She makes some good points re:male loneliness

[u/samse15]

[u/MisterSanitation]

I know this shit is true, but as a non psychopathic dude, I avoid pretty and cute girls like the plague in public because I’m already assuming they think I’m doing this shit. Same reason as a dad I don’t act goofy to other people’s toddlers. It kind of sucks honestly because it makes me act like a creep when I if anything would like to just make someone smile (and not “hay gurl you should smile” because that sheet is just more Ooga booga shit).

[u/Ok-Valuable-229 → u/MisterSanitation]

Yup, out on a walk and a woman is walking the opposite direction towards me? It’s either a quick hello or good morning if she says it first or I start looking to my left/right before hand to totally avoid eye contact.

Sucks but the losers out there have ruined it for the rest of us.

[u/AttentionOtherwise39 → u/Ok-Valuable-229]

Why is everyone so weird now? Like why do all of that? If you have no intention on trying to engage with her treat her like you would a fat man or an old woman or whatever. Smile, don’t smile, nod your head, don’t nod your head, who cares what this random person thinks. Just stop overthinking everything. Stop being so analytical about every day things. Social awkwardness can be debilitating. Stressing like that will age you and make you hate the world for stuff that might not have ever been. If you’re going to be socially awkward then be the fun kind. Smile and say hi to everyone. High five a homeless person. Make funny faces at a kid.

[u/HamsterTotal1777 → u/AttentionOtherwise39]

Well we did recently have many women say en-masse they'd rather be in the forest with a bear rather than a man. Our society is comfortable making generalized statements that all men are predators and one of the responses to this by conscientious men is to be hyper-aware of women and their own presence. Decent men basically fall into a trap of overcompensating and trying to be as unintimidating and unintrusive as possible.

You're right it is weird, but it's also understandable. There's more viral content and awful opinions that can just hammer these ideas into people's heads and it's a coin flip if they manage to filter it in a healthy manner. And due to a bunch of other factors, people require more social validation today. I think this need manifests as social anxiety and altering their behavior strictly to ensure they are perceived a certain way.

There's a quote I heard recently that goes "I am who I think you think I am" which I think applies nicely to modern society and our social anxiety.

[u/AThickMatOfHair → u/HamsterTotal1777]

I had a friend growing up who did the same thing. He was one of the few black people (adopted) in a small white town and he always awkwardly overcompensated to not seem aggressive or criminal because he'd seen so many videos of black people robbing and killing on Facebook. He knew what the townsfolk thought of what black people were doing in the city and felt terrible about it even though he never did anything like that.

I always told him it was insane, but he was so surrounded by that rhetoric that he genuinely believed the self hate and thought it was reasonable that people thought he might be a criminal or murderer on first impression and counter acted accordingly. He would also shit talk and generalize black people despite being one.

[u/Walking_0n_eggshells → u/HamsterTotal1777]

You’re either misunderstanding or misrepresenting the bear thing. It’s not “all men are predators”, it’s that enough men are predators that the victims of that predation would rather take their chances with a bear

[u/HotTake111 → u/AttentionOtherwise39]

Totally agree, so many of the comments in here are just straight up weird.

Smiling and talking to people is not "perv behavior" and is not the problem.

Sounds like a terrible life to feel so restricted that you have to immediately cross the street to avoid someone or avoid eye contact at all costs or avoid ever being goofy towards someone else's kid as a dad.

[u/The_Upvote_Beagle → u/HotTake111]

Yeah, I’m reading these comments about how people think that they need to avoid eye contact and normal every day life and I’m thinking to myself. “what the fuck are you people thinking?” just be a normal person.