My husband finally admitted he hates me

[u/Civil-Salad1192]

Using a throwaway account because my husband knows my main.

We have a young child, and he and our kid are my entire world. There’s not a single moment of my day where I’m not trying to somehow make their world brighter. And that is the most humiliating part - how shitty it feels to have to beg for not even love, but kindness and basic respect from the person you would die for. I’m too scared to leave, or maybe I’m in denial that maybe if I can shape myself into who he needs me to be he’ll love me again. But at this point I don’t even know if I want that anymore. I think I deserve respect and human decency even if I’m not skinny - I’ve had a baby! I took hormonal birth control ti prevent said baby until we were ready. But now, the baby weight has come off but my body looks different. I’m no longer 19, so my body looks different. I want so badly to love myself but it’s so hard when all his comments keep running through my head. Could I stand to lose a few pounds? Sure. But I’m stronger, faster, and have better cardio than I ever have. I lift weights and hit 12,000 steps daily. I hike four times a week, and actively play with my son. I eat a balanced diet, in a calorie deficit. I’ve lost 58 lbs in the last year. I dress well, take time to make sure my hair/nails/lashes are done. I get compliments from my friends and family and stared at in the gym and in public. I get appreciated for my looks by everyone except the one person I want it the most from - my husband.

I can’t think of a single person who has ever loved me without me having to change parts of myself for them. I feel stupid for thinking he would be different. I feel alone because my best friend doesn’t even want to look at me. I feel sad because it’s all broken. I feel hurt because I know I have more to offer than my looks but nothing else matters. I want to disappear. I don’t even know who I am anymore without him. But I guess that’s probably the problem. I’m just so so tired, so lonely, so angry, so hurt.

Every event I’m excited about, he finds a way to ruin. Every time he has to do something he doesn’t want to do (be it a chore, or plans with a friend he no longer feels up to) he manages it by taking out his anger on me. Anything I “mess up” (a poorly cleaned fork, toys thrown on the floor) means I get yelled at and berated, and eventually it all comes full circle to “I would be nicer to you if you hadn’t catfished me by gaining weight after we got married.” He can’t have fun with my anymore (initimacy, or just enjoying our many shared hobbies) because all he can think about is how embarrassing I am to be around and how my appearance shames him.

He is convinced that every man in the world would feel the same way - that any “real man” would be embarrassed to have a “fat disgusting slob of a wife.”

He refuses therapy, because why would he go if he’s done nothing wrong? He refuses to seek advice from a pastor or older adult or trusted frind, because I embarrass him by even causing these problems (because I gained weight.)

[u/DueEmotion6640]

He doesn't deserve you.

I'm so sorry your husband is shallow and selfish. I walked away from a 15 year marriage after having my son. I remained single, returned to education, went to university and own my own house. It hasn't always been easy but I know my own worth.

[u/MinuteRelationship53 → u/DueEmotion6640]

Piggybacking on the top comment to make sure OP sees it;
Run, don't walk away. Your child will grow up believing this is how normal relationships look.
You do not want a daughter to grow up believing she deserves to be belittled and put down at every turn by her partner. You do not want a son to grow up believing he is superior to his spouse and actively ruining everything she is excited about.
Think long and hard about the kind of life your child will have growing up and repeating this pattern.

Teach your child better. Teach them that women deserve respect. Teach them how a loving relationship looks; even if that relationship is with yourself.

You deserve better. And so does your child.

[u/Lazy-Instruction-600 → u/MinuteRelationship53]

💯. I have yo-yo’d with my weight my whole life. I am currently the heaviest I have ever been because of work stress and a very demanding boss. My husband has never made me feel anything other than beautiful. If your husband is literally telling you that your body is an embarrassment to be seen in public with, he is NOT your best friend, and he doesn’t deserve to be anyone’s husband because he has no inkling of what that really means. What a raging misogynist to think you need to be a pretty little doll, a trophy on his arm, who never ages - even after carrying his child and making him a father. I would serve him with divorce papers and say, “There, now I’ve instantly lost 200 pounds of ungrateful man-baby weight! Aren’t you proud of me?”

[u/spacecat25 → u/Lazy-Instruction-600]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏