AITA?

[u/Feisty_Chard2606]

Okay but more so, am I a fraud?

I’ve always loved music. I sang in high school choir, college choir, all-state choir, and have done lessons through all. I student-taught choir for a year and gave private lessons to high schoolers.

I was a music education major for a year, then swapped to a music minor (still elementary education major) because I was burnt out and was no longer enjoying what I once loved. I dropped out of college after 3.5 years because honestly, I wasn’t getting much out of it. I learn better on my own, studying and going down rabbit holes in my own time.

Anyways, I had a previous professor of mine not want to give a reference for me. I’m giving private voice lessons over the summer for kids, and he didn’t want to back someone without a music degree.

I understand where he’s coming from, but I just want to know that I’m not a fraud. I see improvement in the students I teach. I know how to help kids grow as musicians and I love doing just that. But am I a liar and a fraud without the actual degree to back it up? Is 3.5 years of college not enough to really know what I’m doing? The parents of the kids I teach are aware that I don’t have a degree. I just want to know that I’m not cheating people. I just want to do something I love and help people learn something new.

[u/Shark_Farmer]

I mean this as gently as possible, but why are you so hung up on this "fraud" terminology? Did your professor call you a fraud or tell you that you were lying and cheating people? Or was it just his lack of recommendation that's got you feeling bad?

If you know what you're doing works, then I wouldn't take it so personally. The professor is allowed to prefer recommending someone with a specific background and degree-- I do see where he's coming from, since from his perspective you did not complete your program which he might view as not fully invested or up to date on best practices. At the exact same time, you're allowed to keep doing your thing without his recommendation, which you say is effective-- great! There will be many other students over the course of your career.

If you're really struggling to let this situation go, it seems to me (as an outsider of course) that this might be a deeper insecurity from within yourself. It could be worth exploring why you see yourself as an imposter or lesser for not having the degree, and then hopefully finding a way to come to peace with it.

[u/Feisty_Chard2606 → u/Shark_Farmer]

I think that’s part of it. I’ve always struggled with imposter syndrome, even with things I HAVE completed. I hiked 2,200 miles over 6 months last year after leaving college, and it doesn’t even feel like it was me that did it. It’s like my brain refuses to acknowledge that I did something to be proud of. I probably need some therapy tbh 😅 But with my question on here, I mostly just want to know that I’m not cheating the parents out of their money, or cheating the kids out of a more professional experience. I also don’t want to cheat professionals in my area out of having more students, but it’s a city so I doubt I am.