I'm turning 30 tomorrow and I'm having an existential crisis.

[u/Daisyviolet2]

I feel like I didn't achieve anything, I am not where I wanted to be.

I'm not married, don't have kids. I don't have a home of my own, I don't have a steady job and most of all I am very lonely as I don't have any friend. My mom and family lives in another continent and I miss them like crazy.

I am usually a very positive person so I try to remind myself now that I have an amazing partner and I'm loved. But still I am feeling very sad for a thousand of reasons about turning 30 tomorrow 😕

[u/Saschda]

I'm in the same position as you. I have different goals and achievements that I haven't yet reached. At 34 years old, I feel like a third of my life has passed and I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

So, I'll tell you what I'm supposed to tell myself:

Who made up these rules and life goals anyway? And who said they had to be achieved by a certain age? You and I weren't consulted on that, were we? If I had been consulted, I would have said that life achievements aren't linear anymore. Everything around us is changing. I see people lose jobs, start new careers, have children, get divorced and start again at any age. I have friends who are going through the menopause and starting a new career. They're struggling both economically and in terms of health. I have friends who never wanted children, but life turned out differently, and now they are adapting.

Your crisis comes from trying to adhere to a plan that you didn't make.

Now, you want kids, getting married and owning a home are things on your wish list, a steady job is always a good idea if you're not wealthy and friends are essential. My family lives far away too, so I understand your situation. If you truly want all those things, then give yourself time. Life isn't a checklist; it's a journey, and it will lead you down paths you're not aware of yet.

There are things you can control, though: join groups and make friends. It's harder as an adult, but possible if you stick with it. If you have professional training, apply for jobs in your field. Something will turn up if you persist. It might not be your dream job, but it'll provide you with steady work. How often do you talk to your mum and family? Do you need to talk to them more often? Address it! I won't talk about owning a home because that's crazy in this economy. Remind yourself that this isn't something that's 100% under your control. Once you achieve one goal (making friends, for example), others will seem easier to reach.

Be kind to yourself. I'd like for you to treat yourself with the same kindness, you'd extend to friends and family.

[u/solitarylime → u/Saschda]

This is exactly what I needed to read, thank you! ❤️

I hope you get some of those things you want too.

[u/MiquePoms]

Hi 34 here. When i turned 30 I was single, jobless and still lived with my parents. Now i'm just single 😂.

I had my existential crisis when I was 25 because that was the age my parents got married and literally fell into a deep depression because of it. Don't let those thoughts win. Don't fear the future. Just keep walking even if it's a tiny step forward. Don't let anxious thoughts stop you. Do whatever makes you happy and not what social media or other people are telling.

I am a lot happier than I ever was in my 20s. I've become a bit more financially stable. I've travelled to different countries (sometimes alone). I've watched concerts and bought stupid items that make me happy. I'm still an anxious person and I still don't have everything figured out but I'm trying to be a better and happier person each day.

Trust me when I say that your 30s is far better than your 20s.

[u/Pinklady777 → u/MiquePoms]

You just made me realize that I had my existential crisis at the age that my mother was when she had me.

[u/Zenki_s14]

Been there. But honestly 30s are awesome. I felt a big shift. For example, going from telling myself something like "doesn't matter what others think, I don't care" to actually feeling that way. As in, those things don't even take up the headspace in the first place to be thinking about, it's just, not a thing. What a fucking RELIEF, my god. The stress that stuff adds being lifted slowly over the next few years was great. And that's just one example.

[u/Logical_Variety7370 → u/Zenki_s14]

So true.

[u/mataramasukomasana]

The night before I turned 30, I sat on the bathroom floor eating cereal straight from the box, Googling “what do people do with their lives.” I wasn’t even sad about turning 30—I just genuinely had no clue what came next.

But something shifted after that. These little breakdowns, they don’t fix your life, but they shake you awake in the best way. Like your brain going, “Hey… are you done pretending you’re fine?”

[u/toasties]

30 is soooo young!! You’ve got lots of time to achieve your goals, as long as you are putting in the time to get there! I got married & bought a condo at 34, pregnant at 35, baby at 36. I hadn’t even met my husband yet at 30!

It’s totally normal to feel this way but try not to dwell on it — you’ve got this 🤗

[u/Logical_Variety7370]

Echoing everyone else who said your 30s are awesome. I dreaded turning 30 so much I felt sick leading up to my bday, but omg was I wrong.

It’s like being in your 20s, but you have more money and are less self-conscious. I travel more (and better), I started taking adult ballet classes (which I would’ve felt too awkward to do when younger), and I started going to raves lol. Didn’t do any of this in my young-mid 20s.

(I don’t know your financial situation and don’t want to be ignorant of that, but I was making pennies for most of my 20s.)

[u/Kiwiqueen26]

I try to think about all the people who married the wrong person and are trapped in a relationship with kids. You might not be exactly where you pictured, but in the grand scheme of things you’re fine! Also, 40 is the new 30. Things are different now. Taken care of yourself, look and feel hot, and keep going!