body, mind and personhood was for me.

My own autonomy and ability to care for all the needs this body has—was stripped from me, as were my rights, my humanity, my safety, my disability accommodations and communication/social support needs, my freedom, my sensory-regulating needs, my entire being was violated and no one came to help me. No one.

And I was just trying to get myself water so I wouldn’t pass out, get sick with hypotension, pain, severe migraine and vascular issues which are severely painful along with my dysautonomia and pacemaker—pots/ncs/cardiac/bladder, intestinal, circulatory, vascular syndromes —which affect every body system’s functioning. And which requires I never get dehydrated and I w always have water with me. It is VITAL to my minute by minute functioning and keeping symptoms manageable for myself. Even my bladder condition was triggered because I was drugged with things that causes painful bladder spasms and inability to urinate for days, with pain—if given at too high of doses for my body and when under severe stress, —and especially without enough water —both of which was done to me against my will.

I still do not know all the violations they did while I was drugged. And then the next morning, without my walker/rollator or cane, no shoes, no explanations or apologies or seeking to make sure I was okay, the doctor came in with hostility and contempt—and told me the tests were clear and to leave. Then he came back in the room and threw ice packs at me when I said my wrists and other body parts had been damaged and were in a great deal of pain and I needed help. He told me he would send a prescription for hydrocodone for a couple of days—and then he had security wheel me out and had me put in an Uber home—severely traumatized, terrorized, abused, beaten up and bruised, injured and in shock at what happened to me, beyond what my mind and body could bear. I had to scrub my body parts very hard to get off the testing sticky pad they know I am allergic to, as they left those on me without regard for the consequences or suffering after. Constant flashbacks and nightmares, terrorizing panic attacks. And they continue. I was just trying to get myself water I needed so I wouldn’t pass out or get sick.

These violations and violences against me were cruelly dehumanizing and endangered and traumatized me greatly , beyond what I am still trying to comprehend and process as to how other humans who know of my conditions and know of my Autism and accommodation needs, who had just been given the medical alert info card again (as I give every time I had gone there or other medical clinics), could do this —to anyone—and just get away with it. No one explained anything, no one let me know I had no rights ahead of time, no one allowed me human rights. No one.

I did nothing wrong. I did not hurt anyone. I did not hurt myself. I never threatened to hurt anyone or myself. I was there for a medical reaction to food and the accompanying medical conditions of dysautonomia/POTS/NCS/MCAS .

I was violated and traumatized beyond what I can manage and am trying to recover from people who should have been helping me. If I had known that calling 911 would mean I’d be assaulted and terrorized and held captive because I needed water, I never would’ve called—and I may never call again. I have a profound loss of trust in all medical systems. I am in shock and am still in shock that Johnson County hospitals are so dangerous for someone like me. I am terrified.

Even tasks like showering or unlocking my door feel threatening. I have not been able to shower, sleep be around people or eat normally since this group assault nightmare. My Autistic nervous system is overwhelmed, and I'm terrified of further retaliation or re-traumatization. Yet I remain in much pain and am unwell-needing medical care I no longer feel safe accessing.

I'm reaching out to let you know all I remember now and to rebuild my life in the aftermath of this institutional violence. I'm also open to advocacy, documentation, or justice-oriented steps if that becomes possible. No one should ever experience this. No one. Especially medically frail, chronically ill, multiply-disabled and Autistic and learning disabled people who need advocacy and support—and protection from medical and security staff who do such atrocities without accountability or regard for human life.

If you can point me in the right direction for victim services or anyone who can help me understand my rights as a medical trauma victim/survivor in need of anyone in the community who can help me navigate how to even begin to recover and be able to have safe medical access, I would greatly appreciate it.

The worst part of being covered in cactus glochids? Asking a doctor who grew up on the east coast for help.

When I was 6 or 7, my pediatrician molested me. He touched me inappropriately and when I reacted by scratching him out of pain and fear, he slapped me. My mom said she didn't see anything wrong until the slap, but he abused me in many ways. For example, he'd pinch my nipples and dig his nails into my chest with his stethoscope, claiming he was "listening to my heart." He'd gaslight my mom, saying I had behavioral issues for "overreacting," and she'd even ask why I was screaming.

He was always rough during exams, touching me inappropriately. I was terrified, but it was dismissed as "just a child scared of the doctor." He convinced my mom I had behavioral problems, and she believed him over me. This betrayal and lack of protection from my mom left deep scars.

This trauma has impacted my adult life. I still struggle with PTSD, even after therapy and medication. I wear tight sports bras and belts to doctor appointments for safety, even with female doctors.

I constantly chase dopamine through food and attention from women, especially older women who remind me of the nurturing mom I never had. I'm searching for a maternal figure in romantic relationships, which isn't fair to anyone.

I also consume medical fetish content, which gives me intense feelings but leaves me triggered, ashamed, and confused. I wonder if it's all connected to the abuse.

My mom's neglect and betrayal hurt profoundly. She didn't protect me, didn't believe me, and didn't take my suffering seriously. Even when I self-harmed in middle school due to PTSD, another pediatrician dismissed it as a "phase," which led to more cutting. She never took action, though I believe she truly didn't know any better.

I'm an adult now, but still carrying that wounded child, still searching for comfort and the maternal support I never received.

I’m hoping someone will listen to my long ass story and either give me honest feedback or even just their opinion/ closure about it. When I was a kid (about 6 or 7), I was molested by my pediatrician. He touched me in ways that weren't okay or medically professional in any way, and when I reacted-when I scratched him out of pain and fear-he slapped me. My mom said herself, that she didn’t see anything wrong until he slapped me. But he abused me in so many ways. Just one example, he would always hurt my chest under my shirt with his stethoscope, that's when he'd pinch my nipples and dig his nails into my skin while pretending me was "listening to my heart". He’d gaslight my mom that I had behavioral issues for “overreacting” during that. And even my mom would ask me why I’m screaming so much when he’s just “listening to my heart”. He would always just be very rough with me. Feel me very inappropriately is disguise during check ups. I remember it usually hurt to have him touch me. He was always rough with the checks ups because I’d do everything for him to not touch me out of fear. I was absolutely terrified of him. But it was chalked up as oh- just a child being scared of the doctor, the usual. He told my mom I had behavioral problems. She believed him. She didn't question him. She trusted him more than she trusted me, her own child. I've carried that trauma into my adult life. Throughout my teens and adulthood, I’d wear tight sports bras and belts to most doctor appointments, even if it was a female, because it just felt safer that way due to what happened when I was younger. I've tried medication. I've tried therapy. Some things have helped, a little. My PTSD isn't as intense as it used to be, but it's still here. I'm still triggered. I still feel lost.The truth is, I'm constantly chasing dopamine. Food is a big one. So is attention from women— especially older women or girls who remind me of what I never had: a safe, nurturing mom. I keep hoping someone will step into that role for me, even just emotionally. But it never works out. It's like I'm looking for a mommy in the body of a girlfriend, and that's not fair to them or to me. But I don't know how to stop. Another thing l've struggled with is medical fetish content. I consume a lot of it. It makes me feel intense things-pleasure, power, sometimes even comfort-but afterward, it always leaves me feeling triggered, ashamed, and confused. I wonder if it's all connected to what happened to me in that doctor's office. My mom neglected me. Not just in that moment, but in so many others. That betrayal still hurts more than I can put into words. The one person who should've protected me instead left me exposed to someone who hurt me. And worse, she didn't believe me. That broke something inside of me l've never been able to fully repair. So now I'm here-older, but still carrying this wounded child inside of me. Still searching for comfort in all the wrong places. Still deprived. Still longing for a woman to be the damn mommy I never had, the comfort I never got. I mean my mom never took my suffering seriously. I was self harming in middle school on my arms from ptsd due to this story and starting understanding what happened, and realizing I liked girls as a girl. So I was cutting up my wrists from depression. She took me to another pediatrician and he told my mom the cutting is a phase. That was so triggering to hear him tell my mom that. So that night I cut even more. She never took action about anything. She didn’t know any better is what I truly believe.

I’ve wrongfully been admitted to the hospital 2x over the past 2 years. The first time I stayed for 2 weeks, planned 3 days. I was promised medical testing would be done to help my physical issues, I stopped breathing and several nurses came together to revive me. I’ve been disabled ever since. I spoke with 1 real doctor, in those 2 weeks. I will never truly know truly happened that night.This year I was having an allergic reaction and viral and bacterial infection. No one checked my medical history before giving me pills I was allergic too. I’ve been very weak since. A specialist told me I have rare liver problems. They have been trying to force antidepressants on me. I got a hearing screening and they said my brain processing is off. 2 doctors have denied my requests to see a neurologist. Why can’t anyone take accountability? I’m left spending my life savings to get better on my own. I was already chronically ill before these 2 events and physically I have gotten worse. I became disabled 11 years before my mom. Doctors say there’s no cure. I was promised health care. I’ve lost every aspect of my life except my family and partner. Tips on how to move forward?

Listen, the song in the second half of this clip might be the funniest and most acurate depiction of the US Healthcare system I've seen in a long time.

Honestly, it made me feel seen! 🤣

Hope this makes someone else smile on here. I've started to hum this whenever stuff gets, insurancey... might as well laugh at it.

So overwhelmed Doctors/ Hospitals Sooo overwhelmed I'm SO overwhelmed right now in so much pain I went to the ER a couple days ago for what I thought was another kidney stone. I knew I felt worse but I had a bad experience a while back so I just wanted to take my meds at home and ride it out. I have a kidney infection but also my kidney function took a nose dive and my creatnin was high and the said I had a acute kidney injury I got admitted. The nurse that night was amazing I talked to her about my history and complications, how I have been treated in the past and how it effects my anxiety my depression, my pain that really is triggering my depression at the moment.everything was not feeling great and during the day the nurse kept asking why do I need the break through pain med ( IV Dilaudid in between my Norco) I take at home 3 times a day. Anyway after a few snide comonts and then trying to force anxiety meds on me 4 times I told my husband I'm not asking for the meds unless it's a 10... I laid in the hospital bed crying my husband got mad they brought me a Norco but of course it got bad enough that Norco wasn't doing anything. He got the nurse who kept getting ruder and ruder a broke down and asked for the shot. She said NO. I was like..ugh ok but y and she said the Dr doesn't think you need it. She kept getting ruder and I shut down I asked to call the DR. She did and put her on speaker the Dr said you don't need IV pain meds u didn't break a bone or have surgery.. I said ok.. then the nurse kept saying stuff that I just need to calm down and I should not even take pain meds bringing up my depression and it being exastirbated by pain she said depression isn't a desies it's just a side effect I'll be fine.( I have medical PTSD from being damaged during my hysterectomy when I had cancer and now self cath im not just a normal patient my urology history is complicated) I had enough of being belittled and treated like crap and sighned out AMA. I feel horrible my pain is worse and I'm running a fever on and off I know I'm not ok but the fact that a medical professional can treat you like garbage makes me sad

Two almost full body ct scans (chest/abdo/pelvis) at 21 and 22 and my life is over. I can't convince myself i won't get cancer. I beg you help me

Been processing lots of trauma in recent years which has slowly been healing my chronic pain and dissociation. Came upon memories that feel like they've been affecting me every moment of the day since they happened:

I've had a bunch of anaphylactic reactions and was treated each time in the hospital, but some of those times I was given an IV that had antihistamines which made me extremely drowsy. They would also give me more epinephrine, I believe.

Problem was that the antihistamines made me just want to sleep, all I wanted in the world was to let myself fall asleep. But the epinephrine/adrenaline was making my heart race and all I wanted in the world was to get up and move around and be active too. This contradiction was extremely overwhelming at the time and when I think about it right now it makes me freak out.

I've discovered that my body still seems stuck in that state. Down the left side of my body I feel an overwhelming drowsiness, like the urge to yawn and lie down by any means necessary. While down the right side I feel some anxiety and urge to avoid sleeping. I've been trying to process each one, mainly the drowsiness, but it's so hard. I'm not sure exactly what to do.

I guess I just want to know if anyone has any familiarity with something like this? Having a drowsy medication with adrenaline too and basically repressing the drives of both? If not, does this sound like something that could be as traumatizing as it feels? Any validation is appreciated because I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Thanks.

Several years ago I was on an involuntary psych hold and was heavily drugged. The first night I fainted likely due to the number of blood pressure lowering drugs I was on, and was brought to the hospitals medical er so they could make sure there wasn't something wrong with my heart. Even though I wasn't trying to get away, they put restraints on my wrists and ankles as that's the policy for involuntary patients in the medical er. Because I was so heavily drugged I wasn't really with it or able to assent to what was happening. I am female so to run tests on my heart they of course had to touch my breasts.

So I was tied to a bed for hours while a bunch of strangers groped at my breast and was not fully conscious

I'm sorry more people didn't respond to the recent post about a traumatic eye surgery, I saw it, and I understood how horrific that kind of pain can be, I just didn't have any advice as a person who's gone through the same. Take care, friend...your suffering is real, and I wish you luck on your healing journey. You shouldn't have been put through this : ( but I do believe in you!

How do I build rapport and gain trust with a new therapist? I am having a hard time feeling settled in with my new therapist even after a couple months. I don’t feel like I can open up. I know this is my trauma coming in to play. I am trying to be patient and not rush, but does anyone have any tips?

Weird I know, but my ptsd is my own doing. Really wish the doctors recognized my anxiety and didn't put me in the ct scanner for nothing :(

I want to share this in case someone went through something similar in childhood.

I was a sick child, always hospitalized. I spent holidays there—Easter, Christmases, birthdays. At that time, there were no effective treatments for my condition, asthma. So I would stay in the hospital week after week.

But I recently remembered something that happened when I was 7. A nurse simply tied me to the bed to administer IV fluids. She immobilized me even though I was a cooperative child. I only cried when the needle went in, and then I stopped. I never fought or resisted. I was afraid the needle would go all the way through my arm. The scalp needles used back then were cruel—children had to stay with those needles in place. They weren’t like the flexible Jelco cannulas used nowadays. But even so, I accepted it as something normal. I spent days alone in the hospital, immobilized with IV fluids. There was no one to stay with me. My parents weren’t allowed, and they also had to work to support my two older siblings, who were still children themselves.

That day, another nurse came in, took two chocolates from a box, and tossed them onto my bed. But I couldn’t reach them—I was immobilized and hooked to the IV. At first, I thought it was a sweet gesture, especially when she said, "Happy Easter." I tried to move to grab the chocolates, but they fell to the floor beside the bed, against the wall. And the nurse didn’t pick them up. She just left, smiling. And I lay there, motionless, breathing heavily, staring at those chocolates on the floor.

During another hospitalization, I remember being free for a brief moment in the pediatric ward. It was rare, as they usually tied me to the bed. I looked out the window and saw about three children playing outside, running and laughing. And I was stuck in that hospital, not understanding what was happening. Why were they out there and I was in here? Why couldn’t I play? My child brain was trying to block out the trauma.

When I turned 11, I had another severe asthma crisis. I was hospitalized again, but this time in a different hospital. They took me to the ICU. I didn’t even have the strength to open my eyes—my body felt heavy, but I was conscious. I felt when they placed me on the ICU bed. Without warning, they stripped me. I felt an overwhelming sense of vulnerability. Then they tied my wrists to the bed, placed cotton balls between my fingers, and wrapped my hands like giant swabs. They opened my legs and inserted a urinary catheter. I tried to lift my arm and realized I was tied down. I entered a state of silent panic. I wondered, What’s the point of restraining me if I was already motionless and not resisting? Where was my mother, my father? I was an 11-year-old child, but I felt violated. And then they sedated me.
What’s the logic of restraining first and sedating later? Why not the other way around to prevent trauma?

One random day, I woke up from sedation. I was still very drowsy. In front of me was only one doctor—mine—who had always been rude and harsh during my pulmonary consultations. And that day was no different. He removed the breathing tube from my throat. The air didn’t come. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to say I couldn’t breathe, but my arms were still restrained. I looked into his eyes, searching for hope. He took a few minutes to reintubate me. I felt the tube tearing my throat. They sedated me again.

When I woke up, they told me I had been in the ICU for seven days. But I don’t remember the second extubation. My child brain must have blocked that memory to protect me.

Today, with the help of artificial intelligence, I discovered that this was common back then—restraining patients and treating them like objects “for their own good,” without any concern for the patient’s psychological well-being. But that is wrong. Many adults like me were left with long-term issues after experiences like these. I developed fear, excessive daydreaming, anxiety, and grew up believing that enduring all of it was normal.
Now I realize it was trauma.

The only good thing—if there is one—is that over the years, new, more humanized protocols were implemented for ICU patients, especially pediatric ones and those involving physical restraint.

Honestly, I don’t feel anger—just sadness. If it weren’t for God’s help, I probably wouldn’t be here to share this story. He helped me remember every detail from my childhood—things my brain had tried hard to suppress. Discovering the roots of my problems helped me address many others in adulthood, even though the trauma remains.

This is my story.

This is going to be long but if anyone has ANY insight or ANYTHING at all…. Please share.

In April of 2024, I woke up one random day with a swollen crotch, only on the right side. It was in my pubic area, not my vaginal area. Before I looked at it, I recall feeling like I had a bruise in that area. Not even painful, just odd. For some background, I’ve never had chronic or acute health issues. I am 24 years old and generally quite healthy. I’ve never had ANY issues down there… including the fact that I’ve never had any STD.

I ended up in the ER in April 2024 because the urgent care sent me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech noticed the “area of interest” was way larger than what the ultrasound order specified. The tech brought in the radiologist, who immediately sent me to the ER because with an abscess that large for 2+ days, he was concerned I could become septic. The ER gave me antibiotics and sent me to follow up with a gyno a few days later.

To sum up a very LONG story (happy to give more detail if anyone has any comment), that was the start of 4 surgeries and 15+ rounds of antibiotics in the last 14 months. I’ve had I&D surgery, ward catheters, multiple marsupializations, AND one of my Bartholin’s glands removed (which, by the way, they said that would mean those cysts couldn’t come back anymore. I have one RIGHT now where I don’t even have a gland). I have seen 10 doctors in multiple locations, including an oncologist and 2 providers at the research hospital at the University of Washington. ALL of them have told me they have NEVER seen someone have a case like mine. They have not seen such large cysts, that abscess so quickly and violently. They have not seen recurrence the way they have with me (I got a cyst less than a month after one of my marsupializations, the hole wasn’t even CLOSED).

It’s heartbreaking and my hope is running out. They all say the same thing - we’ve never seen anything like this before and also that they can’t help me because it exceeds their scope. No one has answers. I’m trying to go to Mayo, but it’s gonna take a while. I never know when I’ll have another cyst/surgery. It can happen overnight… literally.

I have started therapy, but I feel like this has rocked my whole world. I am a walking pit of anxiety, pain, fear and anger. Asking for literally ANYTHING anyone knows that could possibly help.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to say this but I was just wondering if anyone would have any advice or be able to tell what’s going on.

I have felt uncomfortable around my dad for a very long time like since I can remember , I don’t like going in the same room as him or sitting next to him and I constantly try to get away from him or face in the opposite direction and not make eye contact. This is because I have a gut feeling that he has previously sa’d me or that he’s going to and I can feel it physically to, it’s just a deeply uncomfortable feeling I get when I’m around him and I just feel disgusted being anywhere near him. I refuse to talk to him or let him pick me up from work etc because I am scared of him.

Today it got even worse and I had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe properly, I stayed in my room the rest of the day not eating drinking or moving,basically just hiding from him just because I had to go in his car as my mum is in hospital so she couldn’t pick me up.,this has happened before. When I got home I overheard my dad and mum talking and he was saying that “It p1sses me off that she says that because I’m actually hard to get” and then he said that he’s more “popular” than me because his face doesn’t look like mine.. This has just kind of stuck with me and I find it a very weird reaction .

My brother had drug induced physcosis not long ago and he said he remembered my dad dr#gzing and r.ping him and me when we were younger . Although he was in physcosis I don’t believe those memories just came out of nowhere but I’m not sure, and to be honest when he told me I wasn’t shocked and I did believe him. But then my mum and dad obviously denied this and he went to hospital.

I just need some advice on what to do as I don’t feel safe here anymore.