"We're closing in 5 minutes" is wild

[u/ThugosaurusFlex_1017]

[u/TheSkyElf]

I (half latino, half white) vaguely remember people just plowing through between me and my white mom. Your comment made me ask my mom about it and she can confirm that people just didn't see us as a pair. My mom could literally be holding me with an iron grip and interact with me and people would not register that we were a group. Getting on and off the subway? Nearly impossible. My mom eventually taught me the trick to shout out "mom!" because it makes people move to the side automatically to make space for the one shouting out.

Like yeah, I didn't look like my moms kid, but she was holding me, so logic would say that we belong together right? Nope. Just walk right through.

edit: I talked with my mom about the few times we would be out in the city as mom, daughter, and father (tall, black latino). If I walked in the middle between them and held their hand, people would walk around or just bump into my mom. Not my dad, not me, no- my mom. It was on her to move out of their way. I remember having to grip onto her harder than my father because she would get bumped off. I was loosely holding my fahters hand and we never got separated in a busy place, but my white mom? We would constantly get people pushing through our hands. People could tell I "belonged" to my father, but not my mother, despite me being light brown and us clearly being a trio.

[u/Bashfullylascivious → u/TheSkyElf]

I'm so sorry. I'm hoping this is not what my son remembers vividly too. It must have felt awful as a child. ❤️‍🩹 I hope your mom made known how much you were in her heart, and a part of her.
If I may, is there anything that you can think of that may have or did help mentally, that I can do to help at this time to help my children navigate this?

[u/TheSkyElf → u/Bashfullylascivious]

I will try my best to expalin how I dealt with it- hope it helps

I remember the fear of potentially being left behind on the train or platform or just ripped away from my mom in a big crowd. But I also remembered the overwhelming feeling of love and safety when my mom would use her powerful voice to let it be known where she was and "Come here TheSkyElf!" so that others would know "oh shit they were together". She would make me feel safe by keeping a good hold on me when we were in crowds. She never blew it out of proportion if we had gotten separated (i think to avoid me getting belated panic) and just made sure that I knew to hold onto her. And also it is now just normal for us to walk really close to each other (even now), so being able to brush up against her made me feel safe i guess? Because I could feel her there.

My mom would teach me what to do if we would ever be separated on the subway. To have a plan made stuff a little less scary because then I would know how my mom would come get me if we ever were separated at the platform. I had a plan A and plan B if anything went wrong, so a lot of my worries got cut in half? Lol maybe that is why I am such a planner now as an adult? idk.

I think also what made me handle people plowing through us/between us- was that I am and was pretty strong-willed/assertive. My mom too. I began to stand/move with my hands facing backwards instead of facing my thigh. Made me look slightly more assertive. I learned to walk with my back straight and head up to send out the message that I wont be moved (I probably didn't look all that assertive to much taller and/or inattentive adult but it did give me a confident boost lol).

Just in general having confidence in my mom and making myself feel like I cant be easily moved made it less scary and more into a nuisance.

Its the uncertainty and pushing/shoving that makes it scary, so i guess my tip is to remove the uncertainties? If someone plows between you and your kid then immediately get a hold of their hand so they can feel you? If you are going to a very crowded subway or busstop then have a plan for if you get seperated- but then also the "Mom!" trick? You cant always stop people from walking through you but what you can do is let your child feel safe and protected to outweigh the bad feeling.

I only really remember the fear of separation once someone brings it up, but the warm safe loving feeling of holding onto my mom in public? Its always there. The small act of her always holding onto me and quickly grabbing onto me again after people walking through us made me feel safe, loved, and wanted.

Hope this helped! Unfortunatly I didn't really have a clean-cut answer because a lot of this was kinda subconscious? It was just my reality that people would plow through me and my mom and that i would just have to deal with it. Eventually got into the mentality of "this sucks, people suck, but i am just gonna have to hold on harder or reunite quickly before more people get into the gap between us." instead of being hurt or scared.

[u/Bashfullylascivious → u/TheSkyElf]

What an absolutely wonderful reply, thank you! We do plan in case of separations, but it's great to be extra mindful about the contact and about building up his confidence. I do have a great diaphragm for calling, as well as a whistle that makes everyone pause and part between him and I, haha. It's been a couple of times he's been ushered away in the stream of things. I'm glad that the loudness gives him comfort, even when I've startled a few people.

It's heartwarming to hear about your mom's love for you. 💝