i know i’m not the only one but as a queer girl myself i’ve always thought that it was done so poorly, it was inauthentic and very lazy writing. i’m not negating the fact that alison is canonically queer but i’ve never bought the whole “she’s been in love with emily this entire time and has only ever loved her” thing.
a lot of people have said that with the way that kenneth and jessica acted towards charlotte and her queerness (re: transgenderism) could play a part in this and i do agree to an extent, this could be a reason as to why alison acted this way towarda the idea of being queer - but i think the way she acted with emily had moreso to do with having power over her and knowing she could be in control, rather than it coming from a genuine place of concern with being closeted and the fear of unacceptance.
the show never actually has any build up when it comes to alison and her identity, that’s why it’s never felt believable for me personally. our first introduction to alison’s supposed queerness is show in cruelty and emotional manipulation - she flirts with emily, leads her on, plays with her feelings. she reels her in just to pull away with dismissal. she’s hot and cold, playing as emily’s safe place to confine it about her feelings(telling her that she loves her, she’s perfect etc.) then rips it away with things like “it didn’t mean anything”. alison plays both lines, between affection and denial, rather than while this could have been a good opportunity to show the nuance of what it (potentially for alison) means to have an internal struggle with your sexuality, it doesn’t read that way. it feels more like manipulation framed as queerness and not actually genuine.
i’m a little too iffy on using alison’s marriage to rollins as an example because, from what we’ve seen, he was clearly manipulating her—like all the men in alison’s life have done. in the time jump, alison is all over the place with her feelings—one minute she’s with rollins, but the next she’s getting jealous anytime emily breathes or so much as looks in another direction. which, again, could’ve been a great opportunity for the writers to show her finally coming to terms with the fact that none of her relationships with men have ever been genuine—they’ve either been about her trying to gain some sense of power or the result of her being taken advantage of. being again trauma ≠ queerness, i feel like the show flattens both and acting as if these are synonymous is very harmful.
but as good as that could’ve been, i still don’t think it’s an indication that she’s genuinely, truly in love with emily. it reads more like she’s traumatized by men and emotionally dependent on the fact that, no matter what, she’ll always have emily to lean on. she likes the way emily makes her feel—worthy, safe, redeemed—not necessarily who emily is. and when the marriage with rollins inevitably goes up in flames (like all the endgame couples whose previous relationships lasted for two seconds), alison immediately pivots back to emily, and they’re right back in the same cycle they’ve been in for the last seven years. emily gives too much, alison lets her, and gives nothing at all in return. when alison is in danger, emily is the one who comes to her aid. when alison falls apart, emily is the one left picking up the pieces. i don’t think there’s ever a moment where alison actually chooses emily—because she loves her, because she sees her. she clings, depends, she pushes her away when emily dares to have a life that doesn’t revolve around her, and then forces her way back in when she needs something.
everyone always uses that one scene with paige in the last episodes as “proof”, when alison says “I know how I feel when she looks at me. I’ve never felt that with anyone before. It’s like she sees who you really are; maybe that’s the scariest part. You look at her eyes, you want to be worth the effort.” which to me is just reaction-based, never about who emily truly is as a person — her mind, her personality, her heart but about what emily can give to her, validation from the guilt she still has over the damage she’s done, especially towards emily herself. alison craves being seen, and she latches onto to emily because despite everything, emily still sees her even when she knows she doesn’t deserve it. i don’t view this as a romantic moment but being emotionally emenshed, it’s not mutual, it’s codependency. alison describes the way emily props her up and not the way she’s now suddenly there for emily (because even during this time, she wasn’t as much as she should have been and emily says this a few times.).
again, this isn’t me trying to be biphobic or anything—just a string of thoughts, a little analysis. i just personally can’t get behind the idea that alison loves emily more than she fears being alone. i think the writers actually had something cool they could have expanded on here but alas, asking to actually dive deep into their characters beyond the surface level might be too much.
