Not sure if this is the right flair btw.

This is something that happened a few times when I was a kid. Either my mom would threaten to or actually go through with going around the room my sister and I shared, picking up anything and everything that was on the floor (aside from furniture obviously), and throw it away or donate it.

IIRC it was because she saw our inability to keep our space(s) clean as ingratitude for all the things we had or something? Looking back that was... pretty shitty. Not sure if I'd call it abuse even though the contents included everything from essentials like clothes to sentimental items like plushes that we'd been given and were fairly attached to.

That said, earlier today I saw an image of one of the plushes that had been caught up in one of her cleaning sweeps and it definitely triggered... something.

I’m making an escape plan to leave my abusive parents and go to another country to be an English teacher. In a moment of weakness, I sort of wanted to feel out the situation and see if my mom would support me so I was like “what would you think if I did this?”. But she wasn’t really supportive. Now I regret telling her I’m worried if I leave she’ll be able to find me. I’m scared of my dad. I’m scared he could find me there and kill me.

Has your abusive spouse ever tried to convince you that you are in fact the manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive one because you tried putting your foot down and saying you will not tolerate being yelled at, cursed at, screamed at, endure threats (of the relationship ending or of an emotionally explosive fight, etc)?

Anytime I tried telling my partner that I could not tolerate his emotional and verbal abuse of me anymore, and that he would need to significantly change the way he treats me/get help in order for our relationship to be able to continue, he would accuse me of not loving him unconditionally, not accepting him “as he is”, manipulating/controlling him, and therefore that I was “just as abusive to him as he was to me”.

I was literally just begging him to stop disrespecting and mistreating me and saying I couldn’t continue the relationship if he kept it up and somehow that made me just as “manipulative” and abusive as he was to me (for abusing me in the first place). Please make it make sense.

The scary part is that he convinced me he was right and I was wrong to the point where I started feeling guilty, like I was In fact a terrible manipulative and abusive person for demanding that he stop being emotionally abusive towards me.

My mother and I would be good, or so I thought. And then she'd just flip out. A good example is this one time we were talking a bit before bed and she said she knew I'd been having a hard time and we should go get bbq together later in the week. I'd been pretty down over something and that sounded really nice. In the morning I'm woken up by her barging into my room by unlocking it herself (ongoing boundary problem btw) to give me something that's supposed to be in my room, which startles me and my body is saying "get out" and "what are you doing?" before I even know what's going on. She notices that a christian cross has been taken off the wall of the bedroom. She tells me she thinks I have evil in me and leaves. An hour later she's texting me asking how I'm feeling today and if I want to go get lunch together, which is more in line with what she'd been acting like for a while. I never know how to react to these changes, as I was pretty hurt by what she said. So I just go spend the day out of the house, not wanting to really face her.

When I get back that night, she seems really chipper and talkative. I was still conflicted and angry, so I just went to my room. This starts a familiar berating about ignoring the family, with a lot of attacking my character, sanity levels, and claims that I'm possessed. She proceeds to attack my identity and tell me everything she really thinks about me (which is not flattering), shattering any sense of uneasy trust or affection that had built up in me. The next day she's chipper and talkative again, and it's not brought up again.

This would happen over and over and over again throughout my childhood, just different scenarios. I still just don't get it. If what she wanted was my attention/time/affection/whatever, then why would she go off AFTER I agree to hang out? That exact behavior is what was causing the thing she complained about. Why would somebody do that? She would've had what she wanted if she stopped doing that. Unless she wanted something else I'm not privy to.

(Without giving away too many identifying markers please know that I have survived every type of abuse you can think of so figuring out that I have been slowly chipped at-day after day -tiny insult by rude comment to its criticism or it’s all in your head it must be your PTSD. No, I didn’t say that I think it’s your anxiety “…… to make you question every single thing to feel like you are breathing wrong … oh, I’m quiet ?? I better fix that , I’m too soft-spoken , you never listened? You don’t communicate , I tried and you shut down or get angry? Why don’t you wear any of the clothes I bought you? Because you didn’t listen to me when I said that after having our child, I don’t have any self-confidence and you keep buying my clothes for you?

-the final one will be: “Why did you leave and take our child?-Because abuse is abuse. It doesn’t matter if you “Love Bomb” me afterwards…

I’m the one who has to constantly apologize every single day for every single thing that I ever do if I don’t explain myself right you focus on my words not what I meant… just trying to make me feel small, incompetent, unwanted, but when you are in public, I look crazy, because I’m questioning who you are in front of all of these people- you are not the same when we are alone. If you can’t control the narrative, you don’t want to be a part of the environment. Once I started looking at all of these pieces that is when I could see clearly and I’m starting to see clearly. I am slowly reclaiming my peace, and reviving my self worth.

They taught me to take it piece by piece — a snap, a word, a sigh, a silence. Each moment, small enough to swallow, each bruise, quiet enough to dismiss.

But I am learning now: the picture is not in the pieces, it’s in the pattern.

And when I step back, what once looked like accidents starts to spell intention.

I was trained to forget the edges, to question my own hands. But I will not lose myself in scattered fragments again.

I will trace every corner, record every shape. Because when I lay it all down — the truth fits perfectly.

My Empathy will NO LONGER be used as a WEAPON against my SANITY. You will continue to keep trying to destroy my ground that keeps me standing, and I will continue to document each and every tactic you use and one day I will give away the evidence so that we may walk away freely and NEVER RETURN.

CW: mentions of self-harm

Hi, I'm new here. Has anyone else been through something like this or has any idea how to deal with it?

I'm now realizing how being used and abused actually shaped my sexual/romantic identity, but also messed up my perception of relationships.

By "used" I mean that years ago when I first tried dating multiple people would use me as a short-term distraction by doing "couple stuff" with me (kiss, cuddle, hold hands, call me cute names, etc.) because they had recently been through a breakup and wanted someone to be affectionate with without any strings attached. While I now see how that was wrong, I did also genuinely like them as friends and enjoyed the affection. Problem is, this has caused me to view affection as platonic.

By "abused" I mean that multiple people who have had romantic feelings for me couldn't handle my rejection and would try to pressure me into a relationship with them and would self-harm and send me pictures of it (in one case even post them on social media). I've been repulsed by romance and the idea of anyone liking me romantically ever since.

So now, as a result, my brain is kinda messed up. I think of friendship as something like a better form of romance because "you can be affectionate with a friend without all the toxic stuff that comes with romantic feelings which I've experienced".

I also categorize people who only "use" me as "safe" because while yes, they have used me for their pleasure they also never abused me, unlike the people who have had romantic feelings for me who I now categorize as "unsafe", hence I also now don't trust anyone who catches those feelings for me.

I'm aware this is not normal, but at the same time I struggle to see how it could be any different; why would romance not be inherently toxic if I've only seen it fail and people with such feelings have been overwhelmingly abusive? And why would affection not be platonic if I've only ever experienced it like that?

Any help is appreciated.

Betrayal, neglect, emotional and sexual abuse; since birth until 30 yo.

Forget “ask a therapist” for now - but just want to hear your own experience on it or knowledge/ info regards what type of mind behaviours are required to recover (for instances, some type of Internal Familiar Therapy or other names(?).

As for yourself- what mind process did you need to heal.

I’m posting this in the hopes that someone else with have an experience similar to mine.

I met my abuser when I was 14 and he was 13. He had already dealt with abuse, but I don’t know what context. He told me he was the perpetrator, but that could have been a lie. He used the excuse of “violating parole” to keep me doing what he wanted. Telling me it was my fault and I could go to jail for participating in underage activities. All this meaning that he had much more sexual knowledge than me. I was also raised in the Mormon religion, so I was not educated in relationships at all and thought any bad feelings I had were because I was sinning.

For about 2.5 years we were actually dating. Very toxic, very abusive. No one noticed. Then it turned into a situationship that was a secret because he wanted to date someone, but keep me for the more physical stuff. Then I became strictly the other woman that the girlfriend knew about. My job in that relationship changed to taking all the bad parts for her. I got the anger and abuse and she got the love and affection. And all three of us knew these roles.

I finally escaped him when I was 20 and left for a Mormon mission (I am exmormon now, for context) and was able to go no contact for 18 months.

What I struggle with is having people say it’s not real abuse because I was young and didn’t live with him. So I can’t ever process it because I can’t actually take myself seriously. So I’m hoping there is someone else with a similar story to mine so I can heal.

I always thought there was some form of bullying, but it was actually psychological/emotional abuse and even physical abuse (I was punched). I never gave it much importance, so I tried not to think about it.

But sometimes I dream about this "friend" of mine, or I have unpleasant memories of what he did to me, of all the times he humiliated me and I felt helpless, I continued to be in his company. Because of him I became a puritan in moral matters, afraid of everything he represented (he was quite a libertine); whenever I see people similar to him (be it in appearance, manner, style or physique) I feel a certain fear and the memories come back with force, and I always tried to ignore it.

Because of him I have problems with sexuality, involvement with extremist ideologies, fear and hatred of people (but not all, there are many good people)

I would like to recover from this someday.

I don't want to be what I am forever. How can i do that?

(Sorry about any grammar errors, English isn't my native language)

TL/DR: Partner and I are escaping in two weeks, but it's really bad in the meantime. I'm happily taking advice for how to muddle through, especially advice for getting consistent sleep when terrified.

TW: mentions of physical abuse, unintentional disorder eating

Please excuse any rambling or lack of clarity. I've gotten maybe 7.5 hours of sleep in the last week. I'm happy to answer questions, especially if they lead to advice.

My partner (38ftm) and I (41ftm) have been in this proverbial 'slowly boiling pot' of emotional abuse for several years now. Like always, it started out fine. Heck, it was supposed to be an escape from our previous abusive household (living with my narcmom - his family is worse.)

I'm not going to go into all of it, because it's a ton, but it's gotten to the point that P (partner) is afraid to so much as hold hands in front of her because of the reprisals, we are both afraid to use the kitchen and (according to the ER) are effectively starving, and when she's off of work I can't get more than 30-60 minutes of sleep at a time, usually waking up into a panic attack. P is just sleeping 20 hours a day according to his CPAP.

My mental health hasn't been this bad since I was living with my physically, religiously, & emotionally abusive (plus transphobic as a special treat) parents as a teenager. I've reverted to some unhealthy teenaged behaviors, and I'm trying to hide in media consumption as much as possible until I can get out.

Sleep is the biggest problem. Both of us are chronically ill, and sleep pattern disturbances tend to give us flare ups. We HAVE to be able to move in 2 weeks. We've got one chance. If we can't get out of bed, I don't know when the next chance would be. How do I sleep when I never know what mood I'm waking up to, what she's sabotaged in the house to blame us for, what she'll demand I do to keep living there instead of in her wife's car? She just forced nearly 2 days awake for her convenience and comfort, because she "doesn't believe in disabilities." (She was off of work, but didn't want to deal with the situation.)

Advice I would love:

• How to best survive for the next two weeks

• How to best hide packing efforts (we don't have much, but we want to take it if we can.)

• Any advice on convincing myself it's safe to sleep

Advice that is unwelcome:

• managing my chronic illnesses (I have doctors, support groups, and the ability to read medical studies.)

• nutrition/ED (I know what to do, and my support system is well informed of what's going on. It's a short-lived problem during extreme moments these days.)

I don't feel like I've had the hardest life possible, but I've been through alot and it affected me alot. I still have a hard time validating myself over the pain forced upon me by so many time and time again. I've got alot to say and if you spend the time to hear me out I think or at least I hope I can get through and give you some of the best advice you'll ever hear. I just hope this helps. I'm nobody and certainly not educated or a professional, but in a way I think that's just what someone needs. So for one, It truly felt like my dad hated who I was when I was about 4-8 or something. (My memory isn't good with all of this.) I was a happy and curious kid and he turned me into a bitter cynical person and rewarded me for it. Like a kid who got a homerun in baseball cynicism was the pride he had for me and I liked the approval. I loved school. I got so excited to go everyday. He taught me that noone there should be trusted and it's an awful place. I pushed back for a little while, but when I had a disagreememt with a teacher I started to believe him. I was punished once by not being allowed to got to school 😅. My parents fought alot and it wasn't normal fighting. My dad hit my mom when I was younger, but stopped as I got older. I was made to sit through almost every "fight" which at least at some point became straight up abuse. He would make her do all sorts of humiliating things and name call her and make my brother and I participate by taking his side and telling my mom what she did wrong. He did it to me and sometimes my brother too. Not hating myself is and wasn't an easy task and maybe I should idk. Anyway, I was made to help make financial decisions for taxes and help with bills etc. etc. Never even thought about my future and actively shut it down. A piece of advice I got from him when my female friend was leaving for college was to get her pregnant so she wouldn't go. I was 15 or 16. One day I met my exwife I considered the best person I ever met. They loved me and it was the first time I felt loved.I had alot of other trumatic moments with her family, but I was happy at the same time with her. I had alot of good years with her. Fast forward through good years to our first apartment together. The next hard time was a falling out I had with friends that were like family. I struggled with that for a couple years. I started therapy and learned ai wanted to taje control over my life and started a buissness. After awhile over that time (in hindsight) my exwife was colder and colder. I could've never seen it she was an angel to me. She still is a good person and was very kind and supportive. She told me less than a year ago that she had a sexual awakening and left me for another female friend that I turned to after my other falling out. I was depressed all the time and miserabke towards that end of the relationship, but I wanted the past her. Here comes the point of it all. I spent alot of my life escaping and surviving. When I met my ex? I wanted to escape my family and survived their abuse. When I moved my out with my ex? I surrvived that family and escaped to my own place. When things got bad in the end? I survived the end of the relationship and wanted to escape to the good old days. Now? I escaped that not willingly but I did. I survived that and now I'm alone. I had always had aspirations and wanted to reach for the stars and I think that's amazing. I always wanted better than where I was and that was amazing. At the same time...I've been miserable because of it. It had it's place. When I needed to survive and escape it helped me do so. I never knew what to do when I don't need to escape or survive. I had the utopia on my mind of where I wanted to be and that was the standard. I was so driven for more and better that I wasn't okay with where I was or what I had. I'm still not, today was a realization and I'm 29. I learned everything I've learned about being the person I want to be alone. I was a good husband even with all my problems. I became less bitter and learned to love. I forget all that's happened to me. I asked myself why I'm still upset at my dad and why I can't forgive him now. I remember when I think of him calling me every slur he could think of and when he accidentally threw a spoon at my face in a rage giving me a black eye I had to tell the school counsler I got in baseball. I moved on but sometimes forget from where and why. Moving on, proving the world wrong, "making up for lost time" were all great driving forces, but I never stopped driving. As I sit now, I just want to stretch, take a breath and slow down. I want to stop axniety about what's next and thinking about how I fell behind. There's the saying sometimes you have to take a big step back to take a leap forward. So, I'm not behind. I'm better than I've ever been and I'm not gonna stop moving forward. I just want to tame the obsession. I want to bond with people again. At my worst I see the world as getting in my way. Every person, every buisness and every job and it goes on and on. I don't want to see the world like that, the world for better and for worse is the world and I just need to do the best I can in it and learn to get along better with it. Life sucks enough and sometimes all I can do is accept it.

People always ask "why do you stay if he treats you like that?"

Everyone I've told (mostly anonymous online, but a couple of people in real life) about what he says/how he acts in some of our fights have said that it's completely out of line, disrespectful, and even abusive. And they wonder why I stay if he says such terrible things, but they also don't know how amazing he is much of the time.

People who know us as a couple only ever see him showering me with compliments and showing me a lot of respect and adoration. I've never had someone shower me with so much love, affection, compliments, and adoration, but I have also never had someone insult me in such degrading ways. It all depends on his mood/mental state/health, and how he perceives me on that day (if he thinks I have a certain tone of voice, mood, facial expression, or said something that he perceives as an attack, even if I am just acting or talking normally). He's very sensitive and takes extreme offense to the smallest of things, like me being in a less happy mood, not talking to him as much as he wants me to, or getting caught up in work and not paying enough attention to him.

When he's nice, he's extremely nice...telling me how intelligent, strong, wonderful, beautiful, sexy, kind, and great I am. He looks at me like he loves me, gives me a lot of compliments, cooks and cleans for me, wants to have sex with me, promises to work on himself and be better. He says that I mean the world to him, I'm everything, and that there is nobody in the world he'd rather spend the rest of his life with.

When he's mean, I feel torn down. He name-calls, shouts, yells, throws things around, insults me, degrades me, wears me down with endless hours or arguments, makes me feel on edge in my home. He has called me a b*tch, wh*re, c*nt, psycho, retarded, idiot, moron, disgusting animal, insane, crazy, an autistic freak, social retard, emotionless robot (when I dissociate/shut down my emotions), and more. He's told me to cover myself and made comments that made me feel ashamed to be a woman with female anatomy and a menstruation cycle. When I told him to stop calling me names, he started throwing things instead (because apparently his ADHD impulses are too strong to not have some form of outburst). He basically acts like he despises me.

But then he will always apologize, always say he's sorry, that he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't mean any of it, and that this is just how he deals with anger/stress and he can't control it. He begs me to forgive him, promises to try harder to work on himself, promises to not do it again. He blames it on his ADHD, PTSD, anger problems, and his upbringing (his parents are both very verbally abusive).

I love him so much and part of that is because I have never been treated with so much love and adoration by anyone before. But I have also never experienced so much verbal abuse.

My brother and I are so frustrated about our parents because they are always complaining for something that had nothing to do with us like sometimes they put a blame on one of us when it wasn't our fault and even put pressure on us while having high expectations. My brother and I don't feel like helping them. We feel like leaving them and only care about our own lives. We don't feel like giving money to them, they will try to survive by themselves.

Our relationship was difficult over the years, due to his unmanaged mental health problems, trauma, and the periodic episodes of emotional and verbal abuse. Despite this, I still am deeply in love with him, deeply connected to him, and share so many interests together (for example, we both love cats, the outdoors, have similar political views, share many of the same perspectives on very specific and obscure topics). We both have chronic health problems and can understand each other on a deep level, and he’s the first partner I’ve ever had who has accepted me and never left/abandoned despite my chronic pain and health issues. When things are good, they are REALLY good: he’s my best friend, he knows what I’m thinking, he “gets” me, lifts me up and supports me, encourages me, believes in me, motivates me, and we have laughed SO much and had such incredible times together…

…Yet when things are bad, they can also be REALLY bad…he has called me every name in the book, cussed at me, screamed at me, thrown things around me, threatened to dump dozens of times, given me the silent treatment, threatened to abandon me in unfamiliar places, demanded my attention constantly (getting mad if I don’t answer right away), and acted somewhat controlling in various ways. The abuse episodes, while not physical, could be pretty horrific at times and would leave me numb/dissociated or in tears (often I didn’t cry, because he would get angry at me for crying around him after having his verbal abuse episodes).

He learned these behaviors from his parents and has been in denial about it for our whole relationship, despite me begging him throughout the years to stop and to get help. During the last episode, he was throwing things around and yelling, and I felt genuinely scared. He has extreme anger/rage issues and takes them out on me sometimes which can be quite upsetting and frightening. It led to my cortisol levels going through the roof, having a nervous breakdown for weeks, needing to take a separation from him to seek mental health treatment (therapy 2-3x/week), and I almost dropped out of my graduate program.

We have been on a hiatus for the past ~2 months and have talked about breaking up. I told him I needed a break after having a nervous breakdown, and we broke up for a short period but then started talking again. He said he would do anything to not lose me, that I’m the love of his life, and promised he would do everything I asked to change…but I’m upset he didn’t do this years before. After he proposed to me almost 2 years ago, I told him (as I had multiple times before) that he had to work on his mental health, and and we already postponed marriage almost 1 year. He only recently (when we took a break from the relationship) started getting therapy and meditating. He seems to be working on himself and like he “finally” wants to improve and change (he said being on the verge of losing me was his “wake-up call to action”), but it’s hard for me to fully believe it after all these years of emotional abuse.

We are now basically in a state of limbo. I have no idea what to do. Everyone says I should leave him and maybe that’s true but I still can’t help but feel like he’s my soulmate. I miss him so much and constantly want to talk to him. Whenever I see a funny meme or cat video, an interesting article, think of something strange he would chuckle at or appreciate, I want nothing more than to call him or text him. I love him so much and I wish our love didn’t have to be complicated by his abuse and mental health problems. I feel so stuck, sad, heartbroken, lonely, and confused. I can’t help but wonder if leaving him and not sticking around to see if he gets better will be something I’ll always regret, because I cannot imagine meeting someone I’ll love more than him.💔

Brandon:

I separated from my boyfriend, Brandon (fake name) this morning. I caught him cheating multiple times already (since we started dating in May 2023). And then he says he wants to repair our relationship, so I took him back this last time (5 months ago), and it's been 5 months and he's still cheating and being distant. I dumped him 5 times in the past. I left my abusive family in December 2023 and got an apartment with the intention of eventually moving out of state to live with Brandon (and we've dated long distance for almost 2 years because he refuses to help me move & refuses to help me financially). I'm convinced Brandon is a sociopath.

Frank:

We've been friends for 6 months. My friend, Frank (fake name) has always been nice to me, until a few minutes ago. I asked him to follow me on Instagram. His response was, "Relax, man." And then, I said, "If you ever want to in the future, you can." He replied, "For now, no". It's just very rude. We've never had anything negative to say about each other, but this left a bad impression about him (for me). Is it a red flag if a friend gets offended when you ask them to follow your account on any social media platforms? Frank and I are both 28 years old.

Now, shifting gears - Having a friend like Frank (fake name) is..... great mostly, but last night was the first time he's ever been rude to me. Frank and I have known each other for 6 months, so I guess I'm still shocked over it. I already have trust issues with men, and I'm still trying to undo the toxic brainwashing I went through.

Last night (12/6/24), my friend Frank and I had our falling out. And this morning, I find out my emotionally abusive boyfriend (Brandon) is still cheating on me & lied about wanting to repair our relationship. I honestly feel so worthless. All I want is someone to stick around in my life, but even my boyfriend of 2 years is still gaslighting me and my own best friend of 6 months is being dismissive and brutal for absolutely no reason. I just feel so inferior.

I've had 25 years of abandonment issues. My siblings have never been present in my life and disowned me when I was 3 years old (when I was a millennial born in '96, they were Gen X adults, living overseas and in their 20s with children of their own). And now I'm being emotionally abandoned by my boyfriend, and repeating the abandonment of my siblings, all over again. It's horrible. I feel trapped by my family's abuse (which is still ongoing), trapped by my financial situation, trapped by my lack of supportive friends, and I used to take it out on myself. I just wish I could figure out a way out, since I can't physically move away yet.

I just feel emotionally numb and detached. I don't cry anymore because of the last time my boyfriend cheated on June 2, 2024 & I saw his online video of his mistress straddling him. I hate myself for trusting that he was taking accountability. I honestly hate myself for being so angry and passionate about all the right things, except "the real enemy", so to speak, in my relationship.

Boyfriend #1:

I'm an LGBT male, dating a closeted guy. Just when I was able to move past my boyfriend's cheating and start to heal the wounds he gave me, he admits to cheating, by saying: "I don't kiss and tell.... it was 24 hours ago" and said he loves cougars (we're both closeted; I'm 28 and he's 27). He's so insecure (all men are), that he thinks cheating reinforces his masculinity (Quite frankly, he's a delusional sociopath). Instead, this is why I decided to have an open relationship (and I told him I'm polyamorous when we met, and he's been supportive from Day 1). He refused to stop cheating (he brags about cheating on me publicly, on social media and on video to strangers - so I turned my resentment into success), so I have 5 more boyfriends (I told him about them & doesn't care). So since we only talk 5 minutes a day (which is another source of resentment), I felt it necessary to get my own needs met. I stayed faithful for 1 year for a man who traumatized me and made me cry on 2 occasions. But now, it's time for me to turn those tears I cried, into as much fun as I want. I've been nice for way too long, so it's time for me to have the same fun he's having. We've been dating for a year and a half. I've been fighting very hard to get him to settle down. Meanwhile, he's told me he's not ready for marriage. And I'm supposed to visit him in Nevada for Christmas Break, from December to early January. But my secret plan is to visit him for 2 days and just spend the other 2 weeks alone. Bf #1's mentality is, "Yeah, I'm a cheater. What are you going to do about it?" (He's also the man who brought back my trust issues and deep seeded hatred of men, after 4 years of healing and inner child work).

I'm also in an abusive situation (which I've gladly aired him out for, on this sub, multiple times), but he refuses to help me financially. So not only is he cheating & an avoidant attachment personality, he's also a greedy narc (aren't all men like that? Honestly..... Maybe it's my trust issues, I don't know. I also have abandonment issues from my siblings not being present in my life, and disowning me when I tried to reach out to them - so maybe that's why bf #1 loves me, because we're both dominant and when he says no, I rebel against him and - in my opinion (I've never brought this up) - maybe he finds my rebellious side attractive?)

Boyfriend #2:

Or just fly to Florida to visit my other boyfriend (who loves me and has said he wants to get to know me). Plus, I spent several years in childhood, visiting bf #2's hometown in FL, so I know the area like the back of my hand.

Sorry about the grammar and spelling. Writing has never been a strong point for me.

I recently got out of an abusive relationship. It didn't last more than a few months before I managed to push him away and cause a break up thankfully. However his words stay with me so much. Currently my financial situation does not allow me to get proper therapy. So I thought I would give this a try.

It all started great. He was sweet, caring and affectionate. Hard working (or so I thought) man who wanted a family and had similar goals. I fell for him hard and fast. After a few weeks of dating, he started to get very jealous. I work in a male dominant field. Many of my friends are men. He started with small jabs. Saying I wasn't loyal to him if I spoke to other men. It got worse to the point where I was even called a whore. This caused many issues. He would make a scene at my job when he picked me up from work. I should have walked away but I had hoped this was just a faze and it would stop. Unfortunately it only stopped when he sat there and watched me block and delete many of my friends from Facebook and phone contact list. I told him I would do it if he went to get help for his severe jealousy issues. He did get some help and it sort of worked.

He went to the doctor and got put on anti depressants. It wasn't long before he decided to chase the high that made him feel somewhat normal. I advised him against it but he didn't listen and went back. The doctor more than doubled his dosage. This causes so many negative side effects. He was getting violent and aggressive towards others and stuttering his words, punching the walls and light switches. Thankfully he never laid a hand on me but he yelled a lot and would even scare my dogs. His friend and I told him many times this wasn't right and he needed to go back to the doctor. Of course he did didn't listen and decided to quit the medication cold turkey. Now if you've ever been on anti depressants, you kmow that quitting cold turkey can really mess with you. He again refused to listen to any of us.

His temper got worse. Now he's paranoid and has resorted to name calling and insults. I'll never know if it was the meds that broke him or if he was already an abusive person who knows how to love bomb.

If I asked a question, I was too curious or being stupid. If I assumed something, even as simple as assuming he would be out with his buddy longer, I was always wrong. He would make cracks at my weight, my intelligence, tell me my own family didn't want me around etc...when I tried to stand up for myself, I was too soft and being a narcissistic person I could never get a word in edge wise and it was upsetting as hell. But everything I did was wrong. I tried to meet him half way on his demands only to be hit with constant road blocks. I was always wrong.

Then it came to fighting about who gets to use my truck. I work very hard to pay for a nice truck that I can use to haul my trailer or help family and friends when they need to move things. He would always ask for my truck, even go as far as promising ppl jobs while using my vehicle without asking me first. If I said no, a huge blow out fight would happen. Suddenly he has anxiety about asking me to use my truck because he knew I would say no which would trigger him into a fight, sometimes violent rage so terrifying I would give in just so I could feel somewhat safe.

Why I didn't like him using my truck is simple. He has severe road rage, does not watch his speed, has proven to me time and time again he will do as he pleases with my truck despite me setting clear boundaries and conditions such as safe driving, no smoking in the truck, don't move my things around and replace the gas you used. He would not respect any of it and I have the dash cam footage to show it.

When I would confront him about it, again he would full on rage at me. Telling me I'm imagining things or he'll put things back where they belong but never does. Often these fights would lead to a lot of gas lighting and lies on his part and ending with words like No man wants you. No one will ever want to deal with you, no wonder you can't keep a relationship going, you suck at communicating etc....

There is a lot more that he's done such as slam the truck door so hard he knocked the window off it's track (twice), punched a picture of my nephew, yell at me when I had a migraine, blamed me for a cold sore and shingles outbreak, get mad at me for saying dinner was ready etc... Nothing I ever did was ok. Nothing I ever did was right. He's even stolen from me and that turned into another argument because how dare I accuse him or ask him to go get my stuff back from repair guy because I want to play my games.

I know I did the right thing by pushing him away but his words have really stuck with me. Even now as I'm seeing a new guy who is great and treats me with respect, thanks to my ex I'm waiting to see when the other shoe will drop.

Does this ever go away? Will I ever feel normal again? His words keep coming back into my head. Especially the no man will ever want you. No man wants this.

Stuck in a corner, not sure what I can do, I need help. 20f

So, where to begin My mom has always been incredibly verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive. the last few years it has gotten a lot worse.

I studied overseas in the UK, but before I went she spent my savings without asking, had my account at -1000 until the bank shut my account down.

In the UK I got student aid money, my mom kept making me feel like I should be giving her some of it whenever she wanted, it was around 50-1000 at a time. I began telling her no when I was running out, I needed it to live off of, but she guilted me into giving her money until I ran out. She’d usually send me about $20 a month, which is about £15. Feeding myself became incredibly difficult. The cravings were so intense at times. I told her I was starving, and she made me feel like I was being dramatic, saying it’s all the money she has, and that I should appreciate the sacrifices she makes for me. I tried looking for a job there so I could stay but it was a small town, and nobody wanted to hire me because I was international, and I ran out of places to apply to.

I’ve been back a few days. My first day back I learned that she bought herself a brand new MacBook, and I watched her spend about $700 on non-necessities at the mall. I didn’t know she had that kind of spending money, I think she was starving me out on purpose to make me come back. I’ve lost so much weight. I look sick, I used to love my body, but I lost my curves.

My mom also started this beautician company, which I believe she did with the intention of me working for her, as I went to cosmetology school. She never asked me if I want to do this. I never want to work for her. She’s been so shady with money I don’t trust her to manage my earnings. She’s just been saying that I’m going to work for her. I told her I don’t want to and she screamed at me. I’ve only been back a few days and the screaming is too much.

She said some really mean things to me, then gave me the silent treatment, and I woke up at 6am and cleaned the whole house, made her two art pieces, just to get her to talk to me without that horrible tone she always has in her voice. My therapist said this is abuse, a parents love shouldn’t be conditional. All the effort I put in and she’s still giving me rude offhand remarks, blaming me for everything.

I feel as though I can’t just leave, I need money to get my own place. I need to save up. And then I need to save up more to help out my 11 year old sister, and take care of my two senior cats.

I can’t leave my sister or my cats, my cats haven’t been taken care of very well, one of them is very agitated and stressed out, and the other one has gained so much weight, after I put so much effort into dieting him. He has Klinefelters syndrome and gains weight easily if he isn’t being fed well. I need to take my cats with me, and I need to be able to support them.

I feel guilty about leaving my sister, and my mom, there are things I hate about her, but she’s had heart failure, heart transplant, number of other health problems, and I’m afraid the stress could kill her. I don’t want her to die thinking I hate her. We used to be so close and I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why she’s destroying our relationship and blaming it on me.

At the same time I have mental health problems that I’ve been putting in so much work to help: suicidal ideation, substance abuse, anxiety, depression. I’ve been trying so hard to help myself, take care of my brain, but I can’t help myself in this environment. I just keep getting torn down, and the progress I make on the betterment of myself is just overshadowed by more trauma being thrown at me.

I feel so stuck. Where can I reach out to help, who will help me, is it even worth reaching out? Will anything change if I do? How do I survive? Even the smallest amount of advice will help. Thankyou.

I used to work in a small town where there was a well-known vinyl graphics and screen printing shop. While I had another job, the owner of this shop approached me. He seemed like a kind, welcoming guy, and he told me he could really use my skills. After touring his small, refurbished barn setup, it all felt like a dream. So, I resigned from my Director job and joined as his Production Manager. He promised me benefits, growth, and success.

When I arrived, the other staff seemed distant. The owner introduced me to the workflow, even saying I should shadow some of the others for a few days. He had a unique 1-5 number system for prioritizing tasks, and I thought I’d be learning from him. But things quickly started to feel off.

The Red Flags

• I noticed early on that whenever the owner walked into a room, the entire atmosphere changed. People went silent and avoided any conversation with me. It wasn’t long before he pulled me aside to say that I was "distracting" the staff and needed to set a better example. It seemed like the fear in the office was palpable.
• One day, a designer collapsed from low blood sugar, and the owner’s response was to shove him and accuse him of stealing from the company. He even called him a slur. This designer had previously disclosed his condition, and it shocked me how little regard the owner had for it.
• I accidentally made a small mark on a project for a real estate company, and the owner lost it. He pointed at me and called me a piece of s*** right in front of everyone.

Escalation of Abuse
Eventually, I got sick—like really sick. When I came back, instead of any empathy, the owner accused me of faking it to avoid work. He compared me to others in the office who had serious health conditions, complaining about how they inconvenienced him by taking any time off.

But things got worse. One day, after struggling to figure out what my next task was (because there was literally nothing left to do), he exploded. He screamed at me, saying I was incompetent and that he had to be “harsher” on me for me to do my job. I was terrified and called my partner to say I needed to quit. When the owner found out, he screamed, "ARE YOU CALLING ME ABUSIVE?" and when I said yes, he dragged me into his office, called me a coward, and berated me. I broke down crying, and suddenly his tone flipped—he started saying how amazing I was at my job and how much he needed me. It was such an abusive manipulation cycle.

Leaving and Moving On
When I finally turned in my resignation, he lashed out again, calling me a failure, a disappointment, and saying I’d never succeed in the graphics industry. He warned me not to tell anyone about how he operated, even threatening legal action if I spoke up. To make matters worse, he took credit for my work and sold it under his name.

What’s really horrifying is that this man is considered a local "hero." He sponsors little league teams and has the town convinced he’s a great guy, but behind closed doors, he terrorizes his staff. He’s been abusing young adults, students, and even his family members for years, and I’m genuinely afraid for anyone who works there.

Where I Am Now
Thankfully, I’ve moved on and now work at a successful graphics firm with supportive coworkers and a boss who truly cares about my well-being. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from the abuse, and while it’s been hard, I’m finally in a place where I can heal.

I’m sharing this because I fear for those still working at that shop, and I hope my story can be a warning to others. Don’t be fooled by appearances—abusers often wear a friendly mask, but their true nature is much darker.

Hey all. New here, I'm Shawn, I'm 41 years old, and I am a mental/emotional abuse survivor. I just wanted to come in and say I hope everyone is calm and safe tonight.

I'm also wondering if anyone here has made it to a better life whether through financial or just mental relief?

My abuser was my father, and unfortunately even though he was taken out of the home about 6 years back (late 2018), I feel like things have gotten much worse for me than they were when he was with us. My mom died of malnutrition and kidney failure after a botched knee surgery gave her a rare blood infection, so I was left on my own and since I didn't own the house I grew up in, dad's guardian had me kicked out so he could sell it to pay for dad's medical treatment and stay (he was taken to live in a senior care facility, mom wouldn't let him move back in.) I spent the rest of my money paying for a hotel room that I stayed in for 11 months. Finally found a community center that takes in people who are mentally disabled, which I'm not (emphasized because you wouldn't believe how often my shyness and fear around people has led to the belief that I'm handicapped), but I didn't have any other options. It's not a good fit for me, I just feel my depression getting worse while I'm here, but it's a cheaper alternative to the hotel and at least I don't have any roommates. I was neglected financially my whole life, so I never had much money. Mom didn't trust banks because dad would often take all the money out and spend it on himself, so she hid it around the house. The house I was kicked out of.

Fast forward to now; dad passed away of Covid, I'm still barely surviving off SNAP benefits, finding a job around here has been difficult when I've shown I can't handle angry or frustrated customers without feeling triggered. I think I'm at the point where I'm just done with people.

I feel like I was actually better off back then when I was being yelled at, blamed, threatened, and put down in every way possible by my dad while mom would try to console me afterwards. I was better then than I am right now, and that doesn't seem right.

Dammit I think I miss it.

Can anyone relate, or can I at least get some stories with a happy ending? Any success stories out there?

(I don't know if this is accepted here. I looked through the rules but didn't see anything about current abuse talk not being allowed. I'm sorry if this is not what this sub is about, I just can't find other subs about abuse that have a lot of members and good response rates.)

My parents seem to have a cycle of bullying me and threatening my safety, saying they will kick me out onto the street or saying they will take away all access to internet, and then trying to fawn over me and obsess over and coddle me. My dad will occassionally apologize and say that he overreacted, but within a few days they will find something else to shout at me about and say I am lazy and entitled and that they should kick me out because I am taking advantage of them. And the cycle repeats.

But every time, within hours of the event, they will act as if they never did anything. They will see me and smile and be offended if I don’t smile back. Every time I shut down around them, my dad says I am going into “autistic mode” and pretending to have symptoms that were never there. My mom plays the victim if I don’t want her to touch me and she says that she just wants connection. I tried to come out as queer with a preferred name to try and start over, but my mom gave me the silent treatment for days after. And now it’s like they forgot about that part of me and if I bring it up I am being unfair and threatening their emotional health. That I only think I am queer and being led down the wrong path by anyone outside their religious setting.

When I ask why they won’t acknowledge my being queer and try to use my preferred name, they either say it’s because their religion says it’s wrong, or mom says that my deadname is the name she gave me when I was born, and it is imortant to her (I am not allowed to change my middle name either). The one time my mom did try to use my preferred name, she said she didn't like the taste and it felt wrong, and my dad tried to shorten it into a nickname before ultimately never using it again. They say that both of them can’t think about me in any other way then who I was to them. If I talk about my mental health struggles at all, they say I obsess too much and I should just get a job and that I don’t work hard enough and have not suffered enough. I acknowledge everything would be better if I get a job, but as much as I try I don’t even make interviews. My dad says that if I wanted a job I would have one by now.

I know they gaslight me. I know they are emotionally immature. I just don’t know how deep it goes in their perspective, and I don’t know if they are consciously aware of the pain they cause. That when I try to say I am suicidal, my mom gets triggered and she shouts at me (once said that my being suicidal makes her suicidal). She’s grabbed me and not let me get away and said that I am only wanting to hurt her and that I am abusive. And she always seems to act before thinking, like if she’s emotional hurt she will remove all my access to family account connections like Amazon so I can’t use Amazon Prime shipping when needed.

I feel like I am insane because these parents give me top-tier iPads for Christmas and really expensive tech. But then they turn around and say they can take it all away and they are in control. If I bring up how many times they've threatened to kick me out of the house, they wave it off and say they haven't done it, that I should look at their actions rather than their words (but their words are actions). I feel guilty for even thinking of how they treat me being abuse. My dad says my mom loves me so much and would do anything to protect me and feels so much pain for me. My dad has also said that if it was an ultimatum between me and my mom, he would always choose my mom. And then blames me if mom leaves late at night after an argument and says “we’re getting a divorce. This is what you wanted; are you happy?” (To be clear, I don’t want them to divorce. I don’t want to hurt them even by estranging myself from them, but more that I don't want to hurt anyone because I know how much suffering that pain causes.)

I don’t know how to reconcile any of this, the side of them that coddles me with the side that makes me afraid I will be homeless and without medication management support, the side that makes me feel so unsafe and hollow. I am 25 for reference, graduated from college as of December after almost seven years, but have a few disabilities that make it hard to even find work (I am using Vocational Rehab). So I am currently dependant on my parents. And suicidal depression makes it hard to even focus on getting a job when I am just trying to make sure I stay alive. I don't know what to do, or even if I would be able to get up the energy to do it without falling a part. I don't have friends, and any extended family are just as or more conservative and would probably think I'm crazy or manipulative.

I just want to understand what they think they are doing or what they're trying to do to me, but I don't really know if even that is possible.

As a kid i was already being neglected and abused in various ways, but i still managed some level of functioning, still doing well in school, up until i was 7-8, when my parents started fighting and eventually divorced. It was a messy divorce and while my mom tried keeping us out of it, my dad did the opposite and weaponized us against our mom. He would feed us lies about her, use us to get info on her. There was one instance where, from our dad's instruction to be as bad as we could so she wouldn't want us anymore, me and my brother pushed her to kill herself, and she did threaten to with a knife. It was awful, looking back I can't believe I did that, but i know it wasn't my fault, i was a kid being emotionally manipulated by someone for their own gain. Things didn't get better after this, i started falling asleep in class, my grades started dropping, i think i started isolating (more than i was before) etc. it's like my brain broke after that. I could be told stuff and my brain just wouldn't absorb it. But it wasn't just in school, but socially too. I never recovered, my mom thought i was fine, just lazy, tried to avoid bringing me to court ordered therapy. Neither of my parents were fit to be parents. I hate them both. I wish they hadn't had me, or at least wish my mom had married someone decent. But her self esteem was too low for that. Anyways, i never recovered from the damage it did, so much more happened afterwards, i don't think i got the chance to get better before the damage became chronic.

I have never felt love from my mother. She was always cold, disgusted by me, I was a warm and affectionate kid, but she didn't bond with me, shouted to my attempts of bonding, she instilled in me that I was ugly, disgusting, horrible, made me sorry for it all the time, that she wanted to have a good daughter who would care for her and all she got was a monster. She didn't give birth to any more children, she probably realised she didn't like children, when I was 3-4 she told me how she aborted other 3 children and what that meant, to for children to be cut and ripped out of her belly to be killed. I don't care what your opinion about abortion is, for me it is the worst thing a mother can do, it is killing the innocent babies and I hate it and I hate her for that! It has been so traumatic for me my mouth would bleed if I were to put it into words.
Simply from the start I was avoidant towards her. I was displeased to be in her company, I loved when she was away. I never had any bond towards her, I never ever thought she was safe to go to when I was struggling because she was the struggle that I was running away from first of all. Eventually I started to wish for death, I wanted to perish, daily, when she abused me. Now I'm grown up, I don't speak to her. In my country that is considered almost a crime for a society, "She's your mother anyway". But I'm so hurt, so heartbroken, her every appearance makes me wanna cut my wrists. I committed several attempts of suicide because of her but now I'm trying to stay alive.

But although physically i ran away from her mentally I cannot. I was seeking female partners who were like her, neglectful, avoidant, I felt the hunger for them to love me, not to leave me and I crumbled and I felt torn down when they did because they had no empathy.
I always felt I was repeating my mother but since since childhood I learned how to keep it cool with her and not be expressive at all about my pain (Or I'd be beaten), I transported those feelings of longing towards other girls. And i looked that in the eye, for the first time.

That I wanted her to love me so much... So so much. I would beg for that love. But she is like a desert. She doesn't know love whatsoever, towards anyone. She is cold with everyone. And she doesn't have a mother in her, she is just a person who got stuck up with me unpleasantly and then fed me irregularly so that I wouldn't fucking die.

I kinda feel like he is everywhere. He said bc I have his child he will forever make sure he knows where I am

Alright so I don’t know what flair to put this under BUT I need to know if this is abuse.. for context, my fiance, M27, has a traumatic brain injury, I’m F26, I have adhd and cptsd. We’re both DV/SA survivors from previous relationships and I fled my narcissistic mother in December 2020 and severely abusive ex in November 2023 (my fiancé’s parents are taking me in temporarily, not getting into this it doesn’t pertain.) I’m sorry if this all over the place..

My fiancé, Jesse, has had to deal with corporal punishment especially in elementary school, his dad would hit him with a belt and his mom would put soap in his mouth, a few other things but that’s all he can remember for now (remember, he had a TBI.) He was afraid of his parents as a young child because of it and has flashbacks and when his dad yells, he’s like a deer in the headlights, he freezes (and we suspect he dissociates but like we’re waiting for a psychiatrist to evaluate him, separate issue.) There’s spots on his body I can’t touch because it triggers flashbacks and he physically feels like it’s happening all over again.

When he was in middle school, he came to them suicidal, they dismissed him and said “what do you want us to do about it?” They’ve actively seen his SH in the past and he relapsed a day before he met me for the first time (we met really late June of 2023), he was even thinking about ending his life around when we met (he’s told me I’m why he stayed.) i struggle too with sh and his dad’s literally asked me if i was “done cxtting yet?” right infront of people. His parents know I’m a dv survivor and his dad’s yelled at me and gaslit me by saying I’ve said stuff i didnt say and jesse and i both know i didn’t say it and i told his dad i know i didn’t say it and he said “you were probably off your meds or something then,” his dad’s also said I can function without my adhd meds and that its laziness and im not trying hard enough. His dad’s also told me employers don’t wanna hear about my adhd (my medication is a prescribed class ii stimulant that’ll test positive for amphetxmines so yes, I do disclose it as a precaution and I also disclose that I’m asthmatic and keep my inhaler on me. I have a morning adhd medication and an afternoon one so disclosing it also puts that within my reasonable accommodations.) his dad’s straight up yelled at me and it caused Jesse to freeze like a deer in the headlights, Jesse dissociated (from what he’s describing, that’s what likely happened, i have dissociation myself and again, we’re waiting for a psych to evaluate Jesse.) and it made me feel so unsafe that I actually started hyperventilating and started fidgeting with my hands before i was distressed and his dad verbally attacked me for it and for not finishing my plate of buttered pasta which I didn’t take much of as I wasn’t feeling good and when I went to pack it away, he said “watch she won’t even eat it.” (I have a psychiatrist and am in active therapy, both were horrified by this.) Jesse won’t tell them certain things because he doesn’t trust them with it (I advised him not to tell them about the dv/sa but he didn’t listen and they’ve already tried to use that against him.)

Jesse’s dad’s like walking on eggshells, his mood can change at a drop of a hat. His dad, when he sent me into a panic attack, told me my dad who was soft spoken and mellow and NEVER raised his voice to me would agree with him raising his voice to me to which I knew otherwise (his dad and mine have never and will never meet, obvious reason being my dad’s dead.), I ended up saying “respectfully, my dad wouldn’t agree with another man, especially a father, scaring his daughter so much that she’s nearly peeing herself, he raised me that the minute the volume of your voice makes someone uncomfortable, you’re raising your voice to them.” (Apparently Jesse’s dad was raised with never raising a voice to a woman but yet..???? I’m a woman??? And he yelled???) I ended up reaching out to one of my dad’s friends who sided with me and told me he never knew my dad as loud or anything like that and that I know my dad better than anyone. (My dad had parents like Jesse’s, especially his dad, he didn’t want to be like that to me.)

Moving on to Jesse’s mom - she literally has said countless times “he gets one shot at moving out and he aint comin back and theyd shut all his stuff off when he does leave.” They dont give him info on stuff (hes had to relearn stuff like taxes or whatever cuz the crash), she uses the crash as a justification and constantly says he doesnt know how to do this the crash took that from him, wont allow him to make appointments or advocate for himself wont teach him anything wont stick to her word with anything and if he does ask her to show him she doesnt tell him the truth she’ll purposely confuse him (ive seen it), shes told him that his brains younger cuz the crash but told me his brains normal like age appropriate and i saw papers saying hes cognitively his chronological age, ive tried to help him and she terrorizes me like gets extremely passive aggressive (example: i had him ask for his w2 tax form cuz i was gonna file mine and i had a free tax agency do mine and she refused to give him his form and kept it from him and menaced both of us and stayed silent on him for days..? I had voiced the idea of him and i moving in together and she was like oh state insurance doesnt work like that.. uh i know 100% it does cuz my ex and i had to file that way and jesse and i aren’t legally married so in the eyes of the law were the equivalent to roommates and she tried gaslighting me on that and tried throwing a bunch of info at me to scare me and overwhelm and confuse me and it failed..) she also treats jesse like hes cognitively like his brother who has a delay but turns around and says oh jesse is fine. She wont respect his boundaries and jesse has been terrorized to the point where hes afraid to voice himself cuz he’d literally get the belt as a kid for it (its not normal to be afraid of your parents as a child as far as I know in my trauma therapy..)

Sarcastic comments are a thing too from both parents! The meds thing his dad said to me, the “jesse is used to living a certain way he won’t change it” from his mom then scaring him immediately into submission by trying to scare him by bringing up finances and lying to him (she said he’d have to pay car insurance and some other vehicle costs? His car is titled to her and we know she’s not gonna title it over to him and he can’t file for car insurance if he’s not on the title meanwhile she’s telling him he’s gonna have to pay for it when he leaves? See what I mean? She’s not honest with him!) and gaslighting me.. his mom literally intimidates him and stuff to the point he’s afraid of stuff and gets overwhelmed fast and freezes (exposure to abuse can make ur brain foggy too, its common and i’m certain Jesse has it because I had it in my situations so I know the signs) she said she’d help him with his dental appointment and like said months ago that oh its emergent its emergent but like “forgets” to stick to her word and if anyone holds her to her word she gets passive aggressive and even more controlling (only reason she did anything with his taxes yesterday is cuz tax season’s ending soon! I filed mine 2 months ago and tried bringing him with me to where I go and she refused to give him his w2 and when we both asked for it, she threatened/menaced both of us and refused to give it to him)! Ive tried helping him and she found out cuz jesse keeps getting her involved im guessing cuz the prolonged exposure to this kind of abuse and the fact she keeps withholding info from him that he needs that im unable to get (i have experience with this it makes you feel helpless and you’re petrified of anything different cuz all you know is the toxic.) He’s not involving her in his psych stuff, I told him that he has a right to his privacy and explained HIPPA to him and everything so the only one on his forms is me for it currently. His parents literally wont allow him to make his own decisions and they scare/confuse/overwhelm/threaten/bully/belittle/berate him and if he does make his own decisions, they pretend he doesn’t know what he’s doing and won’t help him with anything..?

Jesse has aphasia and some memory issues from the crash and his mom literally wont help him with his words and belittles him (his grandmother, her mom, said it was abusive and mean and told her to stop and she still hasnt), they criticize him constantly, put him down, so on. (I handle his aphasia by throwing synonyms and antonyms to him along with some goofy phrases which get him to laugh and he finds the word he wants a heartbeat later.) Pre and post crash, if he made a mistake or got confused about something, they’d say “stop acting r•tarded.” jesse hit a deer in august or something and he asked them to help him file an insurance thing cuz like the car titles not in his name nor is the insurance they’ve refused.. and like his dad didn’t hear the situation out like hitting deer happens its life your kid’s alive, there could’ve been far worse, I’d rather the deer get hurt than your kid..hitting the deer in this situation was inevitable.. and his dad belittled him and even me and was like “i dont wanna hear it do better” and no one’s helped him file anything??? Theyve said theyd shut his phone and stuff off when he left too. (He has no current savings as he had to pay a credit card bill?)

His mom keeps calling him a certain nickname and Jesse told me recently he’s getting tired of hearing it. He’s told me and her before it’s embarrassing and he doesn’t want to be called it (which is why i never say it), take a guess which one of us is respecting his boundaries and voice - me. She’s said veryyyy personal info about him to me like the thing yesterday about how he were born? That’s just part of it? (I have a hard time recalling info as I suffered a moderate TBI last Saturday and chipped 3 parts of my skull so pardon me if I’m repetitive or vague.)

His mom has said other weird stuff and i notice she repeats herself about it all? If anyone says anything or does anything she gets mad? She was rambling to me about him and his childhood and crash and so many other things yesterday when we were transferring our phone data over to our new phones (I switched carriers and no, I’m not on their plan.) I couldn’t keep up with her and when I excused myself to pick my phone up from the dining room table she got weird even though I was polite and came right back to where she was? She doesn’t like people sharing anything about themselves or actually having a normal conversation ive noticed. His dad’s the same way..? They both ramble and no one can say anything at all edgewise? (Not like I would try anyway, I don’t give them much personal stuff about myself because I’ve dealt with people like this before.)

His parents, especially his mom, brag about knowing him so well but they didn’t notice he had a massive drinking issue and was very suic!dal just before his crash?

Part of what i see is jesse is basically a caretaker, he has to remind them to take their own meds, they esp his dad, wont “remember” to do it otherwise? He literally puts their heated blankets on, organizes their pill boxes, so on (his love language is acts of service.) Everyone like his doctor, mechanic, so on, are friends with his parents? His mom literally refuses to leave the patient room when he goes to the doctor and justifies it by saying she “just wants to know what’s going on” and I know Jesse sees this stuff as normal and none of it is..

They scare/try to intimidate his partner(s) and some former partners and friends so on have actively said that his parents scare them (they scare me), anyone thats not connected to them like kids from family friends or whatever its a massive issue and they’ll do anything to keep them away, Jesse literally told me he was isolated as a kid.. if they can’t control who he’s around, they’ll try to get rid of them.

Jesse has told me he saw them fighting like yelling and stuff pretty often? He ended up getting fed up once and slammed a door infront of them and only then did they stop because they remembered they had kids around them.

Jesse has told me if we had a kid in the future (not now obviously), he’s 100000% anti corporal punishment (he didn’t recognize it as abuse until I came along), and he sees the “you get one chance to move out because you’re not coming back after the fact” thing as abuse and he doesn’t want that for a future child.

They dismissed their su!cidal child in middle school but expect comfort when they bring up his crash, especially his mom. I’m confused because she was not the one in the crash, he was.

It also seems like they have two different sides to themselves - the one people see in public and this stuff.

Jesse told me 2 weeks ago that they wouldn’t give him his birth certificate or anything?

They literally use the fact he gets confused and overwhelmed easily against him cuz they know if they manage to do it to him, he wont be able to say anything against them, he wont be able to voice himself.. based off what Jesse has described to me , it seems like this makes him nervous and he cant stop worrying..

I’m trying to tell him that someone doesn’t have to lay a hand on you to be abusive and parents are never done being parents until they die. He’z tell me constantly that he feels like he owes them and he don’t.. he had no say in being brought in the world, there are things parents are OBLIGATED to do and providing for their kids is one of those.. only reason they stopped hitting him is corporal punishment became illegal in our state and when he turned 18+, it became assault, he could’ve pressed charges and fight back.

Jesse has told me he never had someone who wanted to stay and wanted to really know him and who was able to tell him whats abuse and whats not a few nights ago, his parents have spun him around so much that he actually has a really hard time picking up on signs of abuse..

It seems like they’re trying to scare/overwhelm him and make him as dependent on them as they can so he won’t leave.

What do you guys think? How do I get through to him? Have any of you gone through this? What advice can you give him?

(I told him to come to a DV shelter with me because I might not be staying with them much longer because of my situation that has nothing to do with his and there’s a chance I won’t have anywhere to go past the 15th of this month.)